I've just been diagnosed with Polycythemia Vera...

feeling for you user, I really am. anything else I could say would feel hollow, I couldn't possibly know what you are feeling.

based

yeah okay we get it, cruelty to the dying is funny to you. honk honk.

Op I would also reccommend pic related

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based

Furthermore, Dostoevsky's Notes from a Dead House.

War and Peace. Also might not be the best advice but psychedelics are good for dealing with death.

Ask /sci/ to recommend some background oncology textbooks or chapters, research papers, and experimental treatments.

Worst case, you gain some reading material. Best case, you bring something up with your oncologist that they might not have heard about yet.

dude waterfast for like a month, I'm actually serious, cancer cells get eaten first

Philosophy is the ars moriendi. I try to think about my own death every day, visualize my decaying body being eaten by animals or defiled in some way. It helps. You're kind of lucky in that you have a rough idea when you'll die, so you will think about it a lot, and will consequently be more likely to live your remaining healthy years as fruitfully as possible.

Tolstoy - The Death of Ivan Ilyich

a middle class powertripping faggot with cushy bureaucrat job gets a strange incurable disease and realizes his family hates him and his friends only tolerate him as a smoking and gaming buddy. then he dies a horrible painful death. hopefully it inspires you to make peace with or get closer to your family if you are not already.

i've been disabled for my whole life and will continue being disabled for rest of my life. it's not so bad if you just do you and keep that thing in the background.

Someone I know had stage 4 blood cancer. He fasted for weeks(or months) and took ~500% DV Vitamin C and the cancer is now in remission.

>get closer to your family if you are not already.
Kek why? For what purpose?So OP can obsess over and regret how much time he wasted being a cunt to other people when he was healthy? Pretty fucked up user

I'm sorry OP. I'll pray for you if that means anything to you.

Do you have any intellectual passions? Could you devote your life to some project that increases knowledge or benefits humanity? You'd probably get more done in the time you have than most people who waste longer times by spacing out their goals and getting distracted.

devilish

I agree with this user. Seriously, write a book about your experience. I would read it.

If it's any consolation OP, I'd trade lives with you in an instant. You wouldn't even have to ask me twice, I'm just that eager to die without taking matters into my own hands. You probably can't believe it, but you've been given a tremendous gift. Your fate has been decided, your number has been called, and you know how you're probably going to go out into oblivion. You can work with that, even at the age of 21. The rest of us, we get to continue grinding along with our meaningless lives of quiet desperation, aware that death will come for us too, but totally, torturously ignorant of when or how. Amor fati nigger, you lucky bastard.

>A few people die too early, most die too late. You have to know when to die at the right time.
>t. Friedrich

If you're being honest I'm extremely sorry user. Can't imagine being in your shoes.
For what another anons rec can be worth, I think Meditations by Marcus Aurelius might be worth the time. Marcus was deeply certain that to see the way life ought to be lived he needed to face up to the reality of his mortality and that of those around them, and reading the book was an incredible experience for me. I guess I'd recommend this book for you specifically so you might see there have been wonderful people who have been able to death not as end of meaning, but the beginning of it. And also to see someone face up to the question of their purpose without any attempt to flaunt their intelligence: Meditations was written by Aurelius with himself as the only intended audience.
Maybe I'm being too wordy. I guess that's my rec. Godspeed user.

This. It's about coming to terms with Death and I think had big influence on Heidegger who you should also check out

So like i was saying OP you're certainly either some brainwashed niggerloving shitskin or irrelevent third world brown trash. I hope it sucks awfull and is terribly physically painful. You are garbage and will die garbage and I'm laughing at you.

