95,000 word essay due in 30 minutes

Why aren’t you a good student user?

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but surely i cant be held at fault for not knowing how his class website worked? i had never used it before.

you also never wrote a 5 page essay for your friend in that class before, but you learned how to do that didn't you? Be honest it was out of your spite, and maybe a little saltiness that you handed in the essay haphazzardly. You were probably thinking "how dare this guy go on a vacation while I write his essay, and now he expects me to hand it in too". So you did, you handed it in and that's all you did. idk user I'm gonna say...capital punishment

NOoooooooooooo, BUT IMMMm comPLETEly INOOOOOCENT

imagine wasting a SINGLE second on your life being forced to compose works you care little about? modern man has no worth. agriculture has spawned billions of domesticated animals who feel pleasure when they complete the tasks they were given (no matter how trivial) . Sounds familiar, right?

Domestication is VERY real. No scientist or geneticist will ever try to isolate the genes responsible for domesticated behaviors for obvious reasons, but this doesn't take away the fact that most of our specie has turned into cattle! I am not talking abstractly! Humans have physiologically domesticated themselves.

It is not surprising in the slightest to see that these infra-humans have conglomerated around institutions. It is quite logical. The real political divide is domesticated vs non-domesticated. Pro-institutions vs individual freedom. Camatte has been explicit about it, Kaczynski less so but that is somewhat implied throughout his works.

Key-key-key-key-key-key-key

Before the Law there stands a doorkeeper...

yikes. give me 4 hours at least and i'll have it done, but this....

only 3166 words per minute, or about 53 words per second. should be doable

There is almost certainly not a single gene or even a natural grouping of genes that exhaustively accounts for domestication. Not to mention, the process is largely environmental as well.

4 hours is still way too little time for 95000 words.

>150 page master's thesis due in 30 seconds
>haven't started

help

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Forget defending an argument and write a lit review. The Prof might be mad about it but college profs can't fail you these days as long as you do something. Shit they almost never give anything less than a B+ in the social sciences.

>help
OKAY QUICK TELL ME THE DISCIPLINE AND AREA OF SPECIALIZATION RIGHT THE FUCK NOW

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>1000 page science fiction novel due in .8 microseconds
>haven't started

No problem, I'll get it done with time to spare

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Camatte was right about everything desu.

>The real political divide is domesticated vs non-domesticated. Pro-institutions vs individual freedom.
> this is your brain on Ayn Rand
Pay your taxes, faggot.

I finished it and sent it in just in time already, but thanks for your help anyway.

I'm glad you're finally pulling yourself up by your bootstraps lad. keep this up and you might even pass undergrad one day.

Just will it into existence, stupid

I tried that, but it manifested as a handwritten spiral notebook in the middle of Uzbekistan.

>500 word essay due in two weeks
>haven't started

fucking help me based Yea Forumsizens

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Bruh I wrote an 8 page paper the morning it was due and got an A-
You're fine
(Unless it's a research paper, in which case good luck)

you're both in the wrong. him for asking you to write his paper and you for agreeing.

>500 word

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Are you in the 4th grade?

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>4 page essay due in 10 hours
>haven’t started

150 word essay due tomorrow, how screwed am I, fellow Yea Forumsizens?

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>10 word aphorism due in a month
>haven't started

I'm fucked bros

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Is that the same guy from the noose stock image?

idk not well versed in stock image lore

Man, it’s been a while since I’ve seen reaching of this level

was it when your gay lover gave you a reach around while he plowed your boipucci? was that the last time?

write the first letter NOW and don't forgety to whash your penesy

The professor for being a faggot and failing someone for failing to press a fucking button. University is such a fucking scam. Did you at least bring up to the administration?

I didn't go to that school. He tried to talk to them about it, but I don't remember what the result was. This was a few years ago.

You're missing out.

I put off my 40 page masters thesis for months and did it over a weekend. Probably 90% of my papers in all of undergrad and grad school I did the night before. Once in undergrad I wrote two 5 pagers the morning of the day (afternoon) they were due. Is this normal of some kind of procrastination autism

>decide to write perffect essay
>to be perfect is to possess all qualities
>if it didn't exist it wouldn't be perfect
>since your essay is perfect is now exists
>poof, essay done

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i mean there are different levels of wrong here, but if you accept the responsibility of uploading then fuck that up you're in the wrong

based

I’m autistic about writing in the complete opposite way. I always start well in advance because I’m too lazy to write more than 200-500 words a day.

I’m already planning my dissertation, and I only confirmed that I’d be doing one a few days ago.

I'm quite a fast typist, but even I can only manage about 2800 words in 60 minutes, at most. That's a max of 1400 words in a half-hour. Sorry, user, but if what you say is true, you're basically fuked. I don't even know if you could get 95k words in a half hour by just fucking the keyboard with your hand and tapping 'spacebar' every now and then to make inarticulate """words""".

i'm about to finish undergrad and i've done all my papers a couple hours before they were due

What class would require an essay the length of a 350 page book?

Did you finish in time, OP?

you should reverse the phrasing on the third/fourth line
>if it wasn't perfect it wouldn't exist
>since it exists it is perfect

i was always printing my papers as the professor was collecting them. get on my level

I sent an empty file that I could control remotely and stuck in a deliberately sized template so the file size wouldn't be suspicious. I also attached some malware so his computer would become slow as shit. Then I started writing the paper as he opened the file. He would think his computer was being slow but actually I was typing the words as he was reading them.
Get on my level.

holy shit you’re right

Send a mail to your professor before the deadline, telling him you are sick. Then get a doctor's attestation.

Literally all you can do at this point.

