>be me
>Fall in love with childhood friend
>she's 10/10, literally my dream girl
>Manage to land her after trying for 5 years
>with her for 3, happiest years of my life
>slowly start fighting more, grow distant
>do my best to communicate with her and try and save the relationship
>She's having none of it
>ends up leaving me for a friend i introduced her too a year ago.
>moved back home, family is no help in recovering
Why fucking try, Yea Forums?
Never let negative people affect you negatively. Force yourself to think of positive outcomes of this.
1. You haven't wasted more time with her, she clearly wasn't the 'the one' or she would have tried harder and wouldn't have gone off with your 'friend'.
>continued if you haven't abandoned thread instantly like everyone else does on here
Still here bruv
2. you have learned a lot from being with her, how to deal with women, and so on and so on, stuff you don't even realise. you also know better what to look for in a woman, as in, avoid any negative personality traits that she had, especially the lack of communication. think about why the fights happened, meditate on it and other things about your relationship and know to recognise them and avoid them next time in yourself as well as the girl.
>continued if you hang around
trust me, Im not going anymore
>be me
>be brown
Why live?
3. you are now free, you're still young and you have time to sort yourself out, and take a step up to the next plateau in life. use this time, as it will take some time to recover from after being with her for 3 years, to work on improving your state in life.
study, apply for a new job, take a professional training course to put yourself in the next wage bracket up, exercise, learn a practical skill and become good at it, learn a musical instrument, work some extra hours and save your money for a project or a long trip or moving somewhere you've always wanted to be.
keep yourself busy, and turn all of this energy, the sadness, the frustration, the anger, the disbelief, into positive efforts to raise yourself up. do it for yourself and work hard.
this will rebuild you as a person, remember that part of you, three years of you was with her, so you need to rebuild that missing part with NEW stuff.
the more new stuff you do, the more yourself you will feel again, and you will realise that you don't need her to be yourself again.
this mood will pass, and it will pass quicker if you do positive, constructive things and keep yourself BUSY.
>moved back home, family is no help in recovering
This is the line the concerns me. I don't know you situation, nor your family. But you should keep in mind that there is very little somebody can do for a broken heart, no matter how much they love you. They can't talk you through it or give you sort of magic bullet advice. Only you can heal yourself through time and self-growth. And also keep in mind that while this is probably devastating for you, from everyone else's perspective its a very normal and common situation. And you'll come to see it the same once you get over it. I've been in that situation a handful of times and every time it feels like the end of the world. But then you realize its just the same normal drama everyone goes through. Appreciate your memories and good times and move on. Sorry if that sounds cold. You'll have more good memories and more good times with more people. That's just how life goes.
4. to follow on from 3, join a social activity, something new that you could become interested in, something that takes skill. sports, outdoors group activity like hiking, martial art, dancing class, etc. make sure it is something where there are both males and females in decent amounts. chat with people, go regularly at least once a week, work hard at becoming good at the activity, read up on it a bit, ask for advice from people who have been doing it longer, learn from them. then when you are halfway decent, share your knowledge with the ones who are just joining. you'll make new friends and stay in practice talking to girls, even while not pursuing them. this is important. female contact will help you.
This is the first helpful advice ive received in weeks. Idk who you are but bless you user. This legit put a smile on my face
5. being back at home is fine for a short time, don't worry about it, be glad you have the option. however, treat it as temporary. you need to work and save up money, then find your own place again. you can try moving to a new town if you want to try something new and start afresh, is up to you. but it will be a good goal to focus on, to save up for a place to live. when you are back on your feet you will really begin to develop positive ideas and see your life falling into place again.
it is a big shock to the system to lose someone you've been within day in day out for 3 years, but humans are designed to adjust, it just takes some time and effort.
keep your chin up, and talk it through with people whenever it is bogging you down. write some of it down if you like, and write down positive solutions to any problem thoughts you have. try to read the problems you've written as though it is from a different person, so you can focus on it objectively. don't let your feelings step in the way of clear positive logical thinking.
I'm a little creeped out by this advice. it sounds like a one way ticket to repressing your emotions and not dealing with shit. the way you refer to women like they're some kind of creature to be observed, understood, and eventually conquered is a little strange. don't get me wrong, you have some good advice in there, keep busy, be active, meet people. but the tone of your messages seems slightly unhealthy. not OP btw, just commenting
You're welcome man, glad you stuck around. Often then people who make these kinds of threads disappear quickly, they are feeling so low that they don't think anyone will respond to them, but if they wait a while often someone will reply. Sometimes not, but then try another day.
