Write What's On Your Mind

D-do girls typically like when you do that? I-is it okay to want that for itself, instead of as precursor to a later coital event?

I fucking love Slavic women. They are very important to me. I just really enjoy them.

I had one gf who got off to that alone, and boy howdy was that a satisfying few months.

Wait, when girls say some shit like that it means they're hinting for you to ask them out?
Fuck. I may have wasted a lot of opportunities.

Can you describe what exactly it was like, please? When and where did you do it? Did she rub your hair while doing so, and telling you what a good boy you are?

nice larp

truly one of the worst feelings

that kind of autism is so cute though, if you can make that flub and catch the hint afterwards it's even better than if you didn't mess up in the first place :)

t. girl

if i was larping i wouldnt mention that she left me for another guy and it was a bummer. i was too clingy back then

mostly in my or her dorm room, yes to the hair rubbing, it wasnt really a baby play thing though, she was very submissive and i'm very into tit sucking so i think she just played off how much i liked it. one time early in the relationship i said i could suck on boobs for hours and she did the whole "oh... really?" come hither intonation and it became our thing i guess. i've never had any other girl that's been able to come just from that. she said it was on the same level as getting eaten out.

How do you deal with having to leave your indolent college life for a career of wageslaving? I barely keep my depression under control as is.

Why do you find naivete cute? I hate myself for it

Shut up you aren't me

It's a necessity. I don't know how I made it through college, but it happened. Push ahead.

Utilize your spare time to keep growing. Work out, read, write, spend time with coworkers, etc.

No but I am user, as are you. Maybe you shut up?

I do quite well with girls and I'm getting at around the age in which I should start seriously thinking about marrying. There are 4 or 5 really good candidates, girls who are good looking and from good families whom I get along with quite well.
However, my ex from my teenage years has recently returned to the country after a long absence, and I'm falling for her again. Problem is, she has a daughter in tow, and she's not exactly the cream of the genetic crop (quite short). But we understand each other very very well, being with her would imply actual affection, maybe even love, not just convenience. What's more important? I want my children to have great genes and I want them to grow up with the status I grew up with. Love will just go away later anyways, won't it?

making money to do work for others is way better than paying money to do work for others. the depression persists, in some ways it actually deepens, but honestly wageslave life is far better than college life, the collegiate being even more enslaved than the wagie.

Sometimes I laugh at inappropriate stuff .
For instance someone was mentioning the Orlando shooting by that muslim guy, and when a gay explained how allegedly he himself was a homosexual in denial I burst out lauging and got some bad looks.
Shit, I'm a terrible human being,

I've never worked and I'm 21, on SSI (neetbux) for diagnoses of autism, avoidant personality disorder, and bipolar. Do you think it'd be worth it trying to get off SSI and work? I don't even know what I'd do for work except some shitty McDonalds-tier job. Part of me thinks it's a gift considering I don't ever have to work for my entire life so long as SSI is a thing (which I worry about it somehow going away in the future). I don't really want to work but at the same time I feel like a shitter for not doing so.

Just go to college user

I picked up Augustine and found him to be a rational God. He's bringing meaning to what God is, I actually feel like it's possible to rationally prove God exists

That and I'm working on my historicism of all ideologies and I picked up French pretty quick to b1.5 in a week. I can understand more spoken and written French than spanish and I've studied Spanish for years

How much neetbux u get btw?

Right now $514 a month, but it should go up to ~$700 when I turn 22.

Is that for all your expenses or is housing and food and stuff subsidized separately?

she's pretty (good)

In addition to that I get $180 in EBT, which is for food. The $514 is supposed to go towards rent and bills, which it mostly does but I don't have to pay much right now since I live with my parents (I pay $300 in rent basically).

Got me a bitch but now all I look forward to is the bitch

Isn't it kind of late for me to go to college? Plus I'm a HS dropout, I doubt I could even make it in college.

That is horrid I thought I had it bad I get 916 amonth and if I lived in us I'd get 194 for debt

Go to college, did u spend ur backpack already?

I understand that I'll get used to it eventually, but I'd rather that occur someone smoothly rather than after wallowing in suicidal thoughts for months and slowly crawling my way back out

My problem is that I'm incredibly lazy and probably spend four hours a day max actually working. Having to go to a job eight hours a day EVERY day sounds absolutely hellish, especially since it'll probably take up the nice part of the day where it's sunny and warm.

Ebt*

Back pay wtf

FUCK. Lucky you user

If the self is just a bundle of properties with no underlying substance holding them together, am I to act in the interests of my present self or my future self (who is not me)

I spent my first check, but since my backpay is over 2K I'll get another check in 3-4 months of roughly 2K (SSI doesn't pay out more than 2K at once)

I haven't received my big one yet they owe me 18k

just starting to realise after 7 months of post-breakup depression and just under that length of time of therapy that I've been depressed and self-loathing for almost my entire life. The world is starting to look very different to me now and I'm anticipating how far I can take this new sense of belonging in the world and staking my claim to my share of it.

Just finished a pretty long narrative poem. Or, I finished initially writing it on Monday, but I just finished editing and rewriting it now. What shall I do with it?

Yeah they tend to but some are more sensitive than others. I like when they tongue at my nipples too.

Post it somewhere

Had a similar realization, except mine's more shame-related, with the indulgence of it, the belief in it. I have spent my whole life being too edgy to allow myself to love myself. Although it gets me nowhere to continuously indulge this, I look back and see I've been doing it anyway for so many years. Inferiority and shame of failure is an awful space to live in endlessly, but I am somehow unable to break free.
I'm pretty sure shame is just an immature way of dealing with love -- since love can only really be felt from oneself, not from others. I can't make other people love me, but I can love them. That includes myself. I really understand this, but putting it into practice? Maybe I'm just unlucky enough to not have the specific kind of human contact I need to feel like myself rather than feel ashamed of what I'm not. It controls the shit out of me and branches off into many dysfunctions in daily life. How to let go?

stop being me please

Are you me? Yeah, I feel shame all the time. Hated birthdays from a young age and felt self-conscious, like I didn't deserve gifts. I'm in the space you're in, and I think I've found the key to unlock myself from it. Goes back to very early childhood and how that influences certain masochistic / inferior erotic dispositions I now hold as an adult. In other words, I feel like if I can address inferiority and submissiveness in this very unconscious erotic manifestation, I may be able to break free from it.

Seek a good therapist and pursue deeper and deeper layers of your psyche. It's like peeling an onion and it's taken me a good few months of looking deeper and deeper at thoughts and parts of myself that I subconsciously want to hide and protect. Daylight is the best disinfectant might be an apt aphorism here

Can you elaborate on what erotic means to you in that sense? I'm sure that it's in me but I can hardly get a handle on it enough to tackle it. I know in my childhood I'd create rather intense situations in order to get my caretaker(s) at the time to prove that I was in fact loveable, which is a manipulation you can get away with as a resourceful and intelligent child. In the real world, though, it's not necessarily different, but I know I'm different enough to not be able to execute such a task of validating my worth. In other words, I'd like to prove I'm worthy, but I don't want to waste anyone's time. I'd rather hide and even after years of waiting, continue waiting.

And I truly think this shame thing is the last layer of the onion. It's elusive and big enough to where I don't even know it's there, yet it's under every side of myself that I've "conquered" over the years. It's like an immovable clay mold in my mind. Quite maddening to not be able to just delete it. Heh -- but wanting to delete it means I'm ashamed of it. Fucking hell, right?

Psychedelic drugs accelerate mental fragile minds to egoless pity. I know I will get hate for this and most likely I will still do a few psychs before I die but this is facts, the destroying of ego that psychs do is absolutely terrible for people that are not well aware of their position in society and how life is basically if your a outcast and you do psychs you wont go insane but make you more of an outcast. Psychs are not bad for people that are chads and shit and understand but if you can't understand society as is and dont fit in why stick your hand into a void of information, your not ready. Specifically talking about mushrooms,dmt, and high doses of lsd, acid alone a single dose is baby shit in all reality,(im sure people experienced with psychs will agree with me on that). Also I want to read epic poetry and essays but dont know where to start.

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Wow, you really sound similar to me. Firstly, the shame thing is likely not just a 'single layer' or the 'last layer'. When I say layers, I mean that each one is manageable and very thin. My deepest layer of which I'm about to speak was arrived at through many subtle shades, each more elusive than the last, but by doing it progressively you're able to make clear sense and form a narrative that, while isn't exactly linear, is made more of concentric circles. You will never understand it if you don't approach it systematically instead of just giving up and being overwhelmed before you even try.

Essentially I realised that I have two voices in my mind constantly pushing and pulling me -- one being an extremely harsh, critical and cold one ("man up", "do this thing you don't want to do, build some character"), and the other being a self-pitying voice that seeks love through essentially crying like a baby. You probably guessed already that this was the dynamics of my father and mother. Transpose this to adulthood and you get a severely battered mind that at once hates itself and also seeks pity from others as a primary source of love. I don't need to tell anyone how this doesn't work at all, but my mind had accepted them as my natural state of being for many years.

