Write what's on your mind: Mouth of Madness edition

I end up disliking the ephemeral nature of conversations here more often than not. Like you'll be having a great discussion with someone but if you don't drop your discord or something the thread will inevitably 404 or one of you will close it and you'll never be able to talk to that person again. (save for sheer chance)

I really like this prose.

hence tripnames

>I am simply not there

Get a hobby that involves using your hands. A job. Interests build a character, I used to be like you.

My mum is trying to get me to sign up for an employment assistance group by telling me an autistic woman might be my friend.

The lives of modern women are so easy that hearing their complaints is legitimately comedic to me. I hate being a man, having a male body, playing the role of a man in society, it's all just a desperate rat race, the state of nature.

I genuinely despise women; their fat bodies and shrill voices, their childishness and narcissistic assumptions. Their lazy and indolent personalities and their dirty snatches
Women have no positive traits besides their ability to have children. Revulsion mixed with jealousy if I'm being honest, I can't help but feeling that I was destined to receive the short end of the stick entirely due to my chromosomes

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I'm finally over my oneitis of three+ years. I've gone whole days without thinking about her, something that was unthinkable last year. I've done it. The fact that I haven't seen her in over a year is probably the biggest factor, that plus neither of us really using social media (well I'm sure she's snapchating twenty people at this very moment, but none that involves me).

It's a nice feel, being free, but also a sad one, as I no longer have anyone to love, even in the mad, one-sided way I loved her.

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The slippery slope is definitely real. My little cousin has just entered university, and in less than a year he went from declaring himself as a non-binary, to dressing like a woman and kissing boys. Not long ago every time I went there we would talk about philosophy and anime all night. Now he disregards everything his family say. I just asked if he had read The Meditations and he cut me off saying that stoicism é fascism against the self. It's a funny feeling of hatred and despair when I think about it.

Everything I've done to find meaning or escape ends up failing. My social project was the first to fail, as I think I'm literally autistic. Then I started hating the physical, like eating and working out. I realized bodies are disgusting things. Most recently, I've realized that no matter how hard I try I will always be a brainlet. No Causi sui project of mine will succeed. So now I guess I try to watch and enjoy more tv and learn to cook/take care of myself. Shit sucks.

There's this story i'm writing called The Demon Named Vassago and i'm having damn good fun writing it. There's a lot I could do and i'm already envisioning it as a sequel to my family horror story 1963.

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Understanding
Is not knowing
Knowing
Is not understanding
How to achieve an inverse paradox
Now that is a paradox I'm not versed in.

Doesnt mean a shit. Things just happen. It's a coincidence

Over time I've become more cynical about people.
I've always considered myself a good judge of character. When it comes to people my instincts serve me well. But now more and more easily I find myself seeing through people right to their rotten core. There are so many rotten people in the world and they're all rotten in different ways. Sometimes you just slip and can't help wondering if they're worth it, if it's worth using up all the resources on this planet just to preserve these rotten people. Sometimes you can't help but think they might not even be worth a single oxygen atom. Deep down I still do believe people can find harmony and unity but it requires a new level of bonding and many people are going to have to change in a big way in order to achieve it. I do think some people are beyond saving however. For those people there is no nice or easy answer.

hey thanks

We all chant in unison
as the universe is on

I'm 23, I have never had sex, and my orgasms are like farts now. I fee physically, spiritually, mentally exhausted. I have been lonely and directionless all my life. I haven't cried in years. I try to think sad thoughts to cry but there are no localized tragedies to think on. My entire life has been a mope toward the grave. I feel like I am dying. Like I have months left at best. I'm so fucked up right now. I have wasted so much of my time and life reading. And what for?

OK tranny nigger.

What is your life like day to day

Everyone goes through a period in their life when they don't have any friends. Friendships don't always support themselves and keeping a satisfying social circle takes effort, risk, dedication, and massive amounts of manipulation and narcotics.

It's a natural reaction to an unhealthy environment.

~40% of people around you are asking the same question.

That's the whole point.

Beneath your ego it's just you. People come here to let go of who society has forced them to be.

Having that mindset now isn't a life sentence. You can have a good life. Just let go of that kind of input and lifestyle a little at a time.

Women, on average, are more compassionate than men when it comes to mental shit. Anxiety or depression or whatever.

Just shift your hatred onto something else that really deserves it as an outlet. Canada is honestly horrible and evil and so are all the fucking coat pussy pandas who live there, and honestly a large portion of their population actively yearn for death.

You should have asked him to elaborate and discussed his opinion.

Other than that, nothing you described affects you in anyway. If he does things that affect only him but somehow make you unhappy, you're the one causing this rift between the two of you, not him.

>imagine not being Canadian

that sounds too horrible desu

I have no idea how to find who am i at the bottom of my heart. I tried listening to my hearts voice, reading fiction and non fiction but nothing helps. Im so sick of feeling like a hollow person.

wake shower eat work shower eat sleep

Entering my 30s. It's weird because I still feel so full of youth, yet you become acutely aware of how your potential is much more limited. You develop a sense of urgency. I couldn't cut it in academia, which I gave up athletic pursuits for. Not that those would have gone far either. Then after uni I started working, and working and working. Underemployed of course, so I'm always dreaming of a better future. Like I said, I still feel youthful and I try to read and learn new things, to study languages, or to practice martial arts...yet I realize, despite becoming proficient in these things, that because I'm not so young anymore, these things will lead nowhere. There's no future in them despite ostensibly being good things to spend your time on. I stopped it all a few weeks ago...I just sit around on my computer after work.

Am I destined to wageslave for the rest of my life? How do I escape? Should I try to homestead or get into some artisan trade like thatching, or building dry-stone walls, and so on? How am I supposed to live another 50 years like this?

The only thing on my mind right now is knee pain. I have a doctor's appointment scheduled for Friday the 13th and all of my being right now revolves around getting to that meeting

I discovered a new fetish

>Girl gets on bus
>Eats like five different types of candy
>Get the idea that this girl sustains herself on sugary synthetic goop
>This is very hot for some reason

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Maybe you should experiment with outdoor pursuits before you go nuclear and become a hermit. It's sad how litizens get depressed because of the mundane reality of life and just want to dramatically change everything without taking even the slightest steps in a different direction. You'll never discover anything that way.

I seem to be a schizoid. Any books for this nothingness?

Maybe Pessoa? It would help you understand yourself better, but I don't know if it could help you get out

>seem
get that sorted.

I've given up on finding some sort of enlightenment/purpose through ideology or philosophy. It was probably foolish to do so in the first place, but how else do I find meaning these days? Shit sucks, and I'm sick of trying to escape it by using drugs and self-medicating my youth away.

philosophy is a cope anyway.

The world is a distopia and I want to do something about it, but don't know what and much less how I would do it.

Do you believe that simply because something is true or meaningful, that it is on your side? The meaning of your life is degeneration and vice. In the future, it will be destitution and squalor. Perhaps you revolt at that meaning, but what gives you the right? You have not the might, so you have not the right.

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this post made me nauseous

I get genuinely upset when I tell people about something that I don't know jack shit about and they really nod their hand and act impressed. People easily believe anything thrown at them. I wonder how much ego-covering bullshit has made into my belief system. It's worrying me so much that I've stopped telling people my opinions. On the other hand, I feel like my shutting out to people is a way my mind saves me from realizing how little i know and how miserably worthless my life is going to be before I die.

Tl:dr Everybody knows more than me and I'm afraid of being the stupid in the hot seat.

I want people to send me random books to my house and make booktube reviews about them, but most people who watch book-related content are only interested in Young Adult and, although I found some YA to be good, most of books are boring and unreadable and if I make videos complaining, I might be hated.

