Ruin a first date with one sentence

im gay

Trust me, by the end'a the night haha, I'm gonna be eatin your diarrhea!

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Do you mind being in a polyamorous relationship with myself and my 2d waifu?

youtu.be/8Q9H9BTn_dY

i've got 3 special needs kids

the worst thing about cooking vegetables is trying to fit the wheelchair in the oven

wow,what a waste of fucking trips

This is the most real non-meme answer

I have clamyhdia

Fuck

What's your favorite anime?

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It usually takes a crane

...any question beginning with the word "so".

Before we get down to fucking, do you have a yeast infection?

I voted for Trump

*goes to bathroom*
*come out with worried look*
I'm sorry I broke your toilet, i had to piss and it slipped out of my hand... it just shattered.

Have you seen A Clockwork Orange?

Niggerfaggots Sieg Heil

im going home

If we go camping, and you're on your period, won't you attract bears?

You’ll be paying for dinner tonight.

I forgot my wallet.

I play Fortnite

i want to have sex with you in the missionary position with the sole purpose of procreation

geez, privileged much?

will you marry me?

I hope you fuck better than your sister

Bernie Sanders? That old Jew?

None of these ruin a date if you're Chad. Stay cool, faggots.

I fuck like a sex offender.

I KILLED JOHN F KENNEDY

this date is over

Hey, you like Yea Forums?

Fpbp

Hey are you like pure aryan?

Winner.

"I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

I'm still in love with my ex

You're right. If they don't laugh at that the date is over

I love you

I think I'll put a crane on the roof of my school as a prank. Usually takes a crane to get it out

wtf does this even mean?

My friends each paid me to have a turn in you after we fuck.

HEY I BET I CAN JUMP OVER THE TABLE

WATCH

You ever seen the Goya painting of Saturn devouring his children?

Hey, pass the roofi-uuuhh, pass the salt.

So, at the end of this date, are we having sex or am I raping you?

I'll just tell you right off the bat that I'm an alpha male

I've rubbed my balls on everything in this room. There's no escape.

Things are hard in the hood nowadays, let me tell you!

I plan on voting for President Trump in next election.

You look just like my mother, damn sexy.

if any officers approach us, they're just my cosplaying friends

hey my friend said I should give adults a try, so here I am!

Blood makes fantastic lube.

You're quite dense

KAAAAAAAAA
MEEEEEEEEE
HAAAAAAAA
MEEEEEEEE
*breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i am a gamer

I'm bringing you to meet my friends so will it be a gang bang or a gang rape with you?

Your mother says that I might have gotten her pregnant.

i'm glad you're willing to give a sex offender like me a second chance

I hope you are on the pill because I don't cover and I don't pull out.

The driver was an alcohol

wow, seems like all of my victims this week are gonna be blonde, huh?

you smell just like your mother

"Hey! You want to see my 16TB folder of vore scat hentai?"

why the fuck did i laugh at this

"What is that, gold?"

"Human molars."

Who gave you the stuff? WHO GAVE YOU THE STUFF?!

wow, all of that food for yourself, huh?

I hate niggers

Hope you brought your purse cause I don't pay for skanks

so it turns out pornhub doesn't allow scat content anymore, so that's why i'm unemployed now

let's play a game called "how many dicks have been in there?"

man, my dick burns like hell...

My favorite band is ABBA.

Mom wants me to stop fucking family members, so... here we are.

before we start: can you prove that you're a real biological woman, because i have doubts, you know.

damn, user.

You look like you can fit in my trunk.

just to be sure, you DO have a green card, right?

My wife thinks you're hot.

so then I told him, "outlaw THIS," and then I *really* let him have it!

So when we bang are you gonna be Tom or Jerry?

let's decide on a safety word now

I identify as a wolf who is attracted to humans.

man realdolls are so expensive nowadays, nothing beats the ol' wine and dine, huh?

i just want to make sure the walls at your apartment are really soundproof

how much for anal?

IF YOU'RE NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL, THEN I'M NOT THAT KIND OF GUY

Can I take measurements and pics for specifics so I can get a Real Doll in case we don't work out?

uh... a hummina hummina hummina, ah OOGA, ahh OOGA!

Will my chances of sex go up if we order something expensive or if I even just give you money?

can I get... uhhh... uhhhhhhhh.......

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

winrar

Wow!
You look much better without those pesky blinds and curtains in the way.

Is our sex tonight going to need roofies or not?

he was trying to steal her toilet

This

benis xddd

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If it goes that far tonight, don't worry about my rash because I'm not contagious.

you look a little like my father.

how hard do I have to pinch your nipples before you lactate?

'EY CLETUS, WE DUN' GOT A LIVE ONE!

hay can u gemme a pessi cola and saum CHIGGEN tANDERS. i'm HONGR7Y

hey, sorry i'm late, i was trying to fit my gargantuan python into my boxers again

youd think a steakhouse would have some chicken tenders, unbelievable!

don't worry, I'll put a hole in the bag so you can breathe...

