How do I talk to people when I have nothing to say?
Usually my mind is blank or full or random chatter. I can only agree with people or acknowledge what they’re saying but I can’t add anything valuable without sounding like I’m just spewing facts. Also my awkward body language makes people uneasy. I think this might be a result of never making friends growing up but trying to act normal is exhausting and I feel like my social skills aren’t improving. What do?
Bump
Yeah I can really relate to this feel. I honestly haven't the faintest clue as to how people have normal conversations. I can occasionally talk about my interests like history or Yea Forums, but only with very close friends and even then I struggle. I have no hope at all if it's with anyone else. I just sit there awkwardly until it's over.
Depends... What kinda person do you consider yourself to be now? Gotta know where you're starting out before I can say with any degree of confidence what your next step should be. Everything you've listed thus far are just behaviors that can be corrected.
I just talk to myself. I have little imaginary characters in my mind that talk throughout the day and I banter back and forth with them. People I've told this to think it's crazy but I honestly prefer the voices to real people and their stupid bullshit.
The only problem is that now I'm literally talking aloud to them.
Stop trying to find the correct things to say user, you just seem really concerned not to sound stupid. But when you go out of your way to not sound stupid, you also stop thinking about things to talk about. It makes you trite and predictable. Just talk about what comes to mind, and if you cant think about stuff at the moment, just ask them shit.
This
This is easier to work with than OP, so hopefully he replies by the time I finish this post.
You need to focus on self-confidence first and foremost, and the only way to do that is to put yourself out there. Don't be afraid to get into different topics, because you're not going to be able to talk to everyone about Yea Forums. Engaging with people in different conversations expands your potential to carry on other conversations. For example, you meet me, we talk about a specific album I suggest listening to. Two weeks later, you talk to someone who mentions listening to that same album. Now you've got something to talk about, because you're not completely unfamiliar with the topic.
just thinking about this now, I can totally relate to you OP
>Has nothing to say but must speak
Keep your trap shut until you think of something to say. And lurk more.
I don't think you're the problem OP, you just haven´t found someone who you can talk all the stupid shit you want and feel like it doesn't matter what you say
this.
op what you need to understand is that no one in this world gives a single fuck about what you feel or think other than your immediate family members, and maybe your SO once you've been together long enough to bond deeply.
Because it is crazy. Everyone IS shit, but that doesn't mean you're better off talking to yourself. Your "holier than thou" mentality is likely why you're reduced to just talking to yourself. Be humble. Just because other people have behaviors that don't necessarily appeal to you doesn't mean you're too good for the rest of the world. You're probably not everybody's cup of tea, either, remember that. Cutting off the rest of the world because they don't fit within your ideal parameters makes you a hermit. If you're cool spending the rest of your days confined to conversations with yourself, more power to you.
Thank you for this. But I really don't think that works because I have tried that and whenever I randomly bring something up the other person just goes "oh...hmmm....yeah" and drifts off and we just stand there awkwardly. I somehow lack this thing that almost everyone else has where they can get a conversation to just flow seamlessly. Those people don't realise how lucky they are tbh.
Another user made another valid point that deserves reiteration, too. Ask questions. There's no such thing as a stupid question, and most people worth talking to will appreciate the fact that you're taking enough of an interest in talking to them that you're engaging with the intent on learning more. Women especially eat this up.
Stop trying to be good at communicate
Become engineer
Some one else will literally get paid to talk to you.
They call it Agile/Scrum
Profit
I think I’m subconsciously concerned with not sounding stupid and I don’t know how to change it. The thing is, when I don’t care about coming off stupid (when I had a good day or when I’m tipsy), I usually DO say dumb shit. I talk about random internet shit or useless little things that people don’t care about. My coworkers usually talk about current events or their relationships with other people but since I don’t really give a shit about most current events and never really had many friends, I actually don’t know how to respond to them. I just ask questions and then I catch myself asking too many questions.
I wish I could just talk about anything and everything but I literally can’t. It’s like there’s a mental block, maybe a defense mechanism ingrained in me since I was a kid.
Are you me?? This is my entire life right here.
It's not complicated, you're doing it right now and you don't even see it. It's as simple as this...
