ITT - Times you acted like the new Joker

ITT - Times you acted like the new Joker...

Attached: joaquin-phoenix-joker.jpg (1437x770, 349K)

When my Mom was sick I had to take care of her when Dad was working, I also had to work with a volatile section of the public.

>go to dentist
>the assistant is a qt 3.14
>"hold up mr. user, i have to get the brace to hold your mouth open"
>"heh heh, no need ma'am!"
>do pic related
>she looks at me odd
>"go ahead, start drilling!"
>they have to gas me so i pass out cause i won't co-operate
>wake up
>ask for my toy
>she tells me to leave
>don't get a toy
>on the way out see a faggot little boy with a cool little plastic water gun that could've been mine
>become The Joker™
all it takes is one bad day

Attached: 1534336789128.png (750x477, 476K)

>go to bathroom
>poop in urinal
>pee on soap dispensers
OOH AH AH AH AH

the time i didnt have sex for my whole life

put a smile on every fucking face!

>put Coles trolley in the Aldi trolley bay every week after shopping

SOMEBODY STOP ME

>get beat up
>cry
hehhooohooohahaha!

>i used to think my life was a tragedy, but now i realize... its a comedy
Ohhhh bros this shit is gonna be GOOD

Is anyone else actually a tiny bit leery about how relatable this shit was

no this exactly what we need

I got beat up by minorities once

There wasn't a single scene where he gets drunk at 3AM and texts his aunt pornography.

why does Yea Forums think this will suck again?

Not in the trailer anyway

>once
Lucky

keep in mind the trailer was PG and the movie is R

>be me
>have Physics Lab at 13:00
>haven't slept for about 3 days
>doing intermediate fasting
>haven't studied for about a year at that point; shit happened
>flip through the leaflet in the morning
>down 1/3rd of a bottle of whiskey
>my insides are burning
>get into the Labs
>slightly limping, my eyes are sorta bloodshot and as always I'm standing straight like I'm on a parade
>professor gets irritated
>"are you trying to make me angry?!"
>"no sir, I'm standing on attention, awaiting to write down all of today's new knowledge"
>time passes
>"for fuck's sake, are you crazy"
>"no sir, just slightly hyperkinetic; I haven't slept in 3 days"
>"...why?"
>"the upstairs neighbors had an orgy, lots of monaing and shouting, must've been about 5 or so people; they were using toys too, bloody thing's been going on for about a week now, it's like they're in heat"
>"Jesus Christ kid, I have to sleep next to my wife who snoars; you cowboy up and ignore it"
>"well, she could get a surgery"
>"wha- you want me to spend money on her?!"
>"well sit, defective models are either discarded or fixed"
>he looks at me with a piercing stare
>I'm too drunk to understand anything so I have a shit eating grin on my face
>my group and two others are frozen and looking at both of us
>"just shut the fuck up"
>pretend to "zip" my mouth and throw away the key
>give him a thumbs up with a snap as I smile wider
>we go back to our jobs
>after class he puts me aside and says
>"you... I like you kid"
>pats me on the back and chuckles
It unironically happened. I posted it here on Yea Forums when it happened. It's also happened with more professors. Somehow I get along really well with them, even when I show up as an irritating cunt who hasn't studied. People my age really don't like me though...

Attached: ambrosia.jpg (500x500, 46K)

WHO THE FUCK ELSE WOULD YOU BE STOP THIS REDDIT CRAP NO ONE WONDERS IF YOU'RE YOU WE KNOW YOU ARE YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ANNOYING NIGGER WHENEVER YOU POST EVERYONE THINKS OH HEY IT'S THE FUCKING ANNOYING NIGGER AGAIN BEING AN ANNOYING NIGGER LIKE ALWAYS GOD SHUT THE NIGGER UP YOU YOU YOU NIGGER!

authority figures always appreciate blatant disrespect for authority. its the same reason cops are more likely to give you a ticket if you show them too much respect knstead of talking to them like a regular persom

when I aim a DIY rocket to occupied palestine territoty

DEVILISH

bump

and be gratefully for they let you live

>tfw these words made me realize how actually comedic my struggles were for an observer. Like a sitcom

>not leaving the aldi trolley right outside the woolies trolley bay

This thread is really bad. What happened to Yea Forums?

damaged joker posting > gamer joker posting > nword joker posting > IM DA JOKAH BABY

>go to the restroom
>pee
>dont wash my hands

CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES

Attached: 1552964316439.jpg (640x632, 212K)

kek

People don't know what the new joker' s style is like yet because the movie isn't out.

