Douchebag Genie thread. People make wishes and others try to ruin them. I’ll start...

Douchebag Genie thread. People make wishes and others try to ruin them. I’ll start, I wish I had the power to turn into any animal and back when I want to

Attached: 9D487E5C-F6C6-4B40-991D-57E6CBA7E4F4.png (1080x1080, 813K)

I wish the Genie had a happier life, so he wasn't such a douche bag anymore.

Granted but each time one part of your body stays the same as the animal you just changed from.

I wish my mom didn't die of cancer.

Granted. She died of a heart attack.

I wish I had more willpower and discipline.

Granted but he makes your life a living hell

Granted, you have .5% more of each

i wish i had unlimited weed to smoke

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Granted but you can never get high again

Granted. But fire will not work for you in any form or device. Vapes blow up in your face

Don't make it so easy.
Your lips disappear and your mouth is sealed.

I wish my family was taken care of and wealthy

They get “taken care of” by the mob and the inheretence money is seized for evidence

I wish my wish not to come true

The genie just says your wish is forfeit

I wish I knew how to play the accordion

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I wish everyone on earth was suddenly bisexual.

Granted you are the best accordion player ever but only when no electronics or living being can hear you

Granted, your arms fall off every time you touch an accordion.

Granted, but you loose both your hands.

I wish my parents loved me.

Granted but no one admits it and no one acts on it

Your mother died in child birth and father on the way to funeral

Your parents love you so much they’re hyper over protective and never let you out of the house or out of their sight

Granted, they "love" you on a purely sexual level with no actual emotions.

Grooss fucking good one

I'll give you this one. It's pretty good.

I wish I didn't moan as much when i pee

Granted, you scream instead

Now you can only pee when you moan involuntarily

Granted but your cheeks are lost in an accident so you can no longer suck

I wish I were slightly more attractive to girls.

I wish I could alter everyone’s memory and implant false ones that are realistic enough to convince anyone

Granted but you become gay

you become extremely attractive to female... horses. everywhere you go mares go into heat. they never leave you alone.

i wish i had some self respect

The transformation process is extremely painful and you can't blackout from the pain. Also you have to physically touch an animal like animorphs

>Granted. She died of a heart attack

Fuck dude

I wish to restart my live with all my memories

Dang that would suck and hoped no one would do the touch them first part

Granted you are in an infinite loop of being born over and over again

You're lucky you said "whenever I wan" otherwise I'd have added the 2 hour time limit too.

So any time I fuck up I can just kill myself for a restart? Fucking nice.

No you’re constantly being born out of your mothers vagina forever

Yeah I try not to make my wishes wide open to being fucked up

granted but no one respects you

no one respect me now so... net gain

they literally spit in your face, insult you for merely existing, they have so little respect for you they wouldn't even rape you.

I wish I had the strength to easily avert all negative things that could happen to me

trash genies, leave it to the creative people

yeah as i said, nothing changes

I know you're overexaggerating, but still...

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I wish for a single penny yeah just a single ordinary penny no magic no poison or anything just an ordinary small penny and it's also not heavy or hot

thanks man, even a digital hug helps

Granted but it’s a picture of Penny Proud from Proud Family

Granted but you lose the ability to see negative things before they already happen

That would also count as a negative thing, so I would just cure this inability

Nah it’s part of the wish

Granted. But you have too much and are a self destructive narcissist and nobody wants to be around you. You push people away because in your eyes they don't deserve your awesomeness.

Wrong. It's an actual real penny proud and she's a "single" penny ready to mingle. Her constant dirtiness gets him jailed as a pedo so he gets raped to death in prison.

>dirtiness
You know i typed flirtyness but that works better
Thanks autocucumber

The genie is my sex toy

You gay

Fine but he isnt enthusiastic and resists you in the full amount possible which includes his genie powers. Congrats you're now his sex toy.

I feel like adding conditions or facts is cheating at the game.
>I wish I had a million dollars
>granted but you also have aids. Boom.
It’s not creative.

This is borderline.

Why not just say that your yard grows infinite weeds and will grow back as soon as you mow or pull them.

These are good.

It appears in your brain.

The genie turns into a dildo far too large to use at all. Like the size of a bus.
Optional: it appears inside your butt and you’re dead.

Ha 5/6 pretty good

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>I'm good at assholery
Weird flex but ok

I wish there was less degeneracy on Yea Forums

I wish the moon really was made out of cheese, and that it would retain all its normal attributes

Granted but now it is only feminists and faggots

Yeah idk it’s just fun to me

electronics can't hear anything because they don't have ears. however, despite not having ears, they can still record and process soundwaves. checkmate, you fucking gay genie.

