On Sunday night I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. The experience could not have gone better and I admit that I ejaculated. I had to put my underwear in the outdoor garbage the morning after so my mother wouldn't have to deal with the smell / sight, but the bigger issue is that ever since then I have felt a constant sense of shame and guilt, and the overwhelming conviction that my literary talents, to the degree that they existed previously, have all but dissipated.
Now, in retrospect, after a few days of thought and introspection, I am despairing at the prospect of never being able to write the kind of calm, pure, innocent, poetic poems and stories that I found so pleasing and natural to write before my act of quite sudden and unexpected consummation.
Did anyone here suffer in a similar way after their first sexual experience? To be honest the idea of ever having sex again, or seeing this girl again let alone in the fleeting, intense manner I saw her the other night, fills me with such a feeling of disgust that I can feel myself growing pale and faint when I think about it.
"The tragedy of sexual intercourse is the perpetual virginity of the soul." >W.B. Yeats
Dominic Edwards
You have to marry her
Jason Watson
What's worse even than that is I believe my mother knows what happened, and I can no longer even look her in the eye without feeling deeply corrupted and sinister, the wild beast so long held at bay now seeming to lurk behind my gaze. I thought I would perhaps feel more masculine after the act, but instead all I feel is tarnished and ashamed.
Landon Reed
have sex
Jose Moore
Impossible, I'm afraid.
Connor Lopez
Well, your guilt is justified then
Michael Adams
>I had to put my underwear in the outdoor garbage the morning after so my mother wouldn't have to deal with the smell / sight What the fuck do you mean by this?
Grayson Cruz
This. First girl you fuck is your wife for all eternity unless she's a whore.
Daniel Cox
How so? What do you mean?
Isaiah Peterson
You're femininity is pronounced. I find it cute that in you, the feminine is purer than 95% of women in this age. yet exceedingly and absolutely tragic. You're fucked.
Camden Edwards
Have sex
Austin Howard
After a bout of severe, rampant onanism during my teens and early 20s, I quit "cold turkey", and for at least four years have neither masturbated, viewed pornographic material, nor obviously had sex. As a result I woke up suspecting I had actually urinated myself, though the smell of my damp underwear (and the room itself) made it clear that I had in fact ejaculated.
Thomas Nelson
I would certainly marry her if it were possible, but it's not in this case.
Dominic Sullivan
You used her as a means to an ends, which is wrong. Sex in an intimate and spiritual act merging the souls. You shouldn't even have done it before you were married.
Andrew Baker
Why not?
Nathaniel Foster
We're cousins
Xavier Walker
You've been duped, OP. Love is a ruse, and, in fact, you never wanted anything to do with it to begin with and are only imitating the desires of others--in particular, the female with whom you consummated your relationship. She, in turn was imitating you, or her parents, or her friends, looking for signs of meaning, rather than meaning itself, she being woefully unprepared to render intelligible the flurry of experience that constitutes our life in this world. In other words, you were both led by the ego into a false heaven, bewitched by some remote object as ephemeral as it was enticing. Neither actually knew what it was you were looking for, or acting towards, but you were sure as you gazed into each other's eyes that you had found it, whatever it was. What you saw was, in fact, eager, unknowing desire, reflecting back at you, so that you figured it was you that had been found, or rather, justified. Therefore, it was yourself you were looking for, but what you found was someone else, looking for the exact same thing, but you mistook your longing for the thing itself. Reflect upon it and you will see.
For more on this topic, read the chapter "Paolo and Francesca" in Rene Girard's collection of essays entitled: "To double business bound."
Levi Foster
normalfags need to fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off please just fuck off
Isaiah Thompson
She approached me and made it conspicuously clear that she desired to have sexual intercourse. It lasted only briefly, and I had no way of asking her name nor arranging a subsequent meeting.
Perhaps I didn't make it clear in my original post, but my sexual experience took place with the girl of my dreams, that is to say it took place while I was asleep, so to speak. I had neither the time nor the clearness of thought to ask what her name was, and if it was at all possible for us to arrange a meeting during the waking period.