>Friend asks me to help move furniture
>Agree
>He hits me with a lamp while we're moving stuff
>I put gum under all his new tables
All it takes is one bad day.....

I once argued vehemently with a middle-aged black woman that it was my right under the principle of free speech to say nigger.

Attached: 1544898208872.png (838x551, 401K)

>date a girl named rose
>first person I could trust after a shitty 2 year on and off relationship which ended with her fucking a bunch of my friends
>Rose dumps me a month before our first anniversary to deal with her own issues, I get it but it really hurt
>"its always gonna be me and you against whatever problems user, I've got you always user"
>rose was a real maternal spirit, something I was really lacking from a childhood of severe abuse and molestation
>break up hits me way harder than I thought, I'm having dreams about being with her on vacations, I swear I can hear her laughter at random moments
>I'm at work one day with tons of distinct reminders of her that day specifically, something stabs my thigh from my pocket
>mfw it's a rose thorn from a bouquet I arranged for her myself on valentines
> I just start laughing out loud at how ridiculous of a moment that it
>customers staring at me

happy face anons

Attached: 1553096686215.png (593x580, 621K)

Have sex

As an aspiring comedian with mental issues living in NYC, I'm kind of terrified to see this movie

I do user but lately I feel lonely and empty when they leave, hbu?
>drunkenly bought the gold
worth desu

Attached: 20190403_222031.jpg (1440x1363, 403K)

how do you afford living there

I like to fill up 5 or 6 of those little cups with ketchup and then maybe use half of one on my fries

>everyone thinks sneedposting is unfunny and tired at this point
>still post it anyway
KICKIN' IN THE FRONT SEAT
SITTIN' IN THE BACK SEAT

Attached: 1546554433732.png (268x286, 116K)

I'm a college student about to graduate so we'll see how much longer I can stick around

>Speed Limit 30 MPH
>Me: Drives 35 MPH
Staties gonna FREAK.

>told girl i'd meet her at 7
>show up at 7:15
I CAN'T GET NO
SATISFACTION

Attached: smile.png.jpg (639x471, 20K)

NYU pratt Syracuse?

>The Joker is what white male right wing incels need right now, and that's a BAD thing.

>walking home with groceries, almost at my door
>one dude is unloading a car at the neighbor's house, he says to me in a low tone "hey user"
>it seemed like he was a cousin I haven't seen in years but then why the fuck was he unloading a car at the neighbor's house
>keep walking and pretend I didn't hear to avoid potential embarrassment
OOH HEE OOH HAHA WALLA WALLA BING BANG

Attached: 720A3E475F334F2EA882DFC4CE38F367.jpg (640x628, 16K)

Pratt lol great guess

another art school chump brother I feel you I'm in Boston myself MCAD hope you're getting a useful art degree lad pratt hurts financially

Thanks man, I'm graduating in writing so its definitely more practical than sculpting or social justice. Best of luck to you as well.

>Get fired from job
>Applied for an opening anyways
>HR schedules me an interview with my old boss

BYE BYE BYE

Well, not going to greentext this because it’s just the truth:

I am going to snap one day. There won’t be any one thing that serves as a catalyst. I can’t predict what the circumstances will be, only the conditions. I am a repository of anger and frustration. It has accumulated over decades. It is born of my growing dissatisfaction with the layer upon needless layer of bullshit that we laughingly call progress. It’s not. It’s stagnation. It’s decline.

I shouldn’t have to swallow my objections to things that defy common sense just because someone’s feelings might get hurt if I make them look like a moron. I shouldn’t have to present solutions to things clearly in need of change in a logical, reasonable manner just so idiot recipients of the boons of cronyism and nepotism can illogically, unreasonably reject them simply for not having been their ideas. If I offer a reasonable solution to a problem and some idiot rejects it out of ego, incompetence, or both, then they’re part of the problem. A day will come when I just opt to remove such obstacles in the most efficient means at my disposal.

