After writing for many years, I've come to accept that I will never succeed. My writing isn't great, I'm uninteresting, and the odds are wholly against an inadequate man like me. I've since deleted all my writings in a delirious fit of rage.
This thought has always been in the back of my mind but I pushed it aside, knowing that I could never succeed with a defeated outlook. But here I am. Perhaps my accepting of this fact has been made more painful because of my former romanticist view of the world– Idealizing a future of recognition and my creating beautiful literature.
The hope of success was the only thing that I valued about life. I couldn't kill myself as long as I knew that the possibility of success existed. With that wall collapsed, the fear of a failed suicide is the only thing that has been fighting my urge to end it all.
It's obvious that I'm an attention whore, announcing my problems in hopes of receiving sympathy; yes, I am aware of this. But I come with another message. Thank you, Yea Forums, for all the recommendations, critiques, Wittgenstein memes, and for providing me with a sense of community. Literature has brought me so much joy and I'm thankful that I discovered such beauty in this world. Yes, I ranted about the pains of writing, but it did keep me alive up until now. I know many of you are writers and I hope you all remain stronger than I was and find happiness, whether it be through a writing career or other things in life. It will soon be curtains for me.
Good luck OP. Go the helium route; painless and effective. Love you bro.
Jaxon Sullivan
Same. Now I have a tedious but well paying job. The easy way out is very tempting.
Adam Torres
Thanks, brother. Thank you for your thoughts and I wish you the best!
Colton Peterson
dude just write about how pathetic your situation is become a 21st century classic.
Mason Green
I wish I had the ability but as you can tell from my post, my writing is high school-tier
Nathan Walker
>The hope of success was the only thing that I valued about life
Seems like you only wrote to gain some fame or clout as they say these days. There was no purpose behind your writing other than personal gain that had nothing to do with what you put on paper.
Thomas Murphy
have you sought real education in your craft rather than just toiling away in solitude?
Luis Rogers
Success of making great art. My terrible writing is a factor, not only being an npc
Andrew Brown
I was taking lit and business as an undergrad but I had a big breakdown. Lovecraft style
Hudson Martin
How do you deal with the acceptance of your mediocraty; is this even an issue for you, or are you solely unsatisifed with you not being unique, uniquely talented? I worry about this greatly but I haven't gotten hard proof of what I already know: That I am mediocre. Nothing I am or will do is noteworthy. >the fear of a failed suicide (most likely a girl, but still:) jsut lay your neck on some tracks
Your life is probably pretty great man. You should relax for a second and try to forgive yourself for not being able to live up to what your inner critic dictates. The brain has a tendency to mistake negative thoughts for objective reality. You're almost certainly not as bad as you think (and if you doubt it, go read some of the self-published stuff on Amazon) and if you can recognize that you're bad, and if you're willing to put in the work, you can certainly get better.
But right now you're feeling pretty blue, so consider the following:
1. What you're feeling is perfectly natural, a product of your evolutionary history and your environment, there's not inherently "wrong" or "bad" about it, it's just an emotional state that will eventually pass 2. What you're feeling is not unique, others have felt it, even (especially) your heroes. You think Melville never felt his writing was inadequate or Joyce or even Shakespeare? 3. Even at this very moment among the 7 billion people living on the earth, some fraction of them are feeling the very thing you are. You're not alone. You're part of a community sharing that experience together.
Joshua Morris
>real education >toiling away in solitude these are the same.
Grayson Reed
you can only learn so much about a subject which you know very little of, once you have self-educated a fair amount it is wise to seek a community where you can learn from people more educated than you who have a mastery of the craft you are working in
Levi Hill
All education is self education. If I can learn as well from reading masters who distribute their material online, why do I need the traditional physical community structure?
Charles Cruz
Improvement is incremental. Only the rock stars of writing are good on their first try. The rest of us have to grind our skill up. Years? Try 10, minimum, before you even start to get good.
Stop being a whiny little bitch and keep going. Buy a bottle of good whiskey and a legal pad, and drink and free write until you pass out.
You'll be amazed at how many little bits of genius will be scattered on those pages. Skill will let you connect them. Build more skill.
