ITT: 1 Star reviews of classics

moral truths don't change. relativism is wrong. you are anti-truth and on Satan's payroll

You would think that it would pay better

Jesus fucking christ. Imagine being at a dinner party with this person.

People thanks to these review sites have to prove for some reason that they're actually better than the authors they read and with their contemporary enlightened worldview show the faults that no one has seen for hundreds of years.

It's insufferable and the proper way to read these books is to bask in the glow of the treasure that is in front of you and feel thankful that we're blessed to be able to read these classic books as literature and art are the only ways to gain insights into the cultures that came before.

This is pretty funny, but the capitalisation of 'rampant drug use' indicates odd priorities. I have also completely forgotten the book features a mute and love that quote.

I went to Herman Melville’s farm house in MA a couple years ago and even the TOUR GUIDE was joking about Moby-Dick being a slog and not worth reading. Of the people that went on the tour of the home, basically no one had read MD more than once and some had not read it period. I was about 30 years younger than everyone else there and had read it 4 times as well as his other major stuff. People looked at me like I had a 3rd arm because I was young and had a genuine reverence for the place where Moby-Dick was written.

based and jockpilled
fuck nerds

women.

>moral truths don't change
True, but what is popular and even possible to figure out and understand at a certain time period varies greatly

i also dont get it

Why do all hysterical women write in the same way? It transcends generation and culture. Genuinely interdasting.

fucking KEK

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Trainspotting. Eh, it’s a modern classic.

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This one is surprisingly Yea Forumscore.

To Kill a Mockingbird

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>The Great Gatspy

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It's very post-1990 twentysomething female Americanish. But that style has seeped over the whole world thanks to the internet.
Yes the RAMPANT DRUGS USE part really got me. It is so tame compared to the rest.

More.

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To be fair, To Kill a Mockingbird is a shit novel.

fake and gay

I see your Gatspy and raise you with this.

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Oh have a sense of humour Amerilard.

based review

Thomas B. Costain is great, fuck that faggot for dissing him just because he is not that famous anymore

Fucking five-star review unironically

>be me, gregor
>have to work dead end job for lazy father
>lose job
>feel like useless roach
>I am total autismo, nobody likes me except for my money
>sister is a total stacy who never had to do much
>still gave her money all these years
>father catches me jerking of to oil painting
>mfw he throws apple at me
>they rent out some rooms as Airbnb
>I have to jerk it stealth mode now
>fuckmylife.oilpainting
>guest walks into my room
>oh shit
>visibally disgusted by my NEET cave
>if I was gone they could rent out my room
>nobody gave a shit that I earned their livings all these years
>go on hunger strike
>die of anorexia
>mfw they are glad I am gone

Guys let this be a lesson to never be a beta provider

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10/10 reviews

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How dare someone be white!

!

Sounds pretty good, I have it on my book shelf, might give it a read.

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Absolutely basef
What’s the problem with the book again?

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Ok I am triggered what a fucking pleb

Lol I wish I could read Arabic right now.

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>with a dollop of sarcasm and sass from me on the side

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I unironically love IJ but that was a really good review

wtf I want to read this now

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God, i've just spent way too long reading this Caroline O’Donoghue lady she mentions, and you know what, she is a good writer.

It's mostly about chick-flicks and jewelry and other shit bitches care about, and all of it done in a kooky, lol-how-random feminist tone, but good writing is good writing, and she got serious talent. it'd be even better if she applied it towards things that actually matter, but im guessing that's a harder sell.

The only review itt that made remotely angry and sad. The other are just funny but this one is something else. It's not just brainletism, even childrend get the point of the book.

Have no clue what this one could be, or rather there are so many possible fit it's hard to choose one.

It's fear and trembling; that's what makes it so funny.

>Imagine being at a dinner party with this person
It would be great. She’s good looking and obviously intelligent. She likes to read. Really, who in their right mind gives a shit that she didn’t like Metamorphosis?

how do we get people to not view old or classical books as "I read it for school" or "some old white dude just said it was important"?
>the only reason she read it was to get dicked
top lel

I was thinking The Republic maybe, but WTF

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>boinkular Madame Bovary
>bunny boinking upon the pages
?????????

>how do we get people to not view old or classical books as "I read it for school" or "some old white dude just said it was important"?
How do we get people to not be stupid? How do we get people to think for themselves? How do we get people to say what they think instead of what’s expected of them? How do we reverse the entire course of human history?

I will never understand people that use a rating system in this way.
It clearly had a visceral affect. Rate it for it's power and mastery, not your personal view on whales. Fuck sake, Lisa.

>all of Kafka
That's like a week of reading

Ratings like these are entirely subjective, user. People react based on their own thoughts, emotions, experiences, etc. Standardizing one subjective criterion (power and mastery) won’t change a thing.

