Write what's on your mind

i was gonna ask him for the ketamine nasal spray but i'll read into this agomelatine thing before my appointment tomorrow

I feel like everything is going to shit but actually everything is fine. Atleast I hope it is.
Book rec on this feel?

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Stoner

I was thinking whenever tolstoy liked dostoevsky works and vice versa. One article says they liked each other works and the other - they didnt. I dont know which is the truth.

Do you mean like locally in your own life or like on a grand scale?

People are so mean online to Russians and Americans. How can they hate so much?

The new janitor keeps moving these threads to /r9k/. I'm sure he'll move this one too.

What do you guys think about that? I'm not sure about it. I kind of like having them around, but I know they're by all definitions off-topic.

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I wish they would stay here open dialogue and stream of consciousness is great niche in writing and language, Yea Forums is really the only hobby board where something like this should be allowed.

I think it's nice to have somebody to talk to about whatever.

In my own life and everything that happens with me.

philosophy is judging yourself

psychology is judging others

i think they're fucking shit and you should all fuck off

There are only so many responses one can have to looking at something ahead of them or something very very large in front of them. Dread is the most easily sustainable.

take magnesium powder, stop browsing this site

I really need to learn to read Koine Greek, at least all the pronounciations; I'm going too deep
inside Late Platonism.

Not exactly yourself, but of man in general. Bloch in Historian's Craft says:
>"The study of individual man - that will be philosophy - and the study of social man, and that will be history"

I want to go to bed so I can be awake for the day but I've only been up for about 5 hours. Guess I'll watch some more mst3k. God I'm bored.

Read any good books recently?

Reading Infinite Jest.
Just finished the part where the radio hostess tries to od at a party.
It's pretty good.

if you haven't found the way yet, you haven't looked hard enough, or long enough. just because you haven't found it yet, doesn't mean it's not there

the only way out is in, the obstacle is the way

we can make this world better bros. we are all an integral piece. if you don't believe something is out there, you won't look for it anymore. take a chance on believing that "there is some good left worth in this world, and that it's worth fighting for"

shit's hard sometimes, but you have to remember in our suffering we are not alone. we are all sharing in our suffering, we experiencing the same troubles, the same pains. we are anything but alone. lend a friend in need a hand and you might find more hands reaching to pull you up yourself out of the shit

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Just try to imagine the outline of this dude's life, leading up to this moment.

He woke up like that one day and ran with it his guess is as good as yours

It could happen to you.

sadly the donut hole as only gotten bigger after the 60s

What's on my mind.... your mom

I dunno some donuts seem like they barely have a hole, doesnt every place make them differently.

lots of anime, autism and bullying

I think you misunderstood what I meant my donut hole

Maybe they want you make to make your own hole.

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please user, i haven't fapped in 5 days, dont send such lewd gifs

fuck jannies

When I was a kid I used to think there were angels who were trying to speak to me. They told me that I would become the ruler of heaven, if only I kept believing in them for my whole life. I would sit in the garden for hours, thinking about the angels. But I grew up and I eventually stopped believing in them.

My parents didn't even raise me religious. They were strict atheists. How did I get a superstition like that into my head?

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Unsettling shit user

you're retarded

Ticking away
The moments that make up the dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
Kicking around
On a piece of ground in your hometown
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine
Staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long
And there is time to kill today
And then, one day, you find
Ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run
You missed the starting gun
And you run, and you run
To catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same
In a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath, and one day closer to death
Every year is getting shorter
Never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught
Or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over
Thought I had something more to say

Yeah dude I love the Beetles

Good tune

I cringed fuck you

nothing worse than fucking a donut with a loose hole

Angels are real. They're called 'best friends'.

The alien on the 'Communion' cover is kind of cute 2bh.

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i'm so balls deep into counterculture i metaironically suport islamic radicalism because it makes the NP(pol)C angry

on the subject, are there any comfy eastern books to distance yourself from modern shit

nigga, i've read this shit will cost ypu several THOUSAND $ a month. meanwhile regular ketamine is 20-50$/g, and you can just spray it in your nose.

