I want to write a chick lit novel. What do you think of this start?
Life sucks balls. You can medidate and go to AA meetings and eat a healthy breakfast and go to church. But it doesn’t change the fact. Life is bullshit piled upon more bullshit. That’s why I have cans for breakfast. Bavaria 8.6%. The breakfast of champions. It’s Saturday, thank God, so I don’t have work today. I hate my job. I’m a mechanical engineer. Obstensibly. I’m not very good at it I think. But I do enough decent work to keep them satisfied. And then I can give my weekends over to Sweet Lady Alcohol. I guess alcohol is my best friend. Otherweise it’s Ciaran. And he’s pissing me off lately. He can’t stop whatsapping me inspirational memes. Ever since he joined NA that’s all I get from him. Honestly, I wish when he was still a crackhead. I think about opening Tinder. Bad idea. Tinder is great if you want casual sex with degenerate trainwrecks. Not so great if you want a boyfriend. And I do want a boyfriend. It’s hard to admit but it’s true. I want to cuddle up to a nice boy and watch godawful American sitcoms like Just Shoot Me. But all my Tinder adventures end with me being railed under a bridge by some bearded guy who says his name is Jack but you don’t really know.
It's trash. The writing style reads like a Twitter post, your grammar is slightly off esl and u misspelled too much
Juan King
you have to actually read some books before you try writing them. you have no command of written english or how it should flow and talk exclusively in jarringly fragmented little sentences that probably sound cool in your head because you're imagining them being read by the narrator in some crappy female version of the movie fight club. read every day and try again in 10 years.
Adrian Murphy
Absolute tripe. Do you think you're profound calling alcohol the breakfast of champions?
Jonathan Baker
I’ll be your bf. I’m really shy but it’s only cuz I wanna touch you
Caleb Brown
I found it entertaining, but honestly you sounded like a guy trying to write a girl. In fact, it wasn't until you wrote "Not so great if you want a boyfriend" that I realized you were writing a girl.
The excerpt read a lot like an Delicious Taco's blog post. So if you were writing about being a degenerate guy, its fairly decent. But you completely missed the mark in terms of trying to sound like a woman.
Jackson Sanders
Be my bf instead user. OP is a retard.
Thomas Nguyen
Garbage. Reads like a string of image board posts.
Blake Peterson
This is absolute thrash OP. ngl. You make me ashamed to be Irish.
Parker Lee
Have you ever actually used Tinder?
Isaiah Allen
Ok
Jordan Bell
She was looking at the window while the drops of rain were falling, thinking to herself "life sucks balls" as she remembered the image of Chad kissing Becky at the party held in Stacy's house yesterday. Her had was still in pain from all the tequila she drunk, as someone knocked at her door. "What the fuck do you want?" she exclaimed in a rush of anger, how could anybody dare bother her in such an important moment of contemplative thought. "Jessica, i hope you feel well i have prepared scrambled eggs for your breakfast, they say eggs help to alleviate the symptoms of a hangover" said her mother, she has woken up at 4am when her daughter arrived and cleaned up the toilet from the vomit that her gracious daughter expelled on it. "Leave me alone" said Jessica as she lighten up a cigarette, after all she couldn't ruin her diet as is trying to lose those 50 pounds that separate her from the bliss of being embraced by the prince who was promissed. She looked up the notifications on the new generation Iphone that her dad bought her this summer, and saw the pictures of Chad with Becky at the party. The anger overwhelmed her as she threw the smartphone on the floor "i will kill that fucking whore, i swear i will put fucking rat poison in her drink next time".
Anthony Thompson
Complete garbage. Guaranteed bestseller.
Angel Harris
>with degenerate trainwrecks
you inserted your thoughts in place of hers
Cameron King
this one is accurate
Jeremiah Price
kek i know people like this
Ryder Sanchez
This
Hunter Sanchez
Great start, if you spread this out between a few pages it’s a good first chapter
Juan Cook
This is only marginally better. Yes, it's written in a textbook creative writing class style, but it still doesn't capture how women think. It's rather just the same bitter young man called woman--not much different from OP.
