ITT

Second generation son of an immigrant. Largely ignored throughout life which has produced an unfortunate deep longing for attention. More into the arts then the practical. Former doomer en route to bloomer status.

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No it's Leo... I mean my story.

Kafka's In the Penal Colony
My Twisted World by Rodger Elliot
Plato's Sophist
More Kafka or Shultz, but if you want to chill I would recommend some of young Goethe's poems.
Mayakovski's poems

and as for me..

MTW was a good satire. What else have you got?

>25, male
>finished masters in literary theory
>got sacked on the first phd exam
>realized that I wanted to make a family out of the department's staff, because my own home environment is slightly dysfunctional
>live with realization and try to grow up as professional in the field
>Write poems and stories from 4th grade, tried submitting some anonymously in a literary journal where I've worked
>nobody noticed it, so I gave up on publishing anything through other people for now.
>actually a successful noise artists, working on several different projects in different genres
>sad that i'm appreciated in my endeavors in sound and ignored in my literary attempts.
>every phd student I know, doens't really appear as my type of person, and all of the poets I know behave as phonies, but I love academic research and the spirit of the university.
>was thinking of moving into contemporary aesthetics and sound art, but I love literature.

:D Consolidation of Philosophy ?

Thanks
Stoner by John Williams is quite good if you haven't read it already

25. Living on unemployment benefit in a Scandinavian country. I read, watch youtubes and play the piano. Got engineer gf who takes me to nice restaurants sometimes. No ambitions.

I haven't read it, but I once attended a report on it at a conference. Since it's meme material here, I was didn't actually paid attention, but conferences are like this I guess.

Learning to write poetry, what books do you recommend?
pic unrelated

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Haruki Murakami's Wind-up Bird Chronicle or Hamsun's Hunger

>After I die from stage three cancer. Not even joking I used to smoke a pipe too often, as well as cigars. Still remember them burning my lungs.

I'm so sorry, user.

If I may suggest something, investing in palliative care for the end of life seems to be a good option.

By the way, if I may ask your age, how did you feel when the doctors first told you you had cancer? And how did you feel when you heard it was no longer curable?

I bet there's a brat who says sculpture is better than painting that gets on your nerves.

(by the way, that chappel he is painting,I suggest you go see it. He may say he hates painting, but he is a sublime painter himself)

Late 20s programmer, socially awkward but still able to function at parties and small talk. Mega contrarian and superiority complex. Given slightly different circumstances, I would be a serial killer.

22, last year of STEM degree, spend as little time as possible on University and as much time as I can on reading Marxist theory and 20th Century History because I have a strong intuition that there is a deliberate attempt by bourgeoisie historians to rewrite history to suit the needs of international capital.

Have you read no longer human?

Sailor that fell from grace with the sea

Books of poetry. Read a lot, if are bilingual try doing some translations.
Goethe's autobiography Poetry and Truth may be of some help, but just read and write and pay attention to yourself, try to be honest about what you write and honest in the way you write it. Be critical of your work and try to look up to the great poets before you as if they were your older brothers.

Are you a libertarian

>21y/o straight white male
>only have a small circle of 5 close friends
>devote myself solely to self-study and keep socialising to a minimum
>love the fine arts
>love nature and going on long walks through the woods alone
>identify as an aesthete (Wilde is one of my favourite authors)
>A very romantic and passionate person inside, but I have difficulty showing emotion externally
>enjoy being alone, but am also sometimes envious of more sociable people
>generally an optimist
>quite perverted and kinky, but I can keep my urges to myself and respect people's boundaries
>I like talking to and being around women more than men
>am worried about job prospects when I leave education

Also 18yo male in last class of high school. Goes from being an introvert to an extrovert really quickly. Has no friends. Constantly dreams of being in love, but there’s no one he wants to chase in reality. Wants to do something important but all jobs disinterest him. Has constant fear of accomplishing nothing and being too dumb. Fairly well read, multilingual.

kinda know this feel
>been all over the fuckin place as a kid, where I was born am regarded as almost a foreigner
>in U.S regarded a foreigner
>never truly fit in anywhere
and then this
>Largely ignored throughout life which has produced an unfortunate deep longing for attention. More into the arts then the practical. Former doomer en route to bloomer status.
I constantly deny the need for attention and try to get rid of it,see it as a weakness and everybody does
I've wasted too much time doing nothing but now trying to become bloomer, focusing on getting a skill to get a job first

will take any books rec

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Born as a hidious manifestation of my begetter, unloved even by the bosom which has given birth to me. Brought nothing but lament and suffering to whoever has known me, till I've concealed my doom-laden antlitz from the world. Silently weeping torturing my numbed heart, to feel what motherslove I've known.