ROASTIE, NO ROASTING
ROASTIE, NO ROASTING

You are thicker than women I'm into but we can fuck the fat away over time.

Legalizing cannibalism would solve both overpopulation and world hunger.

I vote democrat

You look just like my sister... HOT!

So i voted for Hillary...

This might actually start a convo.

I dont get it either but im inebriated a bit

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I don't hear the taunting voices when I look at you.

You must be the one.

I don't care that you are a butterface and we can always do it in the dark.

so apparently it's 'against the rules' to look at porn at the library

my parents call me rashish, but most people know me as john smith from texas.

My friends and I share our sex partners, so you might get a little sore tonight.

nothin like the warmth of a fart

shit, and i thought my ex was ugly.

This one right here.

WHERE'S THE MONEY, LEBOWSKI?!

hey, how much do you have in the bank?

I swear it's fine! The weird bumps on my dick fades every few days!

I don't have any money but I arranged this being free as long as you blow the manager and swallow.

I've known a few women who'd take you home after something like that

It burns when I pee.

hang on, I think the bag on my side is leaking...

hi i'm daisy
hi i'm daisy
hi i'm daisy
hi i'm daisy
hi i'm daisy
hi i'm daisy
hi i'm daisy

How good are you at climbing out of pits?

I will NOT be friendzoned.

ItHurtsWhenIP is the name of my wifi.

its only smellz

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Vegan fed meat tastes the best, especially the "long pigs".

Top Kek

it rubs the lotion on its skin, or it gets the hose again!

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WTF? I'm now changing my wifi name. I thought I was original.

kek

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you think my ex and I could stay at your place for a while?

Excuse me, my beautiful companion, but please place the shea oil lotion into the basket so that we can continue this lovely evening!

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I jus farded an shidded an camed in my pants

Ummm....

>She leaves

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NEVER look me in the eye

oWo, what is th-where are you going?

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Rick and Morty...

We will have to go to a different movie theater I'm not allowed within 5 miles of an elementary school.

Shit, the drugs should have knocked you out for at least another thirty minutes...

*looks at camera*
*record scratch*
*freeze frame*

Yep, that's me.

You're probably wondering how I got in this mess. It all started yesterday...

HELLO, I AM FROM AMERICA

DO YOU SPEAK ANY ENGLISH?

alright, let's get this shit over with

"you are what you eat and tomorrow I hope to be you"

do you like Roblox?

didn't ruin my date with this one

Do what you want but if you didn't read it anywhere before it somewhat was original. I was thinking about changing it to something new too, like "IP in Public" or "German Dungeon".

Let's take this where nobody will have to see you.

I actually would be OK with this.

German Dungeon is awesome. I use "FBI Surveillance Van" and shove random numbers at the end. I once heard someone outside my window actually go "don't do anything- the feds are here!"

The last one might be a little to obvious.

it's definitely interesting that i could strangle you with ease. just saying.

Mine was "NSA Monitored" before. For some reason, nobody linked to that one. I didn't even have a password.
I guess I'll keep it, yours is exactly what I have. I guess we both had the same original thought. Thanks.

wow, you look like marilyn monroe!

after the suicide

I hope you aren't a bleeder because I love knife play.

Which Jordan Peterson lecture would you like to watch?

I am so glad we finally got together and you should see the shrine I have to you.

Sorry, I have to answer this call, it's my ex.

Your ex says you are a freak in the sheets and I'm really looking forward to tonight.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE OUT OF BREADSTICKS?!

I've been on a first date and was told that line. Apparently, the ex controls my date's life with some kid-related drama. Worked out for me, she said "I gotta' go, I'm with your replacement."

"Why is 'In the End' by Linkin Park the only song you have on your phone?"

"heh... Only one I need, babe."

I have a thing for my mom and you look just like her so thanks for helping me with my incest fantasy.

The simulation did not account for this...

I promise I won't rape you later if your good

AND THEN HE SAYS
"BETTER NATE THAN LEVER!"

uuuaaaAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
*huuuuuuuuuuaaaaaahhhhh*
AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Stomach, vagina, rectum... where is my cum ending up in tonight?

'cause you're the only ten I see
*finger guns*

Well atleast the aids test came back positive

James Hetfield. Nice

You ordered THAT with THOSE thighs?

Look, if you can't use linking verbs properly, I will be forced to leave the dinner prematurely.

Winrar

Youre gunna have to pay for the food because I owe upwards of 20k to the russian mob.

so basically i'm woke as fuck

Jesus Christ lmao

Want to watch my spycam footage of you later as foreplay?

I have the lynching of Jesse Washington on blu ray.

what has two thumbs and need to cum real bad?

