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How would you do a Scary Movie parody of these films?
Gabriel Ortiz
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Jeremiah Campbell
Come up with it yourself, RLM
Ayden Brooks
Anya Taylor Swift running around with her jiggle things jiggling
Alexander Clark
make an actual scary movie.
James Rogers
You can't do it with those films because the general public isn't so aware of them. You have to do it with classic mainstream conscious aware flicks.
Christian Sanders
Conjuring movies?
Benjamin Howard
>inb4 LE SÖY HORROR LOL LMAO meme
Bentley Cox
Add JUMPSCARE !!!
Jordan Phillips
It wouldn't be possible to do a parody of onions-horror films, because they don't have any memorable scenes, lines or characters. Plus significant amounts of the run time are used up by slow, uneventful dialogue scenes.
If you wanted to do a horror parody film these days, it would need to be about the horror films that have some character and ideas e.g. The Quiet place, Get out, Annabelle, IT etc.
Cameron Barnes
I wouldn't.
Kayden Turner
>slow burn trilogy
I.MUST.HAVE.THIS
Angel Powell
this kills the adhd zoomer
Bentley Lewis
Why do people always put It Comes At Night with Vvitch and Hereditary? The latter two actually have horrifying moments. It Doesn’t Come At All is just trying to emulate the same atmosphere without actually having anything to back it up.
Hunter Anderson
>horrifying moments
>VVitch.
Ya wot m8?
Jordan Price
I'm tired of idiots pretending that Hereditary wasn't horror kino
Jayden Jenkins
Hereditary was pretty spooky and good. Had a pay off for all the drama.
Other two are slow burns. Soi boy horror. I didn't mind the Witch but it wasn't scary.
Too bad midsommer went for the latter
Connor Turner
Midsommar was a more telegraphed Hereditary desu. Also, It Comes At Night is a great movie, but it isn't really a horror movie.
James Hill
Make toni colettes glitch out while flying up the treehouse. The scene already kind of looked like a Video game glitch
Jayden Jackson
Midsommar was at the very least an excellent drama with a sinister unsettling tone. A lot like The VVitch, yeah, though it had some light comic relief that VVitch didn't. Though they didn't have the ghosts and gore of typical horror, I still thought both were scary just by the way they were filmed combined with the music. Like the beginning of Midsommar when it shows her parents house is pure dread. Ari Aster is terrific so far, IMO he could make anything kino and I'm glad he chooses to dedicate his talent to making these horror tributes to the classics (Hereditary = Rosemary's Baby, Midsommar = The Wicker Man). If he made straight-up drama movies I bet he could win an Oscar someday
Elijah Richardson
Grinding up a baby into literal paste is not atleast a bit horrifying to you?
Elijah Brown
In theory it would be, but that scene completely flops because of how poorly shot and paced it is.
Jace Long
I am indeed pro-life
Ryder Mitchell
A scene is poorly paced?
Hudson Rogers
A Quiet Place in Scary Movie style would clearly involve the creatures being alerted by someone farting
Samuel Reyes
A Quiet Place makes literally no sense at all. Those creatures could never take out the US military given how easy they are to attract and how powerful American firepower is. We'd drop timed-detonation bombs with sirens attached and call it a day.
Connor Reyes
rottentomatoes.com
>every 1-star review was written by a brainlet who probably laughed and chatted through the whole film and then asked "Wait, what? I'm so confused" when the credits rolled
Why is it like this with the user reviews with every one of these type of movies? Fuck horror fans, they're literally the dumbest audience out there
Leo Rodriguez
Did you think that was a clever question? The scene flops because the VVitch kills the kid off screen and it smash cuts to her with the mortar in pestle.
A competent horror film would have given the audience time to anticipate something happening to the baby and build up the tension to either a death or the mortar and pestle scene.
As it's shot, it's more comical than anything.
Brody Green
You can't because these films are actually good.
Nolan Jones
If you wanted to go full Friedberg & Seltzer, the monsters would have really sensitive noses and be able to locate people by sniffing their farts. Then they're defeated by a chick with a sticky pussy.
Nolan Sanders
So the scene isn't poorly paced but the entire opening. Learn what pacing means.
Lincoln Smith
>So the scene isn't poorly paced but the entire opening.
The fuck are you even trying to say here? Is english your second language or something?