QUE SERA SERA

I hate living in a society bottom text and all i want to do is live off the grid in the woods somewhere where no one can FUCKING bother me

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i have great insurance and don't know anybody who fucks with ketamine here (south florida, the only drugs that are easy to find are weed/xans/opiates)

based hermit poster
bottom text

kek

whatever, if ypur insurance will cover it, then sure
2bh i just mindlessly take drugs to get out of especially dark episodes so i'm not the one to advice

You are just becoming an adult. People like to make it out that the west has done away with rites of adulthood and all that, but they are still there, just tweaked for the connected world.

This is how it is, you get to an age where youthful recklessness and idealization can no longer carry you through life, you can continue on with your half assed childish ideals and live a miserable life or you become an adult, you either throw yourself entirely into your ideals and give up the reckless way of your past or, do like most sane people and just focus on you and those people that are important to you, you spend a few hours every other year to cast your vote for a better world, you watch the 6 o'clock news, but your dedication is friends, family, and community.

While there is no ceremony, everyone around you will know you made the choice, if and when you decide to do so, you will feel different about the world and yourself, and you will be treated different, you will be an adult. You will coach that little league team even though you hate baseball and all kids who are not directly related to you because you are the only one in the neighborhood free on Wednesday nights, you will knock on 300 doors getting people to sign your petition about getting the pothole in front of your house fixed that only you care about, you will lug radiators up 3 stories for a neighbor you barely know because you realized that while you can not change the world, you can make life for those around you better. You will become a pillar of the community in a community of pillars. You will grow old and bond with your grandchild over your shared tendency to wet the bed.

Its not that bad anons, the world is not ending, your just getting old.

cringe

This reminded me of my imaginary friends I had when I was a child. Two anthropomorpic masses of sand and mud; named Sand and Mud. They could change shape, and flow freely. They would't need to come in the car with me to my preschool; the play group having both a sand pit and muddy corner they could rise up from. They didn't have faces or fingers, and arms only appearing when arms were required. Mud was my favourite, Sand having the tendency to nest between my fingers and toes, irritating me for the rest of the short day.
I knew a ginger girl there, even at that young age I remember feeling some kind of primordial attraction to her. She moved to Canada and I've forgotten her name.

I've been undergoing a period of stress about things that I have no control over for the past month and I haven't sleep for more than 4 hours in the last two weeks, every time I put my face on the pillow I start to panic with the fear of a tomorrow that I don't want to come. I wish to fall asleep and wake up in 3 months when I'll be out of this situation but for now I'm stuck here and it looks like I'm not gonna make it easily
Good thing Is that now I have a lot of time in the middle of the night to read and watch movies alone

Well I think that's a great decision. You planning on grad school then I'm guessing?

xanax is literally the only thing that keeps me from killing myself desu

I want to die.

Is that Kantbot?

Bro find a doctor, no matter how long it takes, to get you xans - fake an epileptic disorder or bipolar disorder if you have to. One must imagine Sisyphus on xanax.

The Unabomber was right about everything. I know it sounds edgy but I don’t think a better manifesto has ever been written. Ted was a fucking genius. And by the time enough people realize it, it’ll be too late. It doesn’t matter anyways, we are part of a transitional generation.

Yes down the line, I was a very poor student as an 18 year old but I am working and chipping away at my education. I get what experience I can now volunteering.

You wish, boomer.

I don't want to write what's on my mind because this thread is just going to get deleted again

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I can accept that I guess if that were to be the case. My gf and I are both pretty set on homesteading, I have a weird pipe dream of owning a bison herd one day maybe. It feels weird to have the path so obviously laid out in front of me and know what I have to do to make it happen for once. I did shrooms a year or so ago and felt that I matured a lot in one night. It was like all my ancestors and descendants in one composite entity watching over me but it also was me and since then I just can’t turn away from marrying this girl building this life together. I didn’t think my life would turn out this way but I’m glad.

Anti-natalism is the true red pill. What a clown world we live in. Sick, twisted world. Of all the things we could’ve built. Guess we get the world we deserve.

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Young, non-boomer christfags are largely copelet incels

Or are just conforming to their families expectations

Probably yes
It is a convenient solution for them then.

Idiot ideology.