That means will come courtesy of the nearest Blount instrument I can lay my hands on.

Attached: 1545785036440.gif (300x200, 2.41M)

have sex

>flirt with girl over long distance after hooking up back in Christmas break
>lonely so start developing slight feels for this one, hide them
>fly over as we discussed , get rejected when I actually get there
>check my Snapchat, she is literally 50 ft from my hotel in a bar
Realize in that moment that my life is a comedy and someone somewhere is laughing his sides off

How did it go?

iktf
nice dub dubs

>intermediate fasting

Attached: Screenshot from 2019-03-17 00-01-06.png (318x335, 139K)

>be on Yea Forums
>implies watching movies
>gives up after first rejection
nigga you gotta keep trying eventually she'll like you

You need to smoke some weed my niggq

Gave me a hearty chuckle user thanks

nice

>fly over as we discussed , get rejected when I actually get there
glad i'm not that guy could you imagine lmao

Haha I totally made that up user sheesh ;_;

You can kill yourself. Other than that man the fuck up and stop complaining.

>reading tragic story from Life magazine
>turn the page to the comics
>see the funny side of life

Attached: smiiiiile.gif (480x270, 1.43M)

In a couple hundred years, archeologists will find this post buried in the Sahara. It will be in the textbooks as a stellar example of post-ironic age comedy.

Daily remember she fucked some Chad who didn't put any work to get her.
The dating game isn't worth it anymore if you're average looking.

>tfw was hoping for a Death of Stalin comedy for a life
>life ends up being TBBT tier

THEY CARRIED ME TO THE HANGING TREE

When I got my ass beat by chads in school while i was trying to peacefully drink my soi drink.

>didn't put any work to get her
Except all that working out to strengthen his physical appearance and make it more appealing; all that research into fashion to know what's trendy and make himself desirable; all the social interactions he threw himself into to become socially aware and able to navigate through many social situations, including seduction.

But yeah he didn't do shit. Bitch.

I’m not average looking, she mistook me for a chad when me met and I fucked her in her friend’s house. Only after catching feels and texting for a long time did she apparently understand that and got turned off. She didn’t like that I liked her

Very subtle DCuck defense force post

>t. looksmaxxing faggot who thinks he can “become” chad
You can’t, you’ll always be a fraud

She's not interested in something long term and probably just didn't want to hang out.

You're deluded, face and height matter far more than gains, studies prove it. You only got a point for the social interactions. It's hard for the ones who didn't become self-aware of their looks early and failed to socialize in HS, that is a minority of them.

unless you're super uggo, like scarred uggo, you can always get laid. just because you sperg doesn't mean medicore people don't get laid

Attached: bill-walton.png (350x357, 74K)

I've got the height (6'2") and what I've read are attractive features: young looking face, red hair, wide hips. But have problems picking up chicks desu.

These guys are always funny, almost every handsome man looks good since elementary school but they're still in denial.

Long term was out of the question, she was flying back to Italy where she’s from while I’m a burger. She’s gone now anyway, but she flat out told me that she doesn’t want to go out with me

There probably were like 5 other more fun things to do than go out with you, who she barely knew, so she picked one of those items instead.

Sure, average guys can get laid, never said they can't. I'm saying that the amount of effort is ridiculous for just putting peepee in vagina. When you see how easy it'll be for some other men, you feel stupid and you want to go back to your hobbies.

>went to chipotle during lunch rush
>got 2 big barbacoa burritos with guac and queso
>when I got to the guy ringing me up, he asked what kind of burritos I had
>I told him they were regular chicken burritos, saved a few bucks ; )
>it doesn't end there
>took burritos into the bathroom, unwrapped and clogged the toilet with them
>kept flushing and water started pooling on the floor and out of the bathroom
>went back to the counter and argued that they forgot my to-go quart of pinto beans
>people start pointing to the bathroom and get disgusted at the watery ingredients creeping up the floor
>employee gets me my beans so he can deal with situation
>in the parking lot I slash employee's tires, do a heel click jump and head to the movie theater with my beans

Attached: e7vm349c834y8n3qc.jpg (400x300, 28K)

I drew similar conclusions, thanks for being my therapist.
Kinda hurts when you’re lonely as fuck and a person personifies hope of interpersonal connection

Your aunts name is Pornography?