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I'm scared to make friends like a vampire fears the sun. The purity of their being could threaten my life.

meaning is a meme. just chill out and try to enjoy yourself. take up gardening.

You're the only one telling yourself certain goals are impossible because of your age. A man is still robust and effectual in his 30s. Many people waste their youth, or their youth wastes them (too inexperienced and hypofrontal) to fully capitalize on its advantages.

Your problem is not your age but your circumstances and their unyielding repetition. It freezes you, makes you the puppet of habit.

theres nothing meaningful that can be done about it, don't get too fixated on current events and politics - trust me you'll feel a lot more at ease

It'd be cool if there was some sort of secret or semi-private society for interesting people. No more specific membership criteria than that, so you could end up with people who had scaled remote mountains or been in religious cults or worked an unusual job or live a weird lifestyle. I'm of course narcissistically assuming I'd be a member.

or course it's probably impossible to make such a group and even if you did it would devolve instantly, but I can dream

Try narcotics recovery support groups.

>or been in religious cults
Oh hey, that's me

Have you considered making friends with vampires?

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After spending time around these three groups, I have concluded that non religious conservatives (not neocons or zionists) are the most same group, leftists are the middle, and religious conservatives are batshit insane and are (sincerely) mentally ill. I've given them all a sincere try and this is the conclusion I've reached

Go, wander the forests and secluded places. Clear your mind of everything. Then the world will be governed.

>he isn't a national socialist

I'd take them over boomer evangelicals

I'm American btw, so it's not like there is any "nation" to renew. I genuinely don't think that American Fascism is possible, completely agnostic of whether that's desirable or not

>I genuinely don't think that American Fascism is possible

Why?

As requested: posting in this thread

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America is a government with citizens, not a nation of people (or volk, not sure which word to use). Basically, it's a top down structure composed on competing ethnic groups. Because America has historically been so racially diverse, similar ethnicities have had to band together so they aren't destroyed, the bonds formed are based on the lowest common denominator which attenuates the various ethnic characters and basically lowers the median of each unique value. This is what leftists say that "Whiteness" is a created identity, which I don't necessarily disagree with. Also, because ethnic phenotypes are do diluted, Jews can more easily pass as whites and do all the nasty things they like to do. Japan can have fascism, China, can have fascism, Iceland can have fascism, and Israel can have fascism, but America is much too mixed for fascism to take root

I have been having a similar mid-life crisis since I was 25. For me the most maddening thing about is that I genuinely want to know what the good life is, what we're supposed to be doing as we age, far more than I want to actually live that life necessarily. So what drives me nuts about aging is this feeling of "OK, even if I'm fine with my current lifestyle at a basic level, what if it's OBJECTIVELY wrong? What if I'm out of tune with the way the human soul is supposed to develop, in a higher metaphysical sense? And how can I help to fix the world so that everybody else can be in tune with the ideal human life they should be living, too, if I don't even know what it is?"

I'll constantly get weird pangs of nostalgia, or "nostalgia for the present moment" almost, but I can't even simply sink into and enjoy them , because they just make me think: What IS this though? For example, what if this experience is only a fragment of what it should be? What if this experience is really pointing at something else, something I'm not properly accessing or preserving? How can I let myself sink into a mere fragment of a missing whole, or rest and enjoy a mere sign meant to point beyond itself?

And what if different people are meant for different experiences or rhythms? What if some people are meant to be completely immanent in their youth, then, seamlessly, completely immanent in their young adulthood, then completely immanent in their bittersweet middle age, raising a family, watching their grandkids grow up, twilight years, etc.? What if the reason I can't connect with that "life as seasonal" conception is because it was never meant for me, so it only fits me imperfectly? Sometimes I think I would be much happier with an essential life-rhythm with a heroic structure, like, if I could keep throwing myself into higher and higher adventures and eventually die. Not that I think I'm any great hero, but maybe being an anonymous freebooter or conquistador or lieutenant in Caesar's army is a fundamentally different essence than "age gracefully and watch your grandkids replace you."

Again, at a base level I am surprisingly happy being an outsider, I am happy with my basic detachment from that default (?) life-rhythm. I don't mind not having the "standard" life, so it's not a fear of missing out exactly. It's more a fear of missing out on something higher or something better suited for me, if it in fact turns out that the seasonal conception isn't the only conception there is.

I have the same thoughts as you and I'm at the same point you are. The sense of time does change, for real. But my solution hasn't been to maximize the efficiency or the enjoyment potential of my diurnal activities, taking up new hobbies and such, it's been to throw myself into higher and higher projects and devote myself to causes outside myself. Almost as a goof, honestly, to spite the current world, since it seems to smugly deny the possibility of conceiving life like that.

Also this might be relevant.

youtube.com/watch?v=DCO3xgiL1EU

My penis reproduces with descartes. Because of this, my anus protrudes fantastically for the world to explode. Phallic imagery, spaghetti montreal, putrid horny cow women, and salsa verde.

I've finally broken out of my malaise, my socially engineered hopelessness. This generational dread is exactly that; whether intentional or not, everybody my age, including my former self, operates without an internal locus of control. They've been programmed to see the world as against them, sabotaging their beauty and destinies but all along it has been a social virus, the worst sort of meme. The hyper-negativity on social media, news, and everything else did not not dissuade/stop me from reading, working out, having a sex life, or keeping a tight daily schedule. It was me all along, I was weak to allow such a virus scramble the code of who I really am. Fuck people who complain about their lives. If they truly hated themselves, were truly repulsed by their own reflection, they'd wake up and solve the fucking problem. But no, they love how low they are, because they're addicted to it, just like the junkie who hates what meth did to his teeth but still tricks his asshole for a point.

see you tomorrow, pal

Ashen melancholy painting the sky is no more than a stage play, an illusion orchestrated by marionettes whose bodies are not their own.
Strings tether our world, but they are not taught. Slack and give are our ways, and thus we may begin our ascent.

how the fuck do I undomesticate myself

Fuck it, I'm feeling schizo.
Porcelain fingernails scratching across wet brick, clouds in turmoil overhead, and there is a growling black maw opening slowly over a screaming mouth. Crickets and spiders lost in the sky and cables snapping in a canopy stretched across, the noise and smells assault in a kaleidoscopic battery, falling away as leaves on the wind. Dancing footsteps across the floor, and now at furious balance within themselves as the pupil melts across the cheek.

I'm madly in love with an 8 year old girl. Never before had I had romantic feelings for girls, but since the first time I met her she has always roused my heart. There is no lust attached, bu pure, overwhelming love. When we're in the same room, I can hardly stand it. Everything in my chest becomes weightless and I forget all my troubles. I haven't seen her in months, but I still think about her, sometimes casually, and other times to motivate me to focus on the task in front of me. If somehow I could marry her before she loses her virginity, oh what I would give! I hardly know her, but I cannot think of anything else in this world that I value more.

We talked about this, Lewis.

wasn't me

My first relationship ended after almost 3 years recently. I never expected or wanted it to last that long. My ex is a needy, neurotic, person. I mentally checked out pretty early in to the relationship. It really just felt like she was sucking the life out of me. The breakup was somewhat 'mutual'. I basically just waited for her to initiate it because she would've made my life a living hell if I tried to end it(she kind of did for a couple weeks anyway). Looking back I probably should've ended it when I first realized she was baby crazed, but the combination of the comatose state I was in and my naive understanding of how interpersonal relationships work prevented me from doing as such. (Also cuz she suck good dick.)

