How are you holding up Yea Forums, what’s on your mind?

>What’s the cause chief?
I'm a bad person. Not like in a cool anti-hero way, just I'm extremely weak and sensitive and sad and have spent my whole life trying hard to find some peace and humiliating myself and failing. I don't enjoy anything, so I devise new ambitions for things I could one day enjoy and not only do I fail but I don't even enjoy the attempt. I try to do "radical" "new" things and change my setting but it always just feels even worse and even more exhausting. It's not fun. My friends think I'm boring (I am) or creepy (I am).
Anyway this isn't some adolescent thing (maybe it is), I'm a 31-year-old boomer and I'm both a worse person and have worse traumas than I did when I was a sad child. Life just gets worse. I'm not a victim. The problem is me. I'm not a good person. I'm a failed thing.

In other words, I'm a mopey self-indulgent piece of shit. But trying to look outward and engage with society and be a useful member of the community hasn't worked at all. So I don't know. I don't want my parents to be sad so I won't actually kill myself until they're dead, luckily they're kind of old so it shouldn't be too long. Anyway, top five:

Suspended in Gaffa
Wuthering Heights
Cloudbusting
The Big Sky
Moving

I find it really funny when people say they have a therapist. It reminds me of a Woody Allen film or Curb Your Enthusiasm.

I imagine your life must be really kooky. "It's my wife, doc. I just can't stop thinking about killing her!" Haha user

>/pol/ """humor"""

As sad as I would be to lose these threads, I do generally approve of Yea Forums being cleaned up some. The /pol/ and /r9k/ posters need to know they're not welcome here.

I just wanna talk about books. People should be more mindful and considerate of the board. The shitpostig isn't as bad as Yea Forums or Yea Forums but it's still disappointing.

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My girlfriend and I broke up yesterday. I'm in a PhD program (philosophy) and simply have very little time. She's not happy with that. Haven't really been there for her just in an everyday kind of way, even though the summer is just right around the corner. We're supposed to go to Oregon for three weeks, but she cancelled her ticket.

Been a tough semester. My parents got their divorce finalized, my dad got prostate cancer, my mom relapsed into alcoholism and I had to hold a very traumatizing intervention for her, and generally have very little direction in the PhD anymore.

Been making some good progress in therapy, though. Started rock climbing and found a great community of people that way, and my piano teacher is a hell of a dude. Wish I could go hiking more. Also I got a puppy named Penny.

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I could've written every word of this, except I'm just shy of 30 and the part about waiting for your parents to die before killing yourself. I used to say I'd wait til then, but at this point if mom goes first, that'll be it. Don't care enough about my father anymore to spare him whatever pain he'd feel.

I think you’re experiencing some modern universal truths, have you considered trying to consolidate your thoughts into some sort of text? Even if it doesn’t appease you, you could take solace in the fact you made someone like (and myself) feel a little less alone.

I really want to quit my job and live the Yea Forumserary lifestyle. The only thing stopping me is fear of starvation.

Penny looks like a good dog.

She's very cute user. Best of luck with the piano.

That's a cute pup, user. Even if everyone else fails in their shitty ways, she is going to be there for you in her cute and loving ways.

I love the name Penny, she’s adorable.

It's been five years now since I set out on the path that got me to where I am right now. That seems like a while, but I've crammed so much into that time. I went from somebody just living in my parents' house in the aftermath of my undergraduate degree to living in New York City, then moving back to my hometown, having a huge personal crisis, rediscovering my love of great literature, taking a huge leap forward as a writer, getting some short stories published, getting into graduate school, rediscovering poetry, and embarking on a career as a poet. Now, five years later, I feel like a different person than I was at the start of 2014. I'm more accomplished and have more achievements to my name than I could have thought I ever would back then.

But I still yearn for more. I've had delusions of grandeur ever since I was a kid, but I think I can actually do it now. I think I might be able to actually become as great as I've always thought of myself as being. Particularly as a writer and poet, I feel like I actually have something important to say, and that I might also have the talent to say it. I've only been seriously writing poetry since December of 2017 and I've already gotten multiple poems published, and I think my greatest work is still to come. I sincerely hope it is.

But ultimately, I worry that my desire for 'greatness' isn't a distraction. I want to create things that are incredibly beautiful, works of art that glorify God and that express beauty and truth. If I can do that, I should become great as a result of succeeding in my ambitions, but I might die in obscurity and never be recognized in my lifetime. And I should be content with that. But it would be difficult for me to accept.

thanks fellas
here she is on a hiking trip

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i love kate bush

I’m ok, but just ok. I’m picky about women and don’t mind being alone most of the time. A few months ago I found a girl, after two years of being completely closed off. All the signs of true attraction (not just lust) and maybe mutual attraction were there. You see, I’ve only had 3 crushes at 23, and the first 2 were in long-term relationships. I never experienced the positive, puppy-dog type of attraction, because I knew it was hopeless. I closed myself off and flatlined my emotions as a subconscious defense-mechanism. This girl, number 3, was presumably single and seemed like a perfect match for me. I was overcome with hope and love; it really showed me what life should be. Started talking to her, found out about her bf, and got over her in a mature way. My problem now is that I’m back to my old middle-of-the road self and life isn’t very exciting. I’m emotionally ok, but I feel wounded on a much deeper level. My motivation plummeted after the big letdown and I started missing classes, sleeping in, and drinking too much. Last week, as I was starting to recover, I stopped ignoring her existence and the feelings came back a bit. Again, like it was beyond my control, I started missing classes and falling behind. I’m ok, but it bothers me that deep inside, I’m not content. It doesn’t help that I’m about to graduate and have no romantic interest in anyone else.

me2

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terminal nïg-gerliciousness @ the impending balkanization of chanboard culture (specifically endless eight-kin nowadays given how this place reveled in its compromised status circa 2014) in2 shtetl shuttlecock saddlesac-soc shacks 4 snake oil salesmen & sheisty shariablue shalomites gifted 2 Da Grayce Ov E-Saunter KAAANGS

only glimmer of hope hurrs the girardfag project & its accompanying goliards of Gnon & sporadic schizoposters

sage in every field etc, hope all non-psyop engrossed anons r prospering n perserverin' desu

had 2 edit this 15 times 2 post it btw foh gook moot & repressed adminstrator apparatchik apparatus

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Been writing a lot recently. It's going very well. Novel edit is progressing and I've written 5 short stories this week, at least 2 of which are decent. 3 of them feature (someone else's) suicide and/or suicide attempt. Fun! I wish I could write about something else, but it just happens before I realize.

An acquaintance of mine probably just committed suicide. I'm not sure if he was successful but he had been intending it for a while now and his messages have ceased. He left me a last message saying that night he would end it. I didn't respond. I never said a single word to discourage him because that would have been hypocritical of me, but I also never gave him positive enforcement to go for it, so neither am I a murderer. So I've had that on my mind while writing. I don't feel upset about it, I only knew him distantly from school, but I've been thinking about it a lot.