The erotic thing I'm talking about is much more subtle and difficult. I haven't discussed with my therapist yet, I will do so next week. I've noticed in my 'transference' with her (projecting my psyche onto her, a woman I know very little about personally, thereby revealing more about myself than her) I eroticised certain very key moments of tenderness and vulnerability where I would imagine she was pushing me or coaxing something out of me which I didn't want to share. This kind coaxing or 'maternal' encouragement of what is essentially a very shy, unwilling child deep inside me (took many layers to get to him) is literally erotic in my memories of those moments. This is deeply mysterious to me and I didn't want to mention it to her at all until I realised this very act of concealing it from her, and therefore myself was even taking place. This tells me it's an absolutely key thing to share, if it's something so deep, murky and dark that I repeatedly told myself subconsciously not to dare mention it.

2: I therefore am making the connection / hypothesis that the critical, self-defeating inner voice, along with the self-pitying one, is likely tied up in some way to the eroticisation of being patronised and 'wanting to be coaxed and encouraged'. There's a sexual element to my refusing love and encouragement, embracing the shy inner child, and wanting that dynamic to occur where someone holds my hand and drags me somewhere I should go. I am purposely creating tension there. I am pulling away from myself to create space for someone to pull me towards them. It's pretty fucking complicated but I feel extremely key. I'll talk it through at length with someone who's probably less intelligent than me for a long time and I'll come out of it with some conclusions.

I don't obsess over my oneitis anymore and have moved on to a degree but I still miss her and consider the time I spent with her to be the best of my life. I do not think I will have that kind of innocent infatuation with someone ever again.

Books for this feel?

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The Sorrows of Young Werther

I've experienced the same thing with my own therapist, but I hadn't noticed it like you have. There was just a secret pleasure in having somebody be interested enough to want to hear what that deepest part of me could share. To put it into symbols, it's a small but vital core surrounded in rubber and kept in the dark, so that when it is found, it must certainly be appreciated. Although it is not a source of shame in itself, it is some clever fear of the rest of the world that makes it worth burying until trustworthy eyes can witness it. Now, that's a bit of a tall order in everyday life, and it doesn't do a damn thing to further myself or anyone else. But fundamentally, yes, I want that rubber core to be seen while I go ahead and hide it away.
It has far more to do with love than I'd like to admit.

You guys are onto something I feel very deeply in myself also. I don't know how I can even hope to tackle it honestly. I can work on everything else but it's always there and always has been, and I've only begun to see it recently

>I am pulling myself away from myself to create space for someone to pull me towards them
Yeah that. And honestly it's bullshitty that it doesn't work. That's what I meant when I said that it could be executed as a child. If it still worked, I'd be a lot less miserable!

Love is central to our lives, in my view all roads lead to it in some way.

In my case though, this dynamic was literally erotic. Literally. Like, I could masturbate to it if I was in the right mood.

What it seems you have to do is not necessarily to want that rubber core to be seen. But rather, you have to see it yourself, become comfortable with it, so that your own comfort and stability and familiarity with it can be enough.

The more you are creating that tension, hiding it, the more you are going to act like you're hiding something. Do I sound like I'm on the right track? It's about reprogramming your relationship to that thing.

You need to seek a willing and preferably educated partner to talk it through with (i.e. a good practitioner of psychodynamic therapy). It's amazing how the linear process of talking through things over months depressurises these things and creates new avenues for understanding and change.

What if this is really it?

A lot of the changes I have made in my life recently have stopped helping me really. Running 4 times a week, eating healthily, trying to force myself to get into a habit of writing.

I feel railroaded onto a path set by how I reacted to expectations that have been placed on me. I have been too weak to break free of these expectations for my whole life. I succeed within them, and I succeed well, but I feel like it's tearing me apart. Every day I feel this life twisting me more, and I know that should I stay in this world for long enough I will be irrevocably changed for the worse.

My best friend opted out, fun seasonal work, winters tramping around warmer countries. He still has time to read, his personality isn't being smoothed over because he's isolated in some city hundreds of miles from home without anyone or anything he cares about, working a job that makes him fear for his future daily .

I'm scared to make that leap though. Will I be happier or better off? Ultimately I have to make myself someone who can live in this world, right? I need to do something but I don't know what to do.

High IQ is a joke. Honestly, way to pander to all the fucking retards of the world. People who are smart are fucking dumb and dumb people are fucking g.

and contrarianism is the highest IQ of all!

Yes. Instead of trying to get that core to a point where it's worthy, to instead find it to be already worthy. The distancing dance is constantly happening but I haven't gotten to the point of closing the gap -- at least not completely, because
we can bury such a dense amount of SHIT inside ourselves that talking it out with a therapist is the only reasonable thing you can do. Your average person is not attuned enough to listen to your plight and deliberately understand it, but talking to a therapist is pretty damn helpful.

I need a new hobby but I can't seem to enjoy anything. I'm broke, in debt, can't hold a job for more than a few weeks at most, and I want to die but I'm scared of actually dying.

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I'm no contrarian and I barely browse Yea Forums so you can fuck off with those sophisticated terms. I'm just a retard spouting shit like everyone else

>Yes. Instead of trying to get that core to a point where it's worthy, to instead find it to be already worthy. The distancing dance is constantly happening but I haven't gotten to the point of closing the gap
Yeah, understand that nobody is ever going to approach you and pinpoint what it is you want to be noticed for. You have to understand the way in which you are enacting that unproductive mentality with your therapist, and find a way of rerouting that "clever coyness" into something healthier. Try to think of the things you fantasise to yourself about your interactions with your therapist, the things you never thought would see the light of day, and explore them, finding new avenues of expression for them.. etc.

Your friend sounds like Sisyphus happy.

That's extremely insightful. Thank you.

tiddies

Well, I wouldn't call him happy all the time, same as anyone. But he's not bored, and he lives on his own terms. I think there's probably something to be said for that.

Anyway ,I gotta sleep, later dudes

You're welcome. As a general rule always approach therapy with a 'meta' mindset, think about how you're thinking about thinking about things.. etc. And the more you bury something subconsciously, the more it should be shared. And when you share that thing, you'll find yet another layer underneath it afterwards. That's what i meant about concentric circles. Hopefully you just got 1 layer deeper.

Read the bible :)
Play some games too

Post it here.

Yes.

How come women are always seen as the superior communicators, yet lack basic skills in banter and the ability to carry interesting conversations that don't revolve around themselves?

have you ever talked to an average man?

Yes, on a daily basis

women have more natural insight into interpersonal dynamics
men have more natural insight into abstractions

"communicator" is probably meaning a style of interpersonal sensitivity, not the informational content of what is communicated

I saw a spider with a broken leg sitting atop my jacket while I was getting ready for work earlier today.
He (yes, it didn't appear to be a male spider) seemed to be getting along well in life. Looked like a wolf spider. I wonder how he broke his leg.

I believe that IQ is not as relevant as it is made out to be, but I also think that the people who claim that generally are insecure about their intelligence.

Why can't making money in real life be like in neopets? I made a quarter million in a week (probably would've made more if I was more familiar with the website when I started).
Instead, I make like 400 a day in real life. It's not fair.

I'm tired by the constraints of this world. I feel I deserve what I want to experience , what I ought to know but don't. I'm tired, I can't be bothered to learn, it's a chore. I want to further my understanding of reality, but I dont do anything about it, I just want it, as though I expect a divine intervention from God, or for some aliens to whizz me off into their spaceship and answer all of my questions. But would that alleviate my discomfort? No, because I know that no amount of knowledge of my own suffering will make it any less.

I spend a great deal of my time imagining scenarios, adventures that I'd like to find myself in, worlds far away from this one. I imagine living in the past, a wild untamed animal with raw experience, walking through dark cold forest, hunting, hunted, watched by the trees, the trees have eyes. I imagine entering cold granite caves, isolated in the mountains, delving deeper down into their depths, searching and finding something at the bottom, I don't know what. In fact I've developed an obsession with caves, they're very alluring and enigmatic, I feel some spiritual significance surrounding them, like their calling me. I plan on finding a secret one in real life, and entering it when the time is right, and when I know why this is something I've got to do.

Yes, something is missing from my life, and it's killing me, eating away, making me feel sick. I feel like I've got to go back.

One thing really bugging me, is not knowing what's real and what's not, who telling the truth and lying, what the real reality of situations are, and knowing that I'll never really know. It feels like my world of what I think I know and what I think is fake is merging into one, It's becoming grey and hazy, reality isn't as stable anymore, it's more fluid.

I wrote a summary for a novel I wanted to start writing but I had to quit it midway because I realized the plot is almost identical to The Shining except it takes place in a mall instead of a hotel.