It's complicated now though. We live together still. We also work together (not in the same department, but we see each other regularly). Neither one of us has friends really. She alternates between acting needy and vindictive towards me.

I think I'm done with relationships and sex. This shit just broke me completely.

Anyway... I'm excited to get back into the things that I was passionate about before I met her and figure out what I want to do in life. I'm sure it won't last long, but everything feels fresh and open to me now.

I was just joking about all that stuff before. We should meet up.

asl?

Pre-Fall weather is messing with my head. I know fall/winter will be "fine," but the early signs feel unbearable. I don't want fall or winter, but I don't want summer. Working in a dead-end wage job I told myself I'd get out of before now, numerous times, which has been an obsession after I was fired from a salaried job 2 years ago. Even then, I remember specifically the feeling that fall and winter were unbearable, as things were getting worse in that job. It's like a suppressed terror.

Since then, I feel like I've gone brain-dead, or just crazy. Like, the crazy shit that was pulled to get me fired, gas-lighting, and then the daily misery, stress, and boredom of a wage job, which is basically just as toxic, unhealthy, and meaningless: same total lack of standards and constant gas-lighting as within a professional, award-winning firm. Just makes me not want to keep living if "Work" is what people spend their lives doing in order to exist in a random city in a single apartment. With the added anxiety that it probably bothered me so much because I didn't have anything else to pursue outside of work, because that was an outgrowth of having nothing to do outside of college when in college, because literally nothing felt good anymore, I lost a few good friends who I suspect turned on me anyways, and most the things I used to enjoy became null and void because of, and despite of, this. And the obsession with suspecting that passing pleasures are meaningless, so why even... etc., etc. I'm too smart and gifted to be in this job. But I can't find enjoyment, much less, hope, in pursuing a career with more "purpose," because purpose is subjective, and I think also manifold and ambiguous, and therefore an unhelpful concept when considering what to "do" with one's life...

Most things feel like pastimes. I don't fantasize about women. Music, art, books, philosophy, social life, adventure. I've "traveled" to some distant places and worked different jobs and met different people, but that's just what it is. It's not any inborn drive or dedication or belief in self. I mean probably it's not a belief in a dream, either, because our society is way too inundated with forcing kids to develop subjective "dream" narratives, only to watch 90% of those dreams get destroyed by reality. And then what do you do: which nobody addresses - not teachers, professors, priests, therapists, etc. Which, obviously, in a free country, only one person can make decisions for themselves (and so maybe the paradox of choice is true, I often think).

Can't even jerk off or be aroused. Ex from a decade ago (out of mind), but eroticism is mainly attached to x person, in my mind, so I can't feel erotic without remembering this person, which I've grown not to do - is what I think is happening.

Pity is confused with understanding. I don't want pity - people don't want pity. They want understanding, but understanding is really difficult.

That's it.

I just realized that at 30, cool is dead.

So, I gave up on trying to be remotely cool; I stopped playing shows, stopped going to bars, etc. Not to mention I began feeling my age, so the wildman routine was dead, buried next to all those people I was.

I'd say I'm downright scholarly these days if it wasn't for my lack of formal education or pursuit.

Kind of nice knowing you're only reading or listening to something for you, because impressing people is off of your back.

Anyway, point I've been making for years; don't do image boards unless you're old, sick, crippled, or female.

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>I'll constantly get weird pangs of nostalgia, or "nostalgia for the present moment" almost, but I can't even simply sink into and enjoy them , because they just make me think: What IS this though? For example, what if this experience is only a fragment of what it should be? What if this experience is really pointing at something else, something I'm not properly accessing or preserving? How can I let myself sink into a mere fragment of a missing whole, or rest and enjoy a mere sign meant to point beyond itself?

I get this a lot. I was reading this book a few months ago ("Ten Moral Paradoxes" by Saul Smilanksy) that deals with these problems. One of the paradoxes is the being-an-average-worker paradox: the average worker gets by ok at his job, but technically, he would be benefitting the company were he to quit, change jobs, or retire. A more talented applicant could better fit the role and serve the company; ingenuity/talent outweigh consistency. Taken with a grain of salt, I certainly think about problems like this. We're basically always making choices and there isn't even a "real" metric for decision-making beyond what we invent ourselves. Like, if I believe in God, for example, don't I believe that I believe in God? The insidious thing for me is this happens like constantly throughout the day. In a boring job it's understandable. But even in a thinking job, the same problem exists. It's difficult to be satisfied when so many terminals of experience are utterly banal tautologies: "I got on a bus" = the bus went somewhere because I got on it because I wanted to get on it...

I see what you're saying about "fragments" of experience. In the book, the author talks about how paradox is proportional to life. So to put it short: the fragment is the whole, and the whole is a fragment. To me though, we aren't Gods so we can't worry about what we can't worry about. We need to deal with things only as they come. I guess psychotherapy would say "and, after they have gone, in some cases."

People are addicted to predictability and yet spontaneity contains all the promise of life. This is the central tension at the root of life. Keep doing what you're doing and your longing for predictability will be satisfied. You'll have the security of knowing that tomorrow will be like today. Then the switch flips, and a desperate, clawing urge for change creeps in. There comes the temptation to throw in a wild card. There is a vast array of things we could be doing that we never do, and endless branching paths of alternative futures.

Everything in civilization is designed to contain and limit randomness. There is a biological curse driving us to keep us set in our ways. Unless your ways are to unsettle your ways. Everything is designed to shut out the unpredictable. Because if you're predicting something and it proves right you're still alive.

Therein lies the appeal of alcohol. Alcohol doesn't simply make you feel good or loosen up your inhibitions. It shatters the chain of habit, makes you say something you wouldn't say, do something you wouldn't do. That's the real attraction to it. It is artificial spontaneity that comes at a price of dulled wits and poor decision making.

I keep thinking about this time in high school where a boy I knew, but didn't know too well admitted that he masturbating way too much. He was an unattractive trailer trash redneck type kid, and he cried after getting poked in the eye accidentally. This one day before gym class he loudly exclaimed "AW FUCK"and quickly grabbed my arm and pointed to his shirt, which was stained with something white.
"I WAS JACKING OFF AND I NEEDED SOMETHING TO CLEAN MY CUM WITH AND I USED SOME RANDOM SHIRT AND TURNS OUT IT WAS *THIS* SHIRT!". I didn't know how to respond with anything besides laughing at him.

Why, user?

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How much precum can be generated? I've precummed for hours straight before with it nonstop pouring out and being drenched in the stuff.

Thanks Joe Rogan

I have huge biceps and legs despite literally never exercising. I want to know how.

Yeah, #metoo.

Really makes me think genetics, ya know? My old man is a gorilla, so it stands to reason.

The cock is really the underachiever of the bunch.

What's on my mind is lyrics but you cocksucks will steal them!!!

Anatolian, help lure one of them to me and I will never say a bad word or do anything to you again. I fucking swear.

Contributing to this place is enough for me to be happy for a few moments. Only writing about this place, I want everything else to outside of here. I will say that I'm using some good music to prod my thoughts out. Thoughts on one thing. It's late. I can't say how I feel. It would be too poetic. That's for myself. I like the guy's shirt in the pic. If I ever felt like I knew how to use Yea Forums well I feel like I lost it. Alcohol is making me feel like this I forgot that I had some. Weird that I forgot that. Writing this has made me feel better. I like looking into myself. I'm listening to music. It's slow tempo but frantic and all over the place. I readjust my position I'm sitting in. I'm thinking of the thread about posting how you write. "I hope this is enough" pops in my head. I realize that this is for myself only and so I direct the question to myself. Music is pretty. Pretty shit helps with everything. I feel happy now.

oh mister jeffries

I love it. Honest.

