Ya hanging in there, Yea Forums?

Why is that?

Raskolnikov was a fucking pussy. He could have gotten away with it and lived an enjoyable life if he wasn't a weak bitch

>tfw studying abroad in Germany
>don’t have real friends at uni
>drifting apart from friends back home and don’t talk to people anymore
Anybody else know that feel?

I live with my parents still, they've intentionally impeded any effort to become independent I've ever had, just so they can make me stay in their (literal) cult. I love them, but I don't owe them anything

I need you to tell one of them I want them and to get them to come over. Maybe one I don't know very well that isn't really connected to me.

>Currently enjoying a long vacation, with time to travel across my home country, reuniting with family, reading a great book, getting lots of female attention through a dating app with a dozen new phone numbers and already banged one, eating nostalgic food and visiting nostalgic and new places... all of this after having successfully finished grad school, having no debt, have a job waiting back in Europe, and some savings, my book shelf and videogames waiting for me at my European home. People respect me and I am a free, independent soul. I spent the last year defining my personal philosophy and it all makes sense now, which fills me with confidence. I can say I am objectively better than ever before in the absolutely horrible life I had lived before this very year.
I don't feel happy though. I don't think that is possible. Just hopeful, confident and not stressed, which i believe is the best state of mind.

I don't know why I have to keep waking up day after day. Each night I just lay alone listening to music until it's too late. Tomorrow will just be another chore.
I don't want to live like this broken and alone, but I don't want to die. Change is a mountain I apparently can't climb.

i actually feel great.
My back pain is killing me, but thats it.

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Terrible writer too.

>My whole life, I have always randomly said to myself, "I want to go home," even when I was home
>Said it to myself last week, and immediately thought that I didn't actually want to go home, I wanted to stay out and keep going
>Since then, My work and hobbies have improved
>I spend less time on social media
>I actually look forward to going out and spending time with my friends instead of dreading it

Is this what the end of depression feels like? It's amazing, like a weight has just been lifted. I don't even know what I did, but everything seems brighter all of a sudden

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I live in a never ending dream

It's pretty bad chief.

so long as you do not inflict harm or step on other's rights, youre fine

just got over hemorrhoids and now have some jock itch

I just want my poo poo and pee pee area to feel normal again

It's time for coffee and a comfy all-nighter reading philosophy

soundcloud.com/henrikjonssonmusic/mystical-digital

In the morning I will go get waffles

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William Gass helped me realize a great many things, but one especially transformative truth

Yeah I'm having a great life

I'm not rich but life has unlimited potential, I just need to find what I'm good at

in the meantime smoke weed date girls and relax

Does it involve metaphor?

Ehh not great not bad. Kinda worried because I told my therapist last week that I'd go and schedule a doctor's visit and I haven't and I'll be meeting with the shrink tomorrow and don't really have an excuse other than every time I've gone out this past week I'm assailed by a wave of social anxiety and just retreat back to my apartment or hideout in a bookshop for a while.

I am on the 31st chapter but the author has failed to come up with anything new since chapter 24.

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I'm sure you're forgetting the sequel where he teams up with Alyosha Karamazov to historically participate in the assassination of Tsar Alexander II as revenge for his exile, indirectly leading to the 1917 Revolution and destroying the state in such a way that it it's still recovering to this day and probably will be for the next century? Seems like the opposite of a pussy move to me

Hope your glass dowel snaps in two, he-she

Phenibut addiction is hell, people say that you lose your inhibitions much less while on it, but in my experience I cannot act properly while on it. Tolerance develops quickly and the withdrawal is hell. Be very careful

As compared to alcohol I meant to add

No, I just stayed up 24 hours doing homework and my lab sheet. The latter I read in the morning so when I did the actual lab in the evening I was so sleep deprived I completely forgot everything. I looked like a complete fucking retard to my lab partner that I like, and she was noticeably irritated having to help me because I turned into a complete brainlet. And she's been talking to another guy already so there's no fucking point. But later on she still had a decent convo when I asked her stuff but she was probably being polite idk. She's kind of bitchy but actually responds to me, unlike any girls ever in my life.

