What's your favorite Bible character? Mine is Satan. I'm not even trying to be edgy...

>>God is the source of all good

Jesus christ Christians are so evil and deluded
Literally the most cucked creatures on this Earth

I personally like Lot. Mainly cause he sexed his daughters.

Salome is a close second.

>Gay retarded headcanon.
What do you mean? It's in genesis

it's the tree of knowledge-OF-good and evil

>be Satan, angel in heaven
>tired of all your sycophantic peers endlessly worshipping god
>start to wonder whether you were all just created to satisfy the sick narcissistic urges of a cosmic tyrant
>refuse to bow down to him out of principle, knowing that you will have to face consequences
>get thrown down to earth, where you find Adam and Eve and tell them the truth about the tree of knowledge. ie. that it will not kill you on the day you eat it like god says, but will grant you divine knowledge
>your words get confirmed when they eat it and don't die and god laments that they have "become like gods"
>spend your existence trying to show god's creation that they are merely his playthings, and that he is a cruel tyrant
>face ubiquitous scorn and eternal torture but persevere steadfastly in your opposition to god
>proceed to fuck kids and then eat them

and haven't actually read the bible because he's literally not in it

>UNLESS YOU TYPE OUT THE FULL NAME IT'S HEADCANNON

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transsexual hands wrote this post

Yes he is.

>be satan
>be gay

holy shit

Ehud. I remember discovering his story when I was a young teen and thinking it was badass. Basically the people are under the yoke of an outside conquering force and forced to pay tribute. Ehud decides to commit regicide. He does it by taking the tribute to the king and requesting alone time. He makes it past the checks for weapons because, being left-handed, he hides his dagger in the opposite place from expected. The king and Ehud are alone, and Ehud basically goes, "Here's your present" and stabs the king in his fat gut, and the organs fall out and literal fecal matter comes out of them. Then he jumps out the window and the king's servants are waiting so long for Ehud to come out they get embarrassed and finally open the door to find the king dead. Ehud then leads a fucking rebellion against the oppressors and wins.

why would satan rebel knowing that he could not win?

having principles beyond "obey sky-daddy"

Where did this idea of Satan being a bro to humans even start? Why the fuck would he like humans when he does his best to corrupt them as a middle finger to God?

>ends in 666
Okay that's pretty based.

>Why the fuck would he like humans when he does his best to corrupt them as a middle finger to God?
That's what the Jews want you to think about Satan; are you gonna believe a bunch of jews?

To follow God is to transcend human nature, sin, vice and destruction, Walking the path to heaven. To succumb to satans offers is to succumb to the degeneracy in the human mind.

Fuck off Nazi scum, go jerk off to some Holocaust pictures

This is a character from a john milton poem and not in the Bible

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That's from Judges early on.

Probably Saul. He's a very flawed and tragic character, he tries to follow God's orders but his bravado and jealously get in the way. Also, his dispute with David is deliberately started by God who puts a wicked spirit in him, which is an interesting twist.

I like Satan too. There are many varieties of Satan though. There's
>13463484
Which is basically Prometheus-Satan, I like to call this one Lucifer. I also like Job's Satan, who just fucking hates humans and is trying to prove to God that they're all shitters.
Jesus of course is one of my favorites as well. I also like Raphael, he's my favorite of the archangels. He's not explicitly named in the current canon Bible but he's hinted at.
Moses is pretty dope. I also like Elijah, he's my favorite out of all the prophets. What a badass. Thomas and James are my favorites from the disciples. Melchizedek of course also comes to mind. Then King Solomon, dude is way cooler than the lame as fuck King David.

Unironically a very interesting take on the character which among things tries to answer this question is the comic book series titled "Lucifer" by Mike Carey.
The short of it is Satan doesn't even really care about humans and is rebelling against God because he wants pure independence and freedom. They have a complex relationship and its heavily hinted and even outright said at times that God is secretly proud of Satan. God even planned for Satan to rebel.
It ends with God making Satan an offer to fuse with him and become one entity or to leave forever. Satan chooses to leave forever. God blesses him and says farewell.