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I am pretty certain I have undiagnosed autism. I usually get hung up over the tiniest things and let them drive me crazy. Right now I'm obsessed over the saliva I produce and how often I have to swallow it. Small annoyances like these come and go for me; I don't think most people have to deal with this sort of shit.

If you wanna have a good time join the cavalry if you want to catch the devil if want to have fun if you want to smell hell jine the cavalry

I've done a couple of IQ tests, and each time I've always been in the top ~10-15% of the spectrum.

I still think IQ is horseshit. It doesn't say anything about a person's wisdom or self-awareness, it just shows how good a person is at recognising patterns in the external world and calling upon past data. Both useful, yes, but hardly the be-all-and-end-all of human insight.

Being able to recognize patterns when there aren't any are a sign of autism.

That too.

i see you post this joke all the time, and on other boards too.

Have been working day and night to square the Coltrane Changes with the Goldberg Variations and though I am getting close, I don't think I will get it done in my lifetime.

This saddens me.

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EVERYONE'S SO FUCKING STUPID
FUCK CAPITALISM

Going to spend the next two or three hours outside shoveling snow in the dark, got a Godspeed You! Black Emperor playlist queued up. Hopefully it's as cosy as I think it will be

That's literally what intelligence is tho

Explain this more, how are you trying to square them, how do they fit together

what the heck does this mean, fren

I never joke about autism and I also don't use any other board than /vg/.
Sorry, bro. I'm just a hivemind.
If it makes you feel any better, I have OCD.

this but unironically
hang in their lad

An intelligent person knows a bird flies and a fish swim but also that a fish can fly and a bird can swim.
An unintelligent person thinks only fish swim and only birds fly.

Sorry I didn't really explain myself here.
An intelligent person is open to options outside of absolutes. Not that they're able to detect patterns.

He's talking about John Coltrane's chord changes in that song giant steps and Bach's goldberg variations, but I don't know enough theory to understand why/how they should mesh

thanks brother you too

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Not everybody will follow the same path in life, do what the other user said, read the bible and try to have faith. You seem kind, so you'll be in my prayer

I want the darkness to take me, to lift me into its presence and cover me in its blanket, hidden from myself.
I want to bathe in the cold, to be baptized then reborn.
Not given new life, but old.
I have stains that wont wash out, scars that wont fade. Parasites and infections that I have made.
I deserve hell, what water cannot clean will burn to ash.
I'll pray that ash is used to mold a new shape.

Unironically same.

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I was thinking more this.

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My pic was ironic but my post wasn't. I'm more like this.
Just a speck floating along a world that light cannot penetrate, accepting my eventual transition from life to sustenance towards my oppressors, the greater life, unhumane, great and powerful, extant through my extinction, a continuous cycle of living but never dying until the sun wastes away in the final great extinction.

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That's part of intelligence, yes, but true intelligence is so much more than that. Patterns are useful, but they ignore peculiars, which often get overlooked by people with high IQs but poor intuitive knowledge.

A statistic might say that 85% of angry people calm down after being hugged, but if then use that as a reason to try and deal with angry people solely by trying to hug them, that's a good way of getting a punch to the face.

And what becomes of you?

The death of the ego is the first step towards recognizing the meaning of life. All life exists to sustain other life. We're all in this together, surviving for as long as we can until the universe dies. Maybe life will exist even through the death of all stars for a small amount of time before perishing outright.
Even in the bleakest places of this planet, archaea thrives.
Even the most unassuming rocks hurling through space have a story, an eventual destination, a beginning and an end.
So to answer your question, iunno lul

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What. And share the Nobel?
I can't do that.

I thought you were talking about talking fishes.

Oh yeah, fish is good too. I wish the fish in the nearby lake didn't taste like fucking woodchips.

Here's a clue to getting started:
Use Gysin cut-up method to start. Hope to get really lucky. Repeat.

There's something romantic about falling asleep to the sounds of your neighbours blasting slow mariachi music for someone's quinceañera. Midwesterners don't got nothing on this feeling.

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Our modern day methods for storing information, our history, our customs, our science, are as delicate as papyrus.

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I've written nearly 110,000 words and I keep worrying it's not good enough, despite being told by multiple people that they like it

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>she

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This is bad design.

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There was this trend (I don't know if it still lives to this day) in post war Britain of writing in an ironic, half comedic manner. British novels of the time would have this absurd, almost cynical feel to them. You see this in the writings of popular authors like Muriel Spark, Iris Murdoch, and Michael Moorcock. I'm talking out of my ass here, but my best guess is that this trend was a reaction against the propriety (some would say artificiality) of 19th and early 20th century British literature. Ironically, this movement ended up feeling every bit as affected. If you as an author do not take your characters and plot seriously, then the discerning reader is not going to do so either. Some would argue that this is the point, but I don't buy that. The average reader might just flow with the tide and let himself be awed by the spectacle, but if your novel has nothing heroic in it, nothing that resembles the world as it actually is, then it has no emotional depth, and hence no real relevance. It would be nothing but a spectacle, a sort of literary circus.

Today explored were children. Today I was explored by the child. Today I became the child. Today is yesterday already and summer will never come back. Yesterday they said I was a genius, and now I am rotten. Yesterday a morning came a smile upon your face; poetic dryness, nothing, nothing, nothing in a smile, and there hasn't been a smile since the summer left this world. I hate Samuel Beckett.

>it wasnt really a baby play thing though
I had this except it was a baby play thing
She loved playing a mother and just lying there and letting me suck on her nipples until they finally became too tender to keep going.

I'm not actually very religious, but does anyone miss how art used to aspire to be somehow worthy of God?
>The sea had jeeringly kept his finite body up, but drowned the infinite of his soul. Not drowned entirely, though. Rather carried down alive to wondrous depths, where strange shapes of the unwarped primal world glided to and fro before his passive eyes; and the miser-merman, Wisdom, revealed his hoarded heaps; and among the joyous, heartless, ever-juvenile eternities, Pip saw the multitudinous, God-omnipresent, coral insects, that out of the firmament of waters heaved the colossal orbs. He saw God's foot upon the treadle of the loom, and spoke it; and therefore his shipmates called him mad.
>So man's insanity is heaven's sense; and wandering from all mortal reason, man comes at last to that celestial thought, which, to reason, is absurd and frantic; and weal or woe, feels then uncompromised, indifferent as his God.
When I read that I feel that modern literature and art in general has so much less to offer.
Maybe I'm just a fag, I don't know.

It’s a blast shield

I wonder about how much I really love nature. Most of my life has been as shut in and I love observing nature, but being in it makes me uncomfortable. I sometimes think its because freedom is too foreign to me, and I cant understand its purity.

having trouble coming up with names for characters and places. don't want to be generic but I also don't want to be too unique and sound like a jackass

There is nothing wrong laughing at what makes you laugh, just enjoy it.

This explains why I'm plodding through a collection of essays by Malcolm Muggeridge right now.

I have only lived wasting my time with entertainment and avoiding human relationships but now that adolescence has almost ended I see how fucked I am. The train departed and left me behind. If my parents died now I would end homeless or dwelling in a pigsty in a few months. I honestly can't foresee me having a long life. Each passing year more doors close and I fall deeper in this hole. At some point I will be totally alone in darkness and death will be the only escape.

I held the doors to my apartment open for a spider yesterday. He had been living between a piece of paper hanging off my bottom bookshelf and the floor. I'd watched him eating a wood louse the day before, but, when I opened the doors yesterday to leave, he started strolling out after me like he knew where he was going. He was only about an inch of body at most, but he was very purposeful in his stride so I didn't have to hold the doors for long before he was out and going where ever he had in mind. I felt like a bad host for not feeding him enough insects to make him stay, but maybe he only came by to sample some of my insect life and needed to move on to get a full array of the building and beyond. I caught the door in time to not injure any of his legs or scare him off his plans for egress so I can't be that bad a spider host. I wonder if spiders have some review system of places to eat for other spiders, like
>Had one small wood louse, could have been bigger, but the juveniles have softer shells and more juice anyway
>Slightly cramped space in which to overhang, would recommend an upper tier sheet of paper if prebooking (not sure how that affects service time or size of meal, sorry guys)
>Valet service at door seemed impatient, had to rush out of the place to not be hit by door!
that they carve in little web clusters and strings about the spider world in case anyone is listening and in search of undersized wood lice.