Attached: risitissance.jpg (512x512, 14K)

Damn nice.

B is gone.

What attributes does it retain? Certainly if it became cheese it’s mass would change and it would be in an unstable orbit, which is pretty bad for earth.

Ok here’s one (assuming multiple wishes):
I wish that the genie interprets and fulfills all my subsequent wishes exactly as I intend them.

I wish this guy was more realistic about how although people probably don't respect him much, it's unlikely they invest much thought into it, and they certainly don't spit in his face.

Fuck off they basically “hear” i.e. take in sound waves and interpret them

I wish you would leave this thread.

I feel like you only get one?

Granted but the tread 404s immediately afterward

The attributes would be a stable orbit I guess

So r9k?

Granted, assuming multiple wishes, I grant this request. I do not assume this. Given that now that your predicated assumption is false, I am unbound by any specific instructions, and I make your left ring finger into a dick that is slightly too wide for your hand and slightly too long to type comfortably. It chaffs on either side where your pinky and middle fingers rub against it, and you cannot comfortably close your left hand into a fist without wincing in pain.

I wish I had a turkey sandwich

Nah you’re gay. That definition of hear is extremely arbitrary.

Ok but also your arms fall off and your lips seal and you get aids and fire stops working and you can’t maintain an erection when touching, looking at, thinking about, or within 1000 miles of another human or picture of a human.

Check. Mate. Atheists.

Tumbler

Granted but it isn’t very good

Kek, true

I wish I had the power to be invisible

i wish my waifu was real

OH NO
I wish that I didn't have dark circles under my eyes.

Possibly the best yet

Granted. A piece of bread appears at the border between Greece and turkey and another on the border with Syria. Both trigger a global war in which your mother and sister are drafted by president Marianne Williamson and killed on the front line.
On your way home from the funeral, you buy cold cuts and break to make yourself a turkey sandwich for comfort. The war has inflated the price of meat sorhe sandwich costs your whole inheritance. The meat turns out to be rotten and the owner absconds that evening so no refunds.
You eat the sandwich anyway, drowning out the taste with tears and hot sauce. You get an infected ulcer in your stomach and your colon perforates and you die in extreme agony, shitting your your organs. Also the sandwich tastes bad.

Granted, your pillow is now sentient, and exists in an undying, non-communicative persistent horror of awareness without sensory stimuli or any means of interacting with the world. Your pillow appears otherwise unchanged.

you could have just said it tastes bad

Pretty good

I was going to go with she is a real pillow. Or she’s real but not into you. Or she’s real but dies because her proportions are biologically impossible

Granted you have dark ovals

Are you retarded?

Autism

Kek

I don’t see how that’s any of your business

Must be from subway

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I wish it was my business.

I wish my masters thesis is ready so I can finally finish my college education and start working and making some mulah!

Top tier.

Forgot to include this on my list So you’re only 5/7 I presume.

Granted, it’s ready but gets completely erased exactly one minute from now.

Still good to me

You are a sex slave to a Saudi mullah. He breeds you and creates more mullahs. Birth is extremely painful for you out your pee hole.

Your master finishes his thesis.

You get a UTI every time you change shape

Granted, but you have fight with your advisor and he refuses to accept your thesis, and as department head, also vetos any other acceptance of your thesis. You are forced to choose to writing a new thesis with a new advisor, which will take at least 6 months, or dropping out without a degree.

I wish to win the grand prize of the next Powerball drawing.

Granted but it’s so obviously plagerized you are kicked out of school and have to apply to fast food places

What the actual fuck user. Are you trying to be edgy or literally retarded?

Huh do UTI’s hurt if you’re not peeing?

The rules of powerball are changed. To be culturally inclusive if Aztec Americans, the next winner is raped by the high priest before being sacrificed to the gods.

Change shape and find out

I wish I could prove that P = NP

Gotta grant me my wish first dog

A proof exists, thus your or anyone else COULD prove it. But you never do and the search drives you mad

learn 2 gradschool, wow
How about: granted, but the auto plagiarizing software flags it, and it is rejected. You are forced to write a new thesis, but now, your professor refuses to grant you a GRA or even a GTA, and you are forced to work in the school cafeteria to pay your living expenses will accumulating full tuition debt. The students that you gave poor grades on their papers for being "unpromising ideas" regularly patronize your food booth, and they won't even look at you directly, as if they don't recognize you. You know they do.

