Be honest. Would you use it to suck your own dick?

:3c

if you try to move your dick towards your own ass, you simultaneously move your ass away from your dick, thus making it impossible to fuck yourself

I wonder if there would be any dumb things I could do with dragon dildos with this thing.

What if you're in an extremely tight alley

I’d most likely use it to bounce around with like pseudo flight
Thatd be cool

Your dick would get in but you still wouldn't feel any movement. It'd just be like a stationary buttplug no matter how hard you thrusted.

even with two walls being as close as possible with you between them, i still don't think you could penetrate your own anus

It's possible, I just thought of how it could be done. There is a scenario where if I did manage to get my own penis into my own ass, then I would never be able to get it out simply by "pulling away." when I try to pull out, I'd be inadvertently thrusting my ass towards my dick.

However, I do have a solution. The solution is to turn 90degrees to the side while being tightly between two portals. That's the way you get both in and out of the "fucking yourself" scenario and it would feel like you're have a threesome with yourself in an infinite mantrain because when you put your hands on your shoulder in front of you, your own hands would come around and be on YOUR shoulder.

yeah but not because of the whole movement thing
because his dick is tiny LOL

damn, you're right

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You wear a device around your waist that holds a small surface right up to your ass, then put a portal both on it and another surface to put your dick through.

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>discussing how to fuck your own ass via portals
now THIS is REAL science

oWo

You could also put one portal on a cube or something and the other behind your ass and just move the cube

Jesus, I knew Yea Forums was gay, but I didn't know it was THIS gay

You would need some kind of back and forth moving surface to put one of the portals on

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>fuck up and fall over
>tumble through 12 layers of portals and end up hitting your head and getting a concussion

hey, fuck off. we're talking about science

yeah but according to b fags this thing would rip off your dick

There is a way to do it though.
If you have 2 portals on an acute angle on surfaces you could insert your dick at the bottom of a portal and simultaneously lower yourself bringing you closer to the bottom of the other portal where your cock is coming out.
As you go further down you don't go as far away meaning you only have to lift yourself to move your cock away and lower yourself to insert it further

Attached: portals.png (1077x728, 23K)

yeah, you would need to move the blue portal

Unless you like it *very* intense, it would just be gentle tugging

I can already suck my dick, it's not as pleasant as you think, well, maybe if you're gay and enjoy sucking cock then it's pleasant

do you swallow your own cum?

Tastes like snot

I'd just sell it to DARPA for 50 billion. I'm sure they'd find a way to make infinite energy out of it.

At least you can give yourself a BJ. Good enough for me desu

Could probably just build water generators that are just a portal above and below a turbine with water dropping constantly.

That's pretty dangerous if it fucks up on a large scale
It would be smarter to have the outlet after the turbine loop back to the reservoir

>instantaneous, free, and safe(?) interplanetary travel across any distance so long as the portals are placed
>50 billion
Lol you are a shitty business man. The portal gun would be more valuable than all the money on Earth.

this is why i love science

But what if portals do this

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>put one portal on something you can hold
>put the other one on something you can sit on without falling in or anything
>sit on the latter
>lower the former onto your cock and hold it there
>proceed to ride your own cock
it'd probably be awkward to hold the thing on your dick while going at it but i don't see why this wouldn't work user. you gotta think (with portals)

at least I got my dick sucked

>All these fags saying it's impossible to fuck yourself with portals
You just need the right tech

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well thanks, now i'm strangely aroused thanks to the thought of rising my own benis
fuck you and thank you equally

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Did I go back in time? What is this quality thread doing here?

Yall niggas is gay

>selling a self-dicksucking machine to darpa for 50 billion

Put a portal on your ass and another on your hand.
Move you hand up and down your dick to fuck ass, easy

>Making a portal gun without the gun
yeah, if some nerd group like black mesa got their hands on it maybe.

Just a big number to use on chinese finger painting forum. Not gotta spend 2 minutes copy pasting 0's over and over.

They could make a cute pair of panties with a portal on the inside.
When you wear it your dick is just always coming out of the blue portal which could be on like a metal base or a space hopper or something.

If I had two portals I would put one on the floor and one on the ceiling and then drop a rock in one and let it fall for like 10 seconds and i'd lay down and then put the floor portal directly above me and let the rock obliterate my pathetic greasy cock.

Put one in the middle of the desert
Put the other in the path of a gay pride parade