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Faggotry: A guide to cuckoldry by Justin Trudea

>britfag
>finished school with almost nothing
>blew off my exams because i was heavily addicted to WoW
>no contact with girls until 19
>worked a slew of shit-tier min wage jobs
>dropped out of 2 colleges and an apprenticeship
>get really into drug experimentation for 2 years
>shit gets really trainspotting
>finally decide there's no place for me in the blue collar world
>i'll end up dead if i have to keep this up
>take a mature course at local college
>enrol in uni, english and history
>top grades (not that it's a big achievement)
>struggle with depression, alcoholism, and drug abuse
>bottle of wine to myself every day or two
>can't hold down a relationship
>on the plus side i was a late bloomer and girls dig me now
>trying to write a terrible novella about three sons coming to term with their estranged fathers dead between bouts of self-loathing in which i delete it all and give up

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Anhedonia. Can't maintain any relationships, I would meet someone who's company I enjoyed and then just cut contact for no reason, the friendship would last for approximately 1 month before I would basically ghost the person in question.There would be no reason for It, I don't feel sad nor happy when I do it, It just sort of happens.
Never had a romantic relationship in my life, basically a KHV, not really sad about that either.
I live alone in a small city in Eastern Europe, I work in a factory.
>tl;dr Nofriends, dead end job, no relationship, no life enjoyment. I don't particularly stress about any of these things.
I've already read No longer human And notes from the underground.

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>skilled at chess... to the point I could make a career out of it
are you titled? rating?

I built my life around stories, but now my life and the world don't make sense.

I'm dependant on stories but don't believe they mean anything anymore so they can't make sense of the world for me, but every ideology I see just seems to be someone justifying their existence at an artificial construction of the world they invented in their heads to give the delusion that their life or struggle matters, or that they actually make a difference to the world. This means I can't find anything to replace them with.

I keep flitting between trying to trick myself into believing one philosophy or another since stories are just people making things up, to thinking that stories are the only thing that can sufficiently capture the change and upheaval the world is going through.

When I was younger I got super into that Jungian individuation stuff, confronting yourself so you can regain a larger connection to the world and other human beings. It was the only thing that made me feel connected to the world, or that life could have purpose or structure, and that I could draw from that deep well of empathy to make stories and help people accept themselves and each other. Now though, that just seems laughable and ridiculous.

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I'm at the bottom of the social heirarchy and can barely engage in conversation. I've lost my work ethic and day dream about conquest to get through my life. My only solace is God. Also I'm a college student going for a comp sci degree.

sounds like good book tbfh

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>18 years old
>painfully mediocre at everything, not smart enough to actually ever accomplish anything meaningful or extraordinary, but smart enough to be realize how stupid I am
>hate myself with a burning passion because I can’t come to terms with the fact that I’m not special in any way
>look down at everybody because I believe myself superior despite realizing how inadequate and dumb I myself am
>disillusioned and disappointed in life
>despise humanity because I can’t look past or accept our inherently flawed, animalistic nature
>emotionally jaded, apathatic and incapable of enjoying any kind of entertainment except music
>can’t find any worthwile goal to strive for
>Physics freshman at Uni, failing all my classes because I’m not smart enough to pass them without effort, but I’m lazy as shit and can’t bring myself to study
>no interest in forming or maintainung relationships with anyone except for the select few that I look up to (but those obv don’t care about me because why would they lol)
>not that it mattered, seeing as I’m autistic and incapable of interacting with people

Last book that I liked: Crime and Punishment

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Tolstoy. All of him.

cringe

>fairly introverted in childhood
>no experience with girls because im afraid of showing vulnerability
>thought myself as smarter than others just to realize that im probably the dumbest person
>resided to neeting (for almost 3 years after graduation from uni) because i have no idea what i want (did what others ask me).
>existential crisis which i fill with books or vidya
I cant inspire myself anymore

The Wedding - Yann Queffelec
Stoner
Frederick Rolfe: Stories Toto Told Me , The Venice Letters...
Talented Mr Ripley; Bret Easton Ellises books
Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night
Evola, Marcus Aurelius, Ernst Junger...
Yeah, Hamsun.
focus on your studies and to hell with marxism.
What Color is Your Parachute?
Maldoror
Tom Sharpe novels

Is 27 to old to start BJJ (I'm decently athletic)? I just want to be part of some community.