You shouldn't write for success and fame. The process of creating something meaningful and the product itself, that's what drives true artists.
What eventually separates them from amateurs is whether you're willing to endure the work required to become a competent artist even if you will never succeed. For every Van Gogh there are thousands of other failed artists who never escaped the anonymous grave. And on a long enough time scale, Van Gogh will be forgotten too. Either embrace this or find a different trade
James Morales
>obligatory liberty-denying moralfag post Let OP die in peace you despot
Isaiah Moore
>If I can learn as well from reading masters who distribute their material online, why do I need the traditional physical community structure? That’s the thing, you can’t learn it as well. You don’t know what you don’t know. You won’t know how to structure your education the right way until you are already on the other side of it, and you won’t see your blind spots as an uneducated person except in hindsight. Also simply reading and learning in solitude will not be as strong as reading, learning, discussing, and defending what you have learned in a group. It’s another level of learning when you don’t simply read something, you read it and then defend it in debate or in an essay for a class, or you have a professor to asks questions who will elucidate the text for you. Self-education is important but if you’re like OP and you feel you have failed, but have only tried self-educating, you really have not come close to maximizing your learning or exhausting your options.
Jacob Phillips
clearly you want to write and your histrionics suggest you are good for nothing else
even if your writing sucks keep writing. maybe you will make a breakthrough of some kind. maybe not international success, maybe just one poem or paragraph you yourself really really like.
better to give it what you got than pack it in cause you'll never be the top
Easton Torres
I know these feels intimately, but you are at a cross roads, as am I:
One road, which leads to even further solipsism, isolation, selfishness and desire to be pitied etc (suicide), is the one you have been travelling along, and which has contributed to your failure as a writer.
The other, is the road to empathy, compassion, sincere interest in the lives of others, and a willingness to use your literary talents, to whatever extent they exist, to write things that bring people close together, improve the better aspects of their personalities, inspire them to be better, and so on.
It's up to you what path you take.
Colton Ross
Dan Brown writes and has immense financial success. You can't conceive of yourself reaching a level of writing better than Dan "renowned author" Brown?
Isaiah Reyes
>some fraction of them are feeling the very thing you are. You're not alone this only makes it worse, please stop encouraging him to khs.
Charles Campbell
What a facile understanding. You're best suited for writing inspirational macros for Facebook moms. The OP will statistically remain anonymous for ever, even if he somehow develops true talent.
Alexander Morgan
e d g y
Jackson Collins
Assuming you aren't lying, do you actually make enough money to quit wageslaving and just write, now? Success isn't really based on quality.
>Success isn't really based on quality. So what is it that you want? Are you pissed you can't see yourself being the literal greatest writer of all time?
Austin Perez
>Success isn't really based on quality. >He said about something subject to the capitalist system heh
lay off whatever substance you might be consuming, have a good night sleep, go somewhere nice in the morning and think about it again. You'll be fine
Cooper Robinson
I don't really see where my post was moralizing. I never told OP not to kill himself, only to look at his situation with some objectivity.
But it is true that I hope OP doesn't kill himself. And even though I don't know him and probably never will, I do know the feeling of crushing mediocrity and inadequacy and failure that he knows, and for that, though you may not believe me, I feel great compassion for OP.
Chase Carter
narcissism is the only thing that plagues this board. Failure to accept living a standard life. Part of it is probably societal, part of it parental. Whatever the cause may be, acceptance of your situation is the only way forward. That is, after bashing your head against the proverbial wall for some amount of time without noticeable change.
Austin Miller
Ah, great, high quality posts, as expected of Yea Forums
This board has given me such insight into the brutal honesty of people’s lives, I truly wish you the best OP.
Daniel Ortiz
What is your idea of success? What would satisfy you?