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In a bit of self defense, because maybe that sounds lousy of me, I have an accepting nature and trustworthy face. If someone tells me a secret I'll take it to the grave. So lots of people open up and tell me all their worries and stuff, and I just listen and never judge anyone. People have told me about crimes they've committed, drug addictions, affairs, sexual exploits, fucked up psychological traits, things they feel guilty about, bad things they've done, cases of abuse, things they've witnessed, etc. It makes them feel better to tell it to someone. So I'm used to troubled people coming to me and saying things like that, and again, I wasn't close to him. I just have a nature people feel at ease with.

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I'M GOING FUCKING INSANE

IF ANYONE PLAYS A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT HIT ME UP, OR IF YOU WANT TO COAUTHOR A FUCKING FURRY LARP I DON'T CARE, MY MIND IS ROTTING

Life is alright. I had a terrible transition from college to professional life. The reality that you aren't special, most your day will be spent doing things you don't care about just to survive, and finally nothing you do will ever survive the test of time hits hard. I guess all our dreams have to die.

That said, I think it's only uphill from here. I value the time I do have a lot more, even if I still struggle with time-wasting habits from the past. I'm still terrified of death, though. It's inexplicable - I blame my terrible Protestant upbringing.

Agree. I say more and read more genuine stuff in these threads than in person

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I know that feel. Turns out if you become acquainted with someone and then just don't say much when you're with them they will spill their guts. It's happened so much to me that I can't really care about 99% of it anymore. Rarely someone will tell me something I haven't heard before and its great, but they are far and few between.
Sometimes I feel like I'm just a sponge of humanity. I suck it all up in my day to day life and on occasion some event will 'ring me out' so to speak and I start all over again. Although the dampness of past conversations still remains, tainting my personality for good.

I'm about to graduate college having made a total of zero (0) friends and having long lost whatever social skills I managed to gain in high school. I don't even think about my love life. I'm not all that depressed about it really, but it does feel bad to be leaving "the best time of your life" having experienced none of the normie things and being even more alienated than when I entered (if anything I'm less depressed, thought about killing myself basically 24/7 during my first and second years; hardly ever anymore). I'm also increasingly nostalgic about high school, even though I was also a miserable autist then. Back then I had friends, even if they weren't very close, and I was still excited to spend time with them or to (poorly) flirt with girls. I have none of that now. Just a degree I don't care that much about. And everyone always says life in the "real world" is exceptionally lonely compared to school. Does't seem likely that I'll manage to succeed if I couldn't on easy mode.

I've tried to write about this stuff a bit, but I don't think anyone really cares about my feels, which is another type of sadness.

I don't really know what I'll do now, work I guess. Read. Garden. Maybe travel a bit. Not a terrible life at all, maybe even fairly enjoyable. But I don't think I'll ever get over those dreams I had.

Goodnight, dreams.

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I love you stray dogs user, you're the most authentic person I've encountered in ages. Hope I can read your novel some day.

Are there any books that can teach me not to be such a contentious dickhead?

Finished the last short story. I won't know how it is until a reread tomorrow. Haven't been sleeping well so I'm tired already and it's grown dark while I was typing.
>I'm still terrified of death
The only fear comes from a desire to gain something that never existed in the first place.
It's easier to love sad people than happy ones. I've never felt put out by what anyone tells me. If it helps them to speak with me, I'm glad for it. I've never once been shocked by anything I've heard, but it has helped me view humanity in a more tender light.
I hope what I've written is worth reading.

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I wish I knew how to help people when they came to me with the problems. All I can be is a shoulder to cry on but I wish I knew how to fix everything for them or at least give them some useful advice. Sometimes the advice I give just makes everything worse.

a qt jewish girlfreind who has a cat ad read books, and will swallow

My job keeps making me change my sleep schedule and I'm about to lose it on my boss

I wish I didn't have brain damage. Language is the onyl thing that somewhat made sense to me, and even that's questionable. But now I have nothing. Words are slipping through my fingers like sand. Soon I'll be nothing but miserable and alone. It's excruciating being mentally disabled. It's okay to mock us, to make fun of us. But we have nothing. We can't audiate, we can't visualize, we have nothing. We're alone, sensory depriaved, even in oru own minds. When you're blind or mising a limb you're at least treated as this object of pity. Dehumanized, but at least it's not treated like a moral fault. That's th e thing, you're treated like something to be pitied if you're really disabled, but if you're just kind of disabled, on the cusp of functioning, you're just left to fucking rot. I'm not saying I want pity, I don't, I want udnerstanding maybe, but not pity. The lionization of illness is disgusting. Solidarity is too much taosk for. But when I work, and I do work, Iwork sconsatnly, and I come home, I just drink. I just drink and drink adn drink until I pass out and take handfuls of sleeping pills and speed down empty roads with my seat belt off eyes closed hoping t hat this ends it and I wakeu p everything morning and go back to work and I just have to do this. I ahve to do tidhtks. I have to do this. I'm trapped and I"m alone and there's no one and hnothing and this is my life until I die and I want to die I want to die I want to die I want this to be over I want this to be over it hurts so much it's so humiliating there are huge chunks of me missing you know when you're blind you can't see, when you're mentally disabled, you can't think. Your sight is just the way you interact with teh world, but your brain is just you. I'm missing parts of mys oul. I have nothing inside of me. I'm a shell. I'm an imperfect copy. I ahve nothign and I am no one. So I wait to die beacuse I'm too cowardly to cut my throat or swallow enough pills to really kill me. I just flirt iwth death so I can feel like I'm in control of an uncontrollable situation. I leap from burning builds like wallace because it's all I ahve left to keep me sane. To feel like there's some meanign to waords that fork no lightnign and actions that trigger nothing in the world. I just want this tos top. I want this to make sense. In a world of constellations all I see are stars. I wish I was dead. Everything I was afraid of as a child came alive as an adult. I am in pain. I have tinnitus. I am afraid and aone and I work constantly because when my aprents die I'm fucked and I'll be alone because my family hates me because I'm unstable and a dick and I keep sawing into my arms with bread knifes because they're serrated and I bleed and I bleed and ym sheets are died a dark crusted maroon and I can't make it stop I can't make it sopt I can't mskaie to stop because=kplease make it stop

I don't like to give them advice at all on personal issues. The story is always a lot more complicated than they can really tell me in words, so at the end only they can decide what to do. Any advice anyone has ever given me on serious problems was less than useless, and I don't want to do that to someone else. The only thing that helps me is concentrating on my own honest thoughts and feelings to understand myself better; other people's advice ruins the serenity of that. The best thing is they just have someone to tell everything to. All you need to do is listen.
Does this count as advice?

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I want a good paying job and a wife but all the ones available to me are such trash. I just want to scream. I want to run away from where I am and never return.

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up and I'm almost done with my bachelor's. I'm interested in too many things at once but I feel like I haven't found my "thing" yet.
I don't really feel like a part of this world. I'm not autistic or asexual but I can't really relate to other people and have no desire for a relationship, sexual or serious. I feel like I should want this but I never have. I have friends and go to parties but don't feel a deep connection. Maybe I'm some sort of weird changeling pretending to be human. At least, that's what it feels like.

