How would you do a Scary Movie parody of these films?

>slow burn trilogy

I.MUST.HAVE.THIS

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this kills the adhd zoomer

Why do people always put It Comes At Night with Vvitch and Hereditary? The latter two actually have horrifying moments. It Doesn’t Come At All is just trying to emulate the same atmosphere without actually having anything to back it up.

>horrifying moments
>VVitch.
Ya wot m8?

I'm tired of idiots pretending that Hereditary wasn't horror kino

Hereditary was pretty spooky and good. Had a pay off for all the drama.

Other two are slow burns. Soi boy horror. I didn't mind the Witch but it wasn't scary.

Too bad midsommer went for the latter

Midsommar was a more telegraphed Hereditary desu. Also, It Comes At Night is a great movie, but it isn't really a horror movie.

Make toni colettes glitch out while flying up the treehouse. The scene already kind of looked like a Video game glitch

Midsommar was at the very least an excellent drama with a sinister unsettling tone. A lot like The VVitch, yeah, though it had some light comic relief that VVitch didn't. Though they didn't have the ghosts and gore of typical horror, I still thought both were scary just by the way they were filmed combined with the music. Like the beginning of Midsommar when it shows her parents house is pure dread. Ari Aster is terrific so far, IMO he could make anything kino and I'm glad he chooses to dedicate his talent to making these horror tributes to the classics (Hereditary = Rosemary's Baby, Midsommar = The Wicker Man). If he made straight-up drama movies I bet he could win an Oscar someday

Grinding up a baby into literal paste is not atleast a bit horrifying to you?

In theory it would be, but that scene completely flops because of how poorly shot and paced it is.

I am indeed pro-life

A scene is poorly paced?

A Quiet Place in Scary Movie style would clearly involve the creatures being alerted by someone farting

A Quiet Place makes literally no sense at all. Those creatures could never take out the US military given how easy they are to attract and how powerful American firepower is. We'd drop timed-detonation bombs with sirens attached and call it a day.

rottentomatoes.com/m/hereditary/reviews?type=user
>every 1-star review was written by a brainlet who probably laughed and chatted through the whole film and then asked "Wait, what? I'm so confused" when the credits rolled

Why is it like this with the user reviews with every one of these type of movies? Fuck horror fans, they're literally the dumbest audience out there

Did you think that was a clever question? The scene flops because the VVitch kills the kid off screen and it smash cuts to her with the mortar in pestle.
A competent horror film would have given the audience time to anticipate something happening to the baby and build up the tension to either a death or the mortar and pestle scene.
As it's shot, it's more comical than anything.

You can't because these films are actually good.

If you wanted to go full Friedberg & Seltzer, the monsters would have really sensitive noses and be able to locate people by sniffing their farts. Then they're defeated by a chick with a sticky pussy.

So the scene isn't poorly paced but the entire opening. Learn what pacing means.

>So the scene isn't poorly paced but the entire opening.
The fuck are you even trying to say here? Is english your second language or something?

You can't.

Parodies exist to poke fun of cliches. These three films don't contain cliches. Austin Powers worked as a parody because Bond films have a distinctive formula that everyone is familiar with. The original Scary Movie worked because slashers are incredibly trite and haven't changed at all since the 70s. Taking three wildly different movies and smashing them together isn't a parody, its just a string of Family Guy tier references.

Midsommar isn’t really horror. Not to say it isn’t disturbing or uncomfortable, but it’s definitely not scary.

>a competent horror film would have given the audience time to anticipate something happening to the baby
Which it did. How long do you think they had to have the baby and the knife in the same shot to build anticipation?

You say how a scene is poorly paced and then you talk about everything before the scene itself.

The the actual knife scene doesn't work on any level because it's trying to be something like a jump scare with the knife tip, while not actually being shot in a threatening way or being fast enough to be surprising. The whole scene is just poor and any hack horror director would have been able to make it more effective.

In the English language, a 'scene' refers to a series of shots where part of an act happens. Peek-a-boo is one scene, the witch's lair is another scene. If the only thing you're talking about is right now is your (incorrect) understand of what constitutes a scene, I'd suggest having sex and/or dilating.

Slow burn!!!

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haha okay this is based... this is deep

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nothing is scary to them because they don’t have the mental capacity for human emotions

people in general are stupid as fuck, it’s not just a horror fan thing

What is it about these movies that triggers Yea Forums so much?

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Gore isn't scary you retarded subhuman. Slow burn shit and soilent have corroded your brain

>Hereditary got really low scores everywhere because people went into the movie expecting another paranormal activity or another fucking Annabelle movie. A24 doesn't do movies like that, they always make weird artsy experimental movies. And people get so offended when movies try something different. I'm a horror movie nerd and hereditary might be my favorite movie ever. I almost never get scared watching a movie but hereditary made me sleep with my lights on for 3 nights

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Being told that something is gold and then finding out that it's mediocre is frustrating, it's not some strange mystery.

This is the same board that has consistently shilled rotten tomatoes for the past decade.

cute iphone you have there m'lady

There isn't any gore. Graphic baby violence or gore have actually been transgressive and horrible, so that was definitely off the books a onions horror film like Vvitch.

>shilled rotten tomatoes
Hi tourist.