>born in a slavic / baltic country
>mother had me at 18
>was married around that age and also divorced early
>new husband when I'm still around 5
>he's short tempered and a strict disciplinarian
>slowly resent and hate him for his violence
>somehow unlike every other drunk, he's actually a sweetheart when he drinks
>but he quit soon
>step fathers parents live are immigrants in england
>mother and him move there to build a life that isn't in a slavic shithole with a glass ceiling
>spend a few years with my grandmother
>I was apparently a rather mischievous and curious child
>eventually mother collect me to live with them in england
>progress through English school system
>not the most popular kid in school but not an outcast. If I was smarter I could have got laid
>step father gets a stupid idea to get a dog
>hate it because it becomes a chore to look after, paired with the resentment I already had for father
>it eventually died very suddenly and in the time to come I realise what a great dog he was
>parents are now split and don't see much of stepfather
>resentment has almost gone, realise he was a good provider despite his character flaws
>only real romance I've had is with a girl I met by the slimmest chance in America
>might never meet her, feel her slowly slipping away
>have studied computer science and successfully progressing academic ladder
>fairly good job with lots of prospects
>obviously have depression but I refuse to seek help and simply cope

This is first draft hopefully not shit

"mindful way through depression" for you mate.
here ya go: mediafire.com/file/stl5ctg1ptogszt/MWTD.zip/file

Moravagine, big man.
take up boxing

No, im not. Why do you ask?

A man in his mid 20s who got a degree in engineering despite hating it, and works as such in a family company. Described by friends as an odd, but good person. A deep desire for being loved and an even bigger desire for freedom.

Patrick Leigh Fermor's travelogues

I'm good enough that I've beaten IMs before. Won't tell you under what rating system because I might get doxxed,

He never felt like that, because he never approached a woman so nearer before, and he is virgin too. The voyages and tribulations with the gang have been cruel to his natural emotions. Can’t stand in one place, grow a family, raise kids. Always running from ghosts, debunking charlatarian cocaine inhalers and having to watch the same old bullshit Penn and Teller reruns. Life ain’t easy for that sheep hunter. It never was.
His loialty to Shaggy was what maintained his instincts quietly in place of elfs, never boner acquiring and never humping good high-heeled bare lady legs.

No but I'll check it out! I've read Soseke so I'm interested already. Thank you

>21yo studying computer science at a decent school
>bisexual but have mainly gone for men in the past because its easier
>always had trouble connecting with people, hardly made any friends in college
>the friends I do have I feel like I dont completely fit in
>when I try reaching out to people I feel even more disconnected since I need to project happiness I don't actually feel
>have succeeded in school up to this point and have good prospects for the future but still cant seem to love myself
>in my last year of college and can feel my motivation draining by the day
>things I used to enjoy no longer keep my attention for long
>instead of trying to meet friends and change I tend to isolate myself more by drinking alone and rewatching tv shows
>I know these behaviors are self-destructive yet I dont stop

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I am not remarkable in any way, but I am also not repulsive in many ways, I guess. I've always done what I've been told, never inconvenienced anybody, and (of course) I have nothing to show for my deference and timidity. I am alone, unhappy, and tired. I could go on for days (because I don't get many chances to actually talk to people) but you get the idea.

I recommend one of the Flashman novels.

top marks for excavating that old pic of Jhon B, btw, took me a second longer than it should have to recognise him there.

Well so far I'm 26, working hard in factory requiring some serious heavy lifting during the winter months, then during the summer I go out and fight wildland fires with guys I can trust to do the job and count on. I most definitely love to work out in a gym or go running. Just starting Brazilian Jui Jitsu finding it a lot of fun and also expanding my love of guns. I have a rather fun time with anyone I'm with, and people generally find me fun to be around. Usually the responsible one in the apartment.

