How much time do you spend reading, contemplating religious matters?

That's life itself. God's already got it covered.

It's most likely there is a God which makes you pay in blood for the things you've enjoyed, because everything you enjoy is at the expense of other beings. "Being honest to yourself" is fictional even before you involve God, the reciprocal nature of reality (God/karma) is not.
>with no forward motion
Forward motion is an attempt at control. Someone who cannot sit still and accept things is someone who cannot let go, who needs control even more desperately than the supposed dogmatists.

Both not enough and too much
Now I don't know if I must be a Christian or a Muslim