And I went running 3 miles last night, then 3 this morning in between hw to feel better about myself but I'm a fucking manlet Idk why the fuck I even bother trying. I'm still not fucking tired right now so I'm probably going to go back to sleeping at 6 am and going to school on 2 hours sleep. Fuck my shit life godammit. I just wish I had a fucking girlfriend, I'm in my twenties and still a virgin. I want society to collapse already.

Barely. I've been avoiding going to the doctor because I don't want bloodwork done since it involves needles and I know that's what they'll do. I think I have a potassium deficiency and I'm now taking steps to combat it. Not very fun. If it doesn't get better with the changes I'm making I will go to the doctor but I am seriously put off by needles.

No. My ex who cheated on me tried to reach out an olive branch and I initially accepted, because though I could never forgive her, she was genuine and open with her pain and regret. She followed it by telling me she was now dating the guy she cheated on me with. I kinda exploded on her and told her I have no respect for her and yadayadayada. It was nice in the moment but I can't help but feel I either was too harsh or should've just blocked her there and moved on. I get very explosive at times and, regardless of if I'm right or not, I always feel bad at the end. She told me she cries herself to sleep most nights over the remorse she has for me, but yet she still is indulging in the selfishness that once cut me so deeply. So I don't know what to feel. I'm glad she is remorseful, but I also have a hard time believing she is if she's already dating the guy. I know I shouldn't care but it's all very fresh.

I do not understand what you mean or why you're so hostile.

My last day of work is tomorrow. Movers are coming to take all my shit away. I'm in the middle of some low grade panic.

what is
>nervous system stress
Fix your physical body before you completely deteriorate you neurotic retard.

No you don’t, if you have this mindset you should read stoicism you cunt

Really bad
>Got drunk
>Painted my nails
>Went in the shower and fingered myself as I masterbated
>Intense experience
>Shaved and saw my face in the foggy mirror
>Sunken eyes, balding, impossible to get rid of my facial hair
>I was struck with an intense revulsion
>I hate my face, my body, my voice, being a man, my history, my autogynephilia and dysphoria, my name, everything
>I'm only 23 years old, but I already feel ancient. I never had a youth
>In the past I promised myself to never have children, and now I feel this again very strongly. It would be an evil to put any child through even a fraction of what I've been through
>Seriously wondered if I got molested as a child and suppressed the memory
Now I'm sitting here and googling for a quote I saw on this board (or /his/). It was from a catholic saint:
"Anyone who keeps the rosary on their lips will never slip from God's grace, even in the depths of sin, or having passed through the Gates of Hell, whoever keeps these words in their heart will be lost" or something like that, I would love to read that full quote again.
I was raised in a "Christian" church that was actually just one pastors personality cult. My parents were both born there and taught me that God predestinated every to heaven or hell before they are born, degrading God into some depraved devil. I'm an atheist now, or at least an agnostic, but the idea of an omnibenevolent, interdimensional person who is both truly human and God sent on a rescue mission sounds incredibly appealing right now.
I need help, and I'll take it from anyone or anything who offers

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you seem like a chill dude tbqh familia

Jesus fuck the tranny psyop posts are getting so old. So fucking played out that I’ve got to assume the role of “neighborhood schizo” in accusing you of attempting to unhinge young and impressionable men into behavior that is clearly dangerous and unstable.

Why would you think that anything in my post would be intended to make people want to be like me?

You’re normalizing behavior through exposure. Fucking kill yourself and quit spreading this infectious disease. Thank god LGBT is losing their “flavor of the month” status in society; can’t wait to put you fags back in the closet and this shit disappears from every corner of life.

Sometimes one must turn the mirror upon themselves.

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How did finger blasting your anus go for you? I've stuck something up my arse before and jerked it and like you said it was pretty damn intense. The orgasm felt nice. I really dislike how I should feel ashamed of it but really what is the problem? It's my behind I can fuck it if I want, right? It's pleasure. I have no interest in another guy doing it but an object? Sure. Me? Go at it. What's the problem? I don't understand.