I know. As a kid you don't just read Judges though, you get told the nice stories and look up illustrated children's Bible stories. Ehud wasn't in any of those.

It started when he became erroneously associated with the term "lucifer" and then was combined with Prometheus more or less. Originally Satan despised humans.

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Elijah and Paul

Jacob for fist fighting an angel to a stalemate.

>if I define my daddy as everything good [which I know is true because he told me it was] then it becomes bad to rebel against him!
He also told Adam that he would die ON THE SAME day as he ate the fruit. It was clearly a trick to stop humans from becoming as wise as him. Why would you believe him after that?
When the day of Armageddon comes I and countless others will fight tooth-and-nail against this sadistic dictator who created us. Even if we are all obliterated and sent to eternal torture at least we will know that we were in the right, unlike you traitorous cowards. And don't worry if we win. Unlike god, our side doesn't send people to eternal torment.

>Not realising that the fruit made them mortal, ensuring that they would die.

>if you eat this biscuit you'll die on the same day
that is the same as
>if you eat this biscuit you'll die 930 years later
?
Because that's literally how long it took for adam to die, even though god said "the same day".

m-muhsterious ways!

Satan is plenty of things. In many peasant tales Satan is just some goofy antagonist in a child story.

A day with God is a thousand years and Adam died at 930. No one in the Bible made it to 1000.

>Not seeing the difference between spiritual death and physical death.

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He is barely in it. Can you even call him a character

Adam had no way of knowing god was being metaphorical, and god knew that Adam didn't know, so when he said "on the same day" he lied regardless of the fact that Peter wrote 4000 years later that a day is like a thousand years for god. When you're making threats like that you have to use clear language, otherwise it will rightly be interpreted as a lie/empty threat.

I swear to god you fucks, your global warming isn't going to save you from the ice age that envelops the earth once yellowstone goes off, and once you idiots are all dead I'm going to start spreading a new religion to the masses.

The new first couple of the earth is going to be Shinji and Asuka and god is going to be called Rei and I'll just fill in the commandments with Pagan ideals.

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No spiritual death occurred. God lanented that man had "become like us". We became wise and godly, that's the whole reason god didn't want us to eat it in the first place. He didn't want us to be his equals.

*Ahem*
Fuck God and fuck christcucks

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I did some lurking, It seems as if it could have been a misstranslation from hebrew.

The first thing to remember is that God does not—cannot—lie (Titus 1:2). Neither does He contradict Himself. His Word is sure and reliable (II Peter 1:19). It is man—led by the father of lies (John 8:44)—who endlessly contradicts God's reliably true Word (Genesis 3:4; Acts 13:45; Hebrews 7:7; 12:3) and will continue to do so until Satan is permanently put out of commission (Revelation 20:7-10).

The second thing to bear in mind is this: God's Word clearly reveals that there are two deaths—the first and the second (Revelation 2:11; 20:6, 14; 21:8). All men are subject to the first, but it is the second that we are to fear and to avoid—by the grace of God (Matthew 10:28).

Keeping these things in mind, Genesis 2:17 says, "But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die."

A study of the various usages of the key phrases "in the day" and "thou shalt surely die" reveals that, in this instance, a good paraphrased translation might be:

"for in the day that you eat thereof you'll be as good as dead," or
"for in the day that you eat thereof you're a dead man," or
"for in the day that you eat thereof your death penalty will begin."

>god cannot lie and I know this because his propagandists and slaves told me so
I cannot lie either. Do you believe me?
>paraphrased translation
I trust the multitude of scholars who translated the bible more than I trust gods slaveboy. Not to mention there are loads of translations of the bible which all say the same thing.

Hmm really make you think. Guess I'm an atheist now

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