>”Radagast the Brown!” laughed Saruman, and he no longer concealed his scorn. “Radagast the Bird-tamer! Radagast the Simple! Radagast the Fool! Radagast the Absolute Retard, would perhaps make a fitting title!”
Holy shit, how did Tolkien get away with this? Was it just because of the times?
>"Fuck you" replied Gandalf
You left out the best part.
I don't remember Saruman ever speaking to Radagast "on screen" in LOTR. Is this from the movies or something?
>Lets hunt some jews
Holy fuck how did tolkein get away with this?
>"Looks like boipucci's back on the menu, boys!"
He was truly ahead of his time.
>“Rich words, coming form you Saruman the White, whose line has been tainted not once, but twice by the foal blood of Far-Harad” replied Gandalf. “More a more fitting title, as you say, should be Saruman the Doublenigger!”
>LOOKS LIKE MEAT'S BACK ON THE MEN, YOU BOYS
I stared at this post for like twenty seconds before I cracked up lmao
>"Ayo, we wuz kangz n shiet" said Aragorn as he smoothed his nappy ranger hair and smacked his thick ranger lips.
>"You mean to tell me that you rangers were kings once? I never heard anything so far fetched in all my life." declared Sam.
>"Ay, you white pepo can't be sayin' 'ranger', das raycis. Das our word whyt boi" was Aragorn's curt response.
>get fucked
Are you gonna start posting about stock shares and tax reform yet or what?
He’s talking to Gandolf idiot.
>"You shall not pass your Keynesian reforms!" bellowed Gandalf randianly.
Woah was Tolkien /ourguy/?
Very well done
lmao
>The dwarves dug too greedily and too deep and violated the NAP.
>"The red sun rises...blood has been spilt this night" said Legolas, casting his determined glance over the horizion.
>"Or maybe, it's just like...a red sun. Maybe it doesn't mean anything. Maybe nothing means anything. Maybe we're all floating on a raft of splinters in an ocean of chaos, with no shore in sight" mused Gimli.
I always felt this part was very existentialist.
>"Oh, Sam"
>"Yes, Master Frodo?"
>"Oh, Sam"
>"Yes, Master Frodo?"
>"Oh, Sam"
>"Yes, Master Frodo?"
>"Oh, Sam"
>"Yes, Master Frodo?"
>"Oh, Sam"
>"Yes, Master Frodo?"
>"Oh, Sam"
>"Yes, Master Frodo?"
>"Oh, Sam"
>"Yes, Master Frodo?"
>"Oh, Sam"
>"Yes, Master Frodo?"
>"Oh, Sam"
>"Yes, Master Frodo?"
>"Oh, Sam"
>"Yes, Master Frodo?"
>"Oh, Sam"
>"Yes, Master Frodo?"
>"Oh, Sam"
>"Yes, Master Frodo?"
This part was a bit repetitive, to be honest. Maybe he was going for some kind of James Joyce vibe here, i dunno.
Yes. You can see a very post-modern influence in some parts remember this one:
>"Today is my one-hundred and eleventh birthday" Bilbo cried, "that's one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one.
>the maths checks out
based Tolkien
shiiiit, how long until we get a woke revision on Lord of the Rings written by a trans woman of color? Oprah book of the year
Go back to your discord, faggot.
>*sniff sniff*
>"I smell....hobbit stink"
>*BRAAAAAAAAAAAP*
>"Sam you fool! They can smell that!"
>"I'm sorry Mister Frodo it's all the taters I ate"
>"I know what to do..."
>*SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF*
>"Mister Frodo what are you doing?!"
>"I'm sniffing it up before they do!"
>*SNIFF SNIFF*
>*BRAAAP BRAAAAP*
>"Oh Sam it's too much!"
>*BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP*
>"I can't sniff all of that up, Sam! We need to do something quick!"
>"Use the ring, Mister Frodo!"
>"I'm not going to leave you here, Sam. Don't be silly."
>"No, Mister Frodo. Put it in my butt, around my hole. That way when the farts come out they will be invisible and--"
>"The smell might not be detectable either! Good thinking Samwise! Bend over!"
>Frodo leans in to inspect Sam's plump hobbit hole.
>*BRAAAAAAAAAAAAP*
>"Oh Sam!"
>"I'm so sorry Mister Frodo please hurry, I can't keep them-- *BRAAAP* in!"
>"Sam.. that fresh smell is... it's almost intoxicating. Do another."
>"But Mister Frodo, we shou--"
>"Samwise Gamgee. Please. For me"
>Samwise, with his rump pointed right at his friends face release a long, silent, soft fart.
>*sniiiiiiiif*
>"Oh Sam..."
>"Was that what you wanted, Mister Frodo?"
>"Yes Sam. It's a start. Please continue."
