I don’t feel like a real human being. I feel like a gross creature. every time I look in the mirror I’m disgusted by what I see. Regardless of how well I groom myself, I look in the mirror and I’m legitimately disgusted. Imagine the feeling you get when you see a rodent or a large insect. That’s the mental and physical reaction I get when I see myself. Pure horror and disgust.
I can’t seem to connect with people. They’re either annoyed, afraid, or disgusted by me. I’ve literally had entire classrooms of people ask me why I even exist or ask why I act the way I act. Or tell me that they can’t stand me. Either that, or they can’t even be bothered to talk to me or even look at me.
I’m a weirdo. I was diagnosed with OCD at 13. and I’m always thinking about deranged things that just won’t get out of my head. I also might have bipolar disorder but I’m not sure. Either way I’m obviously mentally sick and I don’t deserve life.
I was supposed to kill myself two weeks ago on my 18th but I started getting into writing music and that held me off for a while. But then it hit me that I have no vocal, instrumental or lyrical talent. Nothing excites me more than music, but I don’t even have the talent or confidence required to even participate in it.
I’m worthless. There’s a billion depressed kids out there but I promise you that they have some redeeming qualities. I have none. I’m not killing myself because I’m sad. I’m doing it because I have to. You see an insect?you kill it. You see a monster? you slay it.
Call me over dramatic, a pussy, a liar, immature, etc... call me whatever you like. But I literally don’t care about myself. Never have, never will.
Do what you have to do op, but honestly I would like to see an uplifting story out of this. Maybe hit the gym and try to get better at music.
Jack Walker
And what musical direction u wanna go to?
Gavin Hall
Ay dont do it. Its not worth it. Get help, find a religon, learn music. You aren't gonna be good with music the first time you do it.
James Roberts
That song is really cool. kms to that would be hilarious
I’m from OH
I always get close to suicide but music gets in the way. I fantasize about making amazing music. Sometimes I can visualize each note and can feel it in my soul, as corny as that sounds. But I also just can’t keep living like this.
Tyler Lee
I listen to all types of music. Opera, metal, classic rock, punk rock, pop, hip/hop, Latin, soul/funk.
I don’t even know honestly. It’d be cool to combine a bunch of styles.
Christian Gutierrez
Dumbass children. Larping on Yea Forums is just another reason to an hero. Stream it faggot.
Carter Edwards
Do just that then
Leo Ward
I’m literally trying to learn both guitar and piano because what you can do with those 2 is so fucking cool.
After that it’s a matter of combing those with a bunch of other shit like some singing/rapping to make something truly awesome.
But idk.
Anthony Bailey
I've wanted to die since I was 19, but here I still am at 22. I don't know if it will be worth it in the end, but I've attempted to create the worth I could not locate in my self by learning how to write a novel, which I'm on schedule to finish this year. Life is tough, I don't necessarily recommend it. I'm perpetually living for the hope it gets better, but for now that just means I'm suffering. I only respond because you seem to have the same general dysmorphia about things relating to yourself that I do. I hit the gym and got in shape, but couldn't stop seeing an "insect" in the mirror, so I've long since given up on fitness. The only cure I've found is literally getting SO good at storytelling, my true passion, that even I can't deny my own skill. You and I are retards. We'll only be satisfied if we can impress ourselves, which is something that's next to impossible. And we hate ourselves even more for being this way, abnormal. I suggest meditating on yourself, getting to the root of your problem, and looking for solutions. I was about your age when I did this, and set out on my stupid journey to write a book. I won't give up until I've succeeded. You either set a goal to strive for, or die. Excuses like blaming your problems on OCD and bipolar disorder annoy me though. You at least know what's wrong with you, which means you don't need to let such things define you. You're letting those things make you a victim. Victims stay victims, so knock it off. If you were so fucking weird that you were oblivious to the fact, then It wouldn't upset you. You are aware, so get over it. You'll either learn what you need to do to make life work, or this ends with suicide. Figure it out what that thing is or die already.
Carter Walker
>I’m gonna kill myself.
ASMSIVI commands you not to kill yourself.
Also, fuck imperials.
Ethan Cooper
I feel you. I'm in OH too. I'm not able to keep living much longer. My wife cheated on me again and shes taking the kid and moving to Idaho. I have nothing left.
Jace Edwards
Get an instrument and learn it. Stop being a pussy.
Anthony Gray
How old are you?
Kevin Watson
20. My wife and I have been together since high school we cut married almost 2 years ago and had a kid.
Dominic Rogers
Yeah, I wish you good luck. I'm currently learning the piano and guitar aswell, its fun.
Ryder Carter
You're still young! The kid thing sucks but try to get them back If you can't, live life! You're young, don't get down there more fish in the sea. If you cant get your kid then live life without something holding you down. I wish you good luck.
Ian Reyes
You know. Ive always respected novelists. because off all the arts, writing a novel takes a LOT of time and commitment and i’d Imagine even more rewriting, scrapping, editing, etc... which must take a lot self confidence and conviction. And if you’re able put up with that while also being suicidal, I respect you. And I agree with your point about perfectionism. Nothing is perfect and if I’m gonna be a musician I’m gonna have to deal with my share of shitty songs with shitty lyrics. Nothing is perfect from the first draft.
And i’d say that I found my purpose, which is music. Which is what’s been holding me from suicide for a long time. And I have a goal of just writing songs for other people so they can feel how I feel when I listen to music. But suicide is just lingering in the back of my head and it comes out of nowhere at the worst times. If you have a draft I’d love to see your book. Good books are awesome.
The tribunal were false gods.
Nolan Cook
shouldn't vivec be in the middle?
Luis Martinez
cya bro enjoy valhalla
Benjamin Thompson
If you have enjoyment in music pursue it man, go to classes, build up your confidence and you will flourish. Start a sport maybe to keep you engaged in life and live in the moment. Smoke some weed and relax listening to your favorite music, no need to make a permanent decision over something that is not permanent things will get better I promise you
Adrian Watson
How you going out OP?
Lucas Bell
I started wearing a butterfly necklace because butterflies represent overcoming the worst parts of life and reaching your full potential. I’ve always had hope that i would one day stop being sad and finally connect with someone, but it’s been 6 years. And suicide always creeps up. But I’m gonna hold out a little longer. I absolutely love music and I want to see how far I can reach.
I don’t have enough money for a gun, and hanging yoursef seems painful af. So I always planned on leaping off a building. But that’s just so violent.
Brayden Evans
Join military and ask for infantry at least you can be useful
Eli Gutierrez
I'll give you some legit advise if you feel you can't do anything ANYONE on earth can draw, like the drawing u just posted, learn the math of the lines and if Shania twain freestyles and 69 shits all over his own beat u can rap too
lol have fun paying child support until until your late 30's.
Austin Price
thx m8
Dylan Brown
user I don't know why you take the words of others as the gospel. Fuck those retards, nothing matters and no one cares. They are just mean to you so that they can satisfy their own egos. Being unpopular at school does affect your psychology, kids these days are absolute retards. Don't do it. I believe in you user.
Jace Morales
I’m from Ohio too
Leo Hill
Anyone can learn music. Just takes time and practice my friend. Ive seen the worst musically oriented people turn in to talents through pure grit. If you love it, dont wait another second to work for it. Because your future self will thank you. Theres an old composer who said music was the way to divine pleasure and understanding. And its what keeps me going in the tough world of music.
Logan Martinez
go out NZ style faggit. doesnt even matter if you kill muslims whites or blacks, we want it LIVE
Jackson Bennett
imagine wanting attention this bad, have fun at school tomorrow