I have two (2) tickets to Peterson v. Zizek and no date to go with :( . If there are any women in their mid 20s to 30s willing to go with a high school lad (18) please respond. Thanks.

Pretty bad. NEET. No motivation. All I want to do is go out and live in the wilderness far from civilisation in a cabin.

Sounds like you need to meet more people.

Take butterfly.
She's more than double your age though.

I'm good, man. I'm reading The Hobbit and Lord of The Rings. It's a bit easier to get through as an adult. Gandalf is kind of a dick imho. (=

Stop burdening your parents and move out. Get a job, you annoying little creep

wouln't that be quite something.

Why would I leave my parents when I work 60+ hours a week earning 11 bucks an hour and I'm spending almost nothing my dude

like I'm barely ever home anyways

Don't be mean.

Because you get such a sense of accomplishment and pride form whining on the internet about what a baby you are. If you supported yourself you would be less depressed. Be an adult. It will help.

I'm a few steps behind you, user, but it seems we have the same ambitions. I've had something like forty of my micropoems published, but none of my short stories (I've finished five) have been picked up yet.

The "delusions of grandeur" bit might make you seem arrogant to some, but I don't personally view it that way. Sometimes, it's things like that that motivate a man to push harder than his peers.

Out of curiosity, do you have any links to your published work? I wouldn't mind reading some.

i hope you get brain damage and struggle with tying your shoes and feeding yourself like me. i hope someone ice picks your brains out and your kids get cancer you self-righteous callous piece of shit. i want to torture you to death

I’m doing terrible in school, might not graduate on time, got accused of being racist and failed an essay and have to meet with the dean because of it, I’m hopelessly in love with a girl, I’m sick, and I have no energy to read which is all I want to do besides drink. The only thing I have going for me is I’m in the gym 6 times a week and I’ve lost 25 pounds this semester, but who gives a fuck. Plus my writing is complete dogshit and I have no friends plus everybody hates me. Yet I know myself and I know I like being miserable, so it’s going good in that sense.

Let's do it, boi.

i want to scrape your brains out with my cock. i want to eye fuck your eyes out. i want to snap your dick like a glow stick. i want to break your teeth with a hammer while your nerves hang raw in shattered bone. what's your address

All I can think about is sinking slowly to the sea floor and tucking myself in a bed of long, flowing seaweed.

Your parents should have spanked you and put you in the corner. The fact that you don't even want your independence in the one life you have been given is a very sad thing, You don't even seem to see the appeal of being a man. The fact that this confuses you goes hand in hand with why you are depressed. You should listen.

I'm in a strange limbo, fluctuating between having next to no faith and being overwhelmed by the beauty of the transcendent. It sounds like I'm losing my mind, but I feel pretty well grounded. I just want to know if God exists or not and what the nature of His existence is and every building thought seems to swing me from one side of the fence to the other. While I love writers like Kierkegaard, I think that I may have to abandon my Protestant upbringing to find the answers I'm looking for.

like fuck me for being vulnerable for five fucking seconds on a site that's founded on le epic troll like yeah okay cool you genuinely upset me fuck you i guess your fucking pompous "tough love" bullshit i hope you get fucking cancer i want otb eat your fucking brains in with a hammer god dammit i want to kill you and everyone like you where do you live i know this is "internet tough guy" bullshit but don't be a pussy where do yo ulive fucking tell me

>being a man is [x]

spooked

Are you me? Also don't, or at the very least read Finnegans Wake first.

my parents raped me and beat me in the head until i passed out and now i can't tie my own shoes fuck you for thinking you know me

Living with your parents and garnering sympathy from strangers on the internet is most certainly not being a man. You are literally letting someone else take care of you.

i hope you hang yourself by your boot straps ideology you narrative loving cock sucker fucking kill yourself die die die die die die die die die die die i want to cut your eyes out

spooked

I'm in the same boat. Gave a presentation on some godforsaken YA novel the other day. Upset everyone in the room with my "highly offensive" take on the material. A few people even left the room. They've kicked me out twice already (I was a truant for two years), and, at this rate, I likely won't finish my English degree.

My advice to you: Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Develop skills in areas outside of your particular faculty. Beyond that, you might as well start letting loose. Go on meetup.com'; hop on Tinder; join a writers' club. Whatever it takes to increase your level of social interaction. You will continue to flounder otherwise.

I have a soft spot for people like you. I'll listen.

user calm down. Here, have some tea.

Peterson vid for this feel?

stop shitting up this thread. psychoanon, get some help.
what was your interpretation?

i mean i guess it's embarrassing to be this affected by a posted on the internet but it just sucks and i know your opinion shouldn't matter and that's kind of on me and also for taking the internet so seriously but it's like when i was a kid my dad raped me and he would beat me in the head until i passed out and we took an iq test and i got 78 and i'm so scared and there isn't a network for me and i'm scared and i'm not trying to get sympathy or i guess maybe on some level i am but it's just ti can't talk about how i feel without getting accused of that and it's a sore spot you know i'm sacred aand 'i don't know what to do because i wo rk althe ime and i don't knwo what to do and i'm sacred i'm sorry i didn't mean it i'm just really durnk and i'm sorry

Thanks man appreciate it... good advice and I’ll look into the writers club too. Shitty about the presentation, but can’t say I’m surprised.

Still jobless, but I'll keep searching. Still living with parents. Still don't have gf. But you know what? I'm happy. I'm going where the wind blows.

>Live in Japan
>Met a girl on Tinder who never sent me an unfiltered photo of herself
>ofc she's ugly
> I'm lonely and sad
> Feels so nice cuddling up with her in bed.
>Touch her breasts and she doesn't protest, but she doesn't want to go there.
> She genuinely likes me
>Wants serious relationship, so she didn't want to do anything sexual on the first date. Even though she wanted to.
>Get blueballs. Jerk off twice.
Days later
> Have no one else
> End up talking to butterface again
>She asks me if I want to see her again
>I say yes
>I think no
>But I have nothing else.

Happens to me constantly... I think I only believe I need someone else because of shitty parenting and societal pressures. Heart of darkness made me realize how alone I truly am

we all like to write. these threads are fun.

How do you have the money for rock climbing and piano lessons (and a girlfriend) when you're just a PHD student?

Your parents don't want to take care of you. They want you to take care of yourself. Like a big boy

I end up getting attached to a woman really easily and find I am a lot happier when I have one. I know that women are a distraction and I would be a lot more productive and successful if I focused on myself and ignored them. But, it just doesn't work that way for me. Without a woman in my life I feel dejected and I don't even feel like getting up to take a piss, let alone actually accomplish anything. I need to get the woman out of the way so I am emotionally healthy enough to live. That's how I see it now, anyway. I tried meditation every morning for a while which seemed to be helping but I stopped. When I had a girl sleeping over. I'm too dependent. I'm probably looking at this the wrong way. I feel so alone very easily. But I also feel better very easily. I just need physical touch.

uwu daddy give me your smuggies!!! epic troll... super win!!!! be sure to post some cool jordan peterson maymays

Well, I can't argue with that. Seems like u know urself which is good. Some asshole therapist will be like independence or some other nonsense trying to sculpt humanity in a certain way, so kudos to u.