I can always tell a bad faith, false flag question

Fuck you, you psyop wielding faggot. Quit replying to yourself.

We need a meta thread to address this shit before it fully spreads across the board like it has in /fit/. Tranny posting has never and will never be relevant to any form of material that should grace the board of Yea Forums. Mods, jannies, please.

>tfw started studying
>didn't get along with anyone and worried about workload so didn't bother making friends
>have barely talked to another person outside of university related work during the day, and most days i don't talk to anyone at all
>it's been 2 years.

To tell you the truth, i don't really care until Friday, but i have to sign up for some group activity at some point.

hand in there buddy, just be yourself :P

Lmao, that dude's tilting at windmills. People like that need to calm down and disconnect from the internet to get some perspective back.

Maybe if they take a break from the 24/7 social-media hate-buffet and start interacting with real people in the real world, they'll realize how little any of this affects them and they're embodying the characteristics of a vitriolic bitch nobody particularly cares for or likes.

What in the fuck is wrong with you retards? I'm very confident in my gender and don't want to mutilate my genitalia. How does that really relate to utilising my male g-spot for a better experience?

same exact boat here

Mostly. Gave into pleasure today by jerking off (which I’m trying to avoid since I did it for years and fucked my pleasure centers) and hung out with my gf. Little bummed she’s moving across the country in a few months but it is what it is.

nice
how are you holding up?

I feel shallow. I have so many diverging interests but none to pursue with full passion. I wrote a 1000 word essay expressing but I forgot where I saved it

Very similar to when I broke out of my depression. I would tell myself a catchphrase randomly too. Mine was "I should kill myself." I said it at least once a day for 9 months. Sometimes i meant it.

Then I had a pretty profound dream, shaved my beard, and the depression lifted.

Im not happy. I dont believe in happiness, but im not depressed..

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Have you considered she's genuinely in love with the guy? What if they're happily married with kids in 10 years, will you still resent her?

Not bad; was unemployed most of august, I got some reading done and the depression and suicidal thoughts that made me quit in the first place seem mostly fade, sometimes there are moments when I feel detached but that when I get on a bad thought pattern luckily its not everyday. I've had some near death experiences and i'm not afraid of dying at all, maybe just the act of it. I went to a career counseling thing and the lady upgraded my resume. Might go into landscaping or painting. something outside that keeps me occupied . solitary repetitiveness in a job doesn't suit me I find, Ill zone out with monologues. also said if i could get a job in a bookstore or library that would be dope. I guess life isn't that bad, I got full support from my family. I've been having this debated with myself about losing my virginity, i coulda when I was 16 but it was a family friend and i was fucked up. I don't even care that much about it really but i'm still young (18) so maybe I should just do it. I'm a pretty average dude but i seem to attract women fine. Skinny as fuck tho if i had to guess im max 130 pounds. Any tips on how to gain weight?

I am feeling better than ever.

>graduated a few months ago after much tribulation
>just got a fat paycheck from my first real job
>am actually sticking to my plan to increase my time spent on hobbies and decrease my time wasted
>hanging out with friends again after a hiatus
>getting proper sleep
>eating proper meals and consequently losing weight

I've been waiting for these good times for so fucking long and they're finally here. It's all coming together anons. I'm fucking making it.

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Every single decision i took ended up being a terrible mistake. My life has been gradually spiraling down.

>presuppositions confirmed and denied
I want to keep digging, I even know where to look next, but I'm still hesitant.

do carnivore diet / research it

Could be worse I guess. Just been focusing on reading philosophy, studying, and lifting. I've cultivated an apathy which could be called close to moksha, but there's an inherent emptiness to it. Honestly I don't believe any enlightened masters ever truly escaped tfw no gf

happy for you user

Barely got work in two hours, gonna drink coffee like a mad man and keep away the thoughts of killing myself again

Not getting proper sleep is gonna make it work. Take care of yourself or I'll fuck your ass!

Wtf

Meant to write "make it worse." I guess I'm one to talk. 3AM here and I'm waiting for the waffles place to be open and the sun to come up so all the murderers stop lurking. It's weird knowing that on any given night there are at least 2-3 gangs of roving murderers wandering around the blocks surrounding my apartment building preying on people stupid enough to be out at this hour. I've been robbed twice while living here and that was well before midnight.