Pick a topic. Create dialogue by asking questions if you're unfamiliar with it, or present the topic in a way to make the person you're speaking to engaged enough to ask questions. Common interests or interests in general are a simple enough way to spark conversation.
1.) The way to be impressionable is to let people talk about their interests, and occasionally add to the pot. It's also a huge bump in their trust towards you, if through the course of the conversation they feel they've shared something that you've learned through them.
2.) Body language should be reciprocated, not mimicked. Don't parrot every small change in body posture. Pick a comfortable posture, and stick with it.
3.) Practice makes perfect. Get a pack of smokes, go to the bar, step out for a smoke every once in a while and just start with small talk (chat about the live band at the bar, the game that's playing on the TV, or even how warm/cold of a night it is for this time of year).
Basically, if you wanna talk to people, let them do the talking. No one wants to listen to someone else, they wanna talk about themselves. Just navigate the conversation so you don't look like you've been spacing out for the last 5 minutes.
I have the exact same problem. The solution I've found is to go drinking with the people I want to hold a conversation with.
Can't guarantee it'll work for you too but it might be worh a shot.
Cocaine and anxiety and depression has done this to me as well. I have nothing to say, don't do much other than go to work, go home and jerk off and play games and go on twitter. But years ago no problem at all, you couldn't shut me up. Moral of the story DON'T DO DRUGS.
Again this is me too. I drive to work with this hot girl who I am her boss. But I am good as gold to her. Yet there are times when she barely reacts to things I say or just won't talk for most of the ride and I can't drum up conversation most of the time. Yet if there is someone else with us in the car, especially one guy we work with, she talks non-stop with him. All day long. So I know it is me and not her, and that's fine. I accept it, I put myself in this position by living my life stupidly.
In the real world, that's just what insufferable fucks convince themselves of to justify their solitude and coddle their insecurity.
>holier than thou
You must be projecting, because nowhere in that post did I say I was better than anyone - I just said I don't like other people and don't want to deal with their problems on top of my own. That does not mean I am holier than them, that means I just don't have the capacity to deal with shit. I already know I'm not everybody's cup of tea, so the way I see it, why sit here and pretend to be something I'm not? Why go through the effort of cycling through human beings until I find one or two that connect, if I can just get the same companionship inwardly?
I also don't cut off the rest of the world either. I work. I go home. I live. That's it.
So yes, I am quite content spending the rest of my days like this, but I don't appreciate it being implied I'm an arrogant asshole for being that way.
I’ve definitely always been a little depressed, but no I wonder if my daily weed use of 4 years has any impact on my sociability. Im not a full blown pothead, I go throughout my day normally and smoke a bowl at night when I’m alone.
Ask a lot of questions about the other person. People love to talk about themselves, and they'll like you for inviting them to do so freely. Also, it opens up new subject matter, while unburdening you from having to do much talking.
Ahh man, this shit is so fucking relatable. You realize that people would rather talk to the people around you more than you, so you kinda place yourself in this mental box that you’re not good company. It sucks dick.
I’m tired of listening to people when they don’t listen to me.
people love to talk about themselfs ask questions and act interested, if you don't know how to answer back always go with vague.
like if you have no life and did nothing this weekend, you can just say "nothing much". its ok
>be me
>before school, cafeteria
>2 other dudes
>one is really needy
>cant stand being alone cause doesnt want to be weak
>creates small talk
>ask question
>he goes silent
At this point, I have three options
1. Pretend it didnt happen
2. Ask again to see if he dodnt hear me
3. Confront him for doing the same bitchy thing all the time
Naturally the safest option is one, but sometimes user, you have to take that option 3. Be confrontational. Dont be afraid of the other persons reaction. You barely know them now, you wont lose something if they bail.
Thinking you're only ever going to have pleasant conversations isnt going to make you friends, it's going to make you acquainted. And nothing is worse than being acquainted because your tepid. There is no reason to push further into a friendship and you're stuck in a game of peaseantrys. I make it very clear from the start when I feel like something's off amd people usually reciprocate or just ghost all together. After a certain point, you have enough people around you to not care if they bail or not.