I'm sorry your spider's leg got broken.

oh dear goodness can you please expand on this? i have a real child-complex that probably won't leave me for a long time and i really really wish i could be in a relationship like yours, but i assume most girls are not okay with that kind of dynamic (but i'm not being perverted, i'm not trying to sexualize an innocent arrangement, i just...have a problem i guess, wherein my psyche has regressed or remained that of my younger, child self, and i can only perceive women in a caretaker-caredfor dynamic, or namely as mommy-son. i don't know if i need counselling or if there are other guys like me out there and also girls who feel the equivalent, and that i am okay and should pursue this further)

>adolescence has almost ended
Change your perspective and change it now.
Don't wallow in hopelessness, gird up your loins like a man and take charge of your life.
You have no idea just how much youth can do for you and how thoroughly you can unfuck your life at your age.
Make a decision about who you want to be and work towards becoming that person.
Get some exercise, go for a run, enjoy doing something outdoors or with other people, and work towards doing something meaningful.

There's still great "godless" art, namely most of Modernism. But when you pick a genius like Melville, anything will seem pale in comparison. That passage...like every passage by him...just enamours me completely.

You guys are good people. This is what people are for. We are for the construction of vast spider-hotels with lots of funny corners and pockets, good for webs.

There was a black widow that lived underneath the overhang on the bottom of my bathroom sink for six months. I could tell it was a female, because only they have the red marks on their stomachs. I wanted to kill her at first because I didn't want a necrotic foot, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. And I started to notice that all the silverfish and daddy long legs that used to crawl around in the tub stopped showing up. So me and that spider had a healthy truce. I would always stand far back from the sink when I washed my hands with bare feet, as not to disturb her or entice her to bite.

But then I started noticing that she was getting fatter. A lot fatter. I was afraid she would have children, and that one of them would bite me, or they would take over my whole house. So I took a paper towel from the kitchen and I squished her, and flushed her down the toilet.

I'm still sorry about it. I'm sorry spider lady. Thank you for eating all those silverfish.

Down and Out in Paris
grim, so grim
I consider my grimoire
A love spell maybe?
The Sun sets.

I am amazed that Updike wasn't actually a Jew.

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Even less delicate desu. At least with a scroll of papyrus, you have an actual physical thing that can be protected, as fragile as it is.

For us, 99.99% of our information is stored digitally, existing only as specs of data on electricity-powered hardware. You could have a harddrive with the information for the cure for cancer on it, but so long as you don't have somewhere to plug it into and receive electricity from, that harddrive is as useful as a pile of dust.

If man can find his positioning of his own destiny and use the tools of fate to acquire totality of his conscience, he will become an unmoved mover

But you are right, that really comically absurd

If I made $400 a day I would be so fucking happy. Wtf are you complaining about.? I live in one of the most expensive places on earth and that'll still be more than enough to not live with my mom, eat well, travel, and save for retirement. Unless you have a ton of debt and dependants than you're just an idiot with money

I've installed an add-on that changes my browser font to whatever one I want. I'm using serif now, because fuck me if san-serif fon't aren't the work of devil designed to brainwash you more easily

you know everything about me

He didn't say 400 dollars, user. Note where the original post says HIGH IQ EDITION?

ah yes cause he was clearly talking about yen

The world is meaning less. Life is meaningless. We do stuffs because we were programmed to do them. The main thing that drives us is dopamine and brain chemicals.

find meaning and don't let the nihilistic chapo fags tell you anything different

I have way too much hate in my heart.

hate is okay

Act în the best interest of your past self and get a mommy gf.

What part of “too much” do you not get?

Oh, well.

I hear 4channel is a great hobby.

>women are always seen as the superior communicators
They're not. They just talk a lot.

>obsessed over the saliva I produce and how often I have to swallow it
Now I have it too. FFS user!

I feel asleep to Balkan turbo folk. It is the shittiest music known to man. You first worlders better check your privilege.

Which part of "okay" are you having trouble with?

I see my life moving forward in a direction of stability and I should be happy but I'm not. I feel like I have traded the fire within me for safety and social standing.

Shut up faggot, there is reason for hate in this insane nightmare world.

What if they aren't autistic and can't explain the pattern that they see because everyone else is too fucking stupid to get it?

So you don’t know English

This user just wrote out the phrase “too much hate in [his] heart”
Where are you having trouble?

No trouble here. I just hope he isn't a newfag and reads your post before checking your flamer trip, you aids riddled slug.

>"programmed"
>designed with clear intent to perform an automatic function
>"life has no meaning"
Your meaning is to live idiot. If you have not understood this yet your ego is still attached to deeper narratives. Taking scientific facts and diluting them into it's own 'meaning' disguised as a metaphysical truth that can be proven by the scientific method developed to measure material constraints and makeup, it's a hilarious irony that captures so many impressionable people

you're a spacker and you're hated by everyone on this board

hate here being logical and justified

If Schopenhauer's philosophy of the will to life is true than life is meaningless.

Im joining the marines at the age of 23 years old.
I realized recently, actually it's more accurate to say that I re-discovered that I need military discipline. I say re-discovered because I completely forgot about wanting to join when I was younger.
I want to get into recon, then go to school afterwards and get a degree in philosophy, law, and then go for a doctorate in theology. I know I have the smarts for this, but I don't believe I currently have the fortitude and the will to get to go to school as I am now.

I plan to take over the u.s if I don't die in battle.

That is all

you can still find meaning while denying the will

good, lad

leave this place after you've joined the marines and avoid dopamine traps like social media and gaming

I have avoided social media since high school and stopped gaming years ago.
Its crazy how horrible those traps really are.
I do struggle for dopamine releases tho, porn has been my bane since I was young, but Ive been getting more control over it and masturbation. (They seem to be two different vices despite what some may say )

The only thing thats really has me worrying at the momment is if I'll be able to blend in when I'm in the marines.

So Ive been studying different boot camp documentaries and evaluating the best way to go about presenting my self while there, it seems to just keep it short and dry, yes sir, no sir etc. My opinion wont be needed, and I'm fine with that. But I also don't want to act the part to well and have them see I'm intelligent cause I've researched those who they find out to be eccentric and or smarter than the rest they like to dog.

I sound autistic writing all this out, but I promise I'm extremely sociable and "guyish" in person.

Cutting out Yea Forums will be a toughie, I've been here for over 8 years of my life.

To ignore the Will is pointless and to deny the Will is death. The Will must bear fruits which be its virtue... or death and nihilism will blind the light by self contemplation.

I can tell your not a Christian...

The will is to be contained by ration, as Ration is obedience to God. The will, is the spirit or the heart of man, this must be subdued and controlled by the intellect of the soul, the higher portion of the man's being.

Looking at what your saying tho is still truthful but you seem to have the idea of "death" as something that is bad, death the ultimate outcome of any being is to be sought after fully to deny the passions and instead there you bear fruit by obeying Gods command... ( theologically this is how it is )

On the second pass over we are practically saying the same thing, yet our perspectives seem to be reversed.

i hate being lonely and the worst of it is i dont want a relationship i just want my old friends back like old times going out every thrusday and friday after work for a beer or just a game night, after all of them got children if they have 1 night in the entire month is a miracle , i dont like kids and my last 2 relationships ended because i was "lazy" so im between a wall im lonely but dont want to commit to a relationship and i see my friends less and less because ... life , if i ever got kids im going to be the worst father ever idgaf about kids and all my past parters allways pressure after some time to have one , fuck that

Sounds like you never grew up user

sounds like you never grew up

I just went to a party for some rich guy today.
Throughout the entire time of watching drunk/high folks badly dancing and stressing out catering, I thought of how much nicer Neil Breen's idea of rich people having a get-together was: just a bunch of folks standing around in a circle talking about their job and then exploding.

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now this is spooky

I want any and all meaningful discourse to end. In my ideal Yea Forums people with no convictions or beliefs would pretend to have them just to argue with other people pretending to have those that opose theirs. They would change their stance mid argument employ every possible fallacy and just drown threads in shitposting and spam. Every board no matter how small would be just that, endless contest of shit throwing there would be no end and beggining to every argument it would be pure chaos for the sake of chaos. I'm so exited by this idea it gets my dick hard, I masturbated while imagining what a thread would look like in these circumstances.

Yes but you know The Will to Life is the same as an eye which cannot see. Man's correspondence and power of this Will has no relation to the Will itself. I am also a Christian. To die for the collectives benefit, to self sacrifice is the greatest and most noble an individual can reach. A necessary sacrifice however is not, if you are greater use alive than you must stay alive.

I do not think of death in comparison to life as bad, but death in comparison to meaning as bad. What use is it to follow a religion for those base comforts that you propose to reject. The masses do not care for Good of goodness sake but good for the individual's sake. The Hypothetical imperative over the Categorical imperative, as unfounded the categorical imperative is it none the less is the highest moral good we can attain. Passion is the only meaning to life. Passion is a collective purpose filled joy experience via the individual. Rather than an individual pleasure.

Wait how come you have progressed in just a few months I started five years ago and still can't talk about the 'deeper layers' of shame about myself

Same minus the masturbation.
I like to pretend some of the people aren't as retarded as they act like and it's all just a big joke.