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> I just slapped the cover of other books onto with slightly similar themes and they loved it

lol

Life was going great for me; I was one of the top students in the law school I was at, but I had a four year long psychotic break that forced me to drop out and move in with my parents. My mental state is still very unstable but its been getting better because I got over the paranoia preventing me from taking my medication, and I’ve been trying to find an easy job so that I can hopefully try to get back into law school or something, I don’t really know but I’m still optimistic about the future

>19
>had really severe psoriasis from 14 on all over my body
>always outcast because of that
>doomer, didn't feel like I'll ever have a chance at a normal life with a normal relationship
>doctor refers me to a really sketchy pharma company, they give me experimental untested medication
>suddenly all symtoms are gone
>girls are starting to hit on me, doing well in uni, doing excellent in my sport
>don't have a reason to be a doomer anymore but can't lay off the mentality

lol no and it's real fun. you being athletic might be a disadvantage you'll spazz the fuck out in the start

>20
>Alcoholic father
>Good mom, but incredibly dumb
>College Dropout
>never had a gf, but recently been fucking around with multiple uglies, none of them make me cum so I ignore their snapchats all the time, respond maybe once a week, they still think I'm going to date them
>Most people like me, but those I'm close to eventually get disillusioned with me and think that I'm toxic
>Make friends easily, outgoing, good sense of humor, but horrible at any sort of commitment whatsoever
>Money motivated, through bullshit illicit means
>Pushed xanax and weed in high school, and made alot of money
>Write clickbait articles and essays atm for extra cash on the side
>Have cool restaurant job
>Going to fuck two of my coworkers in the near future
>If I pop adderrall I become gay and have sucked men off 2-3 times, usually regret it and don't do it for a 6-7 month time period, could be a sign of repressed homosexuality
>I have been writing and reading obsessively since 13

19 y/o going through some rough times. I manage a multi-million-dollar company, and lately my work performance has been suffering due to scheduling difficulties brought on by incessant demands for sex by numerous females. I need reading that will help me confront the burdensome nature of life.

The second half is not true

Spiritual and material paralysis

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?
the medication is a newer version of Mirikizumab by Eli Lilly

>22
>had a normal childhood, had friends schooling and so on
>always seeked isolation too much hanging out makes my tired and frustrated
>started actually getting interesed in reading 2 years ago
>never was depressed but always thinking about death but not in a negative way just thinking about it
>in a happy realtionship girlfriend she is even a little bit to clingy
>Currently in uni getting my Computer Science degree

>22 woman
>normal childhood, tho slightly introverted
>kinda smart but lazy
>countryside girl, moved to city for 2yrs
>moved back because cities r too superficial
>..also because developed a addiciton for drugs, got rid of it.
>struggling with what to do with my life
>whether to go to school and get a degree like society wants me to(security)
>...or just live and see what happens(?)
>have bf, really like him

>20
>doing neuroscience
>feel absolutely lost
>every moment of my life is like that man who looks at a bus bench and finds it weird in Satre's nausea
>beauty of the Gospel keeps me going

wish you the best mate.
is this bait or is that "good looking mentally ill guy' meme a real thing
are you american? America is built on stories
study ur uni stuff first mate.
you dont know how to love and you deserve ur predicament

Shibumi for you my friend
memoirs of my nervous illness
anything by Jean Genet
Secret Life of Walter Mitty
Kidnapped
Silk
Peterson's book or videos

>18
>always been a straight A student in high school and everyone has always had great expectations for me etc.
>born and raised in rural Italy but moved to the UK last September for Uni
>Philosophy and History of Art
>the last year or so before moving here i just sat through my days waiting for the years of my life that were bound to come once The University Experience™ started
>used to have 2 very close friends that actually made me appreciate what friendship and was looking forward to all the amazing people i'd meet in this new environment
>6 months in i've met no one i'd like to share more than a couple beers with
>not incredibly anxious and fairly good looking but i've almost grown disinterested with the vapidness that human connection seems to mean
>lie to my family and friends to avoid them worrying for me
>i go camping alone almost every weekend to smoke blunts and write silly poems to the woods
>started meditating multiple times a day and getting into advaita hinduism, deleted all my social media, started eating healthy and all the rest to improve myself first but real change is yet to come. it may be just round the corner but i can't remember a moment in my life when it wasn't
>i manage to be extremely happy sometimes, but when i'm not i just feel numb and those moments of that felt so good just feel meaningless once they become a fuzzy memory i share with nobody
>can't complain about anything though, i am extremely grateful for being able to experience this even the not so great parts. someone to share it all with would be amazing though