Going through a breakup now after she moved temporarily to another country and found someone else. It fucking sucks and it's killed my desire to read or work on my research.

Wish I could get a puppy, Penny looks like a good dog.

Had not masturbated in a while because I hate constantly sexualizing every single woman I see, and I find that cutting out masturbation helps control that. Relapsed today and fell asleep, woke up and did some reading. Went to the gym for the first time in months, saw a wonderfully thick girl and fantasized about asking her to dinner and cheating on my gf. Ran home feeling like shit, head pounding, trying not to pass out. Need to eat healthier and stop smoking

3 days ago I dreamed that I was having sec with a girl that I had a fling with 2 years ago. In reality I never had sex with her and only met her once but we were very close for a while. During the dream when I was having sex with her every second felt right, like I was in love and its been on my mind all day since.

Maybe she was the one who got away, maybe im just a faggot who is worrying about things that ended years ago either way its been very hopeless 3 days.

Or maybe reading too much murakami, just finished colorless and its probably why I had that dream.

sorry, didn't mean to reply to

What is your deal with Jordan Peterson?

WIPE
YOUR
ASS

I have the Flu, and last night my fever broke and I had a fever dream that I was James Joyce, but instead of writing Ulysses like a book I wrote each page on a sticky-note and pasted them all over Dublin. So, if anyone wanted to read Ulysses they would have to go to Dublin and read it off the walls of the city

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I just want to take a big shit and wipe it all over this board.

:(

but daddy uwu i need you to do it for me!! put the wipes in the fridge daddy. i need it brisk for my little butt hole

Is she Japanese?

I'm always hesitant to reveal myself on Yea Forums. One day, hopefully, I'll be famous, or infamous, and I'll reveal myself here to the wonder and shock of everyone. But for now I'd prefer to remain anonymous. However, if you have a burner email address, or something temporary, I'd be happy to send you some links to some stuff.

>these threads are fun.

I didn't say that there weren't. I mean the shitposting and bait in the catalogue.

yea. I generally only date/fuck Japanese girls here.

I'm in love with a girl in a class I TA for. I'm graduating, she's a freshman. It's hopeless. I've built it up so much in my head that I leave every class with disappointment. I came home afterward today and smoked two spliffs and didn't do any of the reading I need to do for a paper this Monday. I love her. She looks like she is literally glowing when she laughs. I want to stay up till 7 AM and talk with her in cemeteries about who she is. But I look at her and feel like I've known her forever. She's sultry in a reverent sort of way too. I'll ask her something and we'll look at each other, and if the question is something she isn't sure of, her eyes will hang low and the corners of her mouth will perch in a sweet smirk. God

what's going on with that fungus that'll kill us

Jesus. I'm the same way with a girl in my class, except she's the same year as me. Every time I talk to her, she doesn't even look at my face. I'm an outcast and a misfit, so u could imagine the girls I attract. The problem is this girl reminds me of myself in younger stages. She appears to force herself to be a normie and I, essentially, want to save her, but I've heard her speak with normie girls and it appears she doesn't belong. Any second any girl will expose her for her differences, but they all seem to indulge her. She comes across as very aware and conscientious. She, autistically, complained about something pedantic today and her normie friend completely ignored her. I thought it was beautiful. IDK dude. Life is tough, and these attractions are often fleeting. It's probably not meant to be in my case, hopefully yours is different, but life usually doesn't fit a certain mold. My advice to you, for what its worth, is to make yourself appear desirable and stoic. She only views u as professor perhaps, and maybe somehow force her to see u outside the class and that's the key.

>Life is tough, and these attractions are often fleeting.
This is what I am telling myself. I will likely never see her again. If I do see her out of class I have resolved to talk to her about something and maybe we can have a night about town before we never see each other again
>Every time I talk to her, she doesn't even look at my face.
This sucks, although you said she comes across as very conscientious so she's probably just autistic. Most people don't think of others as outcasts or misfits either, btw

Any day now. Be patient.

Is she cute?

Yea it’s true, my friend group is small, but I really do like it that way. I’m very picky about who I spend time with

I'm autistic too and I got that sense from her lol. Her parents are in their 70's and she's 20, so it would make sense. I think she's just trying to fit in really hard for whatever reason and I detest that. For you, I think you have to make your opportunity and maybe stalk her facebook or something and just show up "unexpectedly". Become a Napoleon or Marcus Auerilius and get what u want for a change. That's really the only solution. If not, it's always what could have been which is the most depressing thing in the world.

I said she was ugly. Her body is real nice though.

Ugly people can be sometimes cute in a weird way. Maybe she'll grow on you.

I'm embarrassed to be seen with her in pubic though

Are you white or Japanese?

White

Embarrassed by who? Do you friends and family know?

How tall r u and how old r u

this is a really relatable post user

>tfw you can't go back in time to the 80s and give Kate Bush a special hug

> I have had a handful of very attractive women so it feelsbad. I'm supposed to feel good when I look a woman who loves me in the eyes. But I have an urge to recoil. Then I focus on her body and feel better about it.

Early 20s and tall. I should just go out lmao.

Sorry to hear that man, that all sounds rough. We have a lot in common it seems, I recently finished a philosophy undergrad program and I've been rock climbing a lot recently (it's fun!). What stuff are you focusing on in your Ph.D?

Beautiful puppy by the way, I'm assuming it's an Aussie? I used to have an Aussie I miss him

>I had a terrible transition from college to professional life. The reality that you aren't special, most your day will be spent doing things you don't care about just to survive, and finally nothing you do will ever survive the test of time hits hard. I guess all our dreams have to die.

this hits home so hard. i guess i'm just not sure where to go from here

Maybe your problem is that you've been trying to realize your dreams through a system that was never going to make that possible. Dream bigger and better.

Have u seen The Mother and the Whore-- French film

not sure what you mean exactly

Going to detox / have therapy there in about 5 days. It's one of those humane European ones. I have had huge issues with anxiety and more lately addiction for the past 10 years, but I'm only 21 so I'm actually quite hopeful.

2/2

Right now living the 6:30 am and haven't slept yet doomer life.

Just start drinking amazing beers and it makes ur addiction justifiable IMO. I'm a borderline alcoholic, but I workout 6 times a week, read and write a shit ton and have the palate of a Greek God.

Kafka did the same

DUDE

The best cure for addiction is substitution. I kicked cocaine with boiled sweets.

what a snake of a woman

BEWARE LADS

BEWARE OF WOMEN WHO LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL AND CHARMING

I found a girl I kinda like
but Im fucked cause of it
shes a stoner and has a kid at 18
but shes unironically smart
she has okay taste on arts, and she can comprehend ideas that are metaphysical in principle.

what do Im 5 years older. (btw her kid looks like me yet isnt mine)

Do you have a source? I need to keep awake as long as possible because I really don't want to wake up.

are you left handed

i'm a failure at everything i've wanted to do with my life and every year i keep thinking "there's no way it could get worse" it somehow does. the only thing that makes me feel ok is drinking so i do that daily. i've tried to quit and every time i go a few days without i end up feeling shittier because i can't laugh off the bullshit and go "the worlds a crazy place huh?" i would end my shit but i'm too much of a coward

your the most negative part about your life
change your self

Only when mastrubating unioronicaly.