I wish I could be like you. I also just go to work and go straight back home. But I hate being alone with my thoughts 24/7 and long for company. I guess I don’t even enjoy myself so why would people enjoy me?
I always do this for people, listen to all their bullshit, but I’ve never once had a person ask me questions and try to know a little bit about me. I am dead serious. Like why care or pretend to care about people when literally no one cares about me?
Cynic
Do thiz, niggro.
Normies love when you ask them questions about their boring lives and pretend to listen. They'll end up liking you and even sticking up for you if you do it enough.
I dunno, maybe you sound trite? Again, the idea of conversation is to familiarize yourself with others. What do you look for in a friend. Someone to BS with? Someone to grow with? A confidant? You need to know what you're looking for a formulate your approach around that. And you have to learn to accept that not everyone is looking for friends so naturally the ball wont always roll smoothly.
Projecting? I'm not the kid that can't be bothered to engage with other people because "I've got problems of my own". You know who else has problems of their own? Every. Fucking. Body. You're not special, and nothing you could consider a "problem" is a valid excuse for social isolation. Your "problems" of your own and other people's "shit" are just pathetic excuses to justify your inability to form meaningful relationships with other people under the delusion that you're far too busy or preoccupied with your own self-absorbed existence, which, doesn't sound that great.
Sure, though, I'm projecting. That must be it.
Anybody else genuinely don’t care about other people? Maybe it’s because I don’t have any friends, but I never really cared about any people. I’m not a sociopath or anything, I’m actually very emotional and WANT to care about people, but I really don’t give a shit. I can pretend to care but at the end of the day... I only care about myself. What does that make me?
A lone wolf, we only care about our selves or strong people that can succeed, everyone else is designated to fail
So, humans aren't social animals with an extremely developed means of communication? Think about it. It's simple. There's such an emphasis on communication for a reason. The ones that are incapable of it, especially within the context of the guy who has no time for people's shit are broken. Their isolation is parallel to other animals who wander off in solitude to die.
As someone who struggles with communicating and connecting with people, this is 100% right. I am broken as fuck. And I honestly don’t know why. I’ve always been like this since I was a kid. People who I’ve been friends with sort of brought me in into their lives, I have never seeked anyone out myself. I used to think it was my crippling self esteem and social anxiety because of rampant bullying when I was young, but now that I’ve worked out those issues I still struggle with connecting with people. I just always feel like an outsider no matter what. I don’t know how to change.
>I just always feel like an outsider no matter what.
A sheepherder is an outsider to a herd of sheep. They still follow him, though.
One step at a time, user. It starts with identifying the root of the issue and accepting it as a problem, which you've already done. You're already a step ahead of Mr. "My Own Shit" and the lone wolf.
From here, your priority should be strengthening the existing bonds you have by simply involving yourself more. The more involved you become with your existing friends, the more likely you are to find yourself in more socially demanding situations. Don't be afraid to be anxious or nervous, and don't be afraid to stumble and make an ass of yourself from time to time. At the end of the day, if you just be yourself, you'll find yourself easing up in social situations. The more you try to observe your interactions from third-person to critique yourself, the more you remove yourself from those very situations you're in. In short, don't blow it by focusing too hard on the image, vibe, or whatever you're putting out. Relax. Be yourself. Don't try to script your interactions or overthink them. You'd be surprised at how much easier it becomes when you let a conversation unfold naturally.
this
just dont be awkward about it. mysterious silent types generally just dont know what to say
you're thinking too much about socialising, i used to do this. Thinking before you speak isn't silly, but thinking TOO much and analyzing yourself out of socializing is a problem
I'm helplessly insecure inside and the fact that I'm so bad at masking it really turns people off from wanting to talk to me, I think. I'm also generally just a highly unconventional personality whose interests aren't really set in stone, and therefore I have no specialized hobbies or niche passions I can identify with. It's extremely frustrating because it often leads to an inability to connect with others on a fundamentally primitive level. I often ask questions to people about their hobbies and other minute details they might bring up in passing small-talk, but that curiosity never seems to be reciprocated. When I've just had my first conversation with someone and several days have passed, how am I supposed to confront them again without coming off as weird?