I'm a apethetic mess, as a kid i used to be Christian, but as a kid in 8th grade I used to debate with this kid for awhile, eventually I admit that I'm wrong, become hedonistic, and nihilistic.
But without the restriction of christianity I become philosophically active, now I dont know what to do, I cant focus in class (18 years old in 12th grade highschool) I yawn during lectures till I become teary eyed, even thought these classes are dog shit easy,
At this point I'm hoping a mass epidemic or civil war breaks out, I know how to make a few explosives, and how to work guns.
Trying to learn how to make semi automatic guns automatic, everything is just so damn boring I dont know what to do.

since you read Italian, read Lampedusa's Gattopardo in the original.
and perhaps seek counselling at uni if you're struggling.
join some clubs and societies, do more outdoors stuff with likeminded folk.

>25
>No higher education
>Have friends but see them less and less
>Wageslave low tier IT job
>Constantly wish I could just be a NEET all day
>Have a gf that gets on my nerves constantly and keep thinking about fucking other women though I do still love her
>Closet racist
>Still live at home on long island
>Both Parents combined make less than me and I only make about 38k
>Apethetic about the future

Why boxing?

if you're that user, because you seem to be stuck in your head.

I have entered upon a performance which is without example, whose accomplishment will have no imitator. I mean to present my fellow-mortals with a man in all the integrity of nature; and this man shall be myself. My childhood is streets upon streets upon streets upon streets. Streets to define you and streets to confine you, with no sign of motorway, freeway or highway. For a long time I went to bed early. Sometimes, the candle barely out, my eyes closed so quickly that I did not have time to tell myself: “I’m falling asleep.” My grandfather, Heimann Joseph, was farmer of some villages in the neighbourhood of the town of Mir, in the territory of Prince Radzivil. In my late twenties and early thirties, I went through a period of several years when everything I touched turned to failure.

>you dont know how to love and you deserve ur predicament

Well, you are probably right. Books for this feel?, any advice?

I'll look for his books. Thank you.

Are you literally me

I fear God and strive to live my life as an ascetic. I am very bitter and lonely and play guitar. I am not ugly, but i have never had a relationship and i am afraid that i will never be happy, although truly i know that no one ever achieves happiness until they are dead.

t. Solomon Maimon

I wasted my 20s watching porn. No meaningfull romance. no intimacy, no need to be loved. I destroyed my brain with self inflicted pavlovian codnditioning. There was no need to do better in life, what for, if I could every day dive into the sea of artificial stimuli. The kink mechanism was perfectly crafted, with guilt slowly becoming part of it. Weak willed looser, who couldn't stand up to his animalistic instincts. Somaesque pleasure was always there, not watching porn was just as possible, as breathing underwater. I became a wanker, destroyer of ambition. And I will not stop, consumption of debauchery has melted with my brain, it became part of my personality. If I quit I will crumble under weight of realisation that I could have done it years ago, and things would be different. Not better, not worse, but different. I like polar expeditions, Shackelton was a mad lad.

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No More Mr. Nice Guy

>22
>compsci for security but dislike it
>only like math because it has the appeal of universal truth
>never go to class, study alone
>bad grades and anxiety of dropping out
>also self hatred and feeling dumb as a result
>love enlightenment philosophy
>am a men but hypersensitive
>have weak synesthesia (connect some words and letters with strong emotions, and smells)
>used to avoid the letter "ö" because mouth forms an anal shape
>extremely talented at freestyling and rhyming on the spot
>woman like me but I always fail at some point