>retard doubts the existence of intelligence because it's outside his experience

It's all so tiresome

I refuse to believe there are people who interact with women on a daily basis yet are unable to catch something as simple as this Until I see something like this situation happen in person I say it's Yea Forums version of disgusting attention whore blogposting

I agree, but it's impossible to Will not to Live, for that would be the of will it self. Now apathy to Live, that is a possible action of the Will, I would say it is not a state, "depression" is actively disengaging the other faculties man. I agree with the top portion of your post fully.

But on the other side of this discusion, I will say I do not agree with how you view "passions", passions are anything the Will finds pleasure in. Masturbation, Porn, Sodomy, Drugs, etc... these are all passions of ones Will. We are to deny our passions if we wish to control our will, through out intellect. To martyr is to understand Good for goodness sake, not for ones individuals goodness.

I WISH I COULD FREEZE TIME

It reminds me of one time I was posting on a different board about this chick that would complain that camping is scary so I told her to take a gun with her, that's what I do, and then she told me that's cool, but I could never use a gun and it pissed me off and then someone on here called me an oblivious retard and that she wanted me to go camping with her.
This was years ago.

I feel the same. Can we escape?

that fucking song from the sound of music is stuck in my head
da daaaa da-da daaaaaaaa da-da da. da. da... daaaa~
da da da-da daaaaaaa da-da da da da?
I don't even like that movie
It's haunting me
for days

the HILLS ARE ALIVE

When we got a dog, I didn't care much for her. My parents used to make me feed her, in return she would only break my stuff. I never wanted a dog, I always said. But now, after years of caring for her, taking daily walks and preparing her food, she always wants to be around me and cuddle. These days, I love that dog more than anything. If you care for someone long enough, you will learn to love her, and she will learn to love you.

Thanks I had no clue which song it was
maybe by listening to it I'll finally be free from this curse

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always following these principles: (You)

I hit a particularly acute patch of severe depression and felt I had no choice but to try very hard to lift myself out. I'm almost obsessed, having imaginary conversations with my therapist for hours when I'm alone. Once you hit an interesting revelation, turn it back on yourself and discuss how particular aspects of doing so made you feel, always get meta, always look for the thing you're fantasising about or turning over your mind but which has no intent of being expressed out loud.

Your whole psychic life is readily available, you just have to keep pushing past layer upon layer of obscure, "shameful" or "shy" thoughts, and new ones invariably pop up based on the previous ones, whether they be reactions to opening up, or newfound appreciations for your therapist, and so on. There is always something shameful that crops up. I'd imagine eventually that well of shame dries up to an extent and at that point you're probably good to stop attending therapy for a while, if not for good...

Coffee shop date won't last more than 2 hours, and she could run away at any time if that wasn't her intention. Camping is much bigger a commitment and it's absolutely retarded to expect someone to just invite themselves to an activity that many people would rather do alone.

I'm obsessed with the twin towers and 911 shit so I constantly look for shit related to it online

I meant to say "*UNNECESSARY SACRIFICE*". Not a "Necessary sacrifice. Just to clarify.

>I agree, but it's impossible to Will not to Live, for that would be the of will it self. Now apathy to Live, that is a possible action of the Will, I would say it is not a state, "depression" is actively disengaging the other faculties man. I agree with the top portion of your post fully.

It is natural and Good to will to live but I would not say all will follow it because obviously all do not follow it and that is called suicide. Emotional Apathy is where this idea started for myself actually, I realised the pointlessness of trying to fill this eternally hungry void, everything I do is an attempt to fill it. I concluded that through self contemplation the Will to life is a void but by experience it is a Will. I later realised that the Will to life apart from its virtue is the void originating out of the self contemplation of meaninglessness and that the Will to life's virtues when embraced is the Will by experience.

>
But on the other side of this discusion, I will say I do not agree with how you view "passions", passions are anything the Will finds pleasure in. Masturbation, Porn, Sodomy, Drugs, etc... these are all passions of ones Will. We are to deny our passions if we wish to control our will, through out intellect. To martyr is to understand Good for goodness sake, not for ones individuals goodness.

I do admit I somewhat changed the terminology but I could not find anything else to fit my idea so for now (prior to inventing a new word) I simply named it passion, forgive my lack of explanation. But don't you know? Rational has always been the slave to passion. Without passion we are left with a void, a husk. Without that meaning we are left with the continual nothingness of life. By your terminology though I would say Good passion good and bad passion bad. The only question is, what does the Will to life birth? What fruit does it bare? This question has been asked eternally for the Will to Life is the same as life itself, the Will to Life is Life, and the meaning to life is whatever the Will's virtue is. One must ask what is such a virtue? The ultimate cannot depend on previous nor inferior and so there must be one prior or at least equal to life, one in which all is equated to, all action, all judgement, all is equated to.

>many people would rather do alone
It takes a village to feed a village. Camping is easier done with someone else.
No offence if you don't because there's that one guy who's a hobo on this board.

why tho?

very true. intelligent people tend to be able to start with very broad strokes and generalisations as youths, but can break out of that and become specific and nuanced with particular topics. If you're intelligent you will evolve past the youthful generalities and be able to make space for them, nurture them, investigate them... if you're average you tend to stop at generalisations or below average you may not even be able to abstract those.

There is nothing more sublime than swimming in the cold ocean on a hot summer day. It’s all about the plunge. For as much as the heat burns, the cold burns three times worse. Immersion at first is masochism, it’s fire. But once you’re submerged, sunk, soaked, you are the ocean. Its motion is your own. Its whims are your advantage. All that surrounds you is pure distance. You are submerged in the substance that is the earth. It’s the particles of water, the particles and their distance. Were they rain in the Amazon? The coastline of Fuzhou? The depths of great trenches, the piss of fish? There is nowhere where I have been less one, and more all.

I think you would like Wim Hoff.

>It is natural and Good to will to live but I would not say all will follow it because obviously all do not follow it and that is called suicide
Yes that was my point, suicide is end of will in it self which is why it is impossible to not will to live.

Do you come from a Nihilist back ground? Because there is no void, this is a false concept you are shoe horning into Christian Philosophy.

Self contemplation is very very important in Theology, if one does not become aware of their actions fully then they are not living to God's standard - they are avoiding problems.

No, ration is slave to passions by the fall of man, in his fallen state he is but a slave, with God he becomes fuller and is granted ration over passions, this is part of why Paul dies everyday - he denies him self as we are all called to.

Maybe you're a new Christian but to me it seems you think Man uses God, instead of man submitting to God, and that life is gained from maximizing God, when really it's about reducing our self under him.

>tfw the magical groundhog said it's spring but it's still not warm enough for the beach
ree

>Yes that was my point, suicide is end of will in it self which is why it is impossible to not will to live.

Oh yes of course. I wonder though, just as this man, does this over soul will also search for fruit to bare? Only nothingness itself can provide its own value. The Will to Life however is not a nothing and is a something and so it must define it's own value by it's consequence and SO WHAT IS ITS CONSEQUENCE ONLY THE PASSION THE RIGHTEOUS INJUSTICE AND THE MERCIFUL RAPING CAN PROVIDE SUCH HUMAN BEAUTY NOTHING ELSE, DEATH AND LIFE SERVE EACH OTHER ALONE AND ALONE CAN WE EXPERIENCE THE FRUIT OF THEIR ENTANGLEMENT, THEIR PERSPIRATION OF VALUE. ONLY THEN CAN MAN TRULY LIVE LIFE AS A LIFE OPPOSED TO THE BENIGN NOTHING. EMOTION WHETHER ANGER OR JOY IS A GREATER ALTERNATIVE TO A DEVOID RATIONAL.

>Do you come from a Nihilist back ground? Because there is no void, this is a false concept you are shoe horning into Christian Philosophy.

No I was raised Christian and still am, or at least try to be I put off any thoughts as away, I try to disprove them, I try to but at a certain point one must not change fact to fit individual.

Perhaps simply the view of death and despair and all of the reapers offspring through a lense of meaning and joy while they are in reality they are no alternative to pure rational.

In regards to the void, I would say it most certainly exists, for life is void if it lacks the mean it both exists for and births just as an eye is the same. The void is evil but it is true.

>Self contemplation is very very important in Theology, if one does not become aware of their actions fully then they are not living to God's standard - they are avoiding problems.

I whole heartedly agree but I meant self contemplation in regards to a search for meaning yet finding none. This will only lead to void.

>No, ration is slave to passions by the fall of man, in his fallen state he is but a slave, with God he becomes fuller and is granted ration over passions, this is part of why Paul dies everyday - he denies him self as we are all called to.