Social girls have it the worst, because there are so many people vying for their attention and they have to be careful not to hurt peoples' feelings, but ultimately it can't be avoided sometimes. She liked you enough to fuck you at least--if she didn't like you she'd just have given you a polite blowjob to be nice. So at least you have that if you want something to console yourself with.

even Chads are chosing vidya over women, let me tell ya I rarely got laid but I'm in my 30s and dating 18 year olds so there's nothing stopping you.

If you're uninteresting, not confident and generally just a bore then no one gives a fuck about your looks

I played video games

>red hair, wide hips
Where are you from where these traits would be considered attractive in a man? I'm picking a baby faced Hannah Gadsby with clown hair.

This whole thing is like I’m listening to her talking. You’re kind enough but I’m starting to think you’re a girl. Or at least you know them very well

>new touch screens at McDonald's
>order meal bigger than I could possibly eat
>select pay at counter
>walk out and go home

EHEHEHEHEHEH

>pick a videogame from my steam inventory that has chat
>"DESPITE BEING THIRTEEN PERCENT OF THE POPULATION"

Attached: 1554345999825.jpg (800x960, 64K)

Nah, not a girl, just RP as them online.

Ill see next week if my former manager doesnt cancel it

they're gonna tie this into Leto's Joker if it's successful.

He dies at the end

Now this is b&r

they don't start making it until you pay u retard joker

It was all just a joke, so laugh user

Thats what happens when we live in a society.

Attached: 160331france_mass-protests_006.png (600x1065, 1021K)

In my case, I'm 6'2 like the other user and attractive enough for girls to give me eye contacts and stuff. My only problem is my crippling anxiety, I run away from every opportunity I have, I'm not Chad enough to say stupid things and still score.
So, I really feel for ugly manlets with social anxiety, I wouldn't even think about women if they didn't give me attention.

One time I took a dump on a toilet.

Thanks user, hope you get free items or money or whatever you try to scam out of people

It was probably taking up space on the system for the rest of the day though.

>tfw not bad looking but rarely pursue grils
>only go after bottom tier girls who I'm comfortable with/think it's a "sure thing"
>only ever wanted a thin girl, have never dated a thin girl or had sex with one
life is suffering

underrated

Kidnap jerry lewis

If this post is supposed to be a daring facsimile of the average redditor trying too hard to blend in to Yea Forums, then well done. In your post you have, "cringe stories that are so unbelievable and ridiculous it becomes baffling that the rebbitor would think anyone would believe him", the unnecessary and pointless details, the overabundance of sharing about your personal life like anybody gives a fuck. You have it all in your post.

But none of it is simply funny enough to make me believe you're pretending. Even with you "enhancing" your story, it's still fucking irritating to read.

Just lurk more, man. Christ.

>go just 9mph over
>because i know the courts will throw it out if the cop tickets me

BASED

>meet pretty girl
>fall in love
>end up having a great relationship
>getting plenty of sex
>end up marrying girl
>have a family
>everything is going great
>suddenly it goes dark one day
>a bright light is in my face
>it's a doctor
>"user, you've been in a coma for the past 2 years"
>tfw find out all of that was fake
>tfw get out of hospital and turns out parents died and I'm alone
>tfw have giant hospital bill I can never pay
>tfw start laughing as I have a breakdown
>HEHEHAHAHOHO
it only takes one bad day

Attached: 1553253363517.jpg (900x900, 124K)

gee i wonder why

>red hair, wide hips.