Nathaniel Myers
You can't.
Parodies exist to poke fun of cliches. These three films don't contain cliches. Austin Powers worked as a parody because Bond films have a distinctive formula that everyone is familiar with. The original Scary Movie worked because slashers are incredibly trite and haven't changed at all since the 70s. Taking three wildly different movies and smashing them together isn't a parody, its just a string of Family Guy tier references.
Lucas Flores
Midsommar isn’t really horror. Not to say it isn’t disturbing or uncomfortable, but it’s definitely not scary.
Jayden Miller
>a competent horror film would have given the audience time to anticipate something happening to the baby
Which it did. How long do you think they had to have the baby and the knife in the same shot to build anticipation?
Jace Garcia
You say how a scene is poorly paced and then you talk about everything before the scene itself.
Jace White
The the actual knife scene doesn't work on any level because it's trying to be something like a jump scare with the knife tip, while not actually being shot in a threatening way or being fast enough to be surprising. The whole scene is just poor and any hack horror director would have been able to make it more effective.
In the English language, a 'scene' refers to a series of shots where part of an act happens. Peek-a-boo is one scene, the witch's lair is another scene. If the only thing you're talking about is right now is your (incorrect) understand of what constitutes a scene, I'd suggest having sex and/or dilating.
Alexander Butler
Slow burn!!!
Nolan Brown
haha okay this is based... this is deep
David Gray
nothing is scary to them because they don’t have the mental capacity for human emotions
Jackson Hall
people in general are stupid as fuck, it’s not just a horror fan thing
Jack Gutierrez
What is it about these movies that triggers Yea Forums so much?
Dylan Jenkins
Gore isn't scary you retarded subhuman. Slow burn shit and soilent have corroded your brain
Camden Barnes
>Hereditary got really low scores everywhere because people went into the movie expecting another paranormal activity or another fucking Annabelle movie. A24 doesn't do movies like that, they always make weird artsy experimental movies. And people get so offended when movies try something different. I'm a horror movie nerd and hereditary might be my favorite movie ever. I almost never get scared watching a movie but hereditary made me sleep with my lights on for 3 nights
Elijah Wilson
Being told that something is gold and then finding out that it's mediocre is frustrating, it's not some strange mystery.
Wyatt White
This is the same board that has consistently shilled rotten tomatoes for the past decade.
Dominic Smith
cute iphone you have there m'lady
Andrew Ramirez
There isn't any gore. Graphic baby violence or gore have actually been transgressive and horrible, so that was definitely off the books a onions horror film like Vvitch.
>shilled rotten tomatoes
Hi tourist.
Jonathan James
Fucking lol, every other 5 star review is 'it doesn't have jumpscares so it's good!'
Why are soi horror fans so deeply obsessed with hating on jumpscares?
Anthony Anderson
old lady in the walls
Hunter Flores
this
basically all you need to do to make a "Scary Movie" movie is make everyone (but especially the "villains") incredibly incompetent
Colton Morgan
>Getting anxiety for 3 fucking days from a film like hereditary.
Maximum soiboy, good god.
Angel Fisher
It Comes At Night was the worst movie I've ever seen in my life. It was complete fucking garbage brought to you by the millennial crowd of millennial onions nu-directors that think not having an ending or a point to your movie at all makes it arthouse.
The VVitch does have horrific moments and a wonderful tension, isolation, and creeping despair that builds until the final scene.
James Walker
because they are all related to A24.
Jace Gomez
a girl wrote that
Cameron Barnes
Imagine being this low IQ
Jeremiah Martin
The only thing sadder than someone who doesn't understand pretentious trash like It comes at night, is someone who thinks that 'humans are the real monsters' is an interesting theme.
Parker Diaz
A girl!!!
Dylan Butler
Because unlike most horror films, these are good.
Elijah Garcia
Hereditary already is a parody
Matthew James
Dilate
Liam Morales
>Hereditary
>a film about how women are hysterical monsters
>only logical character is father
>somehow it’s considered soi
I dont get it
Josiah Howard
It's funny how a comment that's laughably whimpy, moronic and childish suddenly becomes acceptable when it's coming from a woman.
Tyler Mitchell
this
Brayden Hall
seething
Cooper Gray
It's a comedy, you're an idiot.