You see we have strayed so far from the animal with our cold rational, a blessing and a curse but you SEE THIS IS ART, ART UNITES US TO A WHOLE, A COMPLETION. IT UNITES THE PURITY OF EXPERIENCE WITH AN ALL KNOWING ON THE SUBJECT OF FOCUS, ART IS ALL THAT WE KNOW TO BE TRUE FOR ART IS TRUTH INCARNATE. RELIGION, IDEOLOGY, THE POEM, PAINTING, STORY, MUSIC, THEY ARE ALL ART IN THEMSELVES FOR THEY SUCCEED IN ARTS PURPOSE THE UNITING OF MAN AND NATURE.

>you think Man uses God, instead of man submitting to God, when really it's about reducing our self under him.

Man does use God just as God uses man. I though as the collective being primary, the meaning, the purpose, all as primary to the individual and I still believe it, but what do they all ultimately serve if not the Individual? Does a class room exist for the teacher to receive payment or to teach children?

I was raised Christian.

why the FUCK do the ENGLISH WATCH SOCCER

I think you mean football mate.

The void does not exist, and I'm no longer going to hold this conversation, no offense to you but I do not believe you're mentally healthy.

I do wish you the best, and I hope you get this figured out.

welcome to the club

You are not a Christian if you cannot even defend your own religion. To doubt something is to understand it.

Now stop with the cop out and simply respond to my points, does it conflict with your views to heavily? Are you unable to defend Christ? For I was going to give answer to such questions I proposed. I suppose you will not receiveth if thy does not ask.

user, your above post is schizophrenic mess, and now your emotionally lashing out, please seek help.

I AM NOT EMOTIONALLY LASHING OUT. I AM JUST USING CAPITAL LETTERS. JUST READ THIS WRITING IN A REALLY CALM WAY AND THE VIBE CHANGES. See user it's just a matter of interpretation.

Try responding to it. But you wont because you lack the ability to. A true genius stands out from the rest and you most certainly blend in.

Also don't leave the thread, honestly just reply to my"schizophrenic mess"

user, you can't even described what the void, and you've already outted your self as a liar. I have no reason to continue "debating" with you.

Somehow I find these threads the loneliest on Yea Forums

I guess because they're essentially venting threaads

is rape ok?

Not unless you're some sort of stirnerite, no.

And even then you may find your property in open rebellion quite easily

I have literally mentioned a hundred times what this void is. It is nothing can you not comprehend that? If not then it is (in the case I am focusing on) a lack of meaning, it is the result of not reaping the Will to Life's virtue.

Don't eat meat.
I'm going to take a nap and then explain why you shouldn't eat meat when I wake up. Good night.

Okay user, I can relate well to your predicament.

fuck off, I eat what I like

How does a person risk submitting to "nothing" then user

>I whole heartedly agree but I meant self contemplation in regards to a search for meaning yet finding none. This will only lead to void.

And then explain what this means, because it's incomprehensible

>for life is void if it lacks the mean it both exists for and births just as an eye is the same. The void is evil but it is true.

Nah, you're just a pussy.

Did the same thing, and not out of ignorance. I'm just a big ol puss

Stop acting and just be user

>How does a person risk submitting to "nothing" then user

I think it's fairly obvious user just as a person risks submitting to "something". They are submitting to death, but death i comparison to meaning. In other words for brainlet over here if a man submits to the void then he looses all meaning. The Will and Void can be seen as opposites in this case.

>And then explain what this means, because it's incomprehensible

It's rather self explanatory user but alright. It refers to the Will to Live not baring any fruit and so not baring any value and this lack of value or meaning will result to self contemplation and through that an awareness of the void and so nothingness.

You reduce my words to toddler speech for your minds comprehension and frankly it irritates me. If you cannot understand my slightly poetic words than how are you to understand a fragment of the bible without another help or interpretation?

>>for life is void if it lacks the mean it both exists for and births just as an eye is the same. The void is evil but it is true.

An eye exists for sight yes? But it also births sight yes? and so sight is primary but the eye is still equal because of its necessity. Now an eye with no sight, what is its value? It has no value does it? So the same can be said for Life. All things value is determined by their consequence and so what is the consequence of the Will to Live? What fruit does it bare?

Are you happy you have ripped all meaning from my writing because of your painstaking understanding.

>having imaginary conversations with my therapist for hours when I'm alone. Once you hit an interesting revelation, turn it back on yourself and discuss how particular aspects of doing so made you feel, always get meta, always look for the thing you're fantasising about or turning over your mind but which has no intent of being expressed out loud.

Thanks. I've also often had trains of thought imagining I'm speaking to my therapist. The meta-thing is also something that I had in my mind once in a while but throughout the years of therapy (with some long and damaging pauses I chose myself) I never really held on to it. My mental state, the intensity of my psychotic experiences, fluctuated, also depending on the drugs I was on.

I feel like I wasted a lot of opportunity with my therapist by my mindset during the sessions. Which I also noticed in his attitude, whether he's mainly helping me cope temporarily or whether he's engaging with me to really resolve deeper issues.

Your explication now has convinced me to consciously go for the meta attitude and to prepare my sessions that way.

I just finished going through Nick Bostroms work, I have never in my life been so worried about the speed and implications of our rapid technological advancement. Even looking at the promising but far from complete state of open AI and googles self learning algorithms, I am truly terrified of what can come from the depths of the future. Right now our 3 dimential view of things may obscure the paralaxed future that might already have its grasp firmly around our society and culture.

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user, this void is the same thing as depression. This is literally what I wrote here
Calling it void, or nothing isn't a Christian concept, so stop using it in Christian philosophy.

>user, this void is the same thing as depression. This is literally what I wrote here

No you retard it's an absence of emotion all together.

Haven't slept in almost seventeen hours. Need to stay awake for at least another twelve as I have places to be (not church). Deleted the porn folder on my phone which I'm sure I'll regret but oh well. I'm done with porn. Or I will try my damndest to be.

Going to make some tea.

Thou have the faculty for self control. Literally just say you know what fuck it I don't want to jerk off and you wont, don't entertain the thought.

>I want to further my understanding of reality, but I dont do anything about it

I wanted to write that this sounds exactly like my depressive years when I suffered from decompensation of narcissistic personality disorder, but then I read that cave calling part, jesus christ. Reality and imagination merging sounds like that could be schizotypic or even a beginning schizoaffective disorder. It definitely has a depressive part though.

For the latter I can give you my "recipe", but for the actual cause I suggest you seeking out a real therapist before it gets worse.
Personally I spend weeks in monk mode, focusing on my inner state and came to following solution for my depressive syndroms (mind you I did not have "the" depression as in ICD-10 F32.2 major depressive disorder, the root disorder was something different): Forbid yourself some thoughts, force yourself to exercise (it can be something light, e.g. using a bicycle to get from A to B), buy new cloths, meet new people in group activities (jogging, language course...), make new experiences (go to arthouse cinemas, theater (not for movies), learn to swim if you haven't already etc. etc.).

After years of living in askesis I crawled out of my cottage in the woods to the broader world and started my studies in an university. I originally distanced myself from people and society in general after a bout of depression and sequence of bad break-ups due to my incapability of understanding basic human emotions, women, mankind in general, whateverthefuck. Now I am here, in a city five times larger than I was born in, and hell of a lot larger than the rural area with a population of 2000 people I used to live in for the past couple of years. I'm meeting new people left and right and they seem to like me a lot. I've met a some people I genuinely like, too, which is a good thing, I suppose. Many men, like me, but also two women. Especially the women. What bothers me greatly is that the other one is engaged to a decent man, whom I actually became friends with after she introduced us. They have this weird open relationship sort of thing, something I don't really understand being brought up in a more conservative environment. As you would guess, the lady wanted my dick, but I bobbed and weaved as well as I could and didn't lose my friendship with anyone. Now the other girl shows interest in me and I'm faltering, brothers. Earlier I had a talk with a male friend of mine who had hots for this girl and I (genuinely, no bad intentions) convinced him to let that shit go, because it would potentially fuck up this nice circle of friends we got going. Now I'm the one who is in grave danger of not only stepping on peoples' toes, but stomping on them while yelling a huge fuck you. If I make moves, I will get called out by my male buddy and most likely by the other female friend, too. I realize now that I should have dealt with my shit back in the day because now it's coming back to bite my ass. At the same time it feels so fucking good to feel someone's hand running through my hair and hear her whispers in my ear, and at the same time I'm screaming inside my head because of my own past experiences and the situation at hand. Why the fuck is it so easy for me to be alone for years, kill animals for food and survive in the wild for extended periods of time, and yet so fucking hard to let someone give me a kiss? I'm starting to feel like a caged animal again, but this time I can't just take off into the woods no more. How long until I start picking out my own fur or chewing on my leg? I'm such a fucking manchild, an emotional midget. I thought I would be beyond this shit already, but no. Fucking hell.