It not like you're having kids

I've managed only a week without cigarettes and alcohol. Yesterday I played darts until the bar closed. I shared a couple of beers with a friend. Smoked half a pack in spite of my cough. It wasn't pneumonia after all so I should be okay. I am alone in the office today. Outside behind the barred windows the sun is shining. I hate spring. I hate when people find joy and hope in warm weather, already welcoming distant thoughts of summer. A small child bumped into me while buying lunch in the supermarket. On days like these I can't stand children. They too are full of hope. Her mother seemed happy and radiated pride. Her stupid grin made me want to shove her lovely little cherub back up her loose fucking cunt.
I don't think the temperatures will drop below freezing again.

Yeah and then you will see your community being destroyed by a thousand different reasons, from global economy to global warning, so you either enter full denial, or invent a central reason for everything bad to happen that, if put blame upon, would save your dream of a community (say, /pol/ and their jews), or then you can realise that no community can carry you through this age where people are required by the nature of the world around them to exist as individuals, and realise your path towards adulthood hasn't even begun.

how real is love? I am dating this girl and when im with her, i feel like she is perfect, during the week i yearn to be with her yet when i see in her in a group i dont feel the same way. Im afraid, in some sub conscious premonition, i have justified my attraction to her because of some other, alien reason. Am I convincing myself that i love her or do i love ?

No, they are generic poorfags doing their job.

Aren't you just blindly following the current culture if you support muslims? Did you mean you are counter-/pol/-subculture?

I love the sun. Even though it's a cloudy day, like a child I look up to the sky and anticipate the rays of sunshine that make their way through the little blue opening to finally reach the surface of my skin. Ah, isn't spring beautiful. The birds, the trees, the flowers, they all know it and they don't shy away from sharing that knowledge. They do not whisper it though, they speak in a moderate confident tone and the wind is their messenger.

Ah, the wind. The same wind that helps the eagle make his rounds around my house. The eagle was there during the winter storms too, flying, searching, surviving. Spring must make his life easier. Because of that, spring makes my life easier too.

Imagine being in an office alone on this day, I would open all the windows to let nature in, to let it enter the sterile surrounding and help banish every dark though I have. Imagine being annoyed by a small child bumping into you on this day. I can't even imagine that because life is too beautiful.

I'm with a girl I don't love. After years of solitude and social isolation I found someone who actually likes me. We spend basically all of our time together and I've tried to convince myself that I love her but I don't know if I will ever get over her severe mental illnesses. She's like myself, introverted and socially retarded, only to an astronomically higher degree. She has no opinions, never disagrees, trembles with fear at sudden movement or loud noises, sensitive, laconic, mumbling, reserved, timid, submissive, etc. She's so soulless I often feel like I'm talking to an AI. I've tried to get her to open up more but so far very little progress has been made. Last night we slept together and all I could think about was murdering her. I don't know why. Maybe I feel sorry for her? Maybe I see myself reflected in her? I can't leave her and go back to having no-one but at the same time I can't force myself to love her.

Christianity gets some things wrong, but celibacy is supreme to wasting your time on your base urges.

Do not abandon her. Use her as a personal fleshlight for whenever you feel like it. Fuck her brains out even if she has no indication of feeling like it. She is too timid to resist, say no or leave you. She is completely dependent on you. If you have any perverted sexual fantasies: use her as an outlet. You've struck gold my friend and you consider throwing it away? Nonsense. That girl is a keeper. No opinions of her own? No arguing, neediness or passive aggressive behavior? And she has a vagina? Have you checked yet? My friend you have literally all of the benefits of the female with none of the baggage. I wish i could express how envious i am for you. Good luck in your sexual life my friend, i hope all goes well.

Irrelevant, life denier.

I like this.

I think, it's this:
>Maybe I see myself reflected in her?
learn to love yourself you faggot

how did you get up to that point? mere need to treat your solitude? One of you would have had to make the first step.

That's what our relationship is basically like right now. Somehow I feel I want more. Maybe I should just accept my lot.

