I see your problem now OP. I take it back, you are in trouble. You can't close any deal or see anything through.
Until you resolve that, nothing will get better in your life and your depression will always find a way to overtake you and take everything for you. You'll end up like the rest of your family back home. Life, time and opportunities just wasted and thrown away, everything rotting for no reason.
That is depressing
speaking from someone who has bipolar 1, that medication paranoia is fucking stupid. Bipolar people commit suicide 20% of the time, successfully. The highest of any mental illness, because it sucks so much you give up. That's tied with schizophrenia, who do so typically because the voices won't stop, and major depressive disorder, a la you. Aka, of all mental illness, your disorder ties you with mine for frequency of suicide. I'm finding a medication because I've accepted one *MIGHT* make my life better. If they make me feel not like me, I switch. Your BS about not taking medication is childish, and you're rejecting your own illness. Some of us have different brains, so be it.
this BS about depression not being real doesn't hold up if their suicide rate is comparable to mine. And if they don't think I need medication? Well, the term maniac comes from Mania, ie, one half of bipolar disorder... so fuck you
kek youre supposed to take the pills orally not smoke them.
The only reason I said anything about it is because your first conclusion shouldn't be to fix the problem with medication, specifically when dealing with depression. I did not say never take medication I was suggestion one makes sure the problem is not fixable by fixing problems in ones life.