>19
>Performing well in university
>Painfully unaccustomed to actually functioning in society (i.e. Retarded)
>No real life friends, no girlfriend
>Obviously isolated virgin
>Struggling with pornography addiction, basically quit games, looking for something to fill the void
>Have many ideas and aspirations for my life but little motivation to carry them out
>Miracle I'm not a suicide statistic by now, but my life has been objectively easy and overall good
>Feeling stuck with all or nothing mentality and do not know how to overcome it (probably the most important note)

Failing out of school for the second time. Don't follow through on most tasks given to me, usually due to fear of failure/starting over. Have acute ADHD and poor executive function. Self centered. Emotionally vacant in romantic relationships. Can't make friends easily due to difficulty relating to other people, however still maintain friendships with people I've known since I was three years old. Had major existential crisis (heat death of the universe) when I was six years old and haven't ever really recovered. Been with a few women, was cheated on by the last one (3 years ago) and haven't been in a relationship since. Believe that that there is ultimately one grand unifying theory that explains all phenomena. Analytic to a fault. Suicidal thoughts are a daily occurrence. Addictive personality. Annoyingly cynical. Reluctant to try new things however get bored of routines easily. Poor sleep habits. Biggest fears are my dad developing a neurodegenerative disease or my mom finding my body.

>depressions
>antisocial personality disorder
>know how to read a room, ability to be kinda cunning
>dont get anywhere though because i have never build anything for myself
>now working on a bachelor as a sound technician, hoping that that will fulfill me, although i did it because of a lack of other interests
>thinking about moving to a bigger city

fucking niggers

>25
>autistic
>no friends
>never had a girlfriend
>spend most of my time walking around in woodland and open fields
>like to wash myself in the rivers

30 year old office worker. I call myself a paper-shuffler. It's kinda like that movie Office Space but not so corporate.

I have a serious desire to go and do something crazy before I really am too old. I might try timber frame carpentry or dry stone masonry or something else that is really old school or real. I realize it's a sillly romantic notion everyone gets but I can't live my life as a paper shuffler.

I don't care about money at all I just don't want to hate 8-10 hours of my life everyday. I want a skill or a craft.

kek

Learn from your late realizations, user

I feel for you user, sounds like you need the existentialists like dosto, kafka, beckett
These books will help you come to terms with defeatism
Also you might like cioran, and check out the doomer/pessimist charts on the wiki

t. smart enough to pass while being human trash

Well...
>Long term friendless shut-in NEET scared of leaving house
>Porn addict fapping to sissy hypno and blacked 4-6 times a day
>Also sometimes looked on gay sites for black dudes to suck off but never actually go through with it
>Sure I'm straight though, it's just porn addiction making me like this
>Multiple suicide attempts
Getting better these days. Have a gf, doing stuff to help me get a job. Scared of going out still, but can depending on where and when. Still porn addicted, but not nearly as bad as that anymore, although I do still have those fetishes. GF knows about the addiction, but not those particular two fetishes I mentioned, although I have told her about wanting to crossdress so she probably suspects the hypno stuff. Doesn't know about the bbc lust. I hope it'll go away when I finally succeed on NoFap.

Currently looking into porn blockers that she can keep control of, and putting me in a chastity device that she will keep the key for (Purely to stop me fapping. Nothing sexual about chastity for either of us)

Improving in many ways. Am very optimistic about the future.

fuck off leonardo

Working a warehouse job so I can some day move to a nudist community.

>Improving in many ways. Am very optimistic about the future.
Nice, user.
I'm gonna recommend this sites.google.com/site/hackbookeasypeasy. It's about quitting porn addiction. It may seem like self-help bullshit at the start but it really isn't and, personally, it has helped.
Other than that I don't know. Maybe War and Peace, if you want literature. Nicomachean Ethics if you want philosophy.
Also, checked.