I have so many books to read and yet, I decided at the start of the week not to start anything new until the book I ordered the week before arrives so I could read that first. The book is now late and I haven't read anything all week.

I'm an idiot.

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cool movie

If I share my timbits will you stop hating me?

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My friend wants to be my kidney donor, and I don't know how to feel about that.

Never

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It's interesting how techno-evangelism has given way to techno-cynicism. Back when all these major FANG tech firms hadn't yet metastasized into total economic hegemonies, they and the culture that spawned them spun out an entire mythology about making the world a better place.

Then came the scandals. The abuses. The exploitation of the platforms by bad actors, the spying and shady government contracts, the massive monopolistic control of information, of social life, of the media and attention itself.

These once presumed humanistic enterprises have been revealed as just as ruthlessly capitalistic and self-interested as any other. Yet their ability to transgress is profounder, as their power extends over the mental, the informational and the computational. Combine dominance of these three sources, and the recipe is for the perfect sort of power, invisible, elusive, ubiquitous, and extremely profitable.

I haven't masterbated for a week and all it's done is give me an overwhelming desire to become an anime girl. I feel lied to

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Metaphysical gender, misinterpreted along literal lines, becomes really gay really fast.

Time to transition, user.

seconded

J-dubs? Mormons? 7th day Adventists? Muslims? Hasi? Amish? What were you?

You have no idea how much I appreciate that.

Don’t listen to the left wingers pretending to be right because their ideology is impotent

J-dub, certainly not the most interesting or glamorous, but most of the popular ones aren't either, are they?

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We are we here, just to suffer?

(I'm glad you got out user, I've heard absolute horror stories about Watchtower and such. The community I was raised in was the most similar to J-dubs out of all the different groups I've heard of so I have a very special affinity for ex members. How old were you when you got out? I'm PIMO right now

Hard to say when I got out. see, I was never baptized, so I was never an official member. still at the same time most of my close family on both sides were either in or POMI. And another thing is I realized "the truth about the truth" around 14. I stopped going to meetings sometime around 18. So not really a model example for a cult member.

what's your group like? You're PIMO? I hope you're doing well.

Just to paint a picture. I'm sitting in a meeting and the elder next to me is proposing an anonymous tip system to eat out unbelievers

my ebin get

Masons.
I'm only half joking.

I'm not doing well BTW

>swats at a fly repeatedly hours ago
>Gets ads for fly swatters that night
How the fuck?

Is this based on phone acceleramator data?

>Just to paint a picture. I'm sitting in a meeting and the elder next to me is proposing an anonymous tip system to eat out unbelievers
That's pretty wild.
>I'm not doing well BTW
I'm sorry to hear your that, user. Do you have discord or anything? I'm up to chat whenever if that's your kind of thing.

J-Pizzle#2395

i don't hate you back user.

Shit, I think I accidentally hit reject. Would you mind trying again?

I'm writing a cheesy fantasy romance novel about a young knight and a tsundere warrior princess. I'm deeply sexually repressed so the affection is limited to kissing, blushing, cuddling, etc. It's essentially a high school romance with 20-somethings

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Bruh how do I deal with fomo and screen addiction and shit. There's not enough hours in the day to do all I need to do and even then time is ticking and the tooth of time spares no victims.

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I've been thinking about it too, and the way I see it, the only way out is to give up screen time.
Basically need to reset the brain, if that's even possible.

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>21 years old
don't worry, things might change when you become an adult.

i'd send you poop in a bag.

I just don't know anymore guys.

My grandfather was on his death bed. He was very Yea Forums, read War and Piece in a month, was a priest, and high school religion and psychology teacher. The due he died, he called each of his grandchildren into his room. Everyone came out crying.

Finally it was my turn. I went in and say his starving body, skin translucent. I leaned in close and he told me that he loves me. He then told the Cherokee story about the two wolves fighting inside of you. I was emotionally distraught and somewhat confused. I didn't think much of it till later. Did he troll me by basically repeating a copypasta? Is that what he really would have wanted to tell me? Or am I missing something?

My friend. The Shadow Self is as old as time itself. Many stories, many tales, and now many memes are based on this conflict.
What did it mean to you. And that's not a question.

try tinder

Read A Man Asleep by Perec.

Sophie should be my friend.

You're me except I'm 28

the popularity of videogames as a past time appears 2 me like a victory lap for society, demonstrating how absolutely she has castrated man

you are so useless in today's wars that we have benevolently invented for you useless problems that are attractive to you and that you can solve, so that you can gain some sense of accomplishment without getting in our way.

I've been debating recently. For some time this questioning has put my eyes at a blank wall, with no noise in the room, in an effort to communicate with my higher self. Why am I here? Cause I don't know. The only thing I do know is that in the silence of that blank room, I feel like I can hear my thoughts. It's Rick. He's asking me what it would be like to eat Helen Keller's ass. Blind, deaf, and mentally retarded. He's asking me what it would be like eat Anne Frank's ass.

I grew up in an abusive home which forced me to stop going to school at 16 so I could work to provide for the family. I'm 19, and I just got my GED. Is there any hope in going to academia? Or am I just fucked? Please don't bully me lads, I know how fucked and worthless I am already.

Me too

Man was born in sin. He lives in it. He will die from it. And he will be remembered by it. He can neither accept or ignore his fate. His desires are perpetually fortunate and can't ever be eradicated.

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I WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER READ EVERY SINGLE POST IN THIS THREAD WOW SHIT THAT'S A LOTTA POSTS

You're not worthless, user, and don't dare ever say that about yourself ever again. You have done much more than should be asked asked of a child, and still managed to graduate. Now it's time to do something for your benefit. Go and give it your best shot.

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Thank you for the encouragement user, I legitimately appreciate it.

I dug myself out of a pretty shitty situation. Just take some classes at a community college and transfer. It doesn't have the status associated with a fancy college, but it also doesn't cost an exploitative amount.

You could try your best there and top students have been known to transfer to some of the very best schools.

Go to community college for your pre-reqs, then switch to a fancy uni for your major if you desire. Or stay at the community, it only really matters for really uptight positions. You're not alone. There are an incredible amount of people in a very similar situation. You'll be fine. Just keep being you.

I love saying NIGGER. But everyone hates hearing it.

Life is pain

/pol/ has rotted your mind and there is no going back. you sound like just another wehraboo who's fallen through the cracks of society and become a brainlet stormfag

>reads lacan once.

Film is kino too

>look up old social media accounts for the first time in like 5+ years
>old friends getting married, living in different parts of the world, getting/got their PhDs, interesting jobs ect

Meanwhile i'm in my late 20s living at home, working retail living a completely socially isolated life with no more life experience from when i was like 17.

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But what are your two favorite books?

Now imagine how you're going to feel in your 40s. Feels bad man
Recalling my 20s, those days of living with parents, playing vidya, and surfing internet for hours were kind of a waste, but that's just how it turned out. I had no ambition, so what more could I ecpect?
You can do it, user! Just be yourself

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Hey, fuck you buddy.

Canadian accents are adorable.

Were the Patriots correct?

So much of the internet is just retarded trash.

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Holy shit i need a new PC, but im a 20 year old zoomer who lives with my dad one week and my mom the next. So i would need to get a laptop. BUT I DONT WANT A LAPTOP

THIS FUCKING SHIT HAS BEEN GIVING ME SO MUCH ANXIETY

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>BEEN GIVING ME SO MUCH ANXIETY

Calm down you faggot, it's just a computer. Just move in and stick with one of your parents, you're no longer a child in joint-custody.