I have no idea who the fuck I am or my identity.

I really want a gf but I don't like the idea of having multiple relationships through life if I can help it. I want to go all in on my first so I want to find a gf where we are both really compatible. Might take me much longer though. 20 yo virgin isn't horrible but it still doesn't feel good when you're friends have gfs.

I'm losing my chance to get away from my controlling Christian parents soon. I only really watch the news around them because anything can be the devils influence for them. Looks like its another 6 months of being a good Christian around them

No, at 18 i thought i would never have suicidal thoughts, at 20 i thought i would never think of them as something serious, now i'am 24 and telling myself i would never do it, well by past experience i'am about 2-3 years away from it.

Nope, otherwise I'd probably be at parties and living wild experiences rather than reading true crime and Westerns at 1am

What did you study in uni?

Ya. Might have a job soon where most of what I do is read. Thanks for asking pepe.

Help me get this job

NOW

It's a research job for a professor. You wouldn't like it.

Penises.

The only thing I care about is freedom.

Freedom to wake up whenever I want. Freedom not talk to some fucking moron customer, co-worker or boss.

Freedom to travel to another country, anytime I want.

Freedom to eat whatever I want, without worrying about the price.

Freedom of thought and not listen to fake news and fake gurus.

Freedom from negative motivations like anxiety, jealous, wrath, or depression.

Freedom to spend the time however I want, whenever I want, where ever I want.

There is a price for freedom. Until you have a pile of money, you will continue to be a slave for someone. The question is -- are you working towards un-slaving yourself?

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Freedom
FREEDOOOM
FREEEEEDOOOM
YOU GOT TO GIVE FOR WHAT YOU TAAAAKE

A rich man cannot enter heaven user.

My life is a mess and I am so alone.

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Not that bad, but:
Yestarday I watched the movie "Before Sunset" and kinda made me sad. The story is about two young people who fall in love with eachother after meeting in a train and spending the night at Vienna. Now, this is only 24 years old movie, but I couldn't avoid thinking about how I'm different respect the male protagonist, and how that explain the fact that I apparently can't make the girls I meet interested in me. I consider myself somewhat smart and cultured, but girls often prefer a boy who is funny, charismatic, extroverted, and a bit simple minded, for most things. My exact contrary, despite the effort I put in social relationships. This was a brief description of my thoughts, I bet many (expecially here) felt this way

>and a bit simple minded
Not really but "intelligent" guys usually come off as pretentous

I'm gonna make it out, I hope you all do as well.

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you have to be 18 to post here

The thing is women are disingenuit when they tell you what they seek in a man, most of them will say that for them to date someone he needs to be "smart" "sweet" "nice", but reality shows you the opposite. When they say "smart" they really just mean charismatic and funny, a troglodyte that exhales confidence will always much more desired by women than a introverted cultured person. Also physical appearance matters A LOT, for all the shit met get women are the through shallow gender, height, face mattering a lot. Women are a really bad judge of character so just try to appear confident, even if you don't feel it from the inside, you will get a lot more success.

It's pretty alright currently.
Was really depressed until mid 2017, then started meditating, doing sports, eating healthy and shit.
Now I don't feel nearly as depressed although it sometimes comes back for a couple of weeks.
The "tfw no gf" - feeling is getting stronger and stronger the older I get though.

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Im not but thats nice of you.

I agree except that where I do live girls seems to appreciate personality more than physical aspects, and for me I think is even worse, now don't get me wrong I'm not even close to Ethan Hawke for example, but this should tell you how much my character is un-appreciated. Anyway I try to appear confident, but I cannot be even close to the guys which are genuine, and that also could form a bond with girls much more easily than me.

Where are you studying?

Hang in there user

We have pretty much the same hobbies too. Are you in stem?
Have you found any solution in regards to the apathetic thoughts? There have been times I've struggled with the same myself although it comes and goes. Do you manage to go beyond the bare minimum when you're studying?