Hey user, whats the most illegal thing you have ever done?

hey user, whats the most illegal thing you have ever done?

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I pulled the tags of my mattress.

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Trespassed into an open pit coal mine

Asked for asylum in the US

I don't think so Agent Smith

Sorry officer I have autism I don't understand.

Didn't get trips

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Probably either street race or get a prostitute, depends on your views as to which is worse. I leave it to b.

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Shit in a bag and threw it on my neighbors roof.

Not even near

I stoned a faggot once

you're under arrest

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Run over 10 babies on china by "accident

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threw a rock at my neighbors window

I once crossed the street without pushing the crosswalk button.

i punched a cop once

How do you live with yourself, you sick fuck

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downloaded a car

user this is the police, open up

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I clicked the thing saying that I read the terms and services agreement... but I didn't.

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If you wernt there it didnt happen, faggot.

i took candy from a baby. but then felt bad and gave it back and reported it to the police.

Spit on dirt on the sabbath day, thus cultivating the land on the sabbath day, a direct defiance of gods word

I bought a gun while high.

I fucking came inside my dog. It wimpered as my elongated penis filled it's behind with thick semen but it was inevitable.

Stole some vienna sausages when I was down and out from dollar store.

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Liar. Shutup jew.

Did you? Did mommy advocate for this post?
Kys newfag

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Disregard, nice normie meme. Stay off Yea Forums

I really did. But I do most things high so it wasn't really a big deal.

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fuck off with your gatekeeping bullshit, I've been posting in this shithole for 12 years.

Hey welcome to Yea Forums newfriend.
Nobody cares :)

No you haven't retard. You can larp all you want but I know an oldfag when I see one and you're still in middleschool

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who hurt you user-kun

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>me le sonic ironic meme
Hey. Learn newfag. Maybe you will understand more and save Yea Forums. But learn first.

lol, whatre you so upset about?

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Who?
Normies.
Save Yea Forums maybe.
Until then browse infinite . For your own good. If you don't know any better lurk infinite
If my word confuses you. Lurk infinite. Trust me I tell you this in order to help you. Until then do Yea Forums normie

>implying mad
Yeah
Cute.

One time I was in prison and my cell mate was a loud mouth nigger that bragged day after day about all the white womenz he raped. One day I had enough snapped bashed his head on the concrete wall snapped his leg on the metal bunk rail pulled his leg down over the sharp broken bone the snapped it off at the knee shoved it right into his heart. Best night of sleep I ever had.

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please stop derailing my thread user-kun

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How are you posting if you committed murder? Why tell such a transparent lie?

I've actually used it a lot.

Ran out of toothpicks a couple of times, also didn't feel like going to the store for toilet paper.

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Very well user. I only wish to help Anons. You wouldn't know.

And how many years did that add to your sentence?

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Non they moved me to a maximum security psychiatric facility I now have access to a smart phone laptop and have my own TV. Better food too.

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I pulled Every Single Tag off of every mattress in my house! In case you're not aware of.the penalty, go take a look at the tag on YOUR mattress. I'll wait.

after I got out of the Marine Corps I signed on for a private contract with Aegis security in Dubai. I stayed in country after my contract expired because I was offered another job while I was over. I was part of a group of expatriates that helped smuggle alcohol and pork and certain meat products in to the middle East.

>execpt by the consumer

cool

...

I can't tell you tbh

Beat a guy to death in a bar fight in a shithole in Southeast Asia.

I trespass on government property to go fishing and I also don't have a fishing license

im a sovereing citizen and ur laws dont apply to me offeicer

it paid ok for about a year and half

story? sounds like a doozy.

Ok reddit

y u pretending to be me? I've never used it, thank god.

post marital consensual sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation..

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Back when I lived in California in the early 90's I was friends with some dudes. We used to surf all day and just hang out at bond fires all night. We quickly ran out of money so we had to rob a bunch of banks. We almost got away with it but a young FBI agent infiltrated our group and started fucking my ex. Well, I got away but he caught up with me right before I was going to ride the 100-year wave. He let me ride it, I wiped out and they just assumed I was dead.

This is a thing?I rarely go outside so i didn't know those existed.

made my own milk by sneaking in dairy farms at night to pay off my credit card debt

is this the plot of that Keanu Reeves movie?

what the fuck, is this a movie or something

Go on Yea Forums

bought DXM syrup when i was like 16. dumb bitch at the Dollar General just asked what my birthday was instead of asking for ID.
now i can just buy copious amounts any time i want and the boomer cashiers at walgreens just give me concerned look.

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Shutup normal fag
Lurk more.

if i was a normalfag i would buy normie drugs like pot and hydros. i'm too autistic to know drug dealers so i get weirdnasty DXM that nobody but me and other such weird faggots enjoy.

I touch myself at night

Stolen my moms credit card

Ive STOLEN from a store!

sure thing alexunt

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I was thinking about smoking weed.

i got my doors busted by the fbi so maybe what i did

A friend and I heisted a liquor store three separate times and stole a 67 stang all in the course of a month

Did you write "no kid porno herr" on the door?

stole beers from concerts i worked as a stagehand for. still do sometimes.

>hey user, whats the most illegal thing you have ever done?

sniffed the dirty undies of my little nie...

no

You should be dragged outside and shot.

