Found this among my papers. That’s a post from some user I found on a critique thread many months ago and printed. I forgot about it and only remembered now.
Just want to tell you, user, if you are still here, that your excerpt is very promising and that I’m interested in your future as a writer. If you happen to see this post, please, tell me how is your book going.
It's lovely, certainly a great fantasy
>Pleb shit about being a lonely college freshman
Jesus Christ the state of this board.
Seconded.
The writing is as bad as the subject matter:
>his attempts at human bonding seemed like signals lost in space
This
Nobody here actually recognizes good writing unless it's attached a name associated with literary greatness
I actually think this is solid. Kind of like fisher price Stoner, which is not bad for a Yea Forums writer
I like it I don't really think you can judge that much of his writing from this. You don't have dialogues, character arcs, story arcs... all you have is a scene description, which is done fine and simply introduces what's the main focus of the book. It has characters I wouldn't mind learning about and the writing is readable. If he gets abstract with the story arc, all the better a late 10's donnie darko in literature. There's just not much to critique besides readability and interest peaked.
t. AJ
>You see
This is bad writing or the narrator is addressing a second-person audience. Either way I would consider revising.
A lot of contemporary novels write this way, John dies at the end did this
>all affections kept a tight root at the desk
user, please. This is terrible. Staccato sentence fragments, awkward phrasing, etc. — and you know whoever wrote this made waaaaaay too frequent use of a thesaurus. It’s amateur slop.
>It would ooze about his aura
>twenty-somethings
>postmodern angst
>unironically writing this
>even ironically writing this
>I am so great and people so boring, but soon I'll be with my cool group of cool dudes like myself
The style may be passable ("like" 3 times in a single fucking sentence), but the substance is nowhere to be seen.
>Scene description
I do not believe you understand either.
It's honestly pretty solid and you can smell the jelly fags itt like they shit their pants
>le no likey thing frog man
lamo fuck off brudda
Spoken like a true proud know-nothing
The trauma that comes from perceiving the emptiness of modern social interaction is real, and the writer does give a fair existential report of it. I wonder how he develops the story and character.
>sentence starting with "And" is followed by a sentence starting with "But"
Sorry, I got that backwards
>printing out Yea Forums posts
Insanity
It's actually written pretty well. Maybe a little loose with words, gets to into it's own style kinda, but it's only a revision away from completion, Is it cool if I re-write it in my own style? Just for fun.
>People meet in clubs, not classes. Familiar folk avoid me more then new ones. My name must be forgettable. Fucks. Apathetic separation binds like snakes. We're each an island. Uncross-able waters. In packs animals walk, though. My pack will be in the club. Wise sages. Boredom vanquished by company. Company without prejudice. Oddities are underrated in people.
I'm gonna start doing this. This is fucking brilliant.
You write well for your style but it's not my style too much pop
I'll be honest, it reads exactly like I'd expect an undergrad to write. Unimpressive diction, a complete lack of complex syntax, and trite themes. The tone is conveyed well and the imagery is evocative at times, but overall it's something I expect the writer to look back on with humor and/or contempt.
I'll save and print out your work if it makes you feel better user
It reads like you want each sentence fragment to be a sage morsel with an explosive taste. I don't think it quite hits that mark; you could do with more transitive syntax.
That said, it's thematically appealing and your ability to translate pathos is strong. I hope you keep writing and writing and writing, and improving along the way.
Bump
That sounds like writing that was a necessary step on his way to ascension. Good on him!
This is basically John Green but catering towards Yea Forums autists.
Kek, exactly. Made me cringe like a testicle walking tightrope over a blender.