>Just move in and stick with one of your parents
NO i want to see my mom and dad, i actually like them

Entering primary school completely killed my passion for learning, studying and turned me into a depressed, avoidant mess from an early age. I was emotionally abused by a crazy elementary teacher because my parents didn't have the money to bribe her and give her gifts like the other parents, which made me not want to learn or attend classes, which made me seem stupid, which made all my classmates think I'm stupid and bully me, all the way to the 8th grade. I was even belittled by 4 different teachers after I graduated to 5th grade in front of the entire class. My parents meanwhile were well-meaning but they had major problems of their own that they were focused on solving and they couldn't help me in time, while every other adult in my life gave me no guidance whatsoever and every friend I had abused me in some way. I almost dropped out of a really shitty highschool (it was the only one I could attend due to my grades) because I didn't want to do homework or study and because I skipped more classes than anyone else, including a literal teenage prostitute who got pregnant. The worst thing is that I didn't even fall into substance abuse or with the wrong crowd. I just skipped classes to sit by myself in parks or go home and watch tv.

Now I'm almost 30, I never held a steady job and I have no higher education. I have trouble reading, concentrating and I have no ambition whatsoever. I am seriously considering suicide and there's no one left in my life who can talk me out of it.

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Just leave your PC at one house and then do something else when you're at the other then?

You should read Dostoievsky's Dream of a ridiculous man.

But... im addicted to my pc and the internet in general....
But yeah, your totally right.

Thanks for putting some sense into this retarded skull of mine

Don't do it user, there is always hope

That movie is shit.

Chinese, right?

prove them wrong user, go far

AAAAAAAA WHY DO WOMEN HAVE TO BE SO QUITE FOR AAAAA

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Cute*

I know that feel. I wish I could just smother myself in all of them, they are just so warm and soft and their voices sound like angels.

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Absolutely cudorable. Go on and never sexualize them.

too bad ive never touched a girl HAAHA

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TFW no GF
I don't have anything about me to attract one, house, job, car, good looks, but it's getting so unbearable that I might just try anyways before I get too old

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One of the smartest people I know works a thankless blue collar job. You couldn't tell how smart he is just by his appearance and circumstances. The race really isn't to the quick.

It occurred to me that the concept of the 7 deadly sins is a brilliant lesson on human nature.

The point is that each sin represents an exacerbated, corrupted natural drive. Greed is the corruption of the need for resources and material security, pride, the need for self-esteem and to ward of insecurity, lust, the desire for sex and connection, envy, the susceptibility and craving for status and recognition, wroth, annoyance and disagreement with the absurdity of others, gluttony, hunger, and sloth, the desire to avoid excessive exertion.

And they really are deadly. Out of morbid curiosity I've been reading Eliot Rodger's manifesto. This young man was in a self-inflicted hell because of his sin. I did a tally of each of the deadly sins he was guilty of, pride (extreme narcissism), envy (extreme pain at witnessing the satisfaction of others), lust (aggravated covetousness of pretty blonde girls), wroth (vicious hatred and intent to commit violence) sloth (an expectation that women just approach him and sense of entitlement, being given everything by his parents) and even gluttony (eating heavily because it was his only source of pleasure and his metabolism prevented him from getting fat).

Let this be a lesson to all of you. The seven deadly sins are an honest and true teaching of the dangers of unchecked desire and rampant passions. Failure to abide will result in a self-imposed hell.

Don't forget that the opposite extremes are just as bad too. It's all about that golden mean

>TFW you have a heart to heart with someone and they turn out to be batshit insane. Seriously, I don't believe there are any healthy, normal people left

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I don't want to be a girl, but I wish I was an attractive tall man.....

I would settle for just being completely androgynous

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Talk with Protestants
>Overally cruel and narcissistic
>Display open sociopathy
>Tribalistic
>Either obese or anorexic, same with their material possessions
>Vastly ignorant of church history
>Sola Scriptura, but can't read Greek or understand ecumenical councils
>Personality cults and bible worship
>Require everyone to have an extreme emotional reaction to their faith
>Shunning
>At least I'm not one of the 30,000 other denominations, we are truly the chosen ones

Talk with Catholics
>Humble, patient, and kind
>Vast knowledge of church history, Greek Philosophy
>Not obsessed with material possessions
>Strong traditions and overall rootedness
>Doesn't obsess on their shortcomings to the point of pathology
>Strong moral beliefs

Everytime I'm blown away at the extreme difference in quality between the two, and I don't even have a dog in the race

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Dragged to Church meeting
>The Chinese worship the God Buddha
>The Indians worship the God Hindu
Mfw

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>had a McDonalds binge last night and then browsed internet in flat, including watching tennis
>woke up at 10 am today, lied in bed for a further hour
>browsed internet, drank coffee, read an enjoyable novel
>went to gym and lifting went well despite my still feeling weak
>went in to central London to walk around
>went walking through a park but it was already past 3 pm, so I felt like the sunniest and main part of the day had been lost
>walk around
>walk through one of those really rich areas, which was demoralised; saw lots of rich / tourist Staceys, which was demoralising
>now drinking coffee
>not sure what I'll eat later today
>plan to watch tennis

I get banned so quickly and rarely get replies anymore.

I have almost no food in my flat because I have only bought junk food each day and procrastinated starting a healthy diet.

Walking around outside and feeling sad is so pointless but I feel like a loser for being inside. I can't bring myself to do anything productive in my free time. Being an ugly charismaless beta with completely unenjoyable and wasted university and early 20s experiences has really killed my motivation.

It's surprising how, whenever I pay attention, every house in London has a buzzer with huge numbers of buttons. They're all split in to apartments.

I really miss big city walks. A large place with London with a Subway system leading to everywhere sounds like heaven to me. You could explore a new part of the city everyday for years

Two things:
First i am becoming obsessed with elephants because people keep posting webms of women being attacked/molested by elephants
Second i have all these thoughts whirling in my head but no way to get them out. I feel like i should start a blog, but dont know how.

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You deserve every ban you get, you're a boring zoomer asshole who lives an entirely mundane life, you have nothing to say of any worth on the literature board, and you use meaningless shorthand words like "normie" and "stacey" instead of writing anything of meaning or originality.

Bump

Bump. Plz post more

How can you tell if you're charismatic? Genuine question. People tell me I am and everyone I meet likes me but I think I'm either in some stupid denial or I have a weird imposter syndrome deal going on.

I'm glad you do, because I didn't mean it lightly either. I hope you take that as encouragement to write more.

would love to learn how to write again
used to be really into writing when i was very young and way way ahead of everyone else
i stopped but ive never lost interest in reading
i have paranoid schizophrenia and i feel like i could be really great at writing horror based on the things i get delusional about
i dont know where to start when it comes to learning how to write again

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*ting ting ting*
*ahem*
FUCK londonfrog and FUCK jannies and FUCK trannies

There is no learning how to write. There's no getting your prior precocity back either. Do it. Do it even if you're terrible. Every single day. If you have to write down the contents of your paranoid delusions, so be it.

I feel "advice" isn't what you need right now.

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I cannot express how much I hate baby boomers. They are sincerely the worst generation of humans that have ever lived

SMC 2020 FUCK BOOMERS!

serious question to burgers is anything going to come of your president stupidly saying a hurricane was going to impact the state of alabama and illegally (it is illegal) falsifying national weather service data so a twitter post he made isn't incorrect?