Attached: 1549420730296.png (168x200, 15K)

why the fuck did i laugh at this

>Go to wendy's
>They ask for your name with your order now
>"Dick."
NIGHTBIRDS WILL CACKLE
ROTTING LIKE APPLES ON TREES

>go to Starbucks with friends
>say my name is Ramon
>girls asks me to repeat
>say Rrrrrramon with a big unphazed smile
TO THE TOWN OF AGUA FRIA

>beg for likes
>once reach skelly status, start only liking skelly post and saying 'Skellys should only like each other'
HEHESHAMONEHOHA

Attached: 1554177513702.gif (130x159, 4K)

>have a spiderbro I keep around for company
>one day while I'm out some youngsters point at me and start laughing
>feel face going bright red, hurry away
>stumble over something as I'm walking away
>hear even louder laughs
>"hey mate did you enjoy your trip"
>"smiling and crying now as I get to my door
>go inside, see spider bro
>stamp on that little shit
>see little crushed spiderbro body twitching
>i walk alone i walk alone

Thanks user, this made me kek pretty hard

>Ramon
AY CHICO

>wake up one morning
>cook up some pancakes
>there's no syrup
all it takes is one bad day...

>on walk
>dog craps
>pick it up in poo-bag
>throw it down the stormwater drain

I'M SIX FEET FROM THE EDGE AND I'M THINKING

>mum tells me to get a job
>don't

CRAAAWLING

Attached: jokerface.png (685x844, 140K)

>Be me
>Father is scolding me because of my school grades
>Under my breath say "fuck you..."
>"What's that?" he says
>"Nothing" i answer
>He'll never know

BECAUSE YOUR LOVE, HAS PASSED ME BY

Attached: file.png (807x807, 1.26M)

Absolutely baste

>highschool
>didn't do my homework
>teacher asks me why
>decide i wanna be funny
>"my grandfather aye it. :)"
>everyone in class just turns around and stares at me as if i said i was going to shoot up the school or some dumb shit like that
>teacher just attempts to dismiss my damn joke and then moves on to talk about something else
>for the rest of the day i had teachers coming in for our classes and making fun of me, asking about my grandpa
>"so how'd the homework papers taste for your gran? ;))"
>and other retarded comments like that for the next 5 hours
>turns out it all happened because that bitch mouthed about it to every other teacher in their convergence room
My life is a tragedy.

Attached: f3dfcdb156788b8896644a3f4a35d289.jpg (475x524, 44K)

>try doing something
>fail to do something
HAHA
Comedy
A clown goes to a store...
AND SLIPS ON A BANANA!!!

Attached: 1.png (512x512, 55K)

It did happen though. Why would I lie on an Italian Pasta Sauce Recipe Forum?

There wasn't a scene where he stares longingly at the shotgun in his closet before shaking his head and looking out the window for 3 hours so it's not that relatable.

And that professor's name? Albert Einstein.

>go to voting booth
>write in I. P. Freely for every office

>Standing on the rooftops
>Everybody scream your heart out
>Standing on the rooftops
>Everybody scream your heart out
>Standing on the rooftops
>Everybody scream your heart out
>This is all we got now
>Everybody Scream your heart out

Attached: 1542049770795.jpg (448x461, 32K)

I was born with an incomplete respiratory system, it never even began for me.

Jokeresque
I have that same image in my joker folder

Attached: f84a503bfdc0c0c953be3c864628872b--arnold-schwarzenegger-freeze.jpg (236x177, 10K)

>start a match of Apex Legends
>break off from the jump master and just hide in a building on the opposite side of the map
>gamers rise up
>This song is a poem to myself it helps me to live
>In case of fire break the glass and move on into your own

Attached: damaged joker 1518780871651.jpg (173x201, 6K)

Until you realized it was a comedy.

deep

Seething incel.

>sitting on a crowded bus
>little old lady gets on
>because I'm white I immediately gets up and offers her my seat
>little old lady says "nah it's ok"
>have to awkwardly sit down again
>everyone's looking at me like I'm an idiot
>she stands the entire trip, occasionally looking at me and smiling like she just fucked my ass with a strapon
>from now on everyone who gets on the bus looks at me like I'm Hitler for not offering my seat
>too scared to do it again
>and she keeps smiling at me
ITT: times little old ladies acted like The Joker

This is actually a good line but it'll be ruined by memes

deep written backwards is deep upside down

lol

>tell customer to have a good day as they're leaving
>I work night shift
NOW YOU'VE REALLY CROSSED THE LINE

this is where i knew the movie would be garbage

>playing Fortnite
>insult my squad mate by calling him a nigger
>the other squad mate gets mad and starts being aggressive
>he apparently has friends in the room aswell and they start shouting racist through the mic
>I just lol through the whole ordeal
THERE'S NO ESCAPE AND I JUST CAN'T HID IT

That's why you should not actually offer the seat, and instead just get up when you see her get on.

