Shitty super power thread

The power of turning invisible but only when very loudly moaning+masturbating

the power to summon a storm but you atract lightning

>shitty super power thread
The ability to identify specific individuals and their health by the smell of their farts.
Having taste buds in your rectum.
The power to light your own farts as a form of high-jump, no harm to you but it hurts like hell.
The ability to make anyone orgasm by touch and will but you are immune to the positive feedback of your reward center in your brain because of it.
The ability to look at something, like a disaster, and know what could have been done to avert it. Super hindsight
The ability to know what you did wrong in any relationship 1 year after your relationship falls apart.
The ability to make machines malfunction by touch... and it can't be turned off.
Cumshots that can shoot with the speed and power to go through body armor... and it cannot be turned off.
True immortality without infinite storage space in your brain.
Super strength and durability without the ability to dial it back.
Your own emotions radiate to make others feel the same way... comes with a complex incurable and untreatable version of being bipolar.
The ability to become younger 1 year by aging someone you touch 10 years but it only works on people you love.

when you bark you exchange bodies with the nearest dog permamently

the power to make girls fall in love with you but only works on middleschoolers

my power, being moonman

Attached: 7bf.jpg (1000x800, 80K)

anything edible in your vicinity tastest like shit

>but only during a full moon in ten minutes before midnight

Super strength, but only in one limb.

You are not supposed to suggest the negatives you dumb nigger

Attached: 4LdLNtq.gif (200x150, 173K)

Immune to flame but you're a nigger

you have nigger sense you can sense any nigger within one kilometer

not useless in the least

enough time to eradicate roddypoos from the US of the A

but they can also sense you and are then drawn to you

the power to turn any body of water into tomato soup

your erection doesnt stop growing forever even if you die

The "limb" is just the left ass chek

You can give yourself a stroke whenever you want

any spiders within 300 meters grows twice in size each day

India

if you make eyecontact with an animal it becomes twice as intelligent as you

the power to make it rain feces and if you poop in the loo you die instantly

you can age 40 years instantly

The harder you get the gayer you become

how is gaining access to every old persons bank account shitty?

Fine by me 2x1 is just 2

You can communicate with the dead but for like a second

the power to make dogs cry

the angrier you get the weaker you become

ATTENTION PLEASE STOP SCROLLING AND GO TO findsex.club

Attached: -wnRMfwPe1376yEeTjmhgrOjiQ1OpEMar_SEtqmW-dt_8Wa_QBWJ.jpg (1280x720, 26K)

when you say something that sounds irish you summon a lawn gnome

Sometimes you can see in xray but mostly you can't see at all

this causes all living things within 10 miles to go into a frenzied rage and all of them instantly know your exact location untill you are destroyed

you can turn off your senses at will but you cant turn them back on

You can create other living beings

they all have exagerated defects kill themselves at the first oppertunity

>your the hulk

>touches the ocean
>the entire ocean is now tomato soup

Super strength as compared to a man with cerebral palsy

The ability to run twice as fast as a normal human when sitting down

The ability to memetically input the flavor of store-brand mustard into someone's mind

The ability to ejaculate corn syrup

The ability to turn any part of your body irreversibly into a hot pocket

The ability to sink faster in quick sand

Super-sight when your eyes close

The ability to impersonate any television infomercial personality while covering your mouth and muffling your speech

Attached: 1564182068464.jpg (236x236, 12K)

STOP SCROLLING AND GO TO findsex .club

Attached: JbsoVtg0UwgjoenUXy0uujVBuDY_FRndlJpGafw.jpg (1280x720, 26K)

you have the abillity to make people smile against their will

The angrier you get, the tinier you get

youre completely regular except you have hawk eye's power

the ability to talk to bananas

I already have that power. So far no banana responded.

Attached: 343921659-lauch-trash-&-style-witzig-gesicht.jpg (720x540, 25K)

>but you can't control who and they want >to fuck you as soon as they are affected

But, you also age 40 years instantly.

the power of knowing the exact wrong thing to say in any situation.

everyone really likes you
unless they are near you, then they fuckin hate your guts

>but they hypnotize you
>to shove them up your ass

Jokes on them i do it anyway

Would still actually be wildly useful and a badass thing to be able to do.

Fly, but only 2 inches

Would've been a dope power in middle school.

What does that even mean? If I travel 10 years into the future I'll 10 years or what?
Or do I still have to experience those 10 years?

That was the idea, but I guess traveling back in time even at normal speed would still be very useful.

Ah in case of traveling back in time it's like paying a price

super speed but it takes up much more energy

You have the ability to generate money in the amount of $100,000, but every time you do your dick shrinks sightly and your nose grows bigger. After you run out of dick, you finally turn in to a Jew

GOYIM, don't give out our secrets!

That's still pretty good in the hands of an assassin or hunter

use money to make penis larger, infinite money.

Also if slight amount is like 0.1cm i would just get a million and still be happy

Exactly. You couldn't be a poor Jew, the shitty part is that you become a Jew

Easily the greatest superpower of all time.

Fuck yea. Travel backwards in time at a pace of 1 second per second. Spend a day going backwards then bet on sports. Or practice having a conversation with someone and always say the perfect thing because you restarted it dozens of times. You could get to the end of one conversation and use what you learned about them to get them to open up more on the second pass. After spending two hours redoing your conversation you coud open with some shit that would make them think you're god in human form.

Attached: Pattycake - Masturbating on bed (Pussyslip).mpeg_snapshot_04.15_[2018.07.01_07.57.23].jpg (352x240, 15K)

the power to instantly explode someone who is less than 3 inches from you

wait, this is good for jihadists

You can smell cardboard from 20 feet away

Being the world's greatest guitar player but when you touch a guitar your fingers fall off.

Attached: 20190721_050144.jpg (896x807, 105K)

Mr. meseeks?

Doesn’t this just qualify as shitty jumping?

But only when the "vicinity" is your asshole

Attached: if1Mjxg.jpg (1242x1601, 144K)

isnt that one of the super fantastic 5?

But you get irremovable clown make up
But you say it anyways
But you prolapse when doing so

MOVE ALONG!! TRUE AUTISM PASSING BY!!
>My superpower
The ability to mark points in time of my life, and on demand I can revert back to those points (like saves in vidya games).

Things you use doesn't consume battery, fuel or ammunition

But you reload as a random person at that same point in time

I want the power to piss 1000 yards

that's pissy super power not shitty super power

I    —    N    —    D    —    I    —    A