Be me

Go do a dopamine dry fast fatty

she didnt deserve you, but damn did she need you. im sorry she never realized

Adults are such faggots, man. It's like by the time everybody is 18 they have their social circle set for life and nobody dares deviate outside of it or talk to anybody that they haven't already known since 9th grade.

Every time I meet somebody I click with in some social setting it's cool while we're partying or I'm hooking them up with drug connections or whatever, but the minute you actually want to get to know a person or do something social together outside of your average party bullshit people instantly pull back and act like faggots about it. Like you're the weird one for being interested in making a new friend or whatever.

Fucking lame.

Easy. Just go about your life without wanting to make friends.

In other words, DON'T GIVE A FUCK.

I was the same but now I couldn't give a shit. Life drastically improved.

I've been in your shoes, but with an ex of 6 years, so more than twice as long. It will go away eventually. Here's a sad reality of life that not a lot of people really talk about - Nobody really loves that deep anymore. IDGAF if you're talking romantic love or deep, life-long friendships. Human beings are very superficial and self-centered. Probably now more than ever since we're basically the instant gratification generation. Take any couple in a romantic relationship for 10, 15, even 20 years and have one of them commit suicide tomorrow. In 3 years time or less the surviving partner will already be laying the building blocks towards their next romantic relationship and the person who an hero'd will basically be completely forgotten in 5 years or so.

Be thankful for your cat. Mine means more to me than my gf of 7 years, TBH. Like I said, if I died tomorrow I know my girlfriend would forget about me in short succession, but my cat (who I also raised since the day she was born) would probably really struggle to enjoy life anymore without me around to give her belly rubs and sleep with every night. She literally follows me everywhere in the house from the moment I get home to the moment I leave again. There isn't a doubt in my mind that I'm the center of her universe. You never get that with people.

Easier said than done when you're chronically depressed and have 0 people you can actually count on in your life to even give a shit if you went missing.

Human beings evolved to require companionship and human interaction. That's why solitary confinement makes even the most hardened and anti-social of people finally reach their breaking point.

Good on you if you've truly found a way to get by in life with 0 human interaction and still be happy, but that's not going to work for like 98% of human beings.

The only thing making you depressed is you. As difficult as that is to comprehend, at least entertain it for this discussion. It doesn't mean absolutely no human interaction either.

If you were to wake up tomorrow with complete amnesia, what would you do? Would you mope around still depressed? Or would you wander around with wonder at the new world that is in front of you without baggage to bring you down?

>thoughtcatalog.com/mitzi-j-hernandez/2018/03/life-is-so-much-easier-when-you-dont-give-a-fuck/

you're on the fuckin money, man, I was with this woman for 4 years and she was terrible. love makes us do some dumbfuck things.

my cat has always been the one constant in my life since I got her. I aim to keep her around as long as I possibly can.

you seem obsessive. you shouldn't force people to like you. learn from your mistakes and move on.

Depression isn't a mood, it's a chemical deficiency in your brain. You seem to be confusing chronic, clinical depression (as in I've been diagnosed with severe depression in a medical setting by 3 different doctors) with sadness. I'm not sad. I'm not anything most days. To use your own words - I truly don't give a fuck.

And that's the problem.

I'm a little sad tonight though, hence the post about the lack of human connection. I will definitely read what you linked too. I don't wanna give the wrong impression and have you think I'm dismissing your advice. Just the opposite in fact, I really do appreciate it. It's just most days I feel nothing at all anymore.

I used to have hobbies and passionate interests. I used to draw and paint. I was heavy in to art. I played instruments and made music. The occasional video game or night out partying, but as I've grown older I get less and less thrill or satisfaction with any of that stuff. To the point where I'm experimenting with all kinds of hard drugs now just trying to fill a void and generate some inkling of feeling in my brain now.

For background's sake - I'm 27. I've been clinically depressed since 15. I don't know if my best friend dying when we were both 15 was the catalyst of that or not, but it's definitely the one life incident I can point to and go "right there" in terms of identifying when things started going south for me. I've been on basically every anti-depressant there is at this point and even my doctors are at a loss as to what to do to help me with it anymore. I could try ECT and try to jolt my brain back in to functioning properly again, but I'm afraid of losing memories or parts of my personality that make me me.

Generally speaking, the longer you're chronically depressed, the harder it is to recover from. Over time, your hippocampus (part of the brain that regulates emotion) gradually shrinks and atrophies. Stay depressed long enough and, well...You end up like me.