Fucking lol, every other 5 star review is 'it doesn't have jumpscares so it's good!'
Why are soi horror fans so deeply obsessed with hating on jumpscares?

old lady in the walls

this
basically all you need to do to make a "Scary Movie" movie is make everyone (but especially the "villains") incredibly incompetent

>Getting anxiety for 3 fucking days from a film like hereditary.
Maximum soiboy, good god.

It Comes At Night was the worst movie I've ever seen in my life. It was complete fucking garbage brought to you by the millennial crowd of millennial onions nu-directors that think not having an ending or a point to your movie at all makes it arthouse.

The VVitch does have horrific moments and a wonderful tension, isolation, and creeping despair that builds until the final scene.

because they are all related to A24.

a girl wrote that

Imagine being this low IQ

The only thing sadder than someone who doesn't understand pretentious trash like It comes at night, is someone who thinks that 'humans are the real monsters' is an interesting theme.

A girl!!!

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Because unlike most horror films, these are good.

Hereditary already is a parody

Dilate

>Hereditary
>a film about how women are hysterical monsters
>only logical character is father
>somehow it’s considered soi
I dont get it

It's funny how a comment that's laughably whimpy, moronic and childish suddenly becomes acceptable when it's coming from a woman.

this

seething

It's a comedy, you're an idiot.

Yea Forums hates on things solely for the sake of contrarianism

The problem is Yea Forums cares too much about critics opinions, and has a bad history with them. Most posters are already inclined to disagree with a critic even if he's right.
That way, Yea Forums ends up shitting on films that are actually good, and shills "misunderstood" garbage that was mediocre at best.

All that A24 stuff is trash, unironically

How? And can you give examples of GOOD modern horror films?

For the first 2 hours it's a parody of a drama movie, then someone gets violently killed at the end as all the actors have no expression on their faces.

The vast majority of people hated Hereditary, people walking out of the theater all the time. The contrarian stance is to like it because JUMPSCARE BAD

They're already parodies of themselves.

They never can

Oh.. well that's not an option. OP, you're obligated to give me a good modern horror film right now.
This is a command, bitch.

>'Would you like to live deliciously?'
>cut to alien girl and goat in bed
>'daammmn bitch, how you learn to fuck like *THAT*?'
>'I feel kicking. I think I'm pregnant'
>'aw hell naw, my family has a history of mental illness. we gotta go take it to the witch.'

>Modern
I'm already sensing the goal posts moving before I post. How about I just go with "the last ten years" and you can choose whatever specific time period you like to exclude all the good films afterwards?

The woman in black
The wailing
Bedevilled
Bone Tomahawk
Green room
Tucker and dale
The void
Annihilation
The autopsy of jane doe
Occulus
Under the skin
Descent
Orphan
Thirst
Triangle
Jug face
We are what we are

the hunt
Truman show

>2 separate storylines about a dad and his daughter
>dad's storyline is It Comes At Night
>Daughter goes through The VVitch and Hereditary
>There's also a younger sister
>They live in a semi-Amish lifestyle
>Dad says that a virus has turned everyone into zombies
>Dad convinces neighbours that it's not safe and they have to move in with their family
>Neighbours have an autistic son
>Autistic son takes youngest daughter to a house party at a safe zone and then positions her outside the window of the car when driving and purposely drives through a series of stop signs
>Autistic son leers at older daughter (who has very large breasts) everytime she does laundry or any chores
>Dad s paranoid and keeps going on about the zombies
>Literally no zombies or anything close the entire film, except for the autistic neighbour kid who they decide must be possessed at one point
I'd build it up from there I guess

Hereditary is just a shit version of The VVitch. Its worst offence is that it makes no sense
>and then the guy who did nothing suddenly got set on fire!
>soo scary!

Nah, it'd be everytime someone got turned on sexually. The main character would be a sexually repressed prude.
There would be numerous paedophilia jokes about the strangers who came into contact with her kids too

That doesn't really seem meta enough, tbhfam. You need to work the father's paranoia about non-existent zombies into commentary about how the soi burn genre's narratives try so hard to be about serious, deep character drama, while actually being completely bland and vapid.
And you could have a goat that talks like lil john.

Just have the Wayans play all the characters and then Snoop Dogg is there for some reason

Has there ever been a horror movie that BOTH critics and the general public liked?

It's mandatory for critics to dislike any horror film past 1990 that is actually a horror film and not a poorly disguised commentary on some social issue.

Do you even know what "horror" means?

Like 2 good films here, a couple of decent films that aren't even horror but the rest is derivative trash. Hipster horror is pretentious but at least it isn't spinning wheels on the same exact formula that has been abused for the last 30 fucking years.

>begin film
>movie starts with silver-white title piercing through black background
>title fades
>it’s pitch black
>hear heavy breathing walking and branches snapping, sounds like someone in the woods
>it stays pitch black, basically a blank screen
>occasionally punctuated by just enough moonlight reflecting on a grey blur to half-perceive it with the walker going ‘holy shit’ or ‘ah fuck’
>about an hour and a half in hard cut to a scary pale face that’s still really hard to see with the sudden sound of grinding violas
>cut to black
>Title
>roll credits to folk violin