I'm 29 and staring down my 30's next year. read well over 1000 books both fiction and non-fiction. Finished engineering school, got hooked on drugs early in my career, went to prison twice (more reading done than ever) and struggling to get back on my feet.
Been hit with major depression and bouts of derealization since I got out. I have this unshakeable feeling that I've seen all that life has to offer. What pleasure I got from books is dwindling... it's not fun anymore. Nothing new I read adds to my quality of life or scope of knowledge, except marginally so.
I'm maladjusted from years of drug use and toxic relationships. I can't connect with normal people who enjoy music or TV, nor with people on the internet who seem to be arguing about topics they know nothing about e.g. science or history. I'm thinking hard wondering if this is all that life has to offer. Why go living when I could just have one more Horrrahh then sleep and never wake up.
you're a junkie, user. all you care about is consumption whether its drugs, knowledge or fun. but you havent done shit but mindless consumption: you have created nothing create a purpose via an endgoal/objective or live miserably
Nathan Morgan
I'm not consuming knowledge, but I am accumulating it. You're right I'm a junkie, been clean for a long time now, but I'm still a junkie. I fucked up user, the derealization and depression is probably a result of my drug use and imprisonment, I know I fucked up...
Sebastian Martinez
Congratulations, you can now begin to write. Although you’re still sort of young, so whatever trash you write will probably be naive if not pretentious
I've read much more than you and I can tell you that I barely understand anything about the world nor will I ever grasp but a fraction of it, if you don't realize that something is off. Ignoring for a second that your pleasure/reward system is all fucked up the problem might be that you read but you do not let knowledge transform you. This way everything will seem superficial, just more clutter on your harddrive.
LOL. I can read Arabic and that says: birds of feather flock together. You mean ex-con drug addicts are well-suited for Islam?
Samuel King
Might be so... can you give me an example on how new knowledge could transform you? A personal example if possible.
Luke Sanchez
Not to send you into even further despair, but this feeling is probably from drugs frying your dopaminergic system. They give you such intense experiences ordinary life hardly seems very compelling anymore. The only way to really recover from it is long periods of time, long rest and recuperation.
Eli Adams
What did you get in prison for?
Eli Thompson
If I can read much by doing so and become better at writing too which is something I'm not too interested in but still,I would like to go to some psychiatric detention thing.No more wondering about rent and shit too. All I have to do is do something funny like go out on the streets and yell "I'm Descartes" and insist.
Jack Wright
This, unironically turn to a more ascetic life style. Try going to the gym, meeting more people, and all that normiecore shit (albeit doing it with your more elevated consciousness); just go about life in a bonafide manner.
Eventually something clicks, and your genuine relationships begin to bear fruit. Find beauty to atleast attempt to be inspired, also do some personal expression; journal for example.
Good luck user
Tyler Watson
The only thing left to do is head for the hills and reformat your consciousness from the ground up
Magick is proto-alchemical metallurgy. Metallurgy was of the utmost importance to early civilizations and the winning factor in many wars of conquest. By definition an adept is "one who has attained the secret of transmuting metal". The art and secret methods of creating stronger more durable alloys was communicated in an obfuscated way (symbolism) in order to keep it a secret. Transliterated over the ages from Old languages it seems that when you read the material now it gives the impression of invoking the supernatural.
Cameron Lewis
How long/what for?
Jayden Green
You should go to law school. Its all about reading a shitload and using the info as puzzle pieces in making good arguments.
Isaiah Martin
Two years, threatening a hyna with a knife
Samuel Perez
haha I did 2 years 3 months. When I was shackled and thrown in prison among thieves and gangster lowlifes every night after lockdown I had to remind myself: I am not a criminal. I don't deserve this. All for what? A victimless crime. My consciousness. My right.
Ryan Smith
This is a very complicated question and I'm likely the wrong person to answer it since I'm a rather strange character - a hyperempathetic autist or something like that. For me knowledge generally means to gain a higher resolution image of reality. The transformation largely the necessary process of creating a form that can incorporate this vision and still function. I think the general mechanism just is that you have to value truth, be curious and critical. I pick apart every piece of knowledge, analyze it and integrate it into the whole which by necessity changes perception and behaviour. I doubt that this is very helpful but I couldn't really express it otherwise.
Benjamin Thompson
Gangsters got heart, good company, all my homies were killers.
Andrew Jones
A lot of people inside try to pick up law, reading and taking notes trying to find loopholes that would get them out. Funniest thing ever when they try to present their case to fellow inmates and all they receive in return is petty jokes.
Oliver Garcia
Metallurgy is Magic for brainlets
Wyatt Lewis
> hyperempathetic autist
Dostoyevsky reborn?
Eli Howard
Go travel around india. It helped me.
Luke Moore
Incorrect.
The metals are symbols for states of consciousness. Brainlets hear gold, lead etc and think it's about minerals and not something infinitely more valuable.
Adrian Perez
been addicted to drugs too and got sentenced twice,no jail tho. also have tinnitus and had some depressive episodes but it gets better. you need purpose, hedonism is shit. go into politics, reading/writing is what helped me. if you haven't read infinite jest yet do it, its best for recovering addicts. also look into narcocapitalism by Laurent de Sutter
Christian Gutierrez
Jail house lawyers are generally pretty stupid. It fucks up our cases when the client has already done something and they waste their chance.
Landon Collins
When you learn to love unconditionally, life can become infinite. You might overlook it, but look into Eastern Philosophy (Buddhism, Hinduism, Daoism).
Selfishness is a root cause of a lot of suffering. Come to terms with your selfishness and forgive yourself. You are only human.
