I have no one to really tell this to so i figured there's no better place than here to share the good news

Im here until the end
Im very curious and jesus fuck I stare at screens too much for too long

I told her that she can go off and be her, be her as much as she needs to because when she gets back it's going to be her and I for a very very long time. She cried more and kept saying 'I love you so much,' and it really did hurt that she waited all that time to tell me and that I had to pry it out of her like that. The sun was starting to come up and it was about time to start packing her car with as much as we could fit into it so she could go back to kanses to spend time with her family before she was deployed. We packed up her car, and she was still crying, but not quite in the same way as she was before. She looked really hopeful and it wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be to say goodbye to her. I closed her trunk that held the last of the stuff she needed before she could leave. I told her i'd do the drive with her so she wouldn't have to stop to which she laughed and said there's barely room for her in the car, but it was sweet that i offered regardless. she kissed me and told me that she already couldn't wait to come back so we could start our lives together. I told her one more time that I loved her and that i'll be here, waiting for her as long as she needs me to be until she comes back.

I truly meant all of this, I think this goes without saying but life goes gray after the person you called the love of your life passes away suddenly (She had cancer and died just under a year into treatment for anyone wondering,) I really did think that if i ever was going to get a second chance, this would be it. i was actually going to get the happy life anyone wants, and I was going to get it after doing an incredibly good job of convincing myself that I was always going to be the low bar for misery, the person that leads people to believe that they could have it worse. I was hopeful and it was because of her and knowing it was going to be okay.

Jesus Christ. Im sorry for your loss...
How have you been coping?

We hugged for maybe 5-10 minutes, i don't really remember how long we stood there but it felt like forever. She scratched my back and said that she had to go. I jokingly asked her to pick me up some tea on her way back and she laughed, not before calling me an idiot mind you. I told her that I was really going to miss her, and she said it back. She told me she was doing this so nothing else could get in the way of us when she got back. And just like that, she left. It was a weird start to what I thought was going to be the rest of our lives, but it was a start non the less.

I assumed she would just text me when she got to her brothers in Tennessee, but it was around 10 oclock that I started to sincerely worry about her. Not a text or a phone call, nothing. Which to go almost a full day without talking in itself was weird enough, but after all of that especially so. I got on facebook and went to check if maybe she had posted anything and forgot to text me.

I check her facebook and it says that she got engaged to someone named John, a name i had never heard her mention. Ever.

As if she knew I saw it she texted me. "I'm sorry," was all she said, and that was the last I ever heard from her. Been months and I still can't believe how awful of a thing she was capable of doing to someone. She never told me she had a boyfriend, she never told me she was seeing anyone, or ever even brought this guy up which was incredibly confusing because we genuinely told each other everything. This isn't anything crazy, I knew about any of her one night stands, everytime a guy said something nice or weird to her, every date she went on. She told me all about it, but not him. She never even once mentioned someone else named john, she kept him from me and I don't know why she thought she had to do that.

She broke me, I tell people about this and they're hesitant to believe me at first because they can't wrap their head around someone being so awful.

*slaps knee*
Fuckin called it.
Sorry she did that, women are slimey fickled creatures sprinkled with just the right amount of shallow.

Shit nigga, that's brutal, I seriously hope for your sake that you're just LARPing

I know Its possible I'm being dramatic, but this was very shortly after my dad died and honestly, this was really all I had left.

I later heard from a mutual friend of ours that she stopped in Kentucky where he lived and they got engaged that night, had been long distance for a few months but he promised her everything. Traveling, no worries about expenses, able to help her with school and getting a degree, a job she liked. Just stuff that i guess meant more to her than being with me, but to this day will never understand why she told me that she loved me.

I sincerely don't want to hear her reasoning or even anything from her, at least not yet. It still really hasn't settled in.

Anyway, the reason I'm on here bitching about it is because that same mutual friend texted me earlier today saying that her Fiance has been cheating on her for 5/6 months that they've been engaged, and that her life has been awful. She got into a wreck and had to undergo surgery on her leg, which he wouldn't pay for like he said he would. Works a different job she hates, and still isn't in school.

I'm not really sure how I feel about it all. I'd love your thoughts because im torn in two here. Part of me still feels for her, and wants her to be happy and absolutely doesn't want this for her. The other part of me is so fucking glad that her life is miserable and hopes for so much more crap to happen to that fucking reprehensible disgusting bitch for what she did. But I don't know, I considered texting her, but i'm opting not to right now. What do you guys think of the whole thing/ texting her?

My first gf left me for faggot horse gummed ass twat some years ago. She was head over heels literally for him. He fucked her probably a lot, then one night I got a phone call from her. She was sobbing saying how he said he went to join the army, but didn't. Dude moved to another state like a grade A nigger.

Truthfully, I haven't been. I've been to a lot of different therapist and whatever part of me doesn't want to move on doesn't let me get better. I've moved twice since she died, both in an effort to leave behind the places that remind me of her that are just empty museums to what once was.

I'm currently in group therapy and I don't find it comforting whatsoever, but I have to do something to not feel worse about myself. I haven't gotten a good nights sleep in the past four years since she died, I dream every night the same thing. That she's here with me, inches away, but she can't hear me. I scream and yell at the top of my lungs but she can't hear me and I wish she could because if she could i could tell her just how much I love and miss her. But I can't. I just wake up no more than an hour after I fell asleep absolutely disgusted with myself. I don't know when or how it's going to get better but it's going to be at least another few years before im even ready to start thinking about trying to move on again. It took me up until recently to stop feeling guilty for kissing casey, the thought of being with someone else after everything that has happened physically wrecks me.

I wish I was too