Someone just kicked in your front door Yea Forums...

Someone just kicked in your front door Yea Forums, what do you grab THIS INSTANT THAT IS WITHIN ARMS REACH to defend yourself?

Attached: OutsideDoorKick2_lo.jpg (1283x962, 655K)

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=5-FGGJe7Rt8
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

Crowbar

>*gets shot*

whoops, crowbar was the wrong choice. Nigger had a gun.

My dick

Is your plan to have the home invader laugh himself to death?

Lamp stand

Ain't no niggers where I live

Pretty sure this will do.

Attached: IMG_20190225_205546.jpg (1840x3264, 1.36M)

Attached: Snap 2019-02-25 at 21.56.42.png (595x533, 133K)

NERF or nothin', motherfucker.

Attached: 81aHFcqIjOL._SL1500_.jpg (1500x1500, 169K)

I'm good with knives and my puma is a specialist in chopping extremities.

Attached: 10.jpg (873x1231, 269K)

This will stop anything....prove me wrong
Pro Tip: you cant faggot

Attached: MAGAUSA1-2.png (1024x1024, 1.2M)

Im fucked and so is my pillow.

Attached: rps20190226_035758.jpg (1134x2016, 194K)

My magic wand.

Attached: Screenshot_20190225-233231_Gallery.jpg (1080x1281, 725K)

a pipebomb

Nice satan trips

Not the worst idea ever.. trying to elicit pity and acting like you're retarded just may work!

I'm sorry you're still so upset that she lost.

This pile of pancakes
and this bottle of maple syrup.
Boy oh boy it's breakfast time

Checked

Satan trips, well my nig, you know what do

My dick

This shit

Attached: 20190225_220141.jpg (2576x1932, 1.16M)

My soul-destroying flatulance

I will thrust my 13 inches of mighty Soviet steel through him.

Attached: 20180705_144745.jpg (2592x1944, 1.3M)

I won my magic wand in a masturbation competition with the devil.

What a coincidence, thats how your mom decided between you or abortion.....guess she was wrong........faggot

A greasy tableknife

Attached: hi.jpg (960x945, 107K)

Try again

Attached: mossberg500hero_3-2.png (2000x900, 245K)

ill have a 22 shooting before he reaches my hallway and when i cross my hallway than comes the 12g(and than i pass 22 to my bitch) so ruN NIGGA NIGGA RUNNN !!

My tv remote

All you Yea Forums fags need more guns

Attached: IMG_20190225_190721.jpg (1729x1297, 297K)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

>*unzips bucci*
heh, that'll show em.

You're half right faggot.....you're sorry...now suck my full throttled cock before you get me angry

Ok... dont know what this will change but here it goes
-What a coincidence, thats how your mom decided between you or abortion.....guess she was wrong........faggot

what is in your collection?

>arms reach
Do i live in fucking china and sleep in a 2x2 room?
Id get up and grab my shotgun

Stay mad.

looks like i am gonna chuck a fucking cat at somebody

I'm not I just thought you might want to give that another go.

too poor for one

Attached: 1551029522967.jpg (660x574, 31K)

Yeahh! Elon...you was all time!

Attached: t1ybpzrko861csryf228101427600.jpg (1672x1133, 96K)

the restriction is what makes the answers funny, dummy.

Epic fail

Keltek p11, already have a hallow point in the chamber.

My dick just get harder faggot......hope you like diamond cock for breakfast lunch and dinner

*hollow

Ok....one more time
-What a coincidence, thats how your mom decided between you or abortion.....guess she was wrong........faggot

Dont do it user. You have so much to live fo.. never mind. Do it. KYS

This is most of what I have. Had to move my safe so had to clear it out and took a pic.

Attached: IMG_20181025_192129.jpg (1731x1298, 1.06M)

G10 spiderco knife that is generally edc in my front pocket. I've been sick as a dog so it wound up on my desk luckily. I'm 2' from the door.