Oliver Brooks
I take it many people here have a brain that is developing similarly to mine, so when I describe my own emotions, others will inevitably recognize them on some base level. So, I was always quite verbally gifted throughout my youth. This earned me lots of confidence and praise throughout my early school years. However, I always noticed I was lacking in other areas, mainly concrete problem solving. This "imbalance" in my brain drove me away from my peers. It drove me inside my own head. I spent too much time inside, thinking and listening to music. I also suffered quite a few digestive issues, that forced me to stay in bed for a while. Recovery was long and full of insecurities, all whilst trying to finish gymnasium. I stopped looking people in the eye, I became nervous just being outside my room. And still, when I was at this bottom point in my life, I just had to express myself in some way. There was always so much more to the world than what I saw in front of me, I've always been fascinated with the world behind things. I can only do my absolute best to capture it through music and words. All I know is that this is something I do better than most people I know, so I should try and pursue it. This is all I have, all I'm aware of, and all I'm capable of. Without the world of ideals and abstraction I am nobody.
Isaac Williams
>do you actually make enough money to quit wageslaving and just write, now?
Very much so. I'm working longer hours, but for myself, and making more money than I ever did as a wagie.
There aren't any mansions in my future unless something is a surprise hit, and I'm pumping out genre stuff to market that is formulaic and uncreative, but it makes people happy and I'm not serving coffee for a living.
Also keep in mind, as far as "bestseller" -- I've been on the bestseller lists, but nowhere near the top.
Ian Carter
You forgot the part where you have to read a thousand books before becoming a great writer, so you have many models to draw from. Do you really think you can develop great writing just by writing? Remember that Keats copied endlessly from King Lear before he made it.
Jayden Robinson
Maybe you cant be lit but you cant still be fitlit. I hope you don't go through with it OP, life is a blessing, there are still innumerable experiences for you to live.
Jack Ward
Got any advice for getting noticed? I find it difficult to find the most effective method of getting my books out to the public.
Realize that your book has a job in addition to telling a story, and that job is to keep the reader turning pages. The first line has to do that, and then the second, until the chapter's done, and then the last line of the chapter has to make the reader want to start the second chapter, and it all repeats until the end.
Once you've done that, you have to write a query letter that entices an agent into reading the first line of the first chapter.
I did so much rewriting on my first book until the lines did their job, and my query underwent so many revisions, and then I found a query that worked, and I got published, and the thing sold pretty well because it did its job.
Mercenary as fuck, but I'm writing genre for mass consumption, not what I actually want to write. It's a job.
>Also I used some of my advance to buy Amazon ads to drive readers of similar authors to my book, which I suspect boosted online sales. But shh that's a secret
Owen Fisher
Hey OP. Have fun in the afterlife because I hear it is a hoot.
Ryan Murphy
He committed suicide. He's going to hell kek.
Colton Morris
Good job user. Although for me it would be impossible to write anything other than the stuff I actually want to write.
Elijah Collins
I reallt hope you don't do it, OP. Writing may not be for you but you shouldn't throw your life away.
Matthew Myers
>Although for me it would be impossible to write anything other than the stuff I actually want to write.
Yeah. It sucks, honestly, but it sucks less than working at Starbucks.
Caleb Nguyen
instead of writing, read. you dont get better at anything hard just by doing it.
Levi Cox
>if I can't be famous I'll literally kys myself Damn, OP, sounds like the modern world fucked you up pretty good
Noah Barnes
I really sympathize with you OP. I read your post yesterday but didn't know how to respond. I still don't really know how to respond, but just wanted to let you know that your post touched me in the feels.
OP, I understand your desire to throw it all away. Hell, after I fell ill two years ago (nearly died -- won't get into that now), I considered doing the same. Couldn't write for shit during that period. Lost the most integral part of my identity.
Because my inactivity was almost literally killing me, I finally decided to put my short stories aside and change my approach to writing. I took up, of all things, haiku and other forms of micropoetry. I know the guys around here don't regard that stuff very highly (and rightfully so), but it was for a long period my lifeline.
What I propose for you is this: Try new forms. Right now, you need validation. Pick a form, like haiku, where you can submit your work fairly often and receive responses rather quickly (for haiku, they typically get back to you in two weeks). Don't slog away writing mammoth stories right now.
I had to persevere through a lot of misery, too, but as of right now, I've been in every major haiku magazine there is. There is hope if you change your approach.
Joseph Reyes
You should respond by telling him to sack up and keep writing. Writing's one of the most skill-intensive trades out there and it takes forever to build that skill. Those of us who aren't rock stars have to write a million words minimum to be not shit at it, let alone good.
