Woke up

>woke up
>drank coffee, ate food, mindlessly browsed internet, watched rest of ballad of buster Scruggs
>read Pete Buttigieg's Wikipedia page and felt sad about my life and lack of motivation
>realised how fat I feel, it's just depressing
>go outside
>went for a short walk
>currently drinking Starboocks in the car
>plan to have a small binge today and then start trying to lose weight afterwards
>currently agonising over how to make myself work hard (or at all) in my free time
>made a checklist but it felt like an oppressive spook
>set myself a reminder yesterday, for a few hours ago, to write about my life philosophy and plans for getting out of my (over 5 year long) rut
>ignored it, gave no fucks
>have set a reminder for tomorrow

I remember one summer day in London, as I was drinking coffee in a busy place, feeling really sad. It was some sort of milestone I had noticed (X hundred days since something, like graduation or a job or something), and I thought about how I would start getting motivation tomorrow.

I remember also going to some sort of first day induction at a really cucky post-university retailcuck job and how I walked home in the dark afterwards, telling myself I'd use my free time to do productive stuff. Of course, I barely did very little since (less than ever in the past year). My motivation is non existent. I am blackpilled as fuck about my difficult life as an ugly beta meek charismaless male.

Life is really passing right by with no achievements to show for it.

I need to channel my bitterness in to productivity.

Being fat sucks and I really feel it now, due to daily binges and little exercise. Sugar and caffeine are all that give me pleasure. I'm so bitter about being a nofriends loser through university while others enjoy themselves and have easy lives and success guaranteed because they're normies.

I'm procrastinating reading because I'm going through a long, boring, pseudy book.

How do I motivate myself without being spooked?

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stick needles through muscle tendons

if this is the real londonfrog, i think you just have to keep trying new things, and set reasonable goals for yourself. it's not realistic to think "ok tomorrow i'm going to quit ALL junkfood and work out everyday". you have to start with just doing a little, maybe only eat some junk food and work out for 10 mins. something that you can realistically do on a daily basis.
you should expose yourself to different hobbies/pasttimes as well. i don't think it's good you try to force yourself to read Yea Forums-recommended books because it sounds like you aren't enjoying it at all. either pick up some books that actually sound interesting or take some dance classes (or macrame, or rock-climbing, whatever sounds fun to you), because those kinds of hobbies will expose you to other people and you can get a chance to make new friends.

How much do you weigh londonfrog?

You need to shut the fuck up about "spooks". I think you know deep down that you are just calling all of the things that could actually help you spooks because you are too afraid to actually face the things going on in your life.

Do you feel free right now because of how you avoid the "spooks"? Because it seems to me like you are actually a slave to base instincts precisely because you refuse to adopt structure or order in your life. Actually being free means being able to use whatever "spooks" you can to your advantage. It IS possible to understand that the goals you set for yourself are arbitrary and ultimately probably unimportant, while still setting and achieving these goals.

Channeling bitterness will not work. What will work is exercising your will upon your life. Taking control through whatever "spook" you need to actually do things you are proud of doing. This is not an easy or glamorous thing. Often taking control means sitting by yourself forcing yourself to do something you don't want to do, over and over again until you become okay with it.

I hope you concur that Mr. Pocket was the best part of Buster Scruggs.

Either way, B-B-B-Based! Have a great Sunday!

but aren't you crushing 2 plate squats bro? keep it at my dude thats all that matters

groupwork m8. find 3 other people doing what you want to do, and do it with them in a coffee shop or workspace. maybe take some modafinil, work in pomodoros instead of constantly, and set incremental goals

the grit to set this up is the hard thing. once it's done, you will have a habit requiring only minor effort to maintain

Read meditations, unironically.
about a year ago i had droppped out of uni, was addicted to alcohol, stole money from friends and parents to sit and drink at a bar alone.
You are not in a rut, the reason you think you are in a rut is because you set labels upon yourself
>im fat
>im depressed
>i give no fucks
>everything is a spook
your mind works in odd ways my friend, when you put these labels on yourself you are basically making it a self-fulfilling prophecy, sínce your mind subconsciously wants to be correct, you adapt to these labels.
sugar and caffeine are not the only thing that gives you pleasure.
you are not charismaless.
stop reading your boring psuedy book, read something that interests you instead, dont try to build on your pseudointellectual cock, when the cock of your life is the shortest micropenis there is.

The UK is a gigantic homogenous mush where anyone like me (autistic plus too ugly to be accepted) is doomed. This isn't the USA where meatheads and Asian nerds can find their niches.