Everyone thinks I am fine. Friends, Family, Work, Everyone. I have taken a extension of a 1 mil life insurance policy on myself. My last few doctors were the only one to know. Every night I live in pain. Each day I wake up barely making it to shower and go to work from being so tired. No meds have helped, no surgery looks to be needed from all my scans and probes. I dont drink, I dont smoke, I dont do drugs.
Today: Get home from work. Get changed, take a normal shit, wash face. Now I go feed the cat and make soup. Eat soup with water while watching youtube video. Finish soup and wash dishes. Breathing is now heavy like I have a shortness of breath but taking in full lungs of air. Start feeling cold all over, in my hands, nose and legs. Shivering I sit under 2 blankets and turn on a wall heater. 1 hour later of heavy breathing, pain in stomach and racing heart, I take a liquid shit. Heart calms down, breathing becomes normal and slows. No longer cold chills. Take a liquid shit again an hour later after lying back down. My stomach hurts from stomach spasms, my lungs hurt from the long heavy gasping for air and my mind is just exhausted from this being an almost daily deal. I'll continue to fight to live but it is fucking tiring.
One time friends asked what I would do if someone with a gun or a group might kill me for my wallet. My reply was "Fight to the death." They think it was a joke that I would risk everything for my wallet or pride..