>She’s good looking and obviously intelligent

>Peter, an angry and stubborn fisherman who does not want to follow Jesus, is the first to publicly declare him the Messiah, but then denies him three times as Jesus is being executed, only to go on and lead the entire community of believers for decades, becoming the foundation of the church
What's this dude talking about, no character development? The book is only character development.

kek wtf

First time a Yea Forums post makes me audibly chuckle in weeks. That review doesn't make any sense.

You're shilling her pretty hard so I'll read her for your sake. From the pic in her blog I can already conclude that she's a qt, so that's a good start.

holy.... I want more!

She’s obviously both. Why you try to deny it is beyond me.

>the only reason she read it was to get dicked
Apparently women do that kind of stupid shit as often as we do. We truly are a brainlet species.

That one is somewhat cute

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>that bit about mercedes
what? Mercedes in that book is presented as a spirited, intelligent, and altogether virtuous woman. I felt admiration for her when I read the part about her rejecting Ferdinand.
>A short distance away, a tall young man of between twenty and twenty-two was sitting on a chair, rocking it fitfully on two legs while supporting himself on his elbow against an old worm-eaten dresser and watching her with a look that combined anxiety with irritation. His eyes were questioning, but those of the young woman, firm and unwavering, dominated their conversation.
>‘Please, Mercédès,’ the man said. ‘Easter is coming round again; it’s the time for weddings. Give me your answer!’
>‘You have had it a hundred times, Fernand, and you really must like torturing yourself, to ask me again.’
>‘Well, repeat it, I beg you, repeat it once more so that I can come to believe it. Tell me, for the hundredth time, that you reject my love, even though your mother approves of me. Convince me that you are prepared to trifle with my happiness and that my life and my death are nothing to you. My God, my God! To dream for ten years of being your husband, Mercédès, and then to lose that hope which was the sole aim of my existence!’
>‘I, at least, never encouraged you in that hope, Fernand,’ Mercédès replied. ‘You cannot accuse me of having, even once, flirted with you. I’ve said repeatedly: “I love you like a brother, but never demand anything more from me than this fraternal love, because my heart belongs to another.” Isn’t that what I have always told you, Fernand?’
>‘Yes, Mercédès, I know,’ the young man replied. ‘Yes, you have always been laudably, and cruelly, honest with me. But are you forgetting that it is a sacred law among the Catalans only to marry among themselves?’
>‘You are wrong, Fernand, it is not a law, but a custom, nothing more; and I advise you not to appeal to that custom on your behalf. You have been chosen for conscription, Fernand, and the freedom that you now enjoy is merely a temporary reprieve: at any moment you might be called up to serve in the army. Once you are a soldier, what will you do with me – I mean, with a poor orphan girl, sad and penniless, whose only possession is a hut, almost in ruins, in which hang a few worn nets, the paltry legacy that was left by my father to my mother, and by my mother to me? Consider, Fernand, that in the year since she died, I have virtually lived on charity! Sometimes you pretend that I am of some use to you, so that you can be justified in sharing your catch with me. And I accept, Fernand, because you are the son of one of my father’s brothers, because we grew up together and, beyond that, most of all, because it would hurt you too much if I were to refuse. But I know full well that the fish I take to the market, which bring me the money to buy the hemp that I spin – I know, full well, Fernand, that it is charity.’

Amusing how easy it is to find a lenghty ranty 1-star review of almost anything on that site.

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That's pretty impressive. Based Mercedes (and poor Ferdinand).

No different from Yea Forums

Kinda reassuring that all those 1-star reviews are a minority (from what I've seen, around 10%).

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Yes, and this one in particular sounds like it could have been written on Yea Forums.

>having to like the protagonist

Bloody hell this person seems articulate enough, why are they so fucking thick?

In fairness, the book is Zeno's Conscience, and the protagonist is very open about his own state of mind, so he sometimes comes off as murder-worthy. But for me it was part of the charm of the book. Perhaps recognizing that if people could read your thoughts they would aso want to murder you is the difference between us and them. Or acknowledging that part of us as something worthy of being written about, I dunno.

I think the 1-star reviews (on any site) are the best because they’re the most useful. Let’s face facts, 5-star reviews are mostly left by people with useless opinions — fanboys, paid shills, plebs, and virtue-signaling normies. Finding reliable, actionable information in 5-star reviews is usually impossible. 1-star reviews on the other hand are almost always honest — if they’re written by retards you know whatever’s being reviewed is actually great, and if they’re written by people who give solid reasons for their disdain you know whatever’s being reviewed is probably crap.