It's technically illegal but I don't think anything will come of it, he's simply too powerful. Plus, I'm not even sure if you can indict a sitting president because IIRC, he can just pardon himself, and even if he was impeached, Pence could just pardon him too. The American system isn't really set up to deal with a criminal in the White House besides violent rebellion (what the 2nd amendment is for)

Seriously have no idea what I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life now. Even my worst case scenario backup plan has failed

will burgers even care about this? americans are incredibly cucked

About the weather map? Probably only the Democrats give a shit. The US as a whole, however, is the closest it's ever been to civil war as the last time, not even 1968 had people so divided

I can't carve my way to do what I think I need to do. I'm energetically cockblocked, and then my writing reflects this, and I don't like the way it skews.

which two groups will be shooting each other now? the capitalist party in red and the capitalist party in blue? americans won't be in a civil war. more right wing incel retards will shoot up garlic festivals because trump said mexicans were violent murderers

It will be more Yugoslavia than anything else, government versus separatists versoother separatists plus foreign interference from China, Russia, Europe et cetera. Just a low intensity insurgency that makes life impossible, not armies with uniforms and flags

elaborate

>Many people waste their youth, or their youth wastes them
I really like that line, im gonna put it in a song.

I got sucked into trying to read some of these outsider intellectual twitter accounts again, and it's giving me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Is this really the best we can do? A bunch of faceless nobodies spewing out prose poem screeds against the status quo in 280-character stanzas? It's a fucking dead end, nothing good can come out of that website. Everything is fragmentary and disconnected, if somebody feels like being coherent they have to post on another website and link it back to their twitter feed. You can never tell if someone is being serious or ironic, there just isn't enough space. People bashing Deleuze & Guattari as the destroyers of western civilization are only one degree of separation away from Nick Land and his accelerationist pals. Same goes for promoters of traditional sexual morality and people with little anime girl profile pics. It's all so schizophrenic. How could this have happened? People (idiots?) tell me twitter is supposed to be ground zero for the defining literary and philosophical movement of our era, but all I see is a factory farm for castrated opposition figures, un/intentionally churning out more "content" for Big Internet. Some of them seem like pretty smart people, but I'm convinced they'll never accomplish anything meaningful as long as they use twitter. But what's the alternative?

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Fuck capitalists. Fuck the cucks that support them. Fuck America for not having healthcare like the rest of the civilized world. Fuck people against it. Fuck you. I hope if you're against healthcare for all you choke to death, you fucking cunts. Every CEO and politician should be hanged for crimes against humanity. Fuck.

Dubs of truth

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I really feel like death is fucking terrifying and that everyone around me is an idiot or a good actor to pretend to be okay with the fact that at any second, for an infinite number of reasons, they could be ripped from this mortal coil to a fate that is at best oblivion and at worse, beyond imagining.

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>he goes on twitter

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I don't have a twitter account, I just sometimes make the mistake of clicking on a tweet that gets linked here and end up getting sucked down a rabbit hole. I'd ignore it if I could, but the site is everywhere now, both on Yea Forums and in real life.

You might not have a twitter account, but I can tell you have a reddit account

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I wish I was gay

i'm at the point where oblivion sounds like bliss

>jojo image
no u

TFW you see that transhumanism is the only future worth fighting for and technocapitalistic deterritorializing Neoliberalism is the easiest way to accomplish that. Full fucking steam ahead, tear down every border, let capital leach it's tendrils into every aspect of society, kill and recycle the corpses of all who oppose. I *am* going to be an anime girl one day and I'll demolish anyone who gets in my way. Gnon bless my efforts

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Cereal for those who are on a keto diet. Call it Meaties.

I wish you were too babe.

why the fuck is everything becoming so awful, can't enjoy shit these days

I "unironically" enjoy this,
I "sincerely" believe this,
I "genuinely" like them

How the fuck did language turn out like this? How deep into irony are we *really*?

I've gotten into drawing recently and it's over shadowing my writing. This wouldn't be a terrible thing, except I am teaching my self to draw exclusively to better a express a shitty waifu bait original character. Meanwhile, I am known among my friends and family as a writer (I am currently working on a novel I legitimately want to see published.) However, a combination of writer's block, and unexpected uptick in my meager drawing skills as left me devoting more mental energy to a lewd personal side project that could legitimately tarnish my reputation, than a worthwhile venture that could lead to fulfilling a life long dream.

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What the fuck is wrong with you

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Going to ask my doctor to a referral to a gender therapist this week, or at least I hope I'll have the courage to

Unironically do furry commissions, you could be making six figures by this time next year

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I missed too many opportunities out of fear of failure to have any hope left.

Nope. Europoor.

I can't. I don't know how, or where.

I just wanted to be heard before I off myself.

Come on. I want to see my friends. I was just joking before. We can meet.

we once hoped that technology would create new forms of governance over societies. now we find that our fears have come true. the reaches of organizational power implied by a society that universally produced open source code and fair use creation came true. we are as governed by the customs of technology as we hoped we would be. but we should have known that totalitarian governance was not going to come by those customs that we imagined. the "open source" exists, but it's a tool for authoritarian rule, not totalitarian democracy.

stallman's dream came true. it is the five eyes.

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Bump

Haha are the guy who always does this
>L O N D O N
or whatever

Not sleeping tonight, been on my constantly since 9:00 am yesterday, completely addicted. Second night of complete insomnia in two weeks. Nervous breakdown. Doctors appointment Friday afternoon
Survival
Adaptation
Thriving

Planning
:Unknowns:
>Future housing and employment
>Gender identity and sexuality
>Unknowns
>Self termination?
Correction: rational choice = self termination
Unknowns

Survive
Exfiltrate
Run Run Run

That movie is great but I have no idea how it's supposed to theme this thread

If i dream of other people in my sleep, does that mean someone is dreaming me?

I'm dreaming about you, user.

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If you know me - you wouldnt.

Why not?

Im not a nice person.

You seem nice at the moment.

You're a nice person aswell.

What kind of things are you dreaming about, user?

Just things which happen in reality nothing too mythological or cosmic. Ironically, i look forward to dreams as a merit for escapism yet im returned to reality.

Serious question now, do any of you got MILD depression? In the sense that you can still get out of bed and work/do some shit?
I often think that I lack the vitality to live how I want to, and that life's challenges will be too much for me to handle.
My therapist is convinced I am depressed and has been hinting on me taking meds for some time now.
Do any of you relate with this? Is there a fix outside of medicine?

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Yeah, I feel like you just described most people

>Is there a fix outside of medicine?
Medication can be a stepping stone to assist in functionality but it's not a cure, unfortunately. If you are able to get up an be active, then that's great. Try and find some things to do which you enjoy, and try to exercise regularly. Life is rarely pleasant, but you can make it bearable, sometimes even enjoyable.

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I crave the companionship of a woman. I never knew it, and that makes me crave it even more. The desire is so strong that's taking away from me any intellectual energy; and the time without it is so long that's has stunted in me any emotional growth. I'm like a schoolgirl that blush at the sight of a cute girl, without the strength of looking at them in the eyes. This absence is making me idolize the feminine, and I don't like it.

i left Yea Forums 8 months ago after few months i forgot why i left. and then i became addicted to it again. right own i exactly remember my every single thought of why i left. now i really want to leave this place again.
but the major problem is that i hate talking to people around me. they have nothing good to offer. just boring stories from their banal lives or pointless discussions about "politics". at least anons here understand me and i understand them. sometimes a post give me a chuckle once in a while but i feel like those laughs are just the emotional ejaculation of our minds just like a wet dream, no matter how bad a joke is if you haven't laughed once in a while you will laugh on it out of nowhere.
i want to wander in the woods but i am really scared of death, getting robbed and getting attacked by wild animals. but i know i won't do this and i keep staring at the mountains from a distance because i am a weak failure, too afraid from unknown. it's easy to say that nothing matters or life has no meaning but to practice this, is like burning a novel that you have been working on from ten years. i don't think that breaking out from thousands of years of human dna programming is possible.