>be op
>be some dumbfuck cuck
>universe hates you so much is curses you with a painful statistically improbable death
>die in agony
>do absolutely nothing about the world despite a death sentence from god
You'll die with tears in your eyes accomplishing nothing because you're a useless shitskin or one of their caretakers. I hope it hurts pussy. Enjoy it :)

yes I know sheep thinks its paudoscience but waterfasting literally cures dieases, when you fast your body eats up any cells that not necessary or healthy, cancer cells take up a bunch of energy and they're quick to go

I hope op reads this

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Sorry to hear user but I'm still not reading your book

Setting aside the medical advice of the mystic sages upstream, and with all due respect, OP, is it possible that the diagnosis could be a false positive? It's worth confirming beyond reasonable doubt, anyway. I looked at the diagnostic criteria and symptoms but I didn't find anything about the rate of false positives or false negatives in testing.

What do you think about when you wake up in the morning?

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I second this. Contrarians like to shit on it but that book completely changed the way I think for the better.

I'll check these out, thanks
Exactly what I was looking for. But yes you're correct, pretty much my whole perception of my life: dreams, goals, anxieties, has evaporated. I feel like I've woken up with a blank slate and a timer
Seriously appreciate the kind words anons. My family is currently in denial so no comfort is coming there, but they'll come around eventually. I would be in a terrible state right now if it wasn't for them
Sounds applicable lol thanks
I paint and have been writing a few books the past couple years but I've been procrastinating. Since my diagnosis I suddenly feel an enormous sense of energy to pursue these passions, and knowing I won't ever have to deal with old age and retirement makes this even more attractive. I want to paint and write until my hands stop working, nothing else seems to be worth my time. Even if it's only my distant relative hanging a piece i painted years after my death, I at least can live on when it's looked at. This disease is forcing me to scream at the void with all I can. It's weird, I feel free

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>It's weird, I feel free
That's the sensation I got when I became atheist.
Enjoy yourself user.

Nice painting. Made me think of this Beasers song
youtube.com/watch?v=rZRJn-L_Okc

I am glad to hear it. Let me think of the things I would want to urge someone to read before they die... The poetry of Neruda is sublime with the ache of love; the song of songs is beautiful. Rather than Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, which are quietly anguished, a great lantern of a life fading out in old age, I would press Seneca's Letters from a Stoic into your hands. (One of them, particularly moving, is his counsel to his mother on recovering from grief.)

Yu Hua's 'To Live' nearly brought me to tears, but they were fulfilled, almost happy tears. Even as an atheist, I was moved deeply by CS Lewis' The Great Divorce. It is a beautiful argument on the nature of hell, of the nature of the good, and the beauty of a life lived for the sake of producing a few beautiful words that might humbly echo the beauty of heaven.

TS Eliot's Prufrock. Dylan Thomas's Fern Hill. Both poems keenly aware of mortality and yet in love with life, both brilliant poets, lines that echo in my heart some decade after reading them.

If I can think of any more, and the thread is still going, I will add them. Peace be with you, brother.

I'm , by the way.

Since Dostoevsky was already recommended, I can only add that I read the Idiot first, and then put off reading any more Dostoevsky until the blows of fate brought me to my knees, so that I would be able to read the rest of his novels for the first time when I direly needed them.

The Idiot is his most sympathetic and tragic main character, and with my faith thus established, I approached Crime and Punishment warily, unsure if he could "do it again" - he bloody well did. Notes from a Dead House is his slightly fictionalized account of his time in a Siberian labor camp, and it was nourishing to me like bread. The Brothers Karamazov is the jewel in the crown of his works; I saved it for last on purpose, knowing it was the last he'd written, and I relished it all the more for my familiarity with his previous work.

Yea Forums likes to fight about the best translations, but to date I have never found a translation of Dostoevsky that could disguise or cripple the strength and beauty of his prose, so don't worry about that.

Read "Think and Grow Rich"
Dream youself back to health, we have machinery in our mind to manifest a reality we choose. It is true.
Or just "follow science xD" and enjoy your shitty survival odds
Choice is yours, stay positive at all times, negative thoughts mean negative life.

dude just waterfast for about a month, you're still early into you're illness it could save your life and you've nothing to lose

refrain from psychedelics at any cost.
they tend to bring out mental diseases.