I agree but only partially. I wouldn't be surprised if among the 5-star reviews you could find as many honest good reviews as there are 1-star reviews. I grant you that 70% at least of the 5-star review are going to be useless, however.

And there's no question the 1-star reviews are always the funniest.

I can’t stand the passive aggressive pseud style they all write in.

By convincing them to pick one up and read it
If you can’t pick up something like Crime and Punishment and thoroughly enjoy it well...you might just be a retard

All true, of course. But while honest 5-star reviews certainly exist, I often lose patience when trying to separate the wheat from the chaff. Read just a handful of 1-star reviews though and you already have a pretty good idea of what’s going on. Plus, yeah, the 1-star stuff is way more interesting/entertaining.

blame memes

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She’s right, even if she’s too hyperbolic about it. Thoreau was something of a fraud.

Why would you read the whole thing if you hated it this much? It’s not like that Kafka bitch up there reading something that can easily be read in an afternoon. War and Peace is an endeavor and she knew she didn’t like it from pretty early on I’m assuming. So why the fuck keep reading? Why so mad at Tolstoy? He didn’t hold her head down and force her to read. Also W and P is a goddamn masterpiece

I agree
I don't understand how someone could read the entire thing and then still hate it.
It took me three months to read. I couldn’t have hated it even if I wanted to because I committed so much of my time to it

Why

are they all

written by

women who type their sentences

like this

it's such ugly

formatting

>Canterbury Tales
How come so many one-star reviews of classics are women's?

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based stirner

Sounds interesting, I’ll look it up.

To be fair I couldn’t get through American Psycho but that’s mainly because I found the standard of writing shite.

I think it’s probably because it’s one of those bucket list books largely because it’s so long it would serve as a useful doorstop.

I haven’t read it, too fucking lazy.

Oh no! He said nigger!

! !

Women post more on social sites than men. Your posted review, BTW, is from a teenager who disliked a book she was assigned — so not a good example of your point, and hardly surprising.

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Another unsuccessful attempt by this non-existent author to regulate human life. . . . . The reasons are as follows) The book lacks intelligence and scientific content. . . Semen comes out of the crucifixion, taxes, etc. ۲) Great invocations with the absence of logical and rational evidence ۳) Theft of the poets of ignorance 4) Brutalizing the spirit of brutality in dealing with others) The book porter draws) God or Muhammad plays a strange game in the book The verses of the companions and the Imamate of the Ahl al-Bayt ۷) The abrasive and copied they made from the "heavenly book" the adolescent diary) The author suffers from weakness in the calculation in the subject of features با) Protective flaws

I too will never understand why people use an ill-defined rating system to reflect their attitudes towards a book.

If you're so smart, why are you posting these nee-nazi frog images?

I read the Canterbury Tales at 16 and liked them all desu

Haven't read IJ but it can't be more pretentious or boring than this review

> everyone you can't use is a dead weight
I would like it to be her own little nonsense, but it's a pretty common lie stated directly or presumed in popular self-help and psychological texts.

Personally I like it, it's a watching trainwecks in real time sort of pleasure. I'm wicked.
Yeah almost all 1-star review are worth the read, if only to get a laugh.

I can understand her sentiment except for the Moby Dick part. I was fascinated by that book as a kid. Still afraid to re-read it because of that.

Please do. It's got nothing to do with American Psycho, it's psychological realism with a typical (but very quirky) petit bourgeois narrator, but since it is written as a sincere self-examination it has some pretty hilariou parts. Real life is goofy and weird and the book renders that wonderfully without dwelling on it or making a circus of it.

I’ve been in the mood for something funny so will definitely read it. Cheers.

>it’s got nothing to do with American Psycho
Oh not suggesting that, just the first obnoxious narrator book to leap to mind that I didn’t enjoy.

>longhard

>longhard

This second one here by the same guy is even better.

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1 star reviews generally have the same problem that 5 star reviews have. You're forced to filter through hundreds of hysterical pseuds to find a serious review. 2 star reviews is where it's at.

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This one remains an eternal classic

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Is this what philosophy undergrads are like nowadays?

Want a drink with this guy

> Mein Kempf
adolp_fren.jpg

Ugh this is awful, what a fucking vacuous walking meme she is.

Reminds me of the American girl in my first year English Lit tutorial many years ago who wouldn’t shut up complaining of the racism in Gulliver’s Travels and how such books ought no longer be taught in this day and age, I couldn’t get a word in edgeways so I just laughed every time she made another fucking stupid point until she shut her trap and let someone else give a reasoned perspective.

Women were a mistake

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>post review on classics,
>only 3 of the reviews posted in the whole thread pertain to classics
plebeian-tier.

chillax

Into the bin it goes.

Eiji Yoshikawa's "Musashi"

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Why would she flash her tits to someone she hates? I don't understand women.