Sorry for the incoherent rambling, just needed to vent I guess. Being starved for affection probably isn't doing me any favors, either
i’m kinda like this now but i wasnt always like this. might be an anxiety ive developed from making bad decisions in my life. working it out with prayer and opening up to family i havent spent time with in a while and its helped a lot. genuinely
based on this post i think you’ll figure it out. just keep being honest with yourself
Yeeeeep.jpg
get outta here. not helpful advice
You need to draw more off of your general interests and topics in conversation, then. There's a reason people discuss the weather, because everyone understands it.
Suit yourself, but perhaps if YOU got off of HERE once in a while you wouldn't need the advice to begin with?
so negative. i can’t imagine that you have very healthy relationships either with your choice of words. just read through your post and see how many discouraging words you used in a thread made by a guy trying to get enlightening helpful advice on a problem i’m sure half or more of Yea Forums has. be constructive. you have a point, but don’t be so pushy about it. and don’t get triggered by words like “projecting” everybody has words like this they use when they feel unduly attacked.
Advice for someone who’s literally never had a female friend? Like I seriously dont know any females other than my mom and it had always been like that.
Try to cut it out for a little while and see what happens. Really could only help
This is true. was watching star trek tonight and someone said “lies must be confronted,” or something to that effect. sometimes people will do these things just to see how far they can get away with it. even if they know you notice their dishonest/needy(or whatever it is) behavior, if you don’t say anything they’ll keep doing it
Penis
see probably the same guy. asshole
this was thoughtful
Don't. It's better to say nothing at all than to waste your breath on trivial matters.
+1
Reconnect with family first if you can user
I can kinda agree with this, but I have to maximize my social prospects. Even if it means going through this mindless (to me) shit. There’s only so much I can do by myself. I want to have professional connections, romantic interests, and someone I can rely on in case shit goes south. And I wanna do the same for other people. I have nobody.
Everyone itt talks AT people not to them. Just ask questions and answer their questions. That's how you have a conversation.
Are you aware that I've replied to not only OP but others who have replied with similar situations in this thread? The only instances where I've elevated the "tone" of what I've said is when I read bullshit or excuses. I'm not a part of the "safe space" movement, I'm too old for that shit. If someone is isolating themselves because they can't be bothered with other people's "problems", then that's a bullshit reason and they deserve to be called out on it. If someone is comparing themselves as a lone wolf simply because they refuse to put forth the effort to form relationships with people, then they deserve to be called out on it, too.
That's the problem with this soft fucking generation, no one wants to hear that their actions (or lack thereof) are directly linked to the consequences they face, in this case, crippling loneliness or an inability to connect with others.
Want a compassionate reply? Read my responses to the humble posters here, the ones that acknowledge their role in what they're facing or at the very least, the root of it.
As far as my own relationships? Some are great, some are shitty, and that's exactly what I expect for someone my age. I've had some friends for 30+ years, some for 20+ years, and I make new acquaintances all the time. That's irrelevant, though. I'm not here seeking advice.
Yes, I'm an asshole, but that's not my only reply here. Scan the rest of the thread, though, you'll find plenty more by me. One user just used the word "thoughtful" to describe one of my other replies.
yeah that was me in lieu of apologizing for coming to an abrupt judgement of your character. though you fo seem to need to break people down to build them up which, yknow if it works it works. sometimes people just need to hear the right thing though can’t put the same bandaid on ever socially awkward person. just trying to practice what i preach and be constructive
do*
every*
I get it man I’m not trying to say you need to coddle anybody, I’m just saying you should be more conscious of the way you initiate these tidbits of advice. people are either going to agree with you because it sounds like the right thing and then go and act the same way or they’re just not going to respond. just try being a little more empathetic is all i’m saying. antisocial behavior presents in a lot of ways and i’m betting you’re in this thread for a reason. not trying to make any snappy judgements, just calling it how i see it
Ive never seen someone so angry over so little. Now I'm trying to be special? Dude seriously, fuck you. Some people want to connect to others, some don't. I'm in the latter. That doesn't make me a selfish assailed, I dont go out of my way to fuck with people for my own gain without regard to how they feel. I don't approach them at all. If someone approaches me and wants to talk, then yeah, I'll talk and be civil, and if they want friendship then fuck it why not. But I will not be running around looking for people to fill a non-existant void. I can not make this any clearer.