Was driver for frat party during college that was off-campus so they had some vans shuttling people. After the end at around 2am the party is long over but I drive over there for any stragglers before returning the van and going back to my dorm. Completely dead so I turn around to go back and I notice somebody lying on the sidewalk. I pull over and it's this little asian girl. I ask if she's okay and she barely mumbles a noise with her eyes closed then doesn't say anything else. Her ID has her building so I pick her up into the van and drive her to the building. I park in the parking lot and that's when I realize I don't think this through b/c I don't know her dorm number. Try to wake her up by talking loudly then shaking her, no response. One of her boobs pops out of her toga and I just keep staring at it getting hornier and hornier by the second. Try to wake her really hard to make sure but no response at all. I move her toga so I uncover her other boob as well and start jerking off then after a bit of that I sheepishly start touching her boobs, just in case she'll wake up, then touch/play with them with more confidence while jerking. I get really close to nutting then a really crazy idea enters my mind, to actually fuck her. I stop for like 5 minutes to calm my dick down so I don't cum right away when I put on the condom I carry in my wallet. Then I opened and lifted her legs up and pulled her panties to the side then just went for it. I came like 20 seconds in but stayed hard, probably due to all the adrenaline. I switched condoms and kept fucking her for what felt like forever then switched to her butthole and nutted again while fingering her pussy at the same time. Put her panties and toga back on as I found them and called security to help find and take her to her dorm. They take down my name so I was super nervous and I get an e-mail from her the next day. She thanked me "for getting me home safe despite being so very drunk and probably extremely obnoxious".

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pic related
would fuck and rape
your story? no time to read FU
show more of dat whore

Fapped to the part of Ghost Ship with Mudvayne playing

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here is /b son
yeah is summer
but fuck it

what part?

Stormed area 51

It wasn't raep because that was all about sex and not about power. If feminism has taught me anything, its that raep is ALL about power.

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is it even rape if nobody knows about it

I watched dubbed anime and actually likes it.

Sure, user.

My name is Vege and I am a gastarbeiter simpleton and I have a very low IQ and a small dick. You should feel bad forr me.

It's only illegal if you get caught

How did that go? I hear they don't like that.

Richard Nixon mask

pissed outside my house at 2am while drunk. Arrest me officer!

Based
The less chinks the better

I had a gf for a short while who I fucked and got blowjob and handjobs from. she was 14 and I was 32.

stole a safe from a church.

I don’t get iy

that's how you avoid paying the hospital bills for life and serious jail time in china. Less chinese assholes in the world too win-win

I get it now

Howd it feel?

Stfu GTA fag. The only heist you've ever done irl is your moms panty drawer after you got done surfing pornhub for nigger dicks and s o y g o y s

Whats your secret howd you get her lmaooooo

Money

how much was in it? I want to know how much the church got fucked out of. Makes me laugh.

you remind me of this weird gimpy tard that worked at a call center with me. he had a crush on an ugly older lady who must have been sort of nice to him and he thought he was going to get some. he wore a black trenchcoat and was genuinely retarded. i can't believe he was able to do tech support. one time he told the lady, who actually barely tolerated and humored him while he thought he was being slick flirting with her "one time i cut this guy's arm off with a sword... but i felt sorry for him so i sewed it back on." i looked at him and he realized i thought he was a fucking idiot and made the same face i saw a toddler make once when he was happy to have visitors but realized he had shit his diapers and playtime was over.

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Watch porn. It’s illegal here

You poor fuckin soul. How do you survive?

said the citizen of a shtihole (Iran)

We gonna invade you

America
>Land of the free
>Sex is illegal

Bought a couple of hookers

I wish we could kill their leaders. Bunch of fucking assholes that abuse their power and make their citizens miserable. Unless you jump on the banwagon of "religion of peace" while you stone rape victims, non-believers, infedals, what fucking every they tell you is bad.

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Sold every common drug except heroin. Mostly weed and pills but if I could get something stupid cheap and instantly flip it for a nice return I didn’t care.

>invade

btw. I'm turkish
we would love it
just cum
cum over the border ya persian suckers
pic related he is waiting of you

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said the jewish nigger loving sand persian

first mistake

we can bomb your fucking theran or tearan or whatever you call that shit in few hours

Yeah I know, wtf.

care to share some fucked up stories? Like some asshole trying to rob you, a strung up junkie doing weird shit? Love to hear things from the dealers side.

We do have a lot of freedoms but the land of the free is some bullshit. If we aren't hurting anybody it shouldn't matter in a country labeled that but nah. It's the same "we make the laws but we'll use the land of the free shit to not make you think about it as much." Love my country but fuck all this bullshit about "free".

petty larseny, and assault with a deadly weapon

but he was just being a bitch about it though. i mean why get into a situation where you know you're going to lose against an armed assailant? don't be a fucking dumbass.

just kidding. prove it, feds. im drunk.

farted in public

one time i was in the checkout line at the grocery store and there was a ripped open pack of starbursts, waited till nobody was looking and made my move...snagged a starburst and quickly hide it in my pocket. Waited til i got home and hid in my closest to eat it and put the wrapper in a tissue and flushed the evidence.
>mfw it was a yellow one

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I was killed and buried neighbour's chicken in ma yard

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What-evah! I ran for Congress and won. Then I had sex with an intern, killed her, and hid her body! What-evah, I'll do what I want!

I came in a presidents salad dressing, full fight club style. I dont even do stuff like that, but this time the temptation was too great, i want my babies to achieve. Not gonna tell ya which president tho

i stared a girls boobies at a restaurant and a old lady noticed me but then gave me the "yeah boi nod"

Selling drugs

Rip quads

Nice try DEEP STATE

is this true? hahaha