I see your problem.

Enlighten me.

you have no male guidance in your life

Yes, dailyroutines.typepad.com/daily_routines/2008/12/franz-kafka.html

You're in love. Give it time. Never trust a junkie.

i dont really like her that much, but I see potential in her if she matures and I like her kid.

but yeah I cant have my gaurd down thanks man

I had a gf at 13 for a year, then after that I just never got into the dating game again (22 now), it's like a mixture of being afraid and just not having a genuine interest in a relationship (I distinctly remember making the mental note that being single was more enjoyable). However it's getting harder to get by nowadays because all my friends talk about is their gfs and fuckbuddies, and the sex and I can't relate. I'm kind of jealous I don't have that drive in me to go out there and try to fuck/meet someone. It only makes things worse that I came out as gay to them (luckily not my parents) during a highly confusing and drugged out part of my life and now I don't even feel gay anymore.

Distract yourself by focusing on something else. This girl's trouble. You'll get over your crush. Believe me.

I read too much Deleuze and Heidegger and now I’m insane

I have no guidance at all. My father supports me financially and he's not an evil man at the core but he's narcissistic and extremely distrusting. Not many take him seriously, nor do I. My mother is genuinely mostly a waste of air on this planet, I don't speak to her anymore since she denied that she hit me back when I was younger. It wasn't only the physical abuse but the general lack of interest that she showed in me during my childhood that led me to that decision.

People will generally say that I'm social, funny, smart, kind but under this outer layer there's is a lot of anxiety and nothingness, altough I do intent to do good. I'm not able to connect to people, have never been in a relationship and have not have any sexual contact in years now. Some girls like me, and I like some girls too, but when they get close I sperge out and (literally) push them aside.

Sorry kind of a ramble but it's 7:30 am now it's too late for sleep anyways.

I'm 20 years old. I am going to be a father. My gf and I had been living together for a little less than a year when we got pregnant. We moved from where we lived to another state (her's) to be close to her mother. We are staying at her mom's so we don't pay rent. I was working in a call center where I was making good money (for my country's wages) and now I am a Walmart cashier with a very shitty wage. We are planning to move before the baby is born, which is in less than two months but the place we are moving to needs basically everything fixed. Everything I win right now is used in baby stuff and there is nothing left to fix the place up. We also want to have one of those natural births and it costs about 2000 dollars. I see that it is really important for my partner. All this fucking money issues, moving from a relatively big city to this town and the emotional stress of being a parent at this age is stressing me out a fucking lot. My partner and I have a pretty nice relationship and we support each other a lot but this can drive us both to breaking points were we are simply not good. I am very much in love with her and this issues just stress me out even more. I am having a hard time in my life right now. I am usually the most positive person I know but lately I've been angry and tired and I don't like it. I try to stay calm and focus on the good things but it is so hard.

And basically that's it thanks for reading

Jesus u sound identical to me.

You need to read the Bible, buddy (unironically desu)

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currently in the process of wasting the best years of my life
I can feel my beautiful youth seeping out of my body with each passing second like a rusty spigot
Oh well at least I'll be a famous author in my 30s

I have zero desire to read
I have zero desire to write
I have zero desire to study
Goddamn I don't wanna do anything, I feel so behind in my classes, it's especially annoying cause one of my professors calls upon people a lot, so half the time I'm in class I'm an anxious wreck she's gonna call on me and I won't know the answer

I want this semester to end, perhaps then I'll go back to enjoying things

My girlfriend left me last week. She didn't tell me why. She just ghosted me for 5 days then blocked me on everything. I'm still in contact with one of her close friends, so I know she didn't leave me for Chad. From what I can tell, one of her friends had a grudge against me, and convinced her I'm a terrible person. And she, for reasons beyond my knowledge, decided to act on this without talking to me to find out the truth. Perhaps she was no longer in love with me, and simply sought a socially acceptable "out." It sucks, but c'est la vie. I'm trying to pick myself up and move on. If I start to resent her or anyone else over it, that will only bring me down.

damn i had a date with a fine bitch but she was so damn boring. no personal interests is a big fuckin red flag for me. im always thinking in the long term, it never ends up being worth the time and effort to slay some gash.

i had a similar exit to a relationship in that we had just split up and then i sent her some weird or mean stuff because i had had a lot of alcohol in me. then she blocked me and i havent talked to her since. it really sucks to have a bad conclusion to a relationship. id do a lot of things to be able to talk to her and hopefully for her to say she forgives me and good luck.
im saying you might want to think about having a nice concluding talk or at least text where you can split on even terms without one of you (or both) feeling wrong.

I was, uh very neurotic. My mind was a drill to blast through what was unnecessary. Now I have found a sensual calmness. It's a charm for myself, I guess. It's the way to be healthy. I feel as though I let my blood flow freely to the brain.

awh I'm listening to her rn :) today was a good day. went on a run, ate healthy food, read some Steinbeck. hope everyone's doing well and bumping some tunes

utterly relatable

I suffer from that condition that makes you collect compulsively content, like videos/movies to watch, articles/books to read, music I want to listen to, charts...
The problem is I end up not keeping up with it and they stack up to the ceiling.
I figured out the problem is that I spend more time searching new stuff and saving it than actually consuming it.

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all i want is love and for someone to love me as much as i love them but so far have had absolutely shit luck with it all.

i'm beginning to think i'm just destined to be alone and that love just doesn't exist. I feel like i have so much love and compassion for people and then those people just take it but don't give me anything back. which i guess you can say love is inherently selfless or whatever but fuck does it feel so fucking bad to try and give and not get any love or compassion back. it also doesn't help that i've been in such a funk lately--i think i might be depressed and i know i'm self-pitying. whats the point in living if i can't feel wanted and loved? will probably kill myself at some point because i get so tired of living

for breakfast I eat two raw eggs, milk, greek yogert and honey and rolled oats in a beer stein, separated liek viscous oils
for lunch I tear off a hunk of bread from loaf and eat with cheese and hard bacon and eat a tomato like an apple. I carry these items on me at all times.
for dinner I have 500g steak with potatoes seared in steak fat, still white and cold inside
I smoke thirty camels a day and do many pushups, I don't count how many

Do you ever come across some feint feeling from your childhood that hints at a different world altogether? I'm not waxing poetic here. And I'm not intimating that the world we share as adults (if we even share one) is the true world. I mean that the people around us very well may experience the world so differently from us that their world is essentially a different object altogether. It could explain all those walls between us; Imagine feeling what they feel, that guy across the street, for five minutes. Maybe you'll feel something you've never felt before. Perhaps then those words on the page won't feel so empty. Each sentiment has a meaning, and is real to somebody. It's not true in my universe, but it is in yours.

I might be accused of immature thinking, but even if it's silly and unrefined, it's a step above whatever else I think day-to-day. The choruses of pop songs, imaginary scenarios, fictions that lead nowhere, flat judgments, staring out the window. It's a pretty thought above at least. There may be some truth to it.