I know the feeling very well. If you think you're getting a bit psychotic I recommend doing some yoga and meditation that focuses on body sensation, it sounds like you need some relaxation. Don't underestimate the power of relaxation, release the tension.
Do you have any artistic pursuits? It sounds like you long for the philosophers stone, the pearl, a spiritual goal with a mystical essence. I would try and put that energy into something artistic, don't resist too much. Also do something that scares you. I know it's cliche but it can help shake you up so you can see more clearly. Remember, we're all in this together bro.

>I'm not actually very religious, but does anyone miss how art used to aspire to be somehow worthy of God?

Same here. Artists own standards seem to be so much lower than when they get obsessed with the fiction of God, even though both stem from their heads. There is no respect for the audience either, which I mean is ok if you're drawing for yourself - but if you want to show it to others, don't give them trash or a pissoir to look at, that's just unnecessarily rude, embarrassing and a waste of time and energy. But since "Emperor's new cloths" still hold true, almost everybody claps.

you mean more delicate

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Fucking moron projecting

What's the best place to publish short fiction writing online?

This

Is there anything worth living for?

Four hours. No jerking. I have made pasta from scratch, two teas, and some pease pottage. I'm gonna make it, bruvs. Zyzz GIVE ME YOUR POWER.

Read through this thread and subsume yourself under the collective consciousness and find out

You can do it user, I believe in you

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you have to find that out for yourself nigga

Antisemitism is on the rise

The more I practise sex with my gf, the lower my IQ seems to get.

four days here. it gets easier, just keep increasing your stretches. busy yourself.

Based and kek

What are you doing to support the Palestinain cause?

I can easily go a week without JOing, sometimes without even getting hard. How's it feel to be cucked by porn and testosterone

Does anyone here know if working as a translator is a viable job, especially literary translation? I've been thinking about going into that career lately because it seems to be the only job that has some association with my interest and that allows me to study languages.

Keep it locked away

Why wouldn't it be?

Anyone know any good accelerationist music?

>go to an upscale toronto club last night with some friends (male)
>the patrons are all incredibly stylish and beautiful women
>their jubilant, expressive manners make them appear as if they are all famous actresses
>the staff of the club shepherd us around for a while, telling us there's no space, we have to buy bottle service, etc.
>friends are seriously upset
>to me it seems obvious that this microcosm of feminine perfection could not exist if they let every large group of horny guys in off the street
>go to another club
>I'm drawn to the street fighter 2 cabinet in the club
>play against some qts
>pretty cool
>leaving the club
>some dude pushes me and calls me an asshole for "being with that guy" (one of my friends?)
>tell the man I don't even know him
>people are trying to calm him down
>ok.jpg
>walking away
>duck into some building to avoid the pouring rain
>middle aged british people are talking about continuing their after party and calling an uber
>look outside, 2 cops are crossing the street on horseback in the pouring rain, surrounded by club goers
>walk to my car, drive home, jerk off, sleep, wake up, post this

thanks for reading my blog

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It may be oversaturated. I don't know if there is a market for translated literature. The only published that I know of that focuses on translated literature is New DIrections and university presses.

As cringe as this sounds, I have had mostly good experiences with them and probably some of the best relationships came from them. I am probably just a weirdo who likes to a variety of people on the internet.

It takes a long time to digest, pretty much 3 times as long to digest as vegetables. While it's digesting, it has the ability to spawn more bacteria inside of you. On the other hand, fruit doesn't fungify in your guts so it's safer to eat.

i'm from toronto too! :D well mississauga, your less stylish sibling

im in mississauga too, around erin mills. but I go downtown because im a slave to beautiful women.

god i wish i were a canadian
id do anything to live in toronto

being a Canadian is now more easier than ever

its pretty awesome

where are you from?

I can't die but living is so painful. When you are weak in any capacity, whether it be mentally, physically, out of a lack of skills, wealth or what-not, living is painful. I wish I was living in the industrial age. I would be powerless regardless but at least I have no shame about my enmity toward the world, but now it's not even a pleasure I, we, can be allowed.

who are you yourself?

You are a retard

>he doesn't intentionally neglect one aspect of personals strength to succeed despite the handicap and BTFO those who put their eggs in the wrong basket

based

I just watched this:
I had some stroopwafel so I picked a few crumbs and sprinkled it over where I know ants walk around. Three ants came over and picked up some crumbs but one of the ants picked up a crumb that was like 6 times as big as it and started lugging it around. I thought, dumbass, there's smaller crumbs, but I continued watching this fucker try to push and pull this huge ass crumb with her. She kept getting stuck trying to push the crumb and constantly had to take breaks. Eventually, I noticed she wasn't going towards where the ants come into the house so I kept watching her. She pulled the crumb over to this hidden spot underneath a pen I had laying around that was next to an ant that looked dead and then went up to the other ant and talked to it. Suddenly, the presumably dead ant started moving, as if it had just waken up from a nap and the now revived ant went over to where she put the stroopwafel beneath the pen.
She had lugged that huge-ass crumb to help her friend instead of the hive. I didn't know ants acted individualistic like this. Good thing that I didn't do what I was planning on doing and burning the ant with a lighter because it warmed my cold frigid heart seeing that ant's compassion for that other ant.

Bum bum bum he's ebola man
He likes to eat with his feet and touch his face with his hands
He's a real salty surfer when he splash with the sand
He's the
bum bum
ebola man
He's got butter on his jacket and his mom feeds him peas
and he likes to do whatever, whatever he please
All the tsars in russia and the kings in the trees
don't have nothing on the man with a hand of car keys

>FUCK ME. WHY AM I FUCKING RETARDED???

Yeah dude, me too. I tell myself that it could be worse - we miss our chances, but at least they exist.

Stroopwafel is crack. Also ants I've by scent so they follow the scent of the one in front iirc. She was probably helping her buddy because her buddy knew the way back and she only knew her buddy.

>I've
Navigate. This phone is retarded I swear it only has two syllable words in its dictionary

It will go downhill from there.

cute yourself

it's good, missing her hints shows her that you don't objectify her and occasionally have better things on your mind. you scored some points, fren.

Here is the layout. The red line represents the ant that went out of her way to help her buddy (orange). I wrote E to indicate when I stopped watching them. Her buddy was no where near where she started and she initially was following the ant I indicated in green before going the other way.
Also, yeah, the stroopwaffel was really good. I got it for free at a convention.
Also inb4 anyone complains about ants in my house, these ants aren't close to the kitchen or any place that I eat so I'm not bothered by them. I think they eat moths normally.

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That diagram is based, but I maintain she picked up his scent and recognised where he went from that trail. She probably followed the scent of stroopwafel crack too. Goddammit now I want stroopwafel

Everything in my life has been dictated by the fact my parents didn't love me. As I've tried to become something worthy of love, I became good looking, successful (own multiple companies) and have many passions. But the pain has never left me and sought to destroy every romantic relationship before it started because I am unable to handle the emotions it stirs up inside. I don't know if it is worth trying anymore because at least when I am on my own, I am the only one who suffers.

You sound like a teenager. It is much more important to be authentic and happy (even if it with odd hobbies) which happen after psychs then just failing to play the societal game. Eventually, you gravitate to people who are like you or at least appreciate your flashes of oddity. Seriously, the older you get the more people appreciate weird people as they are actually interesting than the typical cookie cutter hobbies of most people.

*Head pats* You'll be okay anonkun

I tried to download Minecraft hacks yesterday but since I'm retarded with computers I just got viruses. Now I get redirected to bing every time I do a google search

FUCK BING

gay

...

Why didn't your parents love you?

dope

user, please respond if you can...milkies are on the line...

More than my moderate levels of social anxiety, my genuine crippling level of fear of rejection is proving to be the greatest obstacle in my attempt to have a normal social life. It's so severe I intentionally avoid taking potentially budding friendships to the next level out of fear of being rejected. I impose on myself a facade of indifference to others just so I don't have to deal with even the hypothetical scenario of them rejecting my offer of friendship. I come off as autistic and aloof just because it's easier than asking something so simple as "what's happening his weekend?", which would potentially set you up for rejection. Naturally, talking to girls I might have an interest in isn't even on my radar.

that sounds like me

i worry that i would just be a burden or a bad friend so i don't go any further than acquaintances.

Thanks

Been in weekly therapy for a year, it has only made me more aware of the pain.

Dad left my mom when I was very young to start a new family but that failed after a year. Saw him regularly but he saw parenting as checkbook exercise and never took an interest in anything I liked. Whenever I got excited about something he told me how it was going to fail (the source of my inadequacy). I lived with my Mom who constantly went on about what she could be doing if we (me and my brother) weren't holding her back. She would tell me horrible things about my Dad then forced me to go kicking and screaming so she could get her weekend free of us. As I grew older, I became useful around the house (diy, bills, etc) and got the odd flicks of love (which is why I spent most of my life trying to be 'useful' since that what I thought begot love). When I would suffer emotional problems of my own, I would never want to bring them up because I didn't want to add to my Mum's problems. My older brother subconsciously or otherwise blamed me for the divorce and never played with me through my childhood/teenage life.