I don't know if you are religious person, but I'd recommend to read some books about Zen Buddhism or Buddhism in general, they might help you a lot. Also lots of bloomer's lit like Siddhartha were mentioned here, and these are good positions. Live your life fully, enjoy every breath, cherish the sun and bless the all creatures OP. I am truly sorry about your disease.

what's the point of modern medicine? what good can come out of knowing you have been diagnosed with polycythemia vera?

the only thing modern medicine does well is fixing traumatic injuries through surgery.

ratical.org/ratville/AoS/MedicalNemesis.pdf

Medical Nemesis : The expropriation of Health by Ivan Illich (Anti-tech author influenced by ellul)

DMT has the complete opposite effect, look up the John Hopkins studies with it.

I didn't think Meditations was anguished at all, I thought it was practical and applicable, even optimistic. I was in a very dark place when this book prompted me to take up responsibility and make something of myself.

OP, you have time to read every book in this thread if you so choose. Of the ones you choose, include Meditations because why not.

This is going to sound cruel but 15 more years isn't so bad.
People die from car crashes, accidents, whatever quite often when young.
If you're 20 and you only live to 45-ish,
Men peak around then (28-35 body, 30-45 career) so you won't actually miss the best parts.
Also I'd read Ivan Ilych.

I love Meditations, too, user, but Marcus Aurelius died of old age, so his wisdom on life is from the perspective of someone who has already seen it. It is sorrowful, at times. but I felt grief knowing I would never live long enough to write something like it, or feel what he felt.

Seneca was and is more uplifting for me because he describes a mindset that doesn't belong to any particular age, and I found his words on death comforting and enlightening.

Meditations should be read, yes, I just feel Seneca is a bit more relatable.

May I suggest the movie Ikiru OP.

user, I sincerely hope that you have a wonderful life and please let us know if there’s anything we can do. I’d recommend Seneca’s Letters, I’ll be praying for you this evening.

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I appreciate your reply. To be honest, I read Meditations first and only touched upon the Letters from a Stoic so I'm a bit biased.

Read the Bible. You'll need metaphysics from now on.

non-profit charity advertising is out of control

How is it surprising to know that you will die? Not only should it be acceptable, but it is rather transcendent that you are faced with the harsh reality and aren't living some childish illusion that you'll live forever in the lower realms. You should be thankful that you've been brought to reality as young as you are. I've had friends die younger than you without seeing anything beyond partying and the most trite vanities of man. Go forth and set your mind to higher things now that you've seen the vanities of all things temporal.

>Buddhism
Here is a good chart. For OP I would recommend the first book there, In The Buddha's Words, and perhaps a ton of balls to the walls Vipassana, perhaps in the Mahasi tradition if he'd like to try to realize some level of awakening before death (ex. stream-entry).

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because modern medicine didn't eradicate the pox

Don't be daft. Of course there is sadness in learning one's life has just been halved, and, furthermore, that much of that remaining half will be spent in chronic pain and sickness.

It is immeasurably better to know that one's life will end short rather than have it end abruptly without knowing, having wasted away your final days.

I have no reccs but god bless dude, stay strong. Sorry you have to go through something like this.

The title story of this collection is brilliant.

Sorry to hear user. Hope you can hang in there and enjoy what time you have left, while doing your best to leave a good mark on those around you. I generally don't recommend this book, but Ishiguro's "Never Let Me Go" might be worth looking into. I think he's written better, but that one speaks specifically to the young with a limited time on the planet (which, if we are truly honest with ourselves, is all of us).

Best of luck and feel free to check in here periodically, user.

sucks to be you

LMAOing @ your life

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You keep painting user. If you get the chance and haven’t, go see paintings by Turner in person. The light in them is beautiful beyond words, at the risk of sounding schlocky.

Also, if you get the chance, Rumi has some good poetry if you can get past him wanting to bone god.

“If all the light of the world goes out, what cause is there for despair, when flint and tinder still remain?”

I don’t know. Keep painting.