Also, conversation topic: Is is bad that I have sexual fantasies about being murdered/executed? Like being killed is exciting/relieving to my masochistic and suicidal brain? Final release kind of erotic? And, am I alone in this morbid fetish?
I mean it's pretty fucked up, and it's extremely unlikely that it will be fulfilled, but I guess it's harmless as a fantasy. I like blood and at one point was kinda into gore. I wouldn't worry unless it causes you real stress.