$2000 is a lot of money for a person in your position. talk her out of it.

I assume you mean digitally collect, not physically?
You need to make a respective backlog spreadsheet, and focus on that.

Hard to collect videos and articles phisically.
Jokes aside, I already did, I simply don't get to it as often as I should.
And unfortunately I got a problem with physical material as well, I haven't finished half the books I bought last year and I'm already buying new ones.

says you

god i wish that was me

based

trust your intuition, man. if you really need to see God eat some mushrooms and if you're lucky you'll have the classical mystical experience; meet/become God, oneness, etc.
worked for me, and I was a militant atheist

She probably has autism or some other genetic problem with parents at that age.

There is this girl I see in passing at work, have for about a year now, she never paid me no mind,and that never bothered me, but I have always enjoyed her on an aesthetic level and it just made me happy seeing her, young and beautiful. I never really had any interest in her but it seems what I saw in her as a complete lack of interest in even knowing me was just shyness, she seems to be screwing up her courage to speak to me, she said hello, blushed and scurried away today, it was beyond beautiful, on our next encounter she gave me a smile that put the previous display to shame. I have no idea if I am going to pursue any sort of romantic relationship, I think she is a quite abit younger than I and that we are in very different places in life, but it feels good, I will at least let her know how beautiful she is. She is as pale as can be without being albino, her hair is as close to white as blond can be, it all tugs at me somewhere deep in my Nordic heritage, and when such a girl blushes, the contrast of the pale skin and flush cheeks just does something to me, makes me glad the ladies can not blush on purpose, I would be completely helpless.

>shes a stoner and has a kid at 18

Sounds like a real winner.

I've lost all my friends. I don't know what it is. Well, I do; I suppose it's more accurate to say that I have trouble acknowledging and fixing it. I don't expect anyone to want to stick with a sad sap; I imagine it's quite a burden. But I just can't keep up the facade of being a normalfag for very long. I have maybe a month in me then my power level just comes spilling out. And that's usually around the time they leave, and as much as I hate to admit it, it hurts. A lot. I wish I had the strength to just say "fuck it" and commit to being a loner so at the very least I won't have to deal with the constant disappointment, but every time I try I end up regressing to an even more degenerate human being. But maybe it's just time to embrace that.

But did your topography skills increase?

"feel gay" lol
Keep telling yourself that.

I really really hate that "have sex" is the latest meme buzzword insult. While obviously most times it's posted (and perhaps even the initial time) it's ironic it still pains me to think that there are people who post it genuinely and think that it's actually a way of solving issues for anyone, let alone the delusional autistic retards that come on this website. Why the fuck would I want to have sex with anyone other than a loving spouse and why would that solve any of my issues? Why would fucking a prostitute and having sex solve any issues at all? Would it not just create more? I can think of it creating financial, mental, physical and emotional problems for myself at least if I did something. I fucking hate people so much.

have sex

with me pls

>I fucking hate people so much.

c'mon user we people aren't that bad. Just don't let it get to you. It's a dumb fad-catchphrase that will be forgotten about in a few weeks or months. Chin up.

It's not hard to get people to love me but it is to feel love. It is genuinely hard for me to view others with anything but complete contempt.

absolutely based Kate Bush poaster

>OOOOOO
>LET ME HAVE IT
>LET ME DRAG (You)R SOUL AWAY

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imagine posting in this thread and getting 0 replies
Z E R O

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I can't read anything unless it's a physical copy, or I move it to a dedicated tablet.
Visual media is different, obviously, but I'm a digital packrat as well. This is what works for me:

Spend time going through your files. I did about two weeks ago, and organized my documents, and folders.
You'd be surprised how much peace of mind you can get from shifting things around to an appropriate place, and getting a real system for files.
And stop buying or downloading new books. Take some time and move the stuff (physical, or even digital) you haven't read and won't read for a while to a place to look at them later.
Then wait a month, or two, or three. If you lose interest in those things you have/downloaded, move them to a back-back-log, delete them, or donate them if they're physical media.

i'd let you drag me away user so we could listen to Kate Bush together

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what are some good kate bush songs? sort of went past me
she looks nice in the OP

i want to kill people

I'll do my best.
Thanks

youtube.com/watch?v=BW3gKKiTvjs
youtube.com/watch?v=VerK4zwMRQw
youtube.com/watch?v=6xckBwPdo1c
youtube.com/watch?v=SQWs46gaCXY

I have delusions of wizardry. This world can be a boring place if you don't believe in magic. I'm young and not smart enough to contribute anything of intellectual value, so the next best thing is convincing myself that "intellectual value" just means what others think about me. Why should I care what others think. And so I have delusions of wizardry, because I want to hide away in my little wizard tower with a bunch of books scribbling away esoteric symbols and other stupid things. I guess schizophrenia doesn't seem like a bad option unless you're getting chased by murderous clowns or something. Hey man, I've been there. Fucking spiders everywhere.

Thanks user I will listen to them later

t. Alan Moore

I'm doing good. I'm working again, I'm back in school again, I'm exercising, I'm meeting new people, and I'm reading a lot. I'm writing at least a couple hundred words a day, usually a few thousand. Still slipping pretty easily into depression every so often. The critical self hatred gets rolling and it's very hard to stop, because the negative voice sounds like the truth and it feels like willful ignorance to ignore. Usually I feel like I'm just on the verge of learning something from the negative voice and sometimes I think I do get some insight from it - which makes it harder to ignore - but on the whole I think it's a kind of defeatist self indulgence. I don't think it's good for me.

I'm glad the summer is coming around. I can't wait to see the sun. I want to lie outside until I'm completely sunburned the first free sunny day I get. I want to feel the warmth of life inside me.

>forgetting this

youtube.com/watch?v=wp43OdtAAkM

just because it's her best-known song doesn't mean it isn't her best of all time song.

Just keep at it user, the negativity will become easier and easier to ignore, keep looking forward and focusing on those things that you enjoy.

I can't help you but I just want you to know that this was a beautiful read

I'm an unemployable, depressed wreck living at home. I've never had a job and I'm almost 23 and at this point I feel like its too late for me to become a normal, functioning member of society. I keep having this fantasy play out in my head that I will finally get around to writing one of the many book ideas I've had for years but I know that will never happen, partly because every time I actually sit down and try to write something I immediately hate whatever it is I'm writing and get demotivated. Though whenever I actually do feel like writing its rare because I'm incredibly lazy and unmotivated at all times. I can't tell if this is because I'm more depressed than I have ever been or I've just always been lazy. Either way the only thing keeping me from putting a bullet in my head is the delusional hope that something, anything will go right for once.