THIS guy gradschoolz

To read minds

Granted you win, but upon hearing the news, your long forgotten meth addicted cousin kidnaps and accidentally murders you. Since you never officially received the check, the government keeps the money.

Granted! You are now banned from Yea Forums

I wish i could make people shit their pants with a single thought.

Granted. Any time you have any thought, a single thought, everyone around you, and you yourself, shits pants

I wish the genie would fuck me right in the pussy

Congrats you are now a tard wrangler

Granted but you can't interact with the world or anyone else for eternity. You are essentially a ghost forever.

He turns your dick into a cat and fucks it. The cat doesnt like this at all and takes out its vengeance on your tummy with its claws.

Have you read the invisible man?

granted but you lose a skill or memory each time you play it untill all you are able to do is play acordion

granted but she openly hates your guts

No other human ever acknowledges your existence. They can still see you and are aware of your actions but to then you are "invisible".

i wish that my ass was so thick a single clap could obliterate a continent

i wish for a bottle of the finest whiskey that never runs out

I wish I was a little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
And a six four Impala

i wish to have an indestructable body

You are given an infine bottle of the shittiest cheapest nastiest undrinkable blindness inducing whiskey. That is the finest whiskey that never runs out. All other whiskeys run out.

i wish that the entire ocean was fresh water

My 2yo cousin wishes for unlimited food

it starts raining bland white bread and never stops doing so

Wouldn’t that have drastic consequences? Like all fish and plankton die? And billions of people depend on that stuff?

Also it would make oceans more prone to freezing, which I guess is good for the poles but otherwise a major shipping problem.

Also you’re at the bottom of the ocean and die I guess

You're only invisible when no one is looking at you.

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Granted! You now have a bottle that never runs empty. You finish your glass and are just about to leave the bar as you see there is still a little left at the bottom. You scoff it down and is about to rise as you see that it is just a little left in the glass. You drink that too only to see that there still is a little left. The room is now spinning and you start to feel light headed. You head for the exit, but just as you is about to rise you see that there is a little left in the glass, you drink it and the room is now spinning violently. You wake up. Now with a terrible headache and parched throat. In front of you is a glass of whiskey and nothing else. You have no choice but to drink it or die of thirst, and the cycle starts anew once more.

You have a liver that processes alcohol faster than you can drink it. You literally cannot get drunk.

Still useful, as your pic shows

Still annoying as anyone not directly looking at him won't.even register his existence

I wish I was much smarter

But even smarter people constantly shit on you and prove you wrong and dumber people ignore you.

I wish I was an unbeatable Shōnen anime protagonist

eh i cant still enjoy the taste

Granted but she has a 12 inch crack and wants to rape you constantly

I wish that I have three testicles

That's cancer no matter what way you look at it

granted but it replaces your cock

i wish to have a nice comfortable sleep

You get one. No more ever again after

you mean that in the sense that i die
or just dont get any restfull sleep anymore?

Permanent incurable insomnia
One good sleep, then terrible sleep for rest of life.

When you're scared or cold, they retract into your vagina.

You can beat any other Shōnen anime protagonist, but they're still fictional characters who only exist on the screen. So unless you can figure out how to get inside your TV, you'll never even know you have the power.

You're only smarter when you post Yea Forums, where it's completely wasted

It all comes from Catholic priests

I wish I was never cut.

Well my cousin is a girl and catholic priests are only into little boys so that's fine

Damn

Every cut you've ever had in your life is replaced by a rape

Not that user but I have a rape fantasy can I have that too?
I make it my wish that every injury from another person I've even had was replaced by rape by the person who injured me. Injuries of my own stupidity can stay I guess.

They start fucking all the people they ever wanted in life and it gets really bad so all the people who had their way with your family end up with your money as your enemies.

I want a world communism, comrade

Granted!
>3 billion dead

Attached: holodomor-3.jpg (420x326, 70K)

Thought we were supposed to add a negative

You're the first to starve to death

I wish a had a dick about 100 miles long and 80 miles wide, this is to fulfill my dream of fucking the grand canyon

You fulfill your dream. With no lube.

Just how I wanted it

I wish my friend would let me smell her feet

I wish for the girl that I have always wanted, but who rejected, to finally love me back and for us to start a family.

Granted but she disowns you because she actually wanted to die and you ruined that for her.

Granted but her feet smell so bad that it leaves you in a constant state of pain like in pic related

Attached: source.gif (480x359, 198K)

Granted but you are very allergic to it.