Sebastian Perez
>It's rather just the same bitter young man called woman He isn't even trying to hide his inceldom, notice the usual Chad and Stacy meme.
Robert Howard
>mechanical engineer
Nice try op but completely unbelievable. Might as well start the book off with time traveling dragons
Jackson Gomez
reads like a man doing a woman
William Lewis
>Life sucks balls. You can medidate and go to AA meetings and eat a healthy breakfast and go to church. But it doesn’t change the fact. Yes it does, try it.
Adrian Nguyen
unironically fun chance mech engineer to something like marketing, something that she could actually half-ass her way through. engineering, she either does the job or not; further, its a long education, so why would she spend so long doing that. make her a college dropout and a project manager for an electrical company or something
Luke Garcia
It's bretty obvious that it's a guy who browses r9k doing a take on a woman, and seems like it's right out of a neutrigena commercial. I understand the appeal of doing something outside of your element, but I'd suggest sticking to what you know.
Zachary Martin
>I don't know why Angelique wants me to make her daughter eat these eggs. They must have been cold by now. But after she has started crying I didn't want to say anything to her and I didn't want to look at her face either. When she is crying her face deforms into a grotesque visage - void eyes, wide nostrils and lips like a orangutan, luckily she does not have red hair - that haunts me every time I try to masturbate to Jessica's underwear. >Should I knock before I enter her room. Perhaps she is playing with herself - when I was her age I masturbated a lot and every once in a while I tried to improve my technique getting me to cum faster and faster - making stains in her underwear. I should not interrupt her, but when I think of it I should just go in. I have no reason to knock at the door at all. It would be polite you may say, but she won't expect me to be polite. I'm the man who fucks her mother who makes her mother moan at night when she tries to sleep who grunts like an animal when he cums in her mother's vagina. No she wouldn't care at all if I'm polite. She must hate me. >Unfortunately, she sits on the floor in front of the window and stares at the rain. I say nothing and sit next to her. She ignores me and the food I put in front of her. I keep silent and just look at her. She is wearing a white shirt and panties. On the panties are heads of comic figures printed. I don't know them but they remind me of cinema posters I have walked by recently. Her bun got messy and a few hair are hanging into her face, sticking to her lips. I don't know who she got her full lips from. They look exotic. They look like they were stolen from a black woman's face. Angelique has narrow fish lips. They are disgusting. I can't kiss her with open eyes. Jessica's lips, however, have my full attention and I can't keep my eyes from them. >i offer her a cigarette. She picks one from the middle. She is used to have a lot of choices. She stares at me for the first time. I know she wants fire, but I only stare back at her and wait for to ask for it. Her eyes looking at me give me a light errection. She is used to get what she wants instantly. She wants to take control over me. >Fire? >U-uh... You don't have a lighter yourself? >After I have given her fire she continues starring out of the window. I grab the plate and have my third breakfast. The juice is too sweet but the scrambled eggs taste delicious. I keep starring at her smoking. The way she holds the cigarette while inhaling is fascinating as if she sustains her grip on the cigarette only with her lips rather than with her fingers. Then she closes her eyes while inhaling. Huysmans would say that she seeks contemplative spirituality in smoking. Usually you would hold the cigarette in your hand which is the human tool per se and therefore the original mean of abstraction. On the contrary, the mouth itself is not only one of our senses that allows us to make sense of the outside world,...
>...it is also the only way for us to nourish our body, thus, our flesh - the manifestation of our spiritual capabilities. Her seeking contemplation in the act of smoking, an action taboo in today's society of auto-correctifs implemented in our moral cognition is not only a deeply spirtual moment but also an act of rebellion. I imagine her handling my cock in her mouth with similar devoutness. >I can not leave without having talked to her so I think of a platitude people would say in such a situation. Perhaps something about men. >Life sucks... >Whatever... >I must find some of her panties and masturbate to the thought of her lips sucking me off