Charles King
Yea Forums hates on things solely for the sake of contrarianism
Gabriel Lopez
The problem is Yea Forums cares too much about critics opinions, and has a bad history with them. Most posters are already inclined to disagree with a critic even if he's right.
That way, Yea Forums ends up shitting on films that are actually good, and shills "misunderstood" garbage that was mediocre at best.
Ryan Richardson
All that A24 stuff is trash, unironically
Jose Adams
How? And can you give examples of GOOD modern horror films?
Jaxon Gonzalez
For the first 2 hours it's a parody of a drama movie, then someone gets violently killed at the end as all the actors have no expression on their faces.
Elijah Morris
The vast majority of people hated Hereditary, people walking out of the theater all the time. The contrarian stance is to like it because JUMPSCARE BAD
Isaiah Reyes
They're already parodies of themselves.
Dominic Howard
They never can
Samuel Sullivan
Oh.. well that's not an option. OP, you're obligated to give me a good modern horror film right now.
This is a command, bitch.
Camden Lee
>'Would you like to live deliciously?'
>cut to alien girl and goat in bed
>'daammmn bitch, how you learn to fuck like *THAT*?'
>'I feel kicking. I think I'm pregnant'
>'aw hell naw, my family has a history of mental illness. we gotta go take it to the witch.'
Hunter Stewart
>Modern
I'm already sensing the goal posts moving before I post. How about I just go with "the last ten years" and you can choose whatever specific time period you like to exclude all the good films afterwards?
The woman in black
The wailing
Bedevilled
Bone Tomahawk
Green room
Tucker and dale
The void
Annihilation
The autopsy of jane doe
Occulus
Under the skin
Descent
Orphan
Thirst
Triangle
Jug face
We are what we are
Ryan Allen
the hunt
Truman show
Ryder Fisher
>2 separate storylines about a dad and his daughter
>dad's storyline is It Comes At Night
>Daughter goes through The VVitch and Hereditary
>There's also a younger sister
>They live in a semi-Amish lifestyle
>Dad says that a virus has turned everyone into zombies
>Dad convinces neighbours that it's not safe and they have to move in with their family
>Neighbours have an autistic son
>Autistic son takes youngest daughter to a house party at a safe zone and then positions her outside the window of the car when driving and purposely drives through a series of stop signs
>Autistic son leers at older daughter (who has very large breasts) everytime she does laundry or any chores
>Dad s paranoid and keeps going on about the zombies
>Literally no zombies or anything close the entire film, except for the autistic neighbour kid who they decide must be possessed at one point
I'd build it up from there I guess
Cameron Thompson
Hereditary is just a shit version of The VVitch. Its worst offence is that it makes no sense
>and then the guy who did nothing suddenly got set on fire!
>soo scary!
Joshua Campbell
Nah, it'd be everytime someone got turned on sexually. The main character would be a sexually repressed prude.
There would be numerous paedophilia jokes about the strangers who came into contact with her kids too
Matthew Garcia
That doesn't really seem meta enough, tbhfam. You need to work the father's paranoia about non-existent zombies into commentary about how the soi burn genre's narratives try so hard to be about serious, deep character drama, while actually being completely bland and vapid.
And you could have a goat that talks like lil john.
Christian Perry
Just have the Wayans play all the characters and then Snoop Dogg is there for some reason
Lincoln Howard
Has there ever been a horror movie that BOTH critics and the general public liked?
Lucas Cooper
It's mandatory for critics to dislike any horror film past 1990 that is actually a horror film and not a poorly disguised commentary on some social issue.
Brayden Ross
Do you even know what "horror" means?
Henry Cook
Like 2 good films here, a couple of decent films that aren't even horror but the rest is derivative trash. Hipster horror is pretentious but at least it isn't spinning wheels on the same exact formula that has been abused for the last 30 fucking years.
Carson Ross
>begin film
>movie starts with silver-white title piercing through black background
>title fades
>it’s pitch black
>hear heavy breathing walking and branches snapping, sounds like someone in the woods
>it stays pitch black, basically a blank screen
>occasionally punctuated by just enough moonlight reflecting on a grey blur to half-perceive it with the walker going ‘holy shit’ or ‘ah fuck’
>about an hour and a half in hard cut to a scary pale face that’s still really hard to see with the sudden sound of grinding violas
>cut to black
>Title
>roll credits to folk violin