>"Fine, Mister Frodo. But please put the ring in. We need to be more cautious."
>"It looks like it's a tight fit, friend. I'll need to put it in deep so the fart is forced through the middle, are you ready?
>"Yes Mister Frodo"
>Frodo eyes Sam's tight hole, perplexed. A smirk comes across his face. He puts the ring on his middle finger, instantly disappearing from view.
>Samwise releases another involuntary fart.
>*BRAP*!
>It sounded like a hammer driving a nail into a wooden beam.
>"AHHHHH!"
>Samwise screams as he feels a sharp pain in his rectum.
>"Mis-Mister Frodo... Is the r-ring in there snug?"
>There is no reply.
>Samwise turns to look behind him but sees his friend is gone.
>"Mister Frodo?"
>He winces as he speaks, There is something long and hard in his cavity. It's no ring.
>Before he can speak another word another sharp pain rushes throughout his body, immenating from his rear. It feels as if a log is being thrusted in and out of his backside. His plump cheeks clapping against an invisible rod with each thrust.
>"Wh--at are you do--ing Mis--ter Fro--do?"
>His words split in two from the ramming.
>There is no response.
>"If th--is wi-ll he--lp then I will ta--ke it."
>Samwise grits his teeth and buries his face into the ground trying to to scream out in pain.
>Suddenly it stops. Samwise hears a soft grunt as he feels his cavity fill with a warm liquid. He feels the rod still inside.
>"Good thinking... Mister Frodo..."
>He says between gasps of breath
>"That will... Block the gas... from releasing..."
>Just then he feels a sharp pain in his stomach. Almost as if a honeydew melon just appeared in his gut.
>"Oh no... Mister Frodo... I feel..."
>"It's okay, Sam."
>Frodo removes the ring reappearing in view. He looks exhausted, but happy. He slowly removes himself from his friend's shute.
>"Mister Frodo... something is brewing in my guts. It's growing..."
>"I know Sam. It will be okay".
>"So the ring is in, right? We're safe now?"
>There is no response.
>Sam looks behind him, rump still in the air, at his friend for the answer.
>Frodo is staring at his sheathe on his hip. A bright blue glow is shining out from it.
>"No... Mister Frodo... They're coming! They've found us! Quick! I think I can run."
>Same starts to stand, pulling his britches up.
>"Sam. No. we're fine. Those monsters left minutes ago."
>"Your sword glows when danger is near does it not? It's glowing now!"
>"Precisely" Frodo says with a smirk.
>He pushes Samwise back to the ground. And rolls him onto his stomach once more.
>"Mister Frodo what are you doing now?! What do you mean they left?! Please, my stomach. Something is wrong..."
>Frodo smirks as he rips Samwise's britches off, exposing his bare buttock.
>Samewise screams in pain once more as the feeling in his stomach triples in intensity.
>"AHHHHHHH! SOMETHING BIG IS COMING MISTER FRODO. GET AWAY. SAVE YOURSELF."
>With a smirk, Frodo shoves his face between Samwise's rosy cheeks.
>"What a story this will be, Samwise"
>Just then a loud gurgle is heard. Followed by screams of pain from Samwise. And then... silence.
>Until...
>BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP
>A loud boom erupts from the puckered cavern of Samwise. Rivaling any of the fireworks back at the Shire. The stinky air shoots out at a speed faster than one of Legolas' arrows, and blasts Frodo right in his face. But it's not just air. The seed left behind sprays all over Frodo and the rocks behind him. Fecal matter splattering everything in sight. Frodo get's blasted back and falls to the ground, covered in various shades of brown and white.
While I do enjoy Tolkein's works, I will forever despise the man for inventing braap posting.
You are suspiciously good at this
What the fuck
the dwarves were ugly gold hoarders looking to reclaim their lost Homeland of moria and literal subhumans
I mean, we'll probably have to wait for Christopher Tolkien to die first. I don't think he would allow it.
>Bring your pretty face to my ass!
>I will forever despise the man for inventing braap posting
What
Have you not read LOTR? First example of brapposting in literature. Also one of the earliest usages of contemporary ebonics Some say Tolkien practically invented ebonics as we know it today.
topkek
major kek
>Yet user had just the wit to play the part that I set him: Being unfunny cancer.
"We ain't 'ad nuffing but faggoty threads for FREE STINKING DAYS"
Prophetic
kek
absolute kek
hehe
>I don't know half of you half as well as I should not know the other part of the halves half; and I like less than half of you, that is the double of half of you, half as well as half of the good half of the people of you compared to the worse half than you deserve if you look at the halved half of the other people which I only like half as well as I do not like the other half
I never really understood. Does he like them now or not?
>Tolkien is Trump's speechwriter.
mein gott
Lmfao