You have a tolerance to thc so high that you can't get high from weed any more

It happens years from now. She get real fucking fat and developers the beetus and loses her feet to surgery. She knows of your foot fetish and since no one will touch her rancid ass she mails her amputated feet to you as a way of flirting.

Granted but the money causes them to fight amongst themselves and as a result everyone goes their separate ways, and they are all bitter towards you for causing this.

Granted but they molest you sexually and put you on display for the internet.

Savage, well done

I think id still go for it honestly

Granted but they all only see you as a friend.

Granted, but her feet are infected with an anthropathogenic fungus, which you inhale up your nose. It grows in your brain, then takes control of your higher functions, forcing you to kill fellow footfags before climbing to a high place before the fruiting bodies burst out of your skull.

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I wish I had a sex tape of the girl I want to Fuck

Granted, but you die next time you poop.

I wish I cried crocodile tears.

Granted but everytime you do, you yourself forget how to do something at random (ie. where you left your car keys, your identity, how to walk, how to breath, etc.)

The tape is scotch tape with the words sex and the name of your crush

Granted but although your consciousness remains the same, it is transplanted into the body of an impoverished African child in Uganda.

Granted.

Granted, but she's getting her asshole creampied by Lexington Steele while she licks a visible herpes sore on Tbone's asshole.

I wish I had a God seed like in the magicians.

Your born as samaritan a few thousand years ago and none of your past memories are helpful because you cant speak English

Granted, but it's completely asexual and your children have to be adopted from some village in africa.

Granted but you accidentally misplace it.

you just transform and then turn right back. Its gross and you cant move the whole time.

you read her obituary. it was revised to "drowned in cum"

your wealthy family is "taken care of" by the mafia, over business conflicts

You can make it an asshole wish but you can't change the central parameters. I specifically said "restart MY life" so you can't just send me back in time or across continents

Everyone’s memory includes me tho

Granted but you become blind because light goes through you and no longer reaches your eyes.

I wish I was a cute rich single girl in a western country.

Granted but she leaves you for a black guy

StolenHa nah jk I’ve had same answers with other ppl before

Granted but so does the rest of the 7.5 billion people on the planet.

I wish I could be a girl so my life would be easier

You are secretly molested by your father but to everyone else in the world your life is perfect.

I wish for one asshole free wish

Granted, you are now the ugly third wife to an impoverished Arab man in Yemen.

Yes, but everytime you use your power you might forget how to eat, breath, go to the restroom, etc.

You'll still be living your life tho, in another body.

You get your wish, but also develop an almost insatiable desire to eat ass.

>You'll still be living your life tho, in another body.

I forgot to add, nigger.

You never forget to subtract tho, fuckin faggot.

Works for me, i've always loved her in a non-sexual way.

No I'm living the life of someone who thinks they're me.
My life means the life I've lived. That circumstance is set by the wish.

I wish for world peace and the inability to be bored without contention.

Granted, you no longer have an asshole.

Shut the fuck up, nigger.

Do you not know what "restart my life" means? If I'm bored with.My run of Skyrim I restart the game. I don't reload "lvl 1 prisoner" and start playing gta 5.

Your attempt was fucked and your an idiot give it up

Granted but you are eventually kidnapped and sexually trafficked in Easter Europe.

Granted but your body fights the bacteria in those crocodile tears and that causes and infection that leaves you permanently blind.

>your an idiot
You seem to be proving otherwise

Joke’s on you, I’m a raging faggot and want to be whored out.

>Easter Europe.
Where they stuff colored eggs up and your ass and have big burly women with man-arms play fetch

Technically you are still you, just in another body.

You're proving that to be true. How would anything I have said prove wether or not you're and idiot. Your lack of understanding of basic concepts shows your stupid.

But it isn't RESTARTING MY LIFE its just RESTARTING life as another person

For fucks sake people learn basic fucking reading comprehension

>2/4 correct uses of your/you're
>wether is a word
>and idiot
kek, it's almost too easy

>I'm an autist
>I'M AN AUTIST
>I'M A MEGAGIGRETARD AUTIST!
kek

>both uses of you're are "you are"
>both uses of your are possesive
>all uses of your/you're are correct
>wether is in fact a word what do you even mean by this
Next thing you're gonna tell me you're only pretending to be retarded

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Hmm
>basic concepts shows your stupid.
Possess stupid? No...
>basic concepts shows you are stupid.
That looks better.
>basic concepts shows you're stupid.
Your stupid grammar is fixed, Wether.

