I decided not to take anything until I am certain it would help.
Maybe you're right. I know that depression sometimes depends a lot on the peculiarities of the nervous system, but I thought it would manifest in something besides these urges, it's like jumping from 0 with no symptoms of depression to 100 with losing self-control then straight back to 0.
The problem is that I am scared shitless when I feel like it's going to happen again because I am afraid I might actually cross the line and do something irrevocable. I mean I am not really afraid to die (because I have already accepted that it could happen any moment with me) but my family will be completely destroyed.
Brayden Lewis
>‘But there was an inevitability-feeling about it, too, when it came.’ ‘It is the most horrible feeling I have ever imagined, much less felt. There is no possible way death can feel as bad. It rose up. It was worse now that I was older. I thought I’d have to hurl myself out of my dormitory’s window. I simply could not live with how it felt.’ >‘Some boy I hardly knew in the room below mine heard me staggering around whimpering at the top of my lungs. He came up and sat up with me until it went away. It took most of the night. We didn’t converse; he didn’t try to comfort me. He spoke very little, just sat up with me. We didn’t become friends. By graduation I’d forgotten his name and major. But on that night he seemed to be the piece of string by which I hung suspended over hell itself.’ >‘ I understood the term hell as of that summer day and that night in the sophomore dormitory. I understood what people meant by hell. >‘From that day, whether I could articulate it satisfactorily or not,’ Day says, holding the knee of the leg just crossed, ‘I understood on an intuitive level why people killed themselves. If I had to go for any length of time with that feeling I’d surely kill myself.’ >‘Time in the shadow of the wing of the thing too big to see, rising.’ >Day says: ‘There is no way it could feel worse.’
I feel similar. I have a compulsive urge to slice my neck or amputate my fingers sometimes for no reason. I feel better when I am eating whole oats daily, and taking n-acetyl-cysteine daily.
Elijah Kelly
Please don't leave this thread. I want to ask you a few questions but I have a terrible headache and I should go to sleep (it is around 6 AM). I've had similar experiences in the past, though it was clear what was their cause.
Carter Turner
Easy now, the psychiatrist could've been a Jungian. That's juden free and good stuff
Jose Nguyen
i am really close to killing myself, i have it planned out now, i have my weapon to use. Im just too tired, and i dont want to hurt anyone anymore, and i dont feel God would judge me wrongly for doing this because I just can't be right, and i tried so hard for so long, so it would be in a way just a weed removing itself from His garden. I know it's supposed to be a mortal sin but nobody is supposed to be this sad and hurt this many people and not want any of it to happen but i happens anyway. I used to not get why Jesus cursed the fig tree, but I think i am like that tree that wont bear fruit, and so his condemnation of me and my own suicide are holy in a way. It would be the only good act i could do, by lessening future harm to myself or others. No benevolent God would put me in hell for this, he would understand. i understand if he just outs my awareness and I don't go to heaven, because i was never part of his Word at all, but he won't send me to hell i don't think, i never wanted to do anything wrong at all, i will just be over, and that is all i want.
Colton Garcia
Why do you care about your postgraduate job if you want to kill yourself? Sounds like larping.
Nathaniel Reyes
You might have some sort of brain inflammation or tumor. See if you can get your brain imaged.
Isaiah Sullivan
this is classic sign of depression. do you sometimes feel too happy or elated too ? it's not just about shrinks. find a person you can share these thoughts with. until you don't help yourself nothing will work. you can be put on medicines that will stabilise you mood and help you think better. there is no shame in taking them, everyone has problems and it's good that you know you have one. remember one thing my senior who is a psychiatrist says, "You can never loose till you keep fighting, you only loose if you give up."
Kevin Anderson
We all have urges. Don't fight it. Breath. Then let it go. Just do a mini meditation and let it go. Consider smoking cigarettes
