Yea Forums long story short i have no experience, and really need to get one of those dead end pointless jobs

Why wouldn't you lie? Makes no sense. They don't care, you can tell the lie once at interview and never mention it again.
End result you have a job and are making some money at least.

>Walk around your city and find places that are now closed
>Call every number you can related to the business and make sure it just rings or the number no longer works
>Say you worked there as a manager for however long and go with that
Or you can ride/driver for uber or doordash

Because niggers lie. I'm not going to be a nigger. I'd rather die. There's no point to lie for one, and two if you get caught a few weeks later, then you lose your fucking job that you would've gotten anyway without lying. If they want me to lie, should I lick the bottom of their boots too, for the privilege of scrubbing toilets and scraping dried up grease off a grill? Seriously, fuck that and fuck them

The alternative is you don't have a job and thus are less than a nigger or even latin bean

dude, no. you're just lazy. entry-level employers are aware that many applicants will have no previous job experience. they're not retarded. but if still you're worried about a resume, then make an entry-level style saying why you want to work.

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might actually try that

i mean a shit, service cuck job. i mean literally anything. but they still ask for a resume and previous experience, so they'd never hire me ( unless i can pull off a lie)

I've been programming since I was 15, luckily most tech jobs don't focus that much on your degree but rather your skills so i applied for a junior position telling them I had already got my computer science degree and they hired me, didn't even asked to see my degree. Now I've got 2 years of work experience in programming and I get weekly job offers on LinkedIn. Its alright to lie if you know its a job you'll be good at

These jobs don't care if you have experience. How else do you get experience if even the lowest level jobs won't hire you? I fucking hate you all

one of my friends was a manager at a coffee shop, and he literally says he would throw out resumes that have no work experience in them unless they're a high school student

i think the reality is im completely fucked unless im dishonest in some way about having work experience

but i dont know how to even pull off a lie like that without getting immediantly caught

having no experience is fine if you're a high school student

as soon as you're not that anymore, it's a total red flag