Having given up on the prospect of myself, I have become a testing ground, my body is a satellite that I am bending and positioning towards what I want to receive. And what I want to receive most of all is the most valuable knowledge of human experience; love. So, tonight I am going to see Her in a play, the girl I love. But I am frightened of her, of what we might become - together, we will have the energy to power a star, but a dark energy. We will create a darklight, a negative of perfection, plumbing the depths of experience. It is frightening, the prospect; when I am with her, I feel a loss of sentience, a loss of control, an attachment to reality so strong that it feels like detachment. That blindness, pure sensuality, pure freedom -- through that blindness, the Devil will weave misfortune, I assume, as blindness is always followed by a rude awakening. It does not help that I am currently suffering from psychotic symptoms and mania, and that once I step back from this post, a monologue will continue, internal or external, until someone gives me a stage on which to perform. I am lost in the jungle of sentience; a sleepless dream.

I'm going to kill all the road workers in this god forsaken country.

You both are unable to connect to people. Especially you. You could use therapy.

When I did therapy as a teenager they set me up with this friend group that would go out to the movies and whatnot. It was a way of challenging our fear of social interaction, I guess. I exchanged numbers with her and we've been dating ever since.

beautiful. can u respond to my post now/

i dont use Christianity to justify my virginity (although i do have a gf) and the notion of heaven remains alien to me. For me, its the beauty of the Gospel which keeps me going, if not in practice. I always doubt yet in my existential condition, in its most depraved moments, a lingering image of Christ gives me hope. I am a coper and Im a shitty Christian but when i go to church it brings me joy sometimes and in my head. If the Gospel is true, and I believe it, the more i suffer (which isnt particularly significant in the whole scheme of things), then God too, in my place, experienced this suffering equally. I hope, at the end of this all, the monolithic God the Father, the dad i never had, will say the words "you did good".

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if I run today I won't be able to stay awake until 11 p.m. bedtime.
on the other hand, if I make it to 11 p.m. after running, maybe my body will actually sleep more than 6 hours for a change.
my sleeping schedule is more scrambled than banana milkshake.
Sara and Eliezer cancelled
so you have atleast until Friday to freely think and zen it out to your writing
so finish the goddamn agamyot hierarchy flowchart today
and resume rewriting Beryul's ascendancy
wasted time researching shooter and scouring jewtube videos about him
but atleast you're over that speedbump
you don't even live in usa anymore lmao
mother and john visit in may
so don't forget to ask for copy of windows 7 or 10
and maybe recommend good memory chips and gpu

Pondering on how much I'd care if a hacker threatened to send webcam footage of me shitting and masturbating to my friends and relatives.
I don't think I'd give him more than 100€.

Were you shitting and masturbating at the same time?

>not "icing the chocolate bar" every morning
never gonna make it

I don't recall doing so.

No, really I'm serious. It's 20 minutes to 1 am and these fucking cunts have been jack hammering right outside my apartment for the past 3 and a half hours straight with no signs of stopping. They've done this before until after 3 in the morning and they'll probably do it again. I can't think of a single good reason for them to be doing it now either because it's a quiet residential street.

Fuck this place. Thank god I'm leaving.

I don't think I'll live past 20. I don't think I'll kill myself, at least not yet. I just figure I'll die by then. That is, if I'm not already "dead".

My ideal life doesn't exist. I have no dreams. I don't intend to go to college, I only hear bad things nowadays. The viable, realistic option is a trade skill but I don't want to be an electrician for the rest of my life. I think I'd like to be an author if nothing else, but again, that's unrealistic. My talent in literature is limited by my lack of motivation to improve and the understanding that I've not the talent to write a compelling story as is. Even when I try to write something I get four pages in and give up. I kinda want to travel across the country (amerifag) but I don't have the planning, transit or money.

I just don't want to work and would rather have not existed. Yes, that's childish, I'm sure I'll grow out of it at some point, that's what everyone says. But man, I hate communicating with people. I don't hate people but I hate talking to them and I strongly dislike humans as a collective. Again, I don't hate them, because I do understand them and I can't hate what I understand. But, everything in life and social experience seems superficial and unimportant, and that's because it is. I'm the only one I can be honest to, and it's the same for everyone else and themselves. The joy of life always comes with pain, or so every piece of art and expression and every memoir or recounting has said. I don't want to live in that world. What's wrong with my mindset? I want to experience the joys of life but I fear the monotony and suffering and would prefer not to experience it.

This is all I think about at all times.

don't take this the wrong way and don't kill yourself over my words, but you sound like a piece of shit

responded

is there another post you want respond to ?