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yes, very relatable as others are saying

but, maybe the problem is not you. maybe there really is something wrong with our society that needs to change, that is fucking all of us up and giving us fucked up ways of relating to ourselves and each other - putting thoughts into our heads about what we should be, about how worthless we are unless we are a particular way, what we exist for, where true value lies

I'm really agitated this morning. I live with my family. No problem. Doesn't usually bother me. But goddamn do they not care about anything. I say we need to move the dish rack from the fucking sink. It's in there with no air circulation and it's growing mold. Fucking mold. I get bitched at and told to stop trying to fix things. I tell them they need to use the fan in their bathroom so the moisture won't ruin everything and can be dissipated so I won't have to fix it. I say let's put the dishwashing scrubber thing on the counter instead of under the fucking sink soaking wet and get told that's not its place. I say we need to clean out the shed of all the shit in there because my grandparents were fucking hoarders. There's literal rat shit in there. No one wants to help. I can't do it alone. It's impossible.

Fuck. I just want some preventive stuff done so we don't have to fix it later. Or get mold. Is that so fucking hard? Why are people so fucking stupid? I love my family but they are retarded with some shit.

Also stop watching TV, you vegetative sows. Fuck. I feel like I'm going through a teenaged angst phase but fucking hell I'm annoyed.

You’re still really, really young. Holy shit man just relax and let life take its course. :3

I can relate user. I wish I had words that would be able to help but all I have to say is that I can relate, and I hope that maybe can mean something to you. You're not alone in the way that you are suffering. The degree to which you are not alone in it is unfathomable but I can guarantee you that you haven't recognized it yet

Just wanted to say as OP that this is my first thread on Yea Forums, after lurking for 2-3 years, and it has been incredibly insightful.

Hope everyone finds peace and becomes content with their lives.

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I feel like this p much every time I come here

Is this /adv/ or Yea Forums

> this is my first thread on Yea Forums, after lurking for 2-3 years
Why

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Trying to be better. I want to take the /fit/lit/ approach and be a better man. I've trying to get rid of all the bad aspects of my life and take on new things. No video games, try to cut out pornography and that may mean Yea Forums too.

I don't know how my friends do it or other people. I think they just never doubted. The more pleasures I remove the more grinding life is.

How is that post in any way /pol/ humor?

I'm reading Dostoyevsky backwards. BK first.

I approve of these visuals.

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So tempting to reply to the post above this one

Pretty good. My medication seems to be on a good level now, seeing as I'm in a good mood most of the time. Actually wrote some stuff the last weeks which I think is pretty good. New semester is also seeming to be great, ain't doing many, but mostly interesting things, mainly gonna enjoy the summer.
Oh, and I send out a text collection for an application to a creative writing bachelor. Let's see how it goes, I'm pretty confident, without making myself unreasonable hopes.

thank you kateanon

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Because I was interested in reading about how anons on a literature forum are doing?

this slaps

Losing my hair at 22. Great stuff to just put on top. Will probably just shave it all off, looking ugly at this point and cant hide it.
I dont know about everything else. I dont know. I kinda dont really care about it. Might go homeless, take some books with me and do what I can. Its pretty liberating, though I hope I'll feel the same possibly laying on a bench in the cold.

SHAME ON YOU FOR USING THIS UNCOUTH LANGUAGE

>natural birth
>costs [money]
??????

All you lovesick, depressed, resentful people. Don't you realize everything is so beautiful and nothing matters?

I love Paranoia Agent too

I think he means those new age birth fads, like giving birth in a swimming pool or a bathtub, or in your bed at home. You need to hire a midwife to help deliver the baby and, because they work outside the regular healthcare system, they end up being pricey.

I want to drink a girl's pus and breastmilk.

midwifes do it for free in homogenous Christian societies where everyone is white and everything is right

I like Kate Bush now bros

I'm reading Capital and Ulysses at the moment, maybe I'll do A Thousand Plateaus and Finnegans Wake next so I can go completely insane at last

Hounds of Love and The Dreaming are so good

I've also only had sex twice (23) and I didn't like either person, I've had other chances but couldn't get past getting bjs because of intimacy issues. I was okay with it until they ruined my chances with the only girl I've had an instant rapport with and felt I didn't have to hide any part of myself from. Should I get a whore for my birthday?

I do think things are beautiful but that beauty doesn't spark joy

I wouldn't if I were you. Same age but haven't had sex in nearly 3 years (voluntarily mind you). stop putting some much value and pressure into sex and it'll come more easily.

It’s not that I value sex highly, more love but being very inexperienced triggers my inadequacies. I think fucking whores will actually cause me value sex less and reduce a barrier towards a real relationship.

I realise that I’m mostly fucked by parental issues but I’m already in therapy and am very successful otherwise (own a business, live by myself, good looking and have interesting hobbies).

it's /r9k/ with a book theme

Ah I see. You know you better than I do, and it sounds like you're convinced of the positive outcome, so go get at it.

If it provides any reassurance, I'm turning 24 later this month and have none of what you mentioned in the brackets, yet spent the ages of 17-21 having long term girlfriends and lots of sex. Swings and roundabouts.

nasty
are normal people really so incontinent?

My eyes feel very weird today, like they're not focusing or something. I was up exceptionally early this morning, which might have something to do with it, who the fuck knows.

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Yikes

>pubic
lol

based. Very big agree. I quit masturbating for like 4 weeks now. I relapsed one day about 2 weeks in bc i had a wet dream and then i jerked off to porn 2 more times. I also quit smoking weed (regularly, smoked a blunt with some strangers i met on a road trip when i was drinking and they let me sleep on their roommates bed because he was out of town).
Feel hugely better. Have to channel all this extra energy into something else besides sitting in my room jerking off, so i started exercising a little, reading more, writing more, playing tennis, going out (I went to this open mic that was very very fun with my friend and his girlfriend, and I payed very close attention to the people singing and reading poetry and its amazing the effect it has on everyone else in the room when you actually pay real attention to someone doing something as real and intimate as publicly reading poetry. Girls start doing things they think will attract your attention and such. Also the road trip that took me to the first parenthetical anecdote). I'm planting a garden so i spent all morning pulling weeds and the cup of dirt in my windowsill sprouted today.

I would trade it all to feel genuinely loved

Books for this feel

Where you at, what do you do (ie music or write)

Im not formally trained in any musical instrument but i'm passionate and willing, let me be part of it

It's ok, I'm "trained" but I'm not much good at playing with others/composing full length songs/pieces, it can be a learning experience for everyone. Also I no longer have a functioning interface so all I can use is my keyboard, no guitar/bass for now.

One of my throwaways is [/spoiler]tempomega6 @ gmail[/spoiler], both of you (and any others who might be interested) can email it and I'll CC everybody.

this is one of the most heartbreaking things I've read in a while, I'm so sorry user. Ignore that dickhead who thinks he's part of le epic Yea Forums culture, try and focus on the people who feel for you and like you writing.

The entire concept of having to pay somebody to listen to you talk is pretty funny, honestly. Still, I'm really lucky to have a therapist. He's helped me through a lot.

why do want to waster your time on gobbledygoo, when you can acquire actual skills instead?

personally i'm still bummed they shut down r/watchpeopledie

I wish. But she blocked me despite the fact that I didn't say anything rude or hurtful. So clearly she has no interest in ever hearing from me again. If she reaches out to me I'll of course talk. But at this point the only ways I could get in contact are through her friend or by writing a letter. I might try in the future, but for now it's still too soon.