>I can’t add anything valuable without sounding like I’m just spewing facts.
So become fact guy. Learn a while lot of shit and become 'the walking encyclopedia'. As long as you don't make every fact contrarian you will become known as the fact guy. If you don't filter yourself and keep injecting 'actually...' you will be known as the argumentative guy.
t. I've been both in my lifetime. I eventually learned to filter. My encyclopedic knowledge of now considered my 'quirk' among friends.
Selfish asshole*
Also you said above something about calling people out, specifically me, on their bullshit even though you have done no such thing. You're just throwing baseless shit around because you don't want to listen or understand what I'm saying, which is extremely ironic given the thread topic.
You also speak of consequences - what consequences? I'm not lonely, depressed, or bitter. I feel fine.
Seriously don't get what you are so worked up over
Lol. that’s a different poster
now you’re really projecting
>if I can just get the same companionship inwardly
You can't. You can't be your own companion unless you have schizophrenia.
>implied
Doesn't need to be implied. It can be outright asserted because you seem to think your own shit is worth effort but others' isn't. You're arrogant and a asshole.
I understand that, but time is a finite resource. As I said in one of my other posts, I have more respect for people in general than to sugarcoat anything. Some may see it as abrasive, but the fact of the matter is it's necessary. I'm a repo man, I see bullshit and excuses all the time. I also understand the art of communicating with people in a different way than most. Some people can be met with compassion and understanding, as you can read that they're genuinely interested in resolving their issues since they've already acknowledged their role in it. Some people, i.e., the ones who from the beginning give excuses and poor rationalizations, deserve to be met with the blunt and unadulterated truth. Whatever delusion that they are under has to be cut out as early as possible in order to have a meaningful dialogue. Otherwise, it just becomes a repetitive cycle of solutions and excuses as to why the solutions don't work.
So, yeah, I'd rather look like an asshole and have user reflect on what I say instantaneously than wait for something to click in his head. Allowing excuses and bullshit to snowball just digs those user into a deeper hole, and offers no real solution. If one goes "hey, yeah, maybe I should just befriend some people because we're all on this floating rock in space together anyways, even though we all deal with shit" then I've done my job.
It's like tough love, but I don't actually love any of you.
you the same guy from the halloween thread last night?
trust me im a perceptive enough guy to understand how people would like to be spoken to. you’ve got a great way of wording things user, i think you’ve got a lot of good in you. just trying to give the advice guy some advice
"I've never seen someone so angry..."
Followed by...
"Seriously, fuck you."
Let that sink in.
Dude, quit while you're ahead before you have to go have another talk with yourself about yourself. I'm not angry. I'm not telling you "fuck you" or anything aggressively defensive like that. I'm stating the cracks in your reasoning for your choices, and pointing out that your excuses are why you're incapable of connecting with people.
Typical millennial bullshit. There's an excuse for everything instead of just saying "maybe it's me, maybe I don't have friends because I'm so self-absorbed in my own life that I couldn't possibly entertain the possibility of letting someone else's intersect with my own, so, instead, I'll get butthurt about the guy on the internet calling me out on it".
You'd have to remind me, I was working half of the night and stoned the other half of it.
Just don’t think about it too much. You’re crowding your head with these anxious self-conscious thoughts. Just say fuck it and flow with it. I used to be full on social retard too, user. It takes time and practice.
Just wanna drop in and say this was a good thread. Nice to see Yea Forums can still be wholesome and helpful.
If you have to force a conversation, it isnt worth your time unless you want to be disingenuine. I can bullshit with strangers all day but it requires putting on a mask because otherwise, I really don't care for what most people have to say.
Being genuine would also mean becoming a social pariah. The best option is to keep to yourself OP.
i suppose it is hard to understand for you that it takes 2 people to disconnect from each other, if OP is a self-centered bitch, so be it - Then again, do not pretend a wealthy, self-absorbed businessfag will have the same conversations or relationships, due to wealth being a measurable variable that the society we live in has determined to stand over pretty much any other factor in between human interaction - people with obvious bad situation will naturally have a worse time to make contact...people are biased as soon as they make the first contact, they barely give you a real, 2nd chance, and OP has a tough time with that
You have low self esteem.