Thread was 5 hours ago

rip

well think about how happy you've made the kid who was going to become a goat herd but has now been accepted into moscow school of performing arts.

This.

>just wrote an essay arguing that self-reliance (Emerson) should be included in the syllabus.
>check syllabus to see what we read around the Thoreau section
>”quick look at self-reliance”
>mfw I skipped that day
It’s only a draft and it’s well written, so I think I’ll just turn it in and see what the prof says. I argued that it should be a larger focus instead.

His fault for not doing it himself. Stop doing work for people they won't respect you

hey, he was paying me for it. not look i was doing it for free

*deep gut laugh*

Based Anonstotle

wtf even i feel pissed at you

kek

One coherent sentence due in six months. Haven't started yet.

How screwed am I?

Back in the day when we handed in assignments on paper, I would write half an essay, print it out, put some blank pages at the end, staple it all together, then slightly rough up all of it and rip off the blank pages. Hand that in, go back and finish the essay, and then email the TA that I found half my paper in my bag, it must have gotten caught, etc. Then send the full paper over, after making sure my computer time was set to the day before so any metadata on the file would be ok. Never failed, though I would only do that once a year or so.

Generally my papers were written the night before or morning they were due, including research papers.

>tfw I wrote a 20 page paper with a 3 page bibliography in one night and got the highest marks of anyone in a class of 150 students
>tfw I have no face

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>42-word shitpost due in -100 years
>started on it twelveteenth minutes ago

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>500 words
>two weeks

are you kidding me? you can type 500 words in 30 minutes. is this board filled with troglodytes?

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welcome to Yea Forums, we are very welcoming of newfags, such as yourself

>2800/60 = ~47 wpm
>I'm quite a fast typist

Do you have a stand?

When doing typing speed tests, it's generally not all that long. Maybe a couple minutes or so. The longer you type, the more difficult it is to sustain. You could experiment for yourself if you want. Start a one-hour timer and get to typing. Don't stop until the hour has passed. If I were to only type for half an hour and then double the number, or 15 minutes and then quadruple the number, it may very well end up going past 2800 words. With most anything you do, the longer you do it, the slower you'll get. Rapid-fire shooting with a semi-auto, mag-dumping mag after mag like with an AK or something. Or long-distance running, marathon running, or what have you. I highly doubt such runners are as fast when they finish as when they've started. Even gaming, I bet if studies were done with one team playing constantly for hours went against another team got swapped every now and then with fresh gamers of similar quality, the marathon gamers would degrade in quality over time.

I recall doing speed tests and getting around 80-100 WPM, but with my years of creative writing (and I've self-published 6 novels and a few others novelettes/novellas) I haven't been able to sustain that for a solid hour. That's 4800-6000 words in an hour. I've timed myself many times but have never been able to manage that in spite of my successes with testing my typing speed for very short spurts.

Damn dude, must be rough

>two-volume debut novel due in three weeks
>haven't even had my first mental breakdown yet

am i fucked anons?

Just make sure it has a beginning, middle, and end. You can't miss.

>20 page paper with a 3 page bibliography in one night
how do people do stuff like this? Surely you did research beforehand, right? I hate being a slow writer.

Bro?!

sup?

He's so sexy, I want him to discipline and punish moi

You messed up, so I think you should own up to that. But the fact he didn't even take five minutes to go over it means that he is in the wrong. The professor is in the wrong too for not accepting the paper anyways. Your mistake was simply in method, not in character. You dindu nuffin.

no idea how people can do this. I use to be a lazy procrastinating autism undergrad and do the exact same things but im a perfectionist to the uptmost so doing the essay a day before will have me writing till the next day, regardless I still did procrastinate here and there but stopped over time. Also may have had a few stunts with speed and wrote overly long works(100pg) for like 10pg assignments. Got my phd idc

I know this is a joke, but what's the best thing to do in this scenario? I would probably just write and opening and closing paragraph that mentions a book. Then copy the entire book (with a citation) into my essay. Then I'd use the remaining time to try and write some more paragraphs pertaining to the book. Technically speaking, the professor would have grounds to give you more than a zero. I could see some of those social science retards giving their students 50-70 percent on that paper. Grade inflation is fucking real. But once you submit that, you should immediately write a real paper. Try and say you turned in the wrong paper, and offer him your new paper. If he doesn't take it then you can just save your paper for when you retake the class.

>wrote overly long works(100pg) for like 10pg assignments
Based

Alternatively, you could submit an old essay of similar length you wrote in the past for a different class and pull the whole "oops submitted the wrong essay" schtick

He'll see right through it though

...

>Story, 280 character
How the hell am I supposed to come up with 280 characters into one story? Anyone reading it wouldn't be able to keep track of em all. Who would even be considered the protagonist out of them?

"Black lives matter" x 95,000

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Caveat emptor, nigger. Your friend is a fucking retard and he got exactly what he deserved, sorry.

Sustaining that over a long period is rather fast, though not extraordinary, at least as it pertains to writing where you must also think of what to type next, as opposed to transcription. For transcription purposes that's not all that fast, which is what most typing tests cover obviously.

but the essay is supposed to be non-fiction

Easy as fuck m8, you write a 280 page novel in which each page is told from the perspective of a different character, all of whomst were unknowingly affected by the actions of some mysterious, thematically unifying central character about whom the reader only ever learns second hand information.

I want to be Genghis Khan but here I am writing papers on gender relations in popular fiction
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>8000 word short story due in a week
>haven't started

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ez

Hey retard, write a little over a thousand words a day.

a F is a F
it won't make much trouble

You get three moral demerits out of a possible ten
Your friend gets four
Whoever was doing the marking gets one