I feel like a fraud. Recently I've gotten into a "high paying job" (enough to be able to afford my own place), collegue is doing fine, I am sorrounded by friends and everyone at work says I'm talented.
I still feel deppresed, nothing I ever do seems to be enough for me, I used to write and draw to vent but during the last months everything I do quickly takes a dark turn.

Me too man

Misanthropy is a reflection of self-hatred. If you chose to hate people in this way, you will never get to know them, and if you never get to know anybody, the only person you will ever know is yourself.

Work teaches discipline. If you lack the self-definition in order to separate yourself from what you do, then that is a problem with you, not with work. Rationalising yourself as a victim in this way is just a means of justifying radical action. "Well, if I'm the biggest victim ever then nobody will care if I act like a piece of shit." And by acting like nobody cares, you will receive feedback proving this. It's an oroboros, a self fulfilling prophecy, a self consuming thought loop. You will break out of it when you experience invertible hardship and realise that the human psyche is fragile, and that reality is unrelenting. Until then, make the most of yourself. Put yourself into experiences that will help you grow. Treat your memories as soil for the future of your consciousness - fertilise yourself with emboldening experiences. Abandon the self pity rhetoric.

It's a very common feeling, especially when you start to rise in the ranks of the company. I feel that half the time I have no idea what I'm doing it and just wing it. The key to comfort is knowing most people above you are doing the same.

The thing is I'm still really young (19) and at the start of my career, in a single year I've tripled my salary but instead of feeling proud I feel dread.

remember to not take the advice of sad people from lit, they're retards, like you

How the hell do you even get a salary? My gf won't help me with a salary or income even after I have been really nice to her.

Applied for a job and started a course in system administration the day I got out of school, took me about three months to get a job

I just want everyone around me to be happy, but sometimes it feels like they're only happy when I'm sad. I don't really mind though, just a weird feel I guess.

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I like to research inane or quirky details of life and fashion from the past, but keeping up with such details in the present intimidates me.

I want everyone to be happy too but I really think they do not want to help me or have me be happy even after I try to turn to a nicer path of kindness towards them.

I am the designated emotional support of every group of friends I have but whenever I have a problem there's almost no one to support me because I feel incapable of asking for help.

Why are antagonists so much more interesting than protagonist? All my favorite TV shows, anime, cartoons, are my favorite because the villains are interesting.

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I appreciate the detailed response. One point you misunderstood is that I specifically don't hate people. I understand that my mindset is niche and negative, and I appreciate that other people have their own goals, ideals, personality, and are oftentimes good and kind. Truly bad people are rare, in my limited experience. Even then I can't bring myself to hate them, and I don't consider myself a misanthropist.

I'm very aware that I'm the only one I know that actually doesn't care. If I thought that everyone was like me, I'd be even more a fool than already I am. But from a personal perspective I don't see the worth of it all and I'd rather not get all wrapped up in it in the first place. Thus, the suicide perspective. My past has taught me that I face pain and am forced to sit with bad memories that torment me when I attempt to reach "emboldening experiences." I don't have the kind of good experiences already from childhood that would push me to take more risks, and just reading about history as a whole makes me feel that it's best to get out now, while I still can. I don't know what to do on a personal level to change this. How to take more risks and not leave with as much lingering regret, when sitting in gives me just as much enjoyment without the negatives.

i'm glad i was born in Russia, especially because my native language is so complex and allows me to read some of the greatest books in original.

on the other hand, i constatly think there must be some masterpieces in bumfuck minor language

protagonist is often stripped of specific identity traits to make it easier for reader to relate to him/her.
antagonist or the villain is usually more detailed because you don't need to deeply excuse good deeds, but you need to explain reasons why someone is evil.

I dont really know what to say to anyone. I hate small talk, so I avoid others. Just want to have meaningful conversations sometimes. Yet being around others Is shit.

I hate it. This is a nice thread so why bother moving it?

The greatest work of literature in the world is an oral epic from North Sentinel Island and we'll never know it.

meant for

who knows, man. everything is true until proven false.

>I will never understand how savage people can be towards innocent human beings.
It's the same human beings that are savage and innocent. Sometimes at the same time, even.

Solipsism

> It's the same human beings that are savage and innocent.

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