People probably find you interesting but you just shut up so they might think you're a stuck up prick.
I'm annoyed because I have some fool here who thinks he has it all figured out sitting here insulting me on a personal level simply because I do not view companionship in the same way as he does.
And again - how is it selfish that I do not want to or seek friends? Quit ignoring it and answer. Do you even know yourself?
>How do I talk to people when I have nothing to say?
You don't. If you have nothing to say, be silent. There's nothing wrong with silence and there's nothing worse than some fuckhead rambling on just to hear himself talk.
You'd fail any kind of communication class.
I don't agree with that. I'm cool with people from all different walks of life, so it is completely possible to carry on with anyone regardless of where they fall on a socio-economic map.
Not to mention, if some rich fuck doesn't want to be friends with someone because he has more money, then are you really losing out on a valuable connection? Absolutely not. Scrooge on the other hand, he'll love his lavish life until it's ticking away and all he has to comfort him is his material possessions.
New user here. I don't get why you think it's "i gotta change myself to talk to other people and for them to like me" Some people just have it worse and others can't understand them, especially with mental illness (not depression and anxiety, real shit)
Good. Such classes are 95% contrivance and pseudoscience.
And just to make it clearer: I am angry because you are not explaining your point at all, and are insulting me for not "getting it".
How I see it - you haven't explained anything at all behind your dismissal of me being an arrogant selfish human being, thus I say you are angry over something little...
You know what hold on let me step back and figure this shit out:
Maybe it IS something to do with me - maybe I somehow implied that my way is right, and that is your problem. Is that it? Or how about when I said I don't want to put up with people? That one I could see you having an issue with. If that's it, then I concede; it is indeed selfish that I do not care for other people's shit, and I only care for my own. But so what? I'm fine being this way, and it isn't hurting me or anyone.
sounds like me user
I think "triggered" is the word you're looking for. I did not call you selfish, I called you self-absorbed in the respect that you (still) firmly hold on to the belief that because you "have your own problems" it means that you cannot connect with others since they have their own. That's simply not true. It's just an excuse to be all about yourself, in your bubble, ignoring the world around you under the pretense that you're pre-occupied with who knows what since you've cut yourself off from others.
So, in other words... You CAN and are MORE THAN CAPABLE OF functioning in social situations, you just choose not to because it is the easiest route for you. Zero vulnerabilities. Zero chance for rejection. Zero chance for failure. It's all indicative of someone who has either...
A. Been a shut-in through most of their formative years, never developing the skill set necessary to socialize.
B. Been burnt in the past, and refuses to get close to anyone again for fear of history repeating itself.
C. A completely self-absorbed user who takes the safe road and avoids interactions because it detracts from tendie time, all the while giving excuses for why they are the way they are neglecting to see any connection between their behavior and how it hinders their ability to function in the world.
Don't know if this will make you feel any better, but that issue improves once you hit the professional level workforce. People will ask and will genuinely want to know, because knowing you well is in their best interest at work.
Just because you're fine being that way doesn't mean OP is. If you're completely comfortable in your decisions, why throw them on OP who CLEARLY wants help to achieve the opposite of what you want for your life? You enter into a conversation about learning how to communicate with people, comment on how you disconnect from people to avoid them and their "bullshit", then talk shit to the guy who's trying to help people see how easy it is to communicate. Did you want to hear that your way is right and everyone should follow suit? Did you want to hear that your way is wrong so you could lash out? Or, did you just want attention because you're deprived of it?
Okay so I was right (), that is your problem.
So now I ask, why is it wrong to want to be left alone? I am a contributing member of society. I pay taxes, work, doesn't so forth. Though I suppose you may argue I do not contribute to humanity by withdrawing from normal communication. Or, I cut off an avenue of potential self improvement and happiness.
Looking through your list,
It's a, because I can socialize well enough to where I'm not a sperg or unable to speak at all,
It's not b, because I've actually hardly had friends in my short time on earth, and even still, none of them hurt me,
And it's not c(although yes, it is selfish I now think that I go about this), because I don't avoid anything at all - I am just passive. Whatever goes as far as a nonworking environment (eg a stranger approaching to talk, etc), goes.
