How do I be a better friend to those around me, anons? For context...

But how do i treat them better when I am there for them?

Stop being a flake, and just keep your word when you give it. Stop making promises you can't keep? What do you even mean by being a 'good friend' are they telling you that you're a bad friend?

Yes, and they don't elaborate further. I thought I was doing well with it, but clearly not. What values do you appreciate in the friends you love?

Idk, never really thought about it. I'm also not really overly concerned with being a good person and my friends know and generally seem to accept that. What do you specifically do that they don't like? Did you fuck one of their girlfriends or something? Your friends just straight up telling you that you're not a good friend seems kind of weird unless you are being a massive asshole all the time.

Anticipate their needs and act upon it.

I talked shit about one of them because I perceived them to have wronged me. I recognise that's a bad trait of mine but they won't elaborate on what I could do in future short of telling me what a shit person I am.

i wouldn't fuck a friend or family member's girl, ex, relative, etc. though.

Well if you divulged information given in confidence then that is pretty dickish. But if they really did wrong you and you talked a little shit then I don't see much problem? I mean who doesn't talk shit when someone clearly wrongs you and was completely unapologetic about it? But if they really didn't do anything wrong then all I guess you can do is apologize yourself and hope they accept it.

I sent him a pretty lengthy apology today, I just hate that I'm so prone to toxic behaviours. I want to change because I prefer to make people happy, but I don't know where to start. There's times I think myself better off away from people.

Well I can't tell if you or your friends are just overly sensitive or not.

I laid bare that I should'n't have broken his trust and he wants to take a step back for us to work on ourselves for a while, but doesn't want to remove me or stop talking entirely. I want to feel like this is a relief, but I just feel sad that it's damaged at all.

>OCD and I've been struggling with it very much so as of late, but that's no excuse

But somehow you're still making it an excuse

Is this your boyfriend or something? Just distance yourself from him, if he doesn't want anything to do with you, respect his wishes. Constantly pestering him after he wants distance isn't going to help. If this is a romantic thing then he'll probably come crawling back to you later. If not, go find new friends.

> dependable
> there for the good times and the bad times, within reason
> honest
> forgiving
> willing to own up to their mistakes
> feel comfortable around them
> trustworthy
> won't hesitate to call me out when I do something wrong and conversely are also accepting of the same sort of criticism against them
> acts rationally and maturely. Will diminish drama instead of fuelling the fire.

One message isn't pestering him, user. he's a friend I've known eight years.

>dependable
shit i can't depend on myself most days
>there for good and bad times
I am, maybe not for the right reasons though.
>honest
I want to be.
>forgiving
I am, but never know when to stop.
>willing to own up
I have done today.
>comfortable
not comfortable around anyone honestly
>trustworthy
nope, clearly
>wont hesitate to call out
yeah i do that but nobody's called me out until today so it's a shock
>rationally, wont fuel the fire
fuck.

Well you talked shit once and he's ready to drop you like its hot? Find new friends.

He doesn't want to drop me, but wants to take a step away for a while.

>shit i can't depend on myself most days
In that case don't make too many commitments to your friends. Friendship will always involve some commitments though. You should be open to them so they at least know what to expect. Yeah, it's a turn off when you basically admit you can't be relied on but I think it's better than lying and then disappointing them when the time comes
>I am, maybe not for the right reasons though.
Elaborate?
> I want to be.
It is easier when you feel comfortable with your friends and have trust in them. If you don't feel that way then it's understandable why you can't be honest. Sometimes you can't be sure until you try.
>I am, but never know when to stop.
Everyone draws their line somewhere and it's important you don't falter or you could end up in abusive relationships. Just don't hold on to petty shit against people.
>I have done today.
Yes, and good on you!
>not comfortable around anyone honestly
Do you have any suspicions of why that's the case? Some sort of past trauma maybe?
> nope, clearly
When dealing with conflicts keep things between as few as possible and don't divulge private information to others even if you feel you've been wronged. I think it's a childish way to think that you can betray someone's trust just cause you've been wronged. Try to resolve things or let go and move on, you'll be better off for it. Though I should mention I am a bit biased here since I think betrayal of trust is utterly the most despicable act someone could perform.
>yeah i do that but nobody's called me out until today so it's a shock
Well you seem to be taking that aspect of it well. Instead of getting upset at being called out you're here trying to get help with reflecting on your actions.
>fuck.
Yes, this one can be very hard. You really need to tread more carefully when dealing with such situations. Control your emotions and consider the consequences of your actions before you carry them out.

Right. Look normally that's a not so subtle, "Don't talk to me again." but I don't know all the details so I might be wrong. Idk how you usually treat your friends poorly, because you only really told us that you talked shit once and thats it, thats why I can't tell if you and/or your friend are overreacting or not. My advice to you is to stop caring about other people so much and just try to do what you can to be fair and reasonable to them, help them if it seems like they need help or they ask for it, don't be invasive and give them space, and most importantly stop being such a faggot OP and go make some better friends.

>1
good advice, thank you.
>2, elaborate
I just get curious if someone isn't telling me something, so I wanna know why they're having a good time or a bad time. I do care if they're sad, of course, but to ask why they're sad stems from wanting to know first.
>3
There were moments I question my trust in them, but sometimes people act as though that's in my head, but then others can do things that prove me right so I'm always conflicted.
>4
Yeah, I nearly ended up in one so you speak the truth there, user.
>5
Thank you.
>6
Past trauma coupled with uprooting a lot when I was a kid. Whenver I got close to someone, we moved away, so I stopped letting people in. I keep a lot to myself until I absolutely have to divulge it.
>7
Thank you for the harsh truths, I too told my friend that my mentality of an eye for an eye was childish over a perceived wrongdoing, I will elect to not do it again. I agree, it is despicable, and without self-pitying i acknowledge the taint it puts on me and it feels awful, I want to avoid it in future.
>8
Once more, thank you. I thought I'd be defensive to it, but once it was said to me, I recognised it was all true. It was like being told what I've always known, but it took being told it by another person I care for in order for me to believe it held merit. I don't trust my own thoughts about myself, so when someone confirms them I'm more inclined to believe them.
>9
I will try to do so. I really appreciate the insightful, measured response. You've helped more than any reply ITT.

> I just get curious if someone isn't telling me something, so I wanna know why they're having a good time or a bad time. I do care if they're sad, of course, but to ask why they're sad stems from wanting to know first.

That still shows you have concern for them, right? Look, any action you ever do can be spun as being only in your self interest and I suppose that is true for all humans (see hedonism and enlightened self-interest; armchair philosophist here (: ). Just don't let that get into your head too much.

> I keep a lot to myself until I absolutely have to divulge it.

Sounds a lot like me. For me that stems from trust issues which ultimately I can't pin down the origins of. I know how hard that is. You just need to take a leap of faith sometimes. But even one sour experience can really fuck you up for a long time.

> You've helped more than any reply ITT.
Glad to hear. Feel better user and hope things get sorted with your friend.