How to stop being cucked by materialism and determinism?

How to stop being cucked by materialism and determinism?
Basically, i've read (and misinterpred) too much determinism/biodeterminism/hbd/hereditarianism literature and now, i believe humans are just biological machines with no real will, and all behaviors and thoughts are the results random chemical and genetic expressions. This is probably wrong, i accept so. But it's hard after reading all the literature on the subject to not come to this conclusion. I can never improve myself because i get stuck at certain thought patterns. For example, if i try to be more confident, i fail and then i think "i tried being more confident but this isn't in my genetics. my genetics are that of a weak beta faggot, and this is why i feel so terrible when trying to be anything that isn't a weak beta faggot. i'll stop trying this kind of shit and i'll go back home and browse Yea Forums and feel sad about life and daydream about being an ennui filled intellectual living a troubled life when in truth i'm just a loser", then i'll think "this is obviously just an excuse to never improve; failure is normal and should be accepted, but the process of changing one's behavior is painful and it will hurt the ego to do so. it's why i have these thoughts patterns.", then i'll think "these previous thought patterns were the result of an anxiety driven being, produced by a malfunctioning soup of chemicals, that ends up expressing confusing...". This loop goes on and on and on.
What books should i read to get out of this mindset? I'm tired of being a loser retard. But i can't even see myself not being a loser retard because that wouldn't be compatible with my loser retard genetics, yet, i have to make the breakthrough somehow, i know this is possible, how?

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Your desire to resist determinism is itself a sign that determinism is only part of a complete picture of the world. The best thing to read in terms of conceptual content would be the introductions to the Wissenschaftslehre, specifically the sections where Fichte defines conceptual thinking as determinate thinking, and explains how the radically free act of positing made by the transcendental ego cannot be understood in the same way as determinate concepts, because concepts are "dead," law-like, static, and the ego that posits (throws forth) these concepts in the first place (and thereby determines the world which it both intuits and understands AS a determinate, law-obeying whole).

He gets all this from Kant, but he adds to Kant a distinction between the transcendental ego's intellectual intuition of itself, qua supra-conceptual, concept-positing, world-disclosing subjectivity, and its intuition and understanding of the determinate world so posited. The intellectual intuition of the self is radically distinct in form from the intuition of determinate entities, processes, logical contingencies, and so on.

By distinguishing between self-intuition, as the intellectual intuition of the radically pre- or indeterminate self, and conceptual intuition, as the intuition of the non-self or world, qua intrinsically and necessarily determinate, he helpfully collapses a lot of superficial distinctions in the latter category, for example between physical and psychological determinacy, into just the single category: determinacy. This opens up the insight that ALL thought about entities that are not a self, intellectually intuited through immediate awareness of one's own radical freedom, therefore will be determinate regardless of particular content. In terms of form, transcendentally, describing an inanimate mechanical process is the same as intuiting it spatio-temporally, and the same as positing a valid syllogism, etc. In other words, spatio-temporal intuition and conceptual thought are incapable of "seeing" freedom. When the mind sees anything, it sees it AS an inherently unfree process. The (transcendentally) logical form of thought-about-things is necessity.

The latter isn't problematic as long as it's applied to the world, which is, again, the Kantian insight. But by contrasting this with the (alleged) experience of the pure non-contingency of the ego that posits the world, Fichte puts you on the right track to a metaphysical insight: whatever your self is, and presumably the selves of others, it's not the same thing as a rock or an atom. The second departure Fichte makes from Kant is to say that while determinate thought tends toward logico-metaphyscial "completeness" in its description of reality as a completely determinate whole unfolding mechanically from a single originary principle (which, Fichte says, was already achieved in Spinoza's system), in other words total determinism as a regulative principle (again, Kantian), this regulative "tendency" toward a completely determinate world-picture can never "lead to" an intuition of the self qua free and world-positing - meaning, intellectual self-intuition is not only an act radically distinct from normal determinate thought about determinate things, it cannot be the outcome of determinate thought about determinate things. The self's ontological difference from things requires an epistemically different act, stemming from a distinct faculty: the will. In other words, a weak-willed person may get stuck in Spinoza's logically determinate, metaphysically dead world-picture, with no way out, until that person by an act of will and self-assertion realizes, extra-conceptually and extra-logically, that he is radically free.