Id say I am not making excuses but I guess I did do that in the very first post.
Is it REALLY this big of a deal that I'm introverted as fuck though, as long as I'm not sitting here bitterly screaming and hating people?
Yeah you're right on that, now THAT was a dick move. I didn't mean to hijack shit. So sorry. I will stop posting about this.
That's not true, you don't enjoy yourself like most people, little people have the ability to talk to themselves and have different personalities. You are maybe more interesting than you think but you see other people on a mental illness forum like Yea Forums talking to themselves and you get confused.
Dude, you're talking to a guy that WILLINGLY works overnight repossessing cars so I don't have to deal with traffic and the chaos that happens during the day. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being introverted or being on your own. There is something wrong with your initial explanation behind why you choose to. You'll realize that everybody has shit with them, but shutting yourself off from the world is unfair to you and people that may want to be involved in your life. You don't know what you're missing out on. I'm not saying turn around and be Chad tomorrow, fuck no. All I'm saying is the excuses you use aren't valid, because instead of avoiding drama, you're avoiding everyone. You could be missing out on a girl, a dude you work with that could be a drinking buddy, or even just simple socialization to pass the time at work.
One thing I learned over the years of doing repo is my own mortality. I've been shot at several times, and work in one of the most dangerous cities in the U.S.. Anyone can say they know tomorrow isn't promised, but not everyone gets as close to not having a tomorrow as I do.
You don't want to look back on your life and regret living in a bubble because of excuses like what you've said previously. You'll resent yourself. You'll feel like you missed out on so much more. I'm telling you this as someone who doesn't mind socializing and enjoys having friends. I never know if I'm going to make it home alive. Life is too short to live in a bubble. Don't take that shit for granted and waste it in solitude.
I can see myself probably regretting it, yeah. I'm only 21 so maybe I jumped the gun too quick. And if I'm being honest, the talking to myself thing kind of is creepy... I guess I can try socializing purposefully, but now there's this, and it actually is relevant to the original topic: where do you *go* to meet potential friends? Before it was simple - in school, just go walk up them or sit near them and talk/joke. Now we're in the open world.
Do you go the bar? A club?
Well, that's where your personal interests come into play. Bars are a given, but not a guarantee. Bars are for getting drunk and last-minute pussy. Personally, I'm into concerts. I've met a lot of cool people at shows, and spend time socializing in between sets. It's a simple as "You hear so and so is coming here on the 5th? You should check it out." and next thing you know you're making plans to meet up and hang out at that show.
Outside of shows, I really don't know what 21 year olds are up to nowadays, but that doesn't matter. You can cautiously befriend co-workers as well, focusing on common interests. Just remember to do it cautiously, because you still have to work with them. You don't want to put yourself in a position to where they could have leverage (gossip, mainly) over you in any way.
This is gonna sound dumb but my biggest problem with socializing is my voice. A one-on-one in a quiet/average-sounding room is fine but when I hang out at a bar or somewhere with more people, people struggle to hear me which puts them off. The problem is whenever I raise my voice it sounds like I’m yelling. With the raise in volume it raises my tone I guess, and I’ve tried so hard to work around it but I’m oddly having a hard time. I can either access all my vocal chords in a quieter voice, or I raise my voice and I sound like I’m yelling.
It happens, especially if you have a low (bass, not volume) voice. Practice is the best way to gauge your volume, always go for being louder in a bar setting. If someone comments that you're yelling, just say you didn't realize how loud you were. No harm, no foul. It's better to be overheard than to be the guy mumbling in a bar under the music.
Can't believe I am giving advice here, but maybe it helps someone.
If you aren't talkative, make people talk. Take mental notes about their hobbies, their family, their interests, their problems etc. and then ask them about it, but fake genuine interest.
Best is if you are able to ask questions like:
"How did your son do on his soccer game last weekend? I've overheard you talking about it.."
Try to avoid questions like:
"How is the family"
I hope you get the point, english is not my first language.
What do you mean with awkward body language?