Every time I write something, it feels cheap, pretentious and dishonest; it makes me feel dirty...

Accelerate the process. Write from malicious desire to infect the outside world with your inner filth.

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>and I hope to pull myself out and write some pretentious shit
Same. My biggest hang up is trying to get everything perfect as I go along. I need to realize that I can write poorly and then edit and improve it later

Well, its not as though there is anything new to say.

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>If you persist enough, writing a paragraph per day, soon you'll have a whole, but still horrible, base from which you can start building the masterpiece in your head. It's like a diamond I guess, you have to refine it over and over and over again.
That is the problem, there is no brute diamond inside my head that just needs to be dilapidated. I'm making shit up and I go. I'm not Michelangelo who saw David inside a block of marble, I'm a fraud, a hack.

We are definitely in the same boat, friend. I have a fat stack built up over the years; instead of backtracking and editing, I just push forward with the next half fleshed out idea - repeat cycle until insanity occurs. We got this, though. As an user said previously, might have to abandon attempts at storytelling and work on craft.

I'm not the user you're replying.
I'm in the same situations. A giant pile of ideas, concepts, scenes, characters and aphorisms around and afraid to mesh it all together. This would be dishonest, I believe.

Then you need to first find out the message you want to share. For what is the point in struggling with such a laborious task if you don't even need it? Work on the core of your story, the purpose of the message you are trying to convey. Find the meaning of your ideas, transform it into a proper story, put it into paper.
>Maybe you're just self-loathing through your writing, then I guess you need to fix yourself before anything else. The most important thing in the world is your own health, user. And you can't write your problems away.

Idkw but I love the way I write, it's probably the only thing I used to love back when I used to hate myself, the trick at least for me is that there's a really good conection between my thoughts and my pen, it just flows, and at the same time, is like a place where time stand still and I can edit the shit out of it till I'm happy, also nobody else read it, my low self esteem won't allow it, I think that's a common trait in must of us, hence the anonymity, so first of all work on your self esteem.

I actually didn't like The Pussy that much. It lacks the raw animal spirit of his previous collection, and the polish of Finally, Some Good News. Very much a "rehab" anthology.

real =/= realism

I have given up efforts to write anything worthwhile for 10 years. in 10 years tho I am confident I will write my magnum opus

Lock yourself in an empty room or shed for at least a weekend with no distractions whatsoever and minimal provisions. Hand write everything that flows from your unconscious, without any critical second guessing. The lies and contradictions that have been blocking your voice will be revealed. If you can't devote yourself to this small sacrifice, why even write?

That doesn't mean you're going to stop trying, whatsoever. I think that the juvenile period most of us are having is great, so we can at least create stuff now that, even if shit, in the future may be traced back to our magnum opus.
>btw how old are ya?

32

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For comedic effect, I intentionally write like a hypergraphic, with strung-out, extremely convoluted sentences. I'll liberally use comma splices and unnecessary words. If done correctly, it doesn't seem pretentious but funny as shit. Instead of describing something simple, a thought that can be summed up in ten words, I will write a whole paragraph throwing in some sophisticated sounding bullshit and by the end of it, the reader is played.

>I call this tactic: Pynchoning

all but two of shakespeare’s works are adaptations
find an old story you like and twist it in a way that makes it new

Isn't that what DFW does as well?

Yeah. It's the best copout when you are naturally pretentious, you just embrace it and ridicule yourself and you morph into DFW and Pynchon. This is the reason so many people hate the "meme" novels, because they don't get that it isn't trying to signal intellect or superiority, but poke fun at pretentious lit.

>Pynchoning
>not Pynching

I kind of have the same view, and when I really think about it, isn't that what a novel is? It's basically what an album is. Idk, but seeing all these anons with similar obstacles as myself, and in my age range actually does make me feel a lot better.

fpbp

A fraud still has the skill to convince people. A hack still has the belief they're competent. What do you have? Do you like writing? It's not like this is a hobby with a financial future to it, if you hate it then celebrate the fact you've found your answer and move on to other things. If you like it then what does it matter how good you are?

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Ofc it is that way why would you even analyze his words when it's THIS obvious, baka have a little bit of respect

>lie to him out of respect
Why do people think like this?

well if you think your work is cheap someone else probably will too. cant speak for op but i care what I think more than what others do

I want to create art. I hate what I write but there is something pushing me and I don't know if what I write is good.

You never will know, because there's no such thing as good. Personal satisfaction is the only feedback you can ever know for certain.

you won't write anything good until you despise yourself

Don't give up, you got this pal. Just take a crack at it everyday.