HE USED TO LAUGH THE LOUDEST NOW IT NEVER SHOWS HE TRIED TO BE THE TALLEST BUT HE NEVER GROWS HE WATCHED HIS BROTHER DIE AND NEVER TOLD LOOKED AROUND AND KNEW HE HAD TO GO
HE KNEW HIS FATHER HAD A BETTER DREAM BUT YOU CAN’T LEARN FROM WHAT YOU NEVER SEEN
HE TRIED TO MINGLE WITH THESE JEALOUS THIEVES
WATCH A HUMAN INTERACT WITH A MACHINE WATCH A HUMAN GET ABUSED BY A MACHINE WATCH A HUMAN GETTING USED BY A MACHINE NOW HE’S USELESS AND HE’S STUPID AND OBSCENE
HE NEVER LEAVES HE NEVER LEAVES HE COMES AND HE GOES BUT HE NEVER LEAVES
HE NEVER BREATHES HE NEVER BREATHES HE INHALES AND HE EXHALES BUT HE NEVER BREATHES
Could make an above average modern pop song, still garbage poetry. When writing like this try to find plot to fill in the gaps. Not just a spewing of badly expressed words you and only you understand the backstory behind , therefore also you only understanding the emotion. To a normal person this is an extremely lacking and basic piece. Read Homer to understand what I mean when I say use plot as the over aching structure.
>read Homer Everything you said is true but to be honest reading absolutely anything would be of help. I recommend picking up The Norton Anthology of Poetry.
Adam Rodriguez
If you scream through vocoder from underwater, very good. Mannequin pic is the best part.
Asher Brooks
True enough, I just figured he should start with the absolute classics since he has the poet writing ability of a 14 year old. Practice and he'll get good enough.