Fichte doesn't go much farther than that, but you can see how this glimmer of self-recognition, as free, and as ontologically distinct from determinate "things" qua freedom, opens the door to a higher understanding of freedom - which must also necessarily be supra-conceptual. From there you could read something like Ernst Lehrs or Rudolf Steiner for some progress toward a real philosophy of freedom, but truth be told there just is no good philosophy of freedom. It's still an open question what freedom is and why you have the dim sense that you are free.

Here's the Lehrs I meant:
gutenberg.org/files/5641/5641-h/5641-h.htm

OP, your consciousness is what the universe is doing right now. The thoughts and feelings you are having right now are perfect. They are the exact thoughts and feelings you should be having right now.

You need some zen buddhism. Go listen to some Alan Watts. Determinism isn't your problem. Your problem is dualism.

Try to loosen the hold your ego has on your consciousness. Allow the lines between your self and your environment to blur. They are both you.

Then when you return to the game that is human life, (inhabiting a human persona with a human ego) you can play it with more joy, purpose, and gratitude. And less anxiety, fear, and isolation.

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This is the excellent foppery of the world, that, when we are sick in fortune, often the surfeit of our own behaviour, we make guilty of our disasters the sun, the moon, and the stars; as if we were villains on necessity; fools by heavenly compulsion; knaves, thieves, and treachers by spherical pre-dominance; drunkards, liars, and adulterers by an enforc'd obedience of planetary influence; and all that we are evil in, by a divine thrusting on. An admirable evasion of whore-master man, to lay his goatish disposition to the charge of a star! My father compounded with my mother under the Dragon's Tail, and my nativity was under Ursa Major, so that it follows I am rough and lecherous. Fut! I should have been that I am, had the maidenliest star in the firmament twinkled on my bastardizing

...??????????????
I assume you definitely read ethics. how about reading ethics again? you know free will and freedom can be distinguishable, right?
There are only about 15 percent of philosophers who thinks Incompatibilism is correct. I will love every reply what Yea Forumsfags kindly recommended, but even just reading remained books correctly can change your perceptive. you seem like the one in history who committed suicide by misunderstanding Schopenhauer.
I am surprised that the time has come for me to say this, but even reading Daniel Dennett again will help in this situation.

>the past determines the present!
>no! The present determines the future
who tf cares same shit

>The self's ontological difference from things requires an epistemically different act, stemming from a distinct faculty: the will
As the only possible bridge between self-intuition and world knowledge. Or for some other reason?

>i believe humans are just biological machines with no real will,
true
>I can never improve myself
wrong
>i think "i tried being more confident but this isn't in my genetics
genetics are not a strong enough factor to justify lack of effort. Genetics predisposes you to tendencies. Unless you have a serious disease, nature factors can be overwhelmed by nurture
>then i'll think "this is obviously just an excuse to never improve; failure is normal and should be accepted, but the process of changing one's behavior is painful and it will hurt the ego to do so. it's why i have these thoughts patterns."
true
>then i'll think "these previous thought patterns were the result of an anxiety driven being, produced by a malfunctioning soup of chemicals, that ends up expressing confusing..."
wrong. Anxiety and depression act at the psychological level. Their genetic aspect includes only tendencies, many of which are activated under certain conditions. If you start a positive loop you can overcome those tendencies and even close the activating conditions of the negative reactions.
>I'm tired of being a loser retard. But i can't even see myself not being a loser retard because that wouldn't be compatible with my loser retard genetics,
Unjustified logic. Fake it till you make it is a valid worldview because with enough persistence it creates positive loops which are very real, and in any case your current notions are mistaken and wrong. Furthermore, what you are doing is applying logic to justify your emotions, that's how the human brain works, and in your case only reinforces the bad feelings. Force in your mind the fact that you feel better and let the loop start. Supress any voice that thinks improvement won't work or that you aren't an amazing box of potential. In 2 or 3 years your life will feel great. Take the memory of your suffering and burn it as fuel for your journey.

t. I was you 5 years ago