A handle of him beam

>911 enter

You took that pic in 2018

Riiiiiiight faggot....time stamp or choke on a diseased nigger dick

best i have is the bong on my desk so i guess i'm fucking dying tonight

Attached: boys.jpg (774x798, 45K)

Autism can manifest in being unable to understand social situations.
Get tested user.

No thanks, I'm not a socialist.

Look at you two, acting like you aren't little angry short bus retards. kek

Attached: trumpanzees.jpg (900x506, 151K)

A KNITTING NEEDLE. Hope they're not vampires

Even if I am, it doesn't matter. She still lost.

You died yet songa? Keep trying

Several knives on the desk, bat in the corner of the room, and a collapsible baton in the drawer.

Small Hawaiian pizza I guess

What do I care if you dont bv eat meat...you'll be eating plenty of it when I shove it down your bussy

thats y ur pistol in first picture isnt in this

holy shit this cracked me up

Look at this little faggot....breaking curfew and trolling Yea Forums from his moms basement.....

i have a 4 inch knife next to me atm

Attached: 49.jpg (250x240, 7K)

Hk tac 45, 10 hollow points one in the chamber beside me anywhere in the house

It's small and edgy, user that's not really a knife is it?

this

Yep I did

Can't, old pic. But here's that AK and my Colt AR-15A4.

Attached: IMG_20190225_192053.jpg (1664x1248, 483K)

do people really do this? how much of a paranoid lunatic do you have to be

I have a Glock 17 in a holster slung over the arm of my couch. I literally only have to drop my right arm a foot to have it in my hand.

Shatter bong in face of criminal and start thrusting tubed glass into throat and face repeatedly; pretty deadly weapon user does a fuck on of collateral damage.

Home invasions are a real thing in democrat controlled cities.

Julian for fuck's sake!

I have chronic ptsd from my youth (literally had my house shot up and dogs killed and my father would put guns in my face constantly) now in military with frequent vigilance being helpful. I can’t relax anywhere unless I’m armed in some way.

I don’t see how people don’t check their locks and can have doors open when they sleep.

>live in new orleans

Ice hockey stick.

The toy not the quarter

Attached: Snap 2019-02-25 at 22.26.33.png (741x420, 319K)

Niiiiiice....I stand corrected. Please forgive me good sir.

Poster again, also apartments i live in isn’t in safe part of town and is on end so entirely possible to have someone make the wrong choice and try to bust in.

22 inch machete from bedroom closet

A shotgun.

Sbr ar15 suppressed with aimpoint t2 sight. I'll be ok

My stuffed unicorn

>new orleans

youtube.com/watch?v=5-FGGJe7Rt8

What suppressor are you running? I'm waiting on ATF approval for a Surefire SOCOM RC2

yea its deadly but if they have a gun i'm fucked

huh i guess ruby and scrim weren't lyin

oh fuck i can't pick one up

Attached: 1525581645654.jpg (2048x1152, 1.03M)

I like your floor

a dragon dildo

I don't need a thing. That nigga done fucked up

Worth it for the chance to blind the fucker with shattered and powered glass lol

Attached: Screenshot_2019-02-24-20-28-32.png (1280x720, 520K)

bottle of Ozium right in the eyes

welp, looks like I’m throwing a bottle of astroglide.

Don't fuck with this guy

Silencerco omega with the dead air keymo adapter, mounted with a dead air muzzle brake. 5.56 end cap

It's a tanned white guy tho

Or I mean a redneck under the moonlight

Attached: 52901609_540915266317297_1565413535264014336_n.jpg (480x640, 40K)

30-30 Winchester used for wolves by my bed

I'm in the basement so not only do I have good time to choose stuff but time to get the drop on them. So I'd grab a mallet, a football helmet, take off my noisy belt, then call the police, call my house phone followed by wife's cell as a distraction, and then go to war

>hear door kicked down
>quickly completely undress
>scream like a banshee
>run downstairs while violently masturbating
>robber becomes confused and scared
>he runs away

Attached: morphine administerd.jpg (598x450, 60K)

Five big dogs and one huge one. They would be on him from all different directions at once. I'd be cleaning up home invader shit and blood on my front porch.