Meds wont work if you dont have physical symptoms of depression (unless you're suffering from serious anxiety too).
Sadly, curing chronic depression/apathy is rarely possible because it requires almost miracle-tier of outside influence.

There's also the phenomenon of kindling. Every depressive episode increases the future probability of new episodes, worse than the last. Because the brain systems underpinning them get reinforced with each episode.

>Stop going to the gym for a month because things got in the way
>lose a year of progress
Being human isn't that great.

Giving a shit about life sucks sometimes.
I just wanna play an MMO and check out mentally and physically for a few months. Zero expectations, not giving a shit. Kurt Cobain said it best, "I miss the comfort of being sad".

*in

That depends on childhood factors. If you're born with predisposition to depression then you'd need very optimistic experiences to outweight it. Also its usually soul crushing depression and not creative one.

I have the much more destructive manic-depression, where depression is an inescapable cyclic aspect of my existence. I experience depression as a periodic "black hole with teeth" where the whole world is my enemy, followed by occasional bursts of dangerous exhilaration in which I basically become a Stirneresque egoist, and treat the whole world as my property and object (and it often has a strange tendency to comply).

For some depression is just a freak storm. For others who are not so fortunate, it is part of the seasons.

The fact that you mentioned money and presents for bribing the teacher makes me think Eastern Europe. With an environment like that, it's difficult to get out. Damn

There's an anti abortion thing going on at a major intersection of my university. They're showing video and photos of viscera apparently, and they're wearing body cams. Why do people do that? I just want to go to class.

>23 years old
>go out on a couple of dates with women over the years
>Kind of fun, really awkward, didn't like it enough to continue, never even made physical contact
>No GF for 4 years, having tried to get one
>Imagine bottoming for a guy and getting absolutely railed, full body tingles, get hot and sweaty, extreme physiological reaction, rock hard dick
Shit, am I actually just gay?
I get a compulsion to crossdress too sometimes

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*Not trying to get one

quit porn for a few months then youll have a better gauge if its you or if your fetishizing a new extreme in sex

I’m keeping a list of words I don’t know, then I look them up so I can improve my vocabulary. It’s been pretty successful actually. Here’s a few:
Indolent
Gerontophilic
Disputatious
Congenial
Polemic
Cogent
Aplomb
Anathema
Idiosyncratic
Bilious
Sesquipedalian

cut porn off or start to masturbait to straight stuff agian

Imagine Vancouver, just imagine Vancouver.
Mountains off in the distance, the fresh sea breeze.
The brown forest-fire smog, shitting down your throat.
Cigarette butts and heroine needles all around the ground.
Empty condo complexes.
Tent cities in the parks and rundown houses beside.
Heroes marching down the streets with drums, calling out to save the whales.
Women walking the street in plastic, fake, artificial, fetish dress
Whores with bruises on the backs of knees.

Is everything just a cope to deal with reality?
Was Obito right? Do we all end up filled with regret and hatred for reality?

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Incels, and social outcasts in general, tend to seek sex as a prisoner seeks freedom. Wouldn't that drive for sex be the manifestation of the will-to-live, as Schopenhauer put it? Sex is the creation of life, and isolated people, above all, want to live. Sex would be the affirmation of life, of their life, as a functional and respectable being in nature. Some men are able to direct that will towards another goal, accomplishing great feats. Of course that doesn't mean you need to abstain from sex in order to be great, but one of the ways I can see one being great is transmuting the will-to-live from the material plane (pursuing sex and wealth) to a spiritual/metaphysical one (pursing meaning beyond material reality).

I don't know, the thought of it makes me hornier than I ever felt about girls even when I was in the middle of puberty

i doesn't, trust me. You've just forgotten how it feels to be that horny. But honestly maybe your just a bit bi. And thats fine

It's getting cold and damp where I live. Finally the world mirrors my mind. I feel the coldness of bare existence very distinctly, like the air from another planet. Empty space, tired mind.

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Dansk? Hej från din norra bror

No, but nice painter danish user

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Three cups lay empty but two yet remain. Cherish the ruins and never forget that it is never too late. Do not let regret, failure, disappointment, and pessimism overwhelm you. Forgive yourself.

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Call me Ishmael

I agree. It is impossible to convey understanding through knowledge, you can only convey knowledge which aims to represent that understanding. It is down to the receiving end to try and understand, if they do not, then they will die.

since you have nothing to lose, you might as well just talk to as many people as possible during your day. If it is truly as you say, that you have "months left at best", then see this as simply an act of will to power

We have a long way yet to go.

If you can observe something, it's not you. The things you observe are object; phenomena. The thing doing the observing is the subject and cannot exist without the objects. Because you cannot observe what you are, you will never know what you are.

Not Danish but hi.

Here's a funny story, i was in Poland, Gdansk a few years ago and i had quite the encounter with a older polish lady. I was walking around the city with my friend and she asked where i was from. I said Sweden and she started to belittle me about the deluge and about how the Swedish ruined her nation. I think she was pretty drunk. Anyways i ended up apologizing to her about the thing.

Glad she never found out im half german

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Yeah we get butthurt about history a lot. I bet some skinheads are still angry about teutonic order

You say that as if you could make YouTube videos and be liked by everyone

It was a really nice visit overall, might go back someday. I really enjoyed the atmosphere, it felt kind like home. Al tough all european citys look the same lets be honest here

nice ^^ have some pierogi

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Thanks buddy

>binged on KFC last night and felt so fat and told myself it was the last binge
>went back to flat to watch tennis; watched Nadal get closer to overtaking Federer, though the match didn't feel so bad to watch because I knew Nadal would win
>went to bed so late
>woke up at 10 am, browsed internet on phone in bed, slept again
>woke up at 1 am, browsed internet, drank coffee
>despite sleeping I was still kind of tired and I felt this existential weariness about my life and my inability to make use of my free time; also felt visceral patheticness at being an ugly everythingless beta
>googled famous people and saw that many hadn't yet become renowned at 28 but they were working hard on fulfilling stuff while I'm not
>cleaned my room (no existential benefits detected)
>went to gym for cardio
>mourned the fact that my rent is high because I live alone and not in zone 5 and how my job will only let me save a few hundred a month if I avoid all binges and daily £3 coffees
>considering a weekend job in addition to my regular one but I don't know how I'd feel (lost weekends for £300 extra in savings per month?)
>went in to central London for my usual walk; felt sad at seeing the officeStaceys (officeStaceys are late 20s or early 30 and attractive but definitely in an intermediate stage between their primes and Karenhood)
>read part of an enjoyable history book in library; felt sad for not being a person who writes history books
>now drinking coffee; unsure what I'll eat tonight

It's so dark. Summer is over.

I can't make use of my free time due to zero motivation caused by being an atomised ugly blackpilled loser. But I hate wagecucking with a passion.

Big fat junk food binges are all that give me pleasure.

I am having nostalgia over my life a few years ago, post-uni, living with my parents, lots in the bank (I have wasted thousands on junk food), following the Trump campaign in 2016. Going on autumn walks on damp days, including through the woods, listening to Alex Jones.

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COOM

I dont understand having an interest in most non fiction.

Please help, please dont be mean

Why is God testing me? Im not an important person.

Such a test decides whether you're 'important' or not.
Make the decision yourself.

But im not a celeb or someone with much impact, only below average person. Whats the point of test?

I had a dream the night before where I disregarded women and instead embraced my best friend lovingly. It's a weird feeling.