Good luck with it dude, if you want to talk about it more or ask questions, go ahead.
>creeped out
>refer to women
You write like a female, I'd say most of the psychological problems are coming from your own mind.
This pretty much answered my questions. Thanks. Im gonna get some sleep I need it
See you later man.
lmao get rekt beta loser
I'm a male, and no, not even fucking close to a male feminist. It's just disturbing to me sometimes how people's thoughts and ideas around here are so...sociopathic? That's an overly extreme word for what I'm seeing here I just can't think of a better one. Maybe jaded? Idk. It just seems like you were obviously hurt pretty bad by a woman, as most men have, and you handled it by filling your life full of distractions and looking down on the gender that hurt you.
If you spend all your time focussing on your emotions, going to tearful retreats and writing poetry about your broken heart, you are wallowing in misery. I gave no emotional advice because he can take care of that by himself, what he needs to do is stay busy and move forward.
It is the same with any loss. As for 'looking down on the gender bla bla', where are you reading that. Sounds like you have some problems that you aren't aware of.
You really do write in a very feminine way though. I wonder where you usually spend your time, and who you are usually writing with if you think that is normal.
Sound like me. In the sense that I'm trying to make things work with the gf, but she doesnt seem to want to have it. I'm scared she might leave me for someone.
I'm reading it in the entire tone of your message. But that's alright dude maybe I'm just misunderstanding. It can be really hard to tell through text since you don't have any tone or inflection to match the words. You only mentioned women twice but both times just seemed a little off.
lol? I didn't know there was a feminine way to write. I thought you just put your thoughts into letters then click the send button. Where I spend my time is at work and drinking with buddies either around town or at the bar. Who I write with? Well that's kind of I strange question. I don't write at all. So I don't write with people either. I talk and sometimes text. But sometimes I spend an hour or so online so I have to type to communicate with people. You can critique my writing style all you want. I'm not a writer.
look, nothing any of us can say is going to make you feel any better. go to your local bar, play some darts, meet some new drinking buddies and move forward. if you dont move forward, you're just gonna get stuck in a rut.
Sometimes it is like that, if one person is putting more energy in than the other, then it is no good. It takes 50% from each person to resolve things. The problems might go away if the underlying issues are sorted out, but finding or figuring out what those are is tough.
Read up on some good sites about communication, if you spend a few days researching that you might have some ideas. Conflict resolution is also helpful.
Furthermore that fact that I'm being attacked for my "feminine" writing speaks volumes to my point about looking down on women. The immediate go-to attack is calling me feminine lmao
There are feminine ways to speak, feminine ways to write, feminine ways to behave. Have you spent any time on this planet at all?
There's even feminine handwriting, look it up.
You made the statement that the advice was for him to 'repress his emotions', and that there were references 'to women like they're some kind of creature', and then 'looking down on the gender'. Yet when asked you can't provide anything linking to that.
You sound a little brainwashed, seeing things that aren't there, because your programming told you to.
I didn't say 'feminine' things were good or bad, you're projecting again, but it is out of place for someone who claims to be male to write/speak/act with feminine traits.
Also, "not even fucking close to a male feminist" and "i drink beer with guys!!! honest!". Sounds like another one of your problems that you see everywhere but in yourself.
lmao I see plenty of problems in myself dude. Nobody's perfect. Not even close. Just because I pointed out a couple in yourself doesn't mean I'm "brainwashed". And my programming dude? Really? You're so off base it fucking hurts. I pointed out a couple things that were uncomfortable with your "advice" and you got so butthurt over if that you continue to attack me like I'm some little snowflake. You're even double posting when I reply to you. I've got problems. Of course I do. We all do. But yours are showing real clear right now bud. Have a good night and try to work on that anger.
See for double posting, snowflake.
Thanks man, been trying to read up on everything. It just feels like such a one way street. This isnt an excuse on my part by any means. It's just hard sometimes. And I know shes got people to talk to about me, but I dont have anyone else to talk to about her. And if she leaves, I'll be left alone again. I just dont want to be alone again. I guess I just need to vent more than anything. Anyway, I'm trying user, as best as I can.
I just want to be loved man. The same way I love her. I fucking deserve love. I'm tired of being in this position