By the way, in that site there's a PDF available here. Much better to read than in the site.
sites.google.com/site/hackbookeasypeasy/home/07-01-download

You seem to be taking death in stride. I can only hope for such dignity when my time comes :)

>19yo
>accounting student(first year)
>live in 3rd world shithole
>really fucking ugly
>lots of health issues that would be expensive to fix
>cant form a connection with any girl
>have only 1 childhood friend i can talk to about anything(hes a normie who doesnt really read so cant talk about books with him)
>no motivation for anything
>missed out on every single social milestone in high school
>used to be fat until a year ago,i lost the weight but i dont really feel any better im just 15kg lighter
>started reading seriosly a few months ago after high school sapped any interest i had in literature for the full 4 years
>people i talk to at uni at normies whom i have nothing in common with(therefore i struggle advancing in the social sphere)
>used to be big into music for a few years but losing interest in it as of late

>be 26 years old
>start flirting with an older woman on Yea Forums
>as recently as two days ago she recommends me books to read, posts pictures of herself, and just generally speaking has some kind of romantic interest in me
>:3

Here come the penis pics bb haha

>maybe slightly above average intelligence
>underachieving
>lazy
>not really good at anything
>interests change daily
>would maybe want to adventure

24yo male, born, raised and currently living in latin-american country. Involutary celibate. Have dropped-out of uni twice. Feel as if working life isn't really for me. Still working 9 hours a day in an accountancy office, been almost 4 years since I got this job. Didn't have the faintest idea about what an accountant does, learnt everything here, neither like it nor dislike it, except when I feel burn-out and I just want to kys myself. Being the only male in this office, I have to listen to my coworkers talk about their toddlers on a daily basis. Want to write, I write snippets while I should be working, small stories I never finish. Have lots of ideas, but I can't get to write them, seems like a huge effort. Met with my psychoanalyst twice a week, my OCD seems to be under control, seems like the real problems go deeper, I just hate living. Adult life. Catcher in the Rye hit home way too close. Wonder if executive functions can be developed at this stage of my life.

I'm 21, and the most essential thing about me is that I need something to live for (much like Kierkegaard's person B), and have yet not found any evidence that there is any purpose in living. I try to spend all the time I can to search for an answer I am satisfied with.

My current philosophical standing is a mix of Albert Camus, Marcus Aurelius and Nietzsche.

I have read and enjoyed Dostojevskij. No Tolstoy please, and no mainstream philosophy or psychology, as I will read it eventually.

I find people interesting, and like to read about unusual characters and situations. No hard fantasy fiction please (sci-fi adventure, crime thrillers, etc.)

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>Older woman
How in the fuck did you come across such a person? I've met a couple in threads but the thread gets deleted by the time I can get in a second reply.

The Fall, Albert Camus.

The Adolescent, Dostojevskij.
Also, go to a therapist dude. You probably have the money to set aside for it, and it's likely going to make you realize that you have some huge flaws in your thought process, and it's really nice to clear up. Even if there's nothing wrong with you it's also nice to get confirmation from an unbiased professional.
Also you really should pursue that girl, and if you're too scared to make a move you can read some existential philosophers like Sartre or Camus to really scare the shit out of you and get you moving. Sometimes you just need to remember that you're literally going to die and could get sick or injured for the rest of your life at any moment.

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Also what you do at a therapist is you say exactly what's on your mind, why you think you're thinking about that and not something else, and what you feel about what you're saying and thinking. Most of the help comes from just talking to an unbiased person that can shut the fuck up and listen and not try to ''help'' you by judging you through their own standards. Also there is no social consequence to what you say so you should take the opportunity to spill out your darkest, most perverse, disgusting and embarrassing thoughts, and again, why you think you think that way, and what you feel when thinking about it.

Phone-posting at work please forgive or errors and whatnot.

Have had a harder than average life but it isn't shit. Parent divorced when I was young and my mother died from cancer when I was 13. From there I live with my dad. He drank nighty and had loud, incoherent arguments with my step-mom almost as frequent. He was never abusive to me but we lacked the connection my mother and I shared. The older I get the more I start to think he went through some shit in the military but his pride stops him from opening up about it.
Anyway, I started college and along with it therapy for the depression and anxiety I had not dealt with since my mom's passing. School went well, great even, but my mental state continued to decline and by November I was put into a pysch ward. There I was told I had, among other things, Schizoid PD. Once out I went back to live at my dad’s just to get back on my feet before returning to school. At this time my father began picking fights with me and I antagonized him in return. No innocent party I suppose. He would go through my journal and other belonging and thusly find out about our differing religious and political ideologies. Eventually because of this I got my ass kicked out. That was about a month ago. By all means I'm going to make something of myself if not for anything else to prove what I truly am to him.
I hate to underrepresent the happiness in my life because it isn't as bad I sometime precieve it to be.

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