>your stupid is showing
It's a fucking turn of phrase you uncultured mong.

No it's not, Wether.

Holy shit. You really aren't pretending to be retarded are you? Where's your parents address so I can send them some money and my condolences for the life they wasted raising you?

Granted but you now have no asshole

You deliberately posted a correct version pretending it was the original But we can all see the original here >Your lack of understanding of basic concepts shows your stupid.
Should be you are or you're.

You're just the kind of asshole who calls people stupid while making mistakes even an idiot would spot, and then doubles down and lies when you're caught. On an anonymous image board no less, because you're so insecure you can't even accept being wrong when nobody knows.

I want the ability to give people any disease I want to give them, but only if I make contact with them with the skin of my left foot.

Granted, but you turn into a footfag. Sorry.

>Your lack of understanding of basic concepts shows your stupid.
Shows your stupid what? (i.e. you used incorrect grammar there)

>How would anything I have said prove wether or not you're and idiot.
Wether is a word, but don't try to justify yourself by saying it is when the way you were using it is incorrect and out of context... wether is a castrated ram.
Also...
>you're and idiot

As soon as you give them the disease you get the disease also and all the diseases they have

Granted, every other accordion player in the world dies, but you gain no skill at playing the accordion and still suck and is the best souly due to lack of other players.

i wish Yea Forums had more decent threads like this one

I wish Jesus rose from the dead again on a velociraptor to fight the evil and injustice of those claiming to be on the side of good and justice.

Because changing the order of words to fit context doesn't happen right?
>your stupid is showing
>shows your stupid
>what is transitive property

>Your lack of understanding of basic concepts your stupid showing
That looks like moronic shit. The whole point of jargon is that it is a molding for properly used words in a slightly improper speech. It's fucking freeform get used to it.

>typos
Oh shit you got me there guess my entire education is completely invalidated because I didn't catch autocorrect fucking up my words.

>my entire education is completely invalidated because I didn't catch autocorrect fucking up my words.
>autocorrect corrected whether
>into wether
kek, are you sure that's the castrated ram you want to die on?

You had to do what you had to do
The more the merrier

Granted. You can no longer use your own mind for thought.

Granted. Christ then remembers he made the raptor go extinct for a reason and proceed to have his angels gather up all the rebellious scoffers and slay them in front of him with a ferocity and efficiency that the dinosaurs have never known.

Well that was a matter of autocorrect not catching a mistake because it's a real word

Granted. Everyone hates you and you're immortal.

I wish to get my aunts cancer so she doesn’t die

Granted, but you have to start them.

That's tough man.

I'll take it.

Granted but the reason there is world peace is because a new reich was formed and killed all non aryans

> Reich
> Peace
> Aryans

Bruh. Do better. BE better.

I want to get rid of all sexual urges and focus on other things in my life

Granted. You will be kidnapped and raped by various men and women for at least 10 consecutive hours a day for the next month. At that point you may have every std known to man (and some not known) and, if femanon, be pregnant but the very idea of sex will repulse you forever.

I want to bring Ted Bundy back to life in this current age

Granted. It doesn't change history so he will immediately be recognized and captured and studied regarding how the fuck he came back to life and if said process is replicable

1st wish: perfect health and basic immortality for at least 1,000 years unless i chose to end it but only i can.

2nd wish: an indestructible duffel bag that i always will know where it is and only i can open it and when i do there is always a replenished $50,000 cash (infinite cash)

3rd wish: to have sex with animals but will never get in trouble , hello horse cocks and pussies!

We could make a religion out of this

1: people know and you spend the time in a medically induced coma being studied

2:it's in Cambodian money (last I checked roughly 4k Cambodian dollars to one American dollar so that's basically 12.50)

3.You can lose feeling in dick/prostate so you can't ever enjoy it

Pic related. Just checked, math still works

Attached: IMG_20190813_225750.png (720x289, 26K)

1st: your body will still age you wont have any health issues other than getting more tired/slow/wrinkled/ugly
2nd: you know where the bag is but it's always somewhere you arent.
3rd: the animals dont want to have sex with you and will fight you.

For shits and giggles I checked and I'll even let you choose lmao
You wanna have to keep opening that bag for $12.50 at a time (having to stop at a bank to get your currency converted) or lug around 205million Cambodian dollars to get it converted at a bank risking getting robbed.

Attached: IMG_20190813_230518.png (720x376, 30K)

I wish to have a 4.5 gpa.