If you asked them they would obviously say they loved me but that's not how I felt. I was made to feel as though I was a burden on all of them, that somehow it was my fault I wasn't loved. I've felt alone from the age of 4, I genuinely don't know what love feels like and thought up until the age of 22 that if you told your family/friends your problems they won't like you anymore. I spent a lot of my life trying to 'fix' the problems 'I' caused and become something worthy of love. Thankfully, I've stopped trying to fix myself now but whenever I meet someone I actually like (usually once per year) these emotions get triggered when I see any sign of it going bad. I react emotionally and even if I explain myself once I've calmed down they can't handle the intensity. Once I've caused them stress, my feelings of inadequacy and being a burden lead me to destroy any chance of it. I actually do this consciously now because the idea that there's still a something I can do sends me into a deep depression and drug abuse.

I'm so fucking lonely that the smallest amount of attention from a girl is like mana from heaven, I just got the "just friends" from a girl I'd been getting closer with for over a year last night and I must be the fucking biggest idiot in the world if she wasn't sending me signs.

I wish I had more orange juice

What were the signs?

same

well she started talking to me more often, started opening up to me, was initiating contact with me more etc

Be careful now, as she's your only source of affection you're liable to get clingy and dependant on her and that will scare her off. I know this from experience.

Seems like she's already been scared off

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This describes me perfectly desu. I'm ugly too on top of it so I'm never gonna find a partner. I'm gonna go completely mad when I lose my mom aren't I?

Just do some look-maxing bro, lift some weights and chew some gum. Get on a diet that promotes testosterone production, keep that spunk in your ballsack man, women sense big balls on a man.
Think like the alpha, become the alpha bro.

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Teenagers make me tired.

My Dad told me that there were two things you remember in life: the people you meet and the books you read.

Pappy was pretty much right on this one.

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I love LED light no other technology. They represent pure, unbridled progress. Better than their predecessors in every way: cheaper, more efficient, longer lasting, cleaner looking. Like few recent inventions, they have almost no downside and represent actual technological progression. Every time I see them on highways and parking lots I get ecstatic. They make it abundantly clear that we live in the future

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my dog got skunked last night and i didn't even care and i let her cuddle with me all night.today we bathed in the river.

A message to all of you who want to look smart
Nobody cares if you are smart

Is it legal to bury a body that you didn't murder and that you're 100% sure isn't a crime?
I want to find a dead person somewhere and borrow their arm and then bury the rest of their body in the Mojave.
Also, is it legal to taxidermy people? Not for personal use, but rather for a book I'm writing.

Prevention of legal burial and desecration of a corpse, so no.
It is legal to taxidermy people with their express written consent in some places. Bentham had this done and now they have to keep his head in a lockbox to stop undergrads playing football with it.

So you're not epileptic. Good for you

I don't. They cause cancer and they're too hot if you aim it at your skin for too long. Fluorescent is much more aesthetic.

wtf is this image man

What if it's towards an undocumented immigrant? Legally, they don't exist within the country so technically it's possible.

I feel similarly. My parents are the only reason I'm in college or alive at all. It's hard user, hopefully we can figure something out.

I was gonna attempt to ID the type of squid it is but I found this picture instead and I wanted to post it because it's cute.

Attached: PigletSquid5.jpg (320x245, 19K)

look at he go :3

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The lord Buddha told us: Stop looking at the finger pointing at the Moon, and look at the Moon.

gawd I miss that guy

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_______is making me crazy. gonna have to ______to figure it out. All I;ve gotta do is eat the ones I _______. And it's not like it's real. I know. I pretended throughout so much of it. Minutes of bliss justifying years of abuse. i know. But still. Reformat everything in my head. The willful illusions. I'm not ready yet.

I hate you, user.

I hate your stupid face.

And yet I'll _____you time and time again. Because you forced me to talk like a man, you faggot. Turns out I liked it. Turns out it deeply resonated. But still, fuck you.

Does 'user' deserve to be capitalized? Does it?

I'm catching up, you whore.

no worries guys I got rid of the viruses

Sometimes I feel like my life is a never ending fight against complacency. I backed too far into a parking spot earlier today and hit a wall.Thousands of times before I've backed into a parking space, but I got lazy and didn't consider how close I was. Just the other day at work I forgot to tighten down a part before putting it in the machine (I'm a CNC operator) and broke the tool. I've made a countless number of these parts, but every few thousand I get complacent and forget to tighten one down.

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Good job

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same

I don’t want to go out with any thots, buts its getting hard to contain my impulses. Most of the girls I know whore themselves irl and on the internet, and the ones who don’t clearly just lack the looks/confidence for doing so. At the same time they craft a whole persona of depth and sensitivity, while seeing no problems on setting their lives into pursue of escapism and hedonism, praising pleasure as the greatest good. Am I the anomaly? Should I just go around fucking and partying like my peers? They already presume I do, to some extent, since I’m good looking and manage to keep a conversation going without sperging out. I’m getting tired of going against the tide, and sometimes my struggle seems completely senseless. I keep to the principle of never using another human being or treating them like objects, but to what end, Yea Forums? Feels like the best I can count with in the future is an ex-toth who regrets their previous choices or a crazy evangelical.

It’s sad to meet someone who seems to escape the pattern, or at least wishful thinking tells you so, just to know them better or check their instagram and see they too are caught in this frenzy of frivolity and egotism. There’s an especially depressing twist when you realize some people only got into it due to peer pressure, but then again, as times passes I might as well end up doing the same; After all, loneliness takes its toll.

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it's all so tiresome

Yea Forums Yea Forums

The survival of your people, and yes there is a meaning for them but I cannot say it for fear of misinterpretation. Perhaps meaning is something one must find and understand for oneself. Even if what you know you are not sure of, you will always be sure that you exist and you must secure the existence of your people.

YOU CAN DO IT, Most of the time guys just do it because they have nothing else to do. I find classical music awakens the Self within man, do it, music itself is a sublime favour gifted by the eternal passion.

Because you lose you vitality, your energy, your essential Will and Self.

Sex is fine and good but indulgence of the lowest vice is evil. Try drinking/smoking tobacco (healthy and natural tobacco mind you).

Fair enough but I still will eat meat. Although when I wish to speak the hair of Angels I eat only the fruit of flora.

Can you even Self actualise?

Pleb. They just replaced all the warm fluorescents on my street with leds and it's fucking ugly

Just got back from hanging out with this girl I’ve been crushing on. We dated later in 2018 and had a great relationship. Explicitly non-monogamous and casual. Yet, when she saw me on a date with someone things kind of went sour. I was cancelled for a couple months. Eventually we regained contact and now are building a friendship. Today I told her I still had feelings for her and that I’m not seeing anyone currently. She doesn’t feel the same. I’m honestly bummed about it bc I think she’s really great, but I’m happy we can still have a good friendship. I guess it was just relieving to get it off my chest. She was really understanding about the whole thing. Now I guess I can feel better about sustaining a romantic relationship with someone else now that I’m certain things won’t go anywhere with her. However, (this is where things get iffy), I’m certain that if she changed her mind I would drop whatever relationship I was in to be back with her (maybe). At least this is how I feel now. I think I just have to accept the fact that there won’t be a second chance and that I should look for some kind of romantic satisfaction elsewhere. It might really solidify a change in my emotions which would make it easier not to pine over her anymore. And even more, actually feel good being with someone who wants to have a romantic relationship with me and genuinely desires me. Sigh

I wish I were an alien so badly. God, why couldn't I have been born in Andromeda upon a nice little planet? I would have deep black skin that glistens like the iridescence of a beetle. My limbs would be 6 feet tall so I could wade through the swampy cities covered in inedible sludge and microbial debris. My eyes would glow and flash a blindly bright light that would incapacitate my current human body. And lastly my digits would be suctioning pili, sticky and hooked. The dead are embalmed in fungi colonies and a mere day after they're encased in a hard shell whilst being devoured by these fungi-like creatures. Air is thick and heavy in pleasure places like beaches. Water cannot exist in its liquid form. The tapping of the unstable ground as creatures move beneath my feet keeps me up at night. If only there were two suns to warm the surface so they'd go back under. Why can't the rings of my eyes detect certain colors? Technology is amazing but I want to live in simpler times when people would race to the bottom of lakes full of nitrous oxide to pluck gravel full of plant matter. Just add water and you'll have a full meal in about 3 planetary days.

you need a waifu
t. waifu

1/ read The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists
2/ deconstruct that shit
3/ ????
4/ Profit!

are there any woman here a like to talk to me ?

Balkan turbofolk is both hilarious and quaint and is nowhere near as bad as Mizrahit.
The Balkans in general rock and I'm absolutely returning in the future. Everything's cheap, everyone's nice, and the culture feels like stepping into a time capsule.

O.K.