I get this feeling sometimes. I think children experience the world very differently from adults so that's why childhood memories feel like they come from another world.

I don't think its too late for you. Its an act of finding an intersection between what you love and what you're good at. Sometimes you have to bear your cross and do things you don't want to do in order to afford the luxury of other things. Nobody ever wrote their magnum opus on the first try. Continue to try and try again; have the tenacity to work through the bumps and you will find yourself improving as a writer and as a person every time you triumph in any magnitude.

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Don't listen to the people who say just relax, but it is not hopeless.
You can turn your shit around. I'm 25 and have had a series of very cringe moments in my past, and in the past 2 years and especially the last 6 months i have seen the light, i see a path forwards in life and feel great. I quit jerking off and smoking weed and started using all that extra energy productively. Right now i'm shitposting on lit but i also just got done pulling weeds from my lawn, finished some homework (started community college!), did Russian lessons on Duolingo, worked on writing some poems, and made a concrete step towards my big-dick goal vision of the future. And that's just this morning. But a huge part of your mood comes from your body, get your diet in order and start exercising, even if its just a brisk walk.

If you're a manic depressive and you smoke weed all the time, you'll just be depressed

it took me four long years to bring together a plot for my novel, but I finally did it.

its awful. completely, irredeemably terrible.

i want to find a way to fix it, but I dont know how, there are too many problems to nudge into place, and it seems like my only option is to scrap it and start again from square one — or just abandon it, which I care too much to do

Many Such Cases!

What's your goal vision of the future?
Also, very interested in learning Russian but have always been put off by shoddy online resources, do you rate Duolingo?

Not him, but I used DL to get good enough at German to test out of 3 classes at college (granted it was a piss easy course and the school wasn't great, but still). Listen to radio/music, watch movies, and try to talk to people as supplements, but DL as a resource is great.

The suicidal thoughts are back but I think I know how to deal with things this time around.

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I would say immersion is the main way to learn, just spend some time reading/listening to anything that interests you in that language, after familiarizing yourself with the basic grammar (and case system, in the case of german or russian).

>I finally did it.
>its awful. completely, irredeemably terrible.
based

Duolingo's good as a supplementary source and practice tool but it should in no way be your primary method. Getting a textbook is unironically a good idea (doesn't have to be expensive or new)

Just go to a fucking class
You will not learn a language by typing into your little owl app, fucking go actually learn the thing, look at the grammar tables and memorize conjugation instead of having a digital animal pat your back for remembering that Russian for luggage is baggage

Just get down a regulated sleep schedule, eat healthy, drink lots of water and go on a little walk outside once in a while!

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this

please don't mock me user. I cant do this anymore.

fucking kek

haha
just be yourself

I had a dream where I was locked in a restroom with a Pole woman and she started spanking me. :o

Like many others here, I'm exhausted. My stoic gaze and thin veneer of indifference rest atop an ocean of angst which occasionally tears through my mind before I cram it back into the dark sewers from which it came, and soon after, the flat affect grows even flatter. I could kill myself, but I dont care enough to do it. Next time the floodgates give I might kill myself.

I want to fuck young Kate Bush.

user, i've tried everything and nothing works. Im not even sure anymore if the problem is my idea, my lack of skill or my mind. for all I know, I have the perfect story but can't accept it because everything i make sounds like a hot, watery shit to me

When I was a kid, I imagined the adult world to be this cosmopolitan place where they all gathered to drink wine with friends and talk of completely foreign and advanced things, when the truth is that's mostly just an ideal and we're more headed away from it rather than towards it. But imagine how different our lives would be if these first impressions were slightly altered. It might create a ripple effect in how we think that shapes our perception until my world is strikingly different from my neighbor's. Think about this: If knowledge is an essential element to why the child's world is so strange to the adult, perhaps adults too live in their own "worlds" composed of the info they've built up over the years. We've long known that our thoughts on a thing shape our future experiences in it, so taken to its logical end point, this could represent two very different realities between people based only on what they know.

Sorry if that's rambling. I think the initial observation has a lot of deep implications, and deserve thinking about.

whats that supposed to mean?

that's because most of them are made up
people think they actually remember shit but that's not the case at all

been studying philosophy and mysticism for a while now. pretty sure I'm starting to be able to predict the future. pretty unsettling desu

You can catch more flies with honey...

That you are gay deep down. It's not a "feeling." It's what you are. A person doesn't feel straight one day and then gay the next.

The last year or so, my mindset has felt a little weak, like it's lacking confidence and courage, and it always seems to second guess itself. I'm always thinking whether I'm doing this or that the "right" way, or what some person would say if I did it this way. Judgement of others is actually getting to me. This never seemed to be an issue prior.

Granted I'm going through huge changes in my life (getting off of effexor, graduation, changing countries, family stuff, big health issues), but I can feel myself getting more sensitive to comments and judgement, and I feel almost cowardly, like I don't feel like I can stand up for myself sometimes. I don't know what going on, bros.

Anyone with similar experiences? I'm actually even a little scared to talk about this with people close to me.

the worst part is I used to go to Church with her when she was 16

user is not a fly, he's a man. And he should act like it and go learn a language if he wants to instead of playing phone games.

I might be getting back with my ex and I'm confused about it. I'm in my final year of uni, got no job lined up for afterwards so I'm probably going to end up back in my black hole of a hometown and my ex from four years ago is flirting with me, and I won't deny it but I'm interested. We didn't have a bad breakup at all, but I don't want to move back and I don't want to regress to being in the exact same position that I was in four years ago only now I've got a degree.

That's what I'm trying.

being gay is just homoerotic lust. its not a sexual spectrum

I reccomend exercise. I was very much in your position a few years ago and no confidence whatever to draw from in order to get things done. Exercise for me became an arbitrary conquest and arbitrary source of confidence. If you're new it will be HARD but it will also be easy to improve and you will start improving fast. Unlike reading/writing whatever the sense of improvement is felt physically. There is no question when you have worked your body to its limits, there is no question when you are upping your numbers week to week. You will feel CAPABLE and GOOD not only confident but also high on the body's new hormones and endorphins. Once you understand your ability to improve, once you realize even physical exercise is mostly a matter of commitment you will feel more capable to do anything.

Then you have got to get a job. Nobody is unemployable. Seriously entry level jobs could be preformed by monkeys. You may only be able to get a shitty service/retail job so part time it would never pay the bills, but you have to start somewhere, and if you are living with your parents not paying rent then take it as a privilege not to be working too hard.

Because being almost 23 and not having a job is not normal. Many people get their first job at 14 or 15. Probably you are emotionally immature. But the only way to solve that is through experience. Learn to deal with customers, even difficult ones, professionally. Learn to stick up for yourself towards your coworkers and your bosses. Learn also to joke with them and pass the time more easily, even if it's out in the open that you're only spending time together because you have to.

You can't write because what's coming out is a reflection of a self you are not happy with. You're not Emily Dickinson or Emily Bronte. Maybe if you didn't know your own condition you could get away with writing as a hermit, but you are bothered by greater ambitions and so you know deep down what you've got to do.

Example?