“I’m a fan of Radiohead.”

ALLAH-HU AKBA-*BMMOOOMBKRKKSKBKMKSKKSKSKXKKMSMKMKSHSHSHSHSHHSHSHSKKRAKCHSCHH*

That smell is because I like hot sauce on my eggs.

*my sister

Remember this place, for this will be known in the future as.... "Ground Zero"!

you will make the perfect guinea pig...

Push the Action Button to respond to your handsome date across the table.

i would like to alternate touching your vagina with this wand vibrator then whipping your vagina with this cat o nine tails

I remember you from my alien abduction, the anal probe room.

Hey, just for fun, let's see what this Pokedex app says about you!

Thunder....
Thunder!
Thundercats!

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

With your looks and personality, you better put out.

I am SICK and TIRED of these BITCHES with POINTY FUCKIN' ELBOWS

I can personally confirm that pimping is, indeed, not easy.

I hope you replace my cuddle pillow and fleshlight.

Is there an orgasm for me later tonight to make this date worth it?

I need to keep you secret from my wife.

>I have chlamydia
Fixed.
You probably do have but it often doesn't show.

im probably just going to kill you

*Our sister

ive killed you everyday for the past week

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Mine is lemonparty.org

Come on, "Herpes" is more probable.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you? With these rights in mind, do you wish to speak to me?

i can just tell, you take real nice dumps, dontchya girl?

Oooooohhh-ohhhh SAAYYY can you seeeEEEEEEEEEEE

BYYYY the DAWN's earLYYYYY LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT

Made me kek thanks user

You want to see the spycam nude pics I have of you?

Ive been told my warts feel better than ribbed condoms

I wanna parkour my face in your ass

How many plays you up to?

Check out my fanfiction profile.

"Hi."

kek

I forgot my wallet

13%* 52%*

Niggle me this, Batman. What accounts for as little as 13% but also for half?

you sick fuck

lol

Hey, wanna fight?

As I walk her deeper and deeper into the woods...

>YOU'RE scared... it'll be dark soon and I've got to walk out of here all by myself later!

You remind me of my mom

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All my exes knew so that is invalid

Are you a fan of Andy Warski cuz I am?

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You smell just like my mom.

to be honest i'm actually a huge foot fetishist

This literally happened to me

First date at a Thai restaurant and when the check came, I realized I'd left my wallet at home. I felt like shit and looked like an idiot.

She was actually a really good sport about it. She paid for our dinner and two nights later I took her to a very expensive Japanese restaurant to make up for it. We dated for a few months after that but it never got serious.

Should've just ghosted her and been content with a free meal.

Oh damn, I didn't even see yours before I posted mine, but those were pretty damn close.

I want to fucking outside.

A girl did not want to continue a date that went good up to that point because I told her I'm half Italian and she had bad experiences in the past with italians.

I love you

I stole your moms money and raped your dad I think I may be your brother oh and oops i think i made you pregnant

youtu.be/-ObD534vj3A
.

I masturbate to childbirth

My therapist says I should see other people

I'm from Manhattan. And when I'm done fuking a girl did I do not want to see again right after I come I basically tell her I voted for Donald Trump... it works every time.

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stop lewding james

My dad it's a nigger

Do you glork at cocks?

I actually said sieg heil on one date and it worked out well

I peed and farded and shidded and camed in my pant.

You need to be at least 18 years old to post in this board.

(after having the sex)
"I can't wait to go tell my mother I got laid today. Mind taking a photo?"

oh well, good for you mate

his penis is so big it broke the toilet when it slipped out of his hand and hit it
>it wasn't that hard to understand

I watch anime

I love you

I voted for Trump.

“Let’s talk about God”

banjo kazooie?

I didn't vote for Trump

yeh, this one is dangerous user, i mean it usually works but implies the condition that the person you're talking to is nit actually interrested in the subject

We had a good time didn't we son.

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"Farnting and pooping be like poomf pooomf blooooop mooppff"
Keep repeating until date ruined

Your not as hot as your profile pick

>BROTHER CHAN RENEWED and UPDATED.

l2u.su/qcxd

i bet you have a hot shithole, ma'am/m'lady

So, what are you in for?

well this is certainly accurate

" You know, I could give you the old lickeroo "

This man knows.
I once told a Tinder date that I wanted to use her as my slut.
After I nutted in her I even told her, "yeah I totally used you, uh sorry?"

Bitch was after my $$ lol, I still regret paying for her $15 Uber ride. 5 times nutting in a girl at $15, that's $3 a nut. Damn.

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Voted for Trump

Who didn't? Orange man based.

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is there a video of this gif could someone sauce it please if aint that too much bother pretty please.

My mom is coming with.

I once spent three days thinking I had contracted an infection from going down on a hooker but it turns out it was just irritation from her pussy stubble.