All comedians have mental issues. Why else would you want to be one?

>Mom calls me and ask me to feed the dog
>i actually slit its throat and spread its intestines around the house

OOPS I DID IT AGAIN

weee

I’m actually looking forward to this. Societal upheaval Joker is a very kino idea. Especially when most of his other “origins” have been self contained and personal.

I run around alot

Watching the incompetence of my British government.

>order Jimmy John's sandwich at 2:00 am, just before close
>delivery man knocks, "Ive got a sandwich for Urethra Franklin?"
>sorry sir, theres no Urethra Franklin here, but Ill sign for it
>no tip
>throw sandwich away
Bazinga

This board is honestly depressing with how many autistic incels there are

I never let old women not sit down gotta show dominance to those old roasties, I even make edgy teens get the fuck up.

Are you actually taking these stories seriously?

Do you really think a midget can buff up, dress up and become Chad?

>walk into store five minutes before closing
>buy lots of things
>ask them to wrap them for me
BULLS ON PAAAAARAAAADE

and thats how i became a republican

No, you don't understand.
We don't give a shit whether it happened or not. It was just boring and bad and should never have been posted. Lurk fucking more you double nigger

A guild on a private wow vanilla server was advertising for members with the exception that they did not want any cucks.

I messaged to join them anyways

>:D

when i mailed dead rats to my colleagues

It's okay user, you'll fit in some day. Just keep learning the culture. Pro Tip: The more you use nigger in sentences where it's not needed, the more it loses its edge. The key is moderation. Of it and other similar words. You colossal faggot.

Attached: dante.jpg (296x492, 35K)

You're trying too hard. "Muh secret club" is not a defence of your awful post, your reaction image is autistic and unnecessary, and you even included some cute spoiler text. Pathetic.
Keep replying to me if you want but you're boxing air. I don't have anything to defend.
Eat my ass triple nigger.

I headbutted my cat and now she's pissing all over the floor and meowing really loud. what should i do?

Attached: chrome_2019-04-04_15-33-21.png (544x636, 1021K)

Take her to the vet you cretin

Sounds like brain damage to me.

replying to this so more anons think it's interesting because it has a lot of (you)s and get tricked into reading this boring crap

Actual Joker right here.

Attached: 1436076855936.jpg (800x571, 83K)

Alright, alright, have a last (you).

Attached: 1536491618443.gif (200x317, 940K)

One time I got blackout drunk and took a couple tabs of acid and character acted as T-Bag from Prison Break for 12 hours
I was thrown through a wall

Attached: b1_1hwpU_400x400.jpg (273x273, 14K)

GAMERS RISE UP

I often print out posts I make here anonymously and leave them in random mailboxes around town
I think this one's gonna go in the mailbox of the chinese restaurant that I pass by on my way home, not sure yet though

This but for real.

N word

>Your aunts name is Pornography?
Probably a stage name.

I only came back to this faggoty reddit/discord pedohive because of this trailer to see some decent threads for once, so I don't mind at all. This place'll go the way of Yea Forums and Yea Forums thanks to your cunt mods but this film might be a neat little respite.

Attached: if only babby knew.jpg (747x511, 95K)

Underrated

>depressionblogs with a smattering of thinly veiled pedoshit
Yeah, I'm thinking it was good idea to leave this faggoty reddit suppostory of a board

Attached: blargh.gif (498x280, 2.06M)

See this is what joggerposting oughta be instead of those faggot depressionblogs from r/relationships soiboys that got banned from their favorite chinese censorship powered front page of the internet for being incels

Attached: good night goji.jpg (489x500, 63K)

>it's a "he self sabotages again" episode
Those stopped being funny after the 25th season. We need some character developement FOR FUCKS SAKE

I don't care for this line. For one thing, it's way too telegraphed. But I guess it's okay in theory.