It's because you cheated. As you're about to get whatever they find out and you're expelled

i wish a busty witch would turn me into a frog and keep me as her pet

Attached: 0a2165f05752f19cb15a8aaf97c44318--bugs-bunny-bunnies.jpg (185x299, 12K)

i said busty

I wish I had my anger issues sorted out. If that means being an emotionless potato sack of shit, so be it, I'd rather be emotionally dead than piss and vinegar or dumb 99% of the time.

The shoe fits user. She got big tiddies

>34Es arent busty

You no longer have anger issues and instead have extreme manic depression

Busty =/= sexy
She got them tig ol bitties

I wish I could have sex with any girl I wanted whenever I wanted.

Anyone who even slightly angered you in the past is instantly dead. Anyone who angers you in the future dies instantly. Can't be angry at no one user

They ALWAYS get pregnant and you ALWAYS get sued for child support

They all have aids

FUCK YEAH THAT'S MORE LIKE IT

SECOND WISH, I WANT BEER. GOOD BEER.
sorry user, first user beat you to the punch.

Always even with a condom? Damn. But I like that more than this

I wish I was dead

Did I fucking stutter? No contraceptives work. Get cut? They still get pregnant. She's barren? Not anymore she isn't. You strapped an m80 to your sac and blew it up then fucked a girl who literally had no womb? She's going to get pregnant. Fuck a guy that identifies as a girl but won't do her (a trap). Guess he's pushing a baby out of his dick.

Granted, but you have to repeat the moment of when you die infinitely, thus never escaping reality, only just feeling death over and over.

>won't do hrt*

I wish I had Spider-Man powers

Attached: mark-bagley-ultimate-spider-man-no-156-cover-spider-man-jumping_a-G-13759068-13198931.jpg (325x488, 32K)

I wish i had super speed.

Except you can only shoot web out of your anus.

But you can only shoot webs out of your ass

You never get cosmic Spiderman power and uncle Ben is replaced by the one person you care about the most.

You aren't protected from physics

>hive mind

Fuck

Attached: Yeah+id+say+its+fairly+messed+up+if+you+can+_52fd0f62ffbd4677a0ece5034fadad91.jpg (334x452, 23K)

Now kiss
I mean, I wasn't expecting the cosmic shit. Just the regular set of Spider-Man powers

>actually cares about Spider (gender identity)

Kek. I'd call someday but literally 1 second apart

Attached: IMG_20190813_234354.png (720x319, 35K)

The Wall.

>wants spidey powers
>doesn't want cosmic spidey powers
Fucking casual

He gets a happier life by switching places with you

>baby dont hurt me

Every anymal you turn into is a furry

Sorry user, that's just business.

Mine reads 3 secs. apart
42:55
42:58

Attached: 3.legged.man.jpg (400x400, 25K)

Look man, if I wanted those kinda powers, I just would have wished to have Goku's powers. Flying is cool and all, but web slinging seems fun as fuck. Cosmic would invalidate the web swinging.

I wish for infinite power that cannot be contained in a lamp or vessel. Completely under control. I also wish op would grow up and be the man his father wanted him to be before giving up the ghost.

I wish I had 3 arms so I could hold my milk and untwist my oreos.

& you would be sent to an empty universe to be foreveralone

Now all Oreos turn to dust immediately upon contact forcing you to eat only store brand cookie sandwiches!!!

Granted, but you can't untwist your oreos or drink milk anymore without vomiting everywhere for 2 straight hours.

And that differs from now how exactly? Infinite powers I could make new friends.

Thats fine, i dont like cookies, i just wanted 3 arms

He's got a point.

>thinking goku is stronger than cosmic Spiderman
>not webslinging across the universe using planets and stars
>not building a web hammock between the milky at and adromeda waiting for that collision

Granted your parents now love you more then ever. Your dad analy rapes you nightly while your mom forces you to drink her pee forever more.

new friends would raep u repeatedly

nao shut up & accept your fate
>no infinite powers dipshit

>implying spiderman ever needed to become cosmic in the first place.

Boring

Uncreative

Oreos factories and all off brands shut down forever

No one "needs" to go cosmic. It's just fun as fuck

Fun fact. Marvels God figure (The One Above All) has only appeared like 4 times. One of those times as to cheer up Peter Parker.

What did you actually expect, all his arms to disobey user and have minds of their own?

Granted but your speed also makes you age faster to offset the time saved doing your tasks

I wish to become a vampire