It’s literally all about learning something new that interests you

these aren't mine. These are from Osamu Tazuka's secret porn stash his daughter found after he died. My are is far worse in both terms of quality and class.

Sounds kind of gay (and cute) desu.

doesn't sound gay at all.
why are gays hellbent on ruining platonic relationships

building site in house opposite is trying to lure me outside using my dad's voice or a dog's bark, loud siren followed by shadows coming up from the ground into the sky

I dream of plucking every pube on a black guy's head off until he's a bloody scabby mess.

Listened to a relaxation hypnosis recording last night and I started hallucinating. Kind of like a falling or spinning sensation. Felt like my lower half of my body and the upper half were being gently twisted in opposite directions. I've listened to another one and that made me feel literally feel like I was doing backflips. All this from just laying in my bed and closing my eyes

I hypnotized myself once. The experience, I can only really explained as feeling as if 'my mind were being expanded'. And I mean that it really felt like the top of my head had been popped open and my mind was filling the whole room. I then I woke myself up and I've never been able to replicate the experience.

Nice. There are some guided hypnoses on YouTube that actually work pretty well. I'm very suggestible, so i think I might move on from relaxation to something else but I'm not sure what

hell yeah

listening to tim kinsella explain what life can consist of on a podcast celebrating the past. i have learned nothing worth passing on. if ever asked, i will have no wisdom to pass down. a story or two maybe but life happens around my stagnation. i stand in the same place for every phase of the moon and watch my shadow drag in different directions by time. all i have gathered is if you stand still and concentrate you can feel the earths rotation.

I'm currently in the middle of a pretty severe depression and today I dragged myself down to the bookshop and on a whim bought Ningen shikkaku by Osamu Dazai. Now wondering if I should really be reading this in my current state

Sometimes I read depressing literature just to get it out of my system.

>Im not an important person.

In the political world, the interests that turn on a diplomatic mission may be easily guessed to be very great, when the personnel of the staff is found to contain the highest personages in the country.

What deep and abiding interests must then be in question when to your soul comes God?

>Im not an important person.

Your circumstances refute that inference.

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Present. Pain. Failure. Try again. Pain. Failure. Try again, again, again.
Every pathetic inch I move is called progress. Progress toward what? I don't know and maybe it's a blessing that I don't.
It's been nearly 30 years of this.
And everything is hollow, flawed, painful, even my own thoughts.
Every laugh has been paid ten times over with headaches. Every comfortable moment is a hundred agonies. Those who don't suffer are like mockeries to my existence, those who do are sad heralds of our failure.
We can have anything we want, except happiness. That is off limits. That is guarded fiercely by the angels with fiery swords. The only desirable thing, is the the simple stupid thing, the unattainable thing, happiness, which from here just seems like a faded memory from a dream which perhaps was not a dream, but seems like it was just a dream.
Somehow this is all the mad will of the world. To torture us, not to death, but to life. If I dream of death I will be tortured until I dream of life. If I dream of life, tortured to dreams of death.
Sad sad torture and misery rising to the highest point of panic.
Until the effects of the cause run dry. Until time's slow changes carry me to a place, which is either the right end of all, or the beginning of an eternal cycle of meaningless torment.

I'm going blind slowly. It's not slow really. I was told I needed surgery in six months a month ago. I can't afford it at all. I've only had 23 years.

Sometimes I can't tell if I'm the same as the average person.
I think I'm fucking insane, an "autistic insane" way. I fell like some kind of perverse ugly thing that is simply below human. Maybe I've always had a hard time interacting with other people because since the very beginning there was something wrong with me.I don't know if the impulses I had when I was a little child to drown a barbie girl after seeing a woman getting drowned in a movie because it gave me some primitive form of sexual pleasure or gratification are normal, or having constant anilingus fantasies with cartoon characters is something normal people do.
There is some sort of sadistic pleasure I really enjoy. I enjoy the suffering of cute things Weird violent fan-fiction, cute animals like happy tree friends dying in horrible ways, the overly dramatic bully shit in anime where they get driven to suicide, any kind of display of cruelty against something designed to be cute I find a little arousing. It's a feeling that has always perturbed me and that I have denied, but it's always been there, ever since I was a kid.
All my life I've tried to think that it's normal, that everyone has weird kinks or thoughts, but I find it hard to believe that the men I work with are porn addicts with fucked up fetishes.
I simply have to be fucking insane to draw pornography. So fucking obsessed with pornography and sexual perversion that it fucking drives me to put actual fucking effort in a crude rendition of a woman being penetrated by a tentacle while she's hypnotized. What the fuck? What kind of fucking insane pervert do you have to be?
Imagine if anyone associated a drawing like that with your face, if everyone knew you were that creepy fucking pervert with mom fantasies. What a fucking burden I carry on my shoulders everytime I have to face people in my everyday life and pretend I am not some disgusting filthy thing inside.I think that's why i've always been such a pushover and a weakling who feels like he has no right to live or can measure with others,:because that's what I am and have always been.
I am dysfunctional, a complete fucking loser. I was born with half a brain and that's why -in addition to being perturbed- I am also so slow. I am so stupid, so SO woefully stupid. It's hard to believe people around me are as stupid as me, or that they draw pony porn and jack off to it when they are in their houses . I simply can't imagine anyone around me doing this. I know everyone has secrets (some arguably worse than mine) but I don't think any of my coworkers or clients feel that way.
I think being here gave me the false idea that this was "normal". This site is full of fucked up perverts because that's what it attracts (the very foundations of it), so how could I be so stupid to think that having romantic and sexual feelings for cartoon dogs was something the everyperson did. Now that I'm not a NEET and I interact with more people than ever before I feel like a cut below the rest.

>23
stop being a baby bitch

There are lot of 23 year olds in this thread.

Early 20s is when you realize life isn't sunshine and rainbows. They'll snap out of it.

I realized that when I was twelve.

You're so mature!

A 23 year old doesn't have real problems let's be honest. That shit starts in your 30s.

uh y-you too.

23 is the new 19

One guy is going blind.....

Being over 30 is not different to me then being 10. Either way I shit my pants. I guess when I was growing up and taking a big ol' shit in my pants and getting spanked for it I never lost that joy. That feeling of freedom to break the rules. Anyways let me get into my story here.

Im currently unemployed and my girlfriend works at White Castle. When she's home I find my self encouraging her to go down the road to a friends house. Just getting her out of the house so I can have MY time. I deal with the typical family crap daily. LIke having to listen to my girlfriends complaining about how her back hurts from work. I never signed up for that sh*t. The only sh*i I signed up for was the kind I put in my pants when she is gone.

Anyways, once I get them out the door and know I got the next 6 hours to my self. I go out to my back porch and have a seat and usually I'm in plain view of my neighbors. I'll light up a smoke and when the time is perfect I shit. The warmth and solid feeling of the shit coming out only to be crushed because of lack of space is so perfect.I will fill my undies up and just bask in the joy. Sitting in my own filth.

I'll walk around the house for the next few hours and enjoy my self until my girlfriend gets off work. I will say I've been caught a few times by my girlfriend however. Like one time she came home and I wasnt watching the time. She walked in and she grabbed me and dropped my pants to give me oral. Lets just say she tasted it before she smelled it and she didnt sleep with me for a week. I convinced her my stomach hurt that day and I had just done it because I couldnt make it to the bathroom and blah blah whatever.

I keep masturbating to cuck porn, I don't want to anymore. A few times I would fantasize someone else fucking my girl *while I am fucking her*. Help

why are you watching porn in the first place if you have a girlfriend you have sex with? PEAK cumbrain right here