/cric/

Have sex

William Stokes was an Irish physician, who was Regius Professor of Physic at the University of Dublin who died in 1878 m8

>watch anime
>not gay but would experiment
what the fuck
/cric/ stop

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hi sir geoffrey!

There seems to be a low amount of pozzies today what on earth is going on.

They've also driven the car onto the village green and reversed it up to the tree. The people behind the car look weird. The dog is staring at the viewer. It's such a bad painting

protip: its me

Approve of this OP image lad

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>her
It's clearly a trap

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i wasn't the 5th post, it doesn't count

Why is the square leg umpire in the off side?

>goes 'woooh' at you

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smith looks like a muppet

switch hit

For me, its Rory Burns

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My best friend killed himself 10 years ago. I still feel guilt over it because the night he did it, he called me about 10 times and I didn't answer the phone because I was with a girl.

LITERALLY why would be such a bootlicker as to vote capitalist parties. theyre doing england no good whilst only doing their own good

Ah yes, the thinking man's shot.

youtube.com/watch?v=rZLDBovy9lI

it was a guy. Be honest

Thinks there's a country and western song in that story

and that's a good thing

Well you can't really blame yourself for something your friend did.

i'm glad he ded

the 40 hour working week only exists because you lick a mythical idea of progress's shoe
jesus is unironically turning in his grave

"i'll not review that one mate"

Fuck off Corbyn, I like my work.

Who's worse at reviews, Paine when his team's bowling or Bairstow when he's batting?

imagine being lord inbred and having to spend every christmas dinner listen to your grandson zachy warble on about his Yea Forums-assembled opinions

Over 200 run lead now, low energy Tim Paine is completely cooked.

Yeah, but what if I could have stopped him? What if he just needed someone to talk to that one night and that would have prevented him from doing it?

POST THE DOOM PAINE 'YOU COULD HAVE REVIEWED IT' MEME BEFORE I PISS MESELF

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no you dont you fucking fraud
even if you do like your work( which i sincerely doubt), why try out not being so selfish and think of the billions of others who go to work and detest every minute of it
you deserve a good punch to the jaw

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>Implying you wouldn't be able to work more hours if you wanted

90% of shitposters are Aussies. They are destroying /cric/.

I hate Australians so god damn much.

There are lots of other people who he could have called, professionals and family. As much as you think you could have talked him out of it, there's no guarantee of that. Ultimately what happened is on him and him alone.

I knew that was plumb the moment Paine turned down the review.

he needed professional help, can't expect your friends to take on that kind of responsibility, you might have talked him out of it that night but he'd probably have done it again another time and it's not your job to be there for him every crisis.

I do, I like going out and seeing the lads, doing some graft and getting money for it. Why should I have to not be allowed to do that to suit your miserable defeatist lifestyle?

> capitalism spurs human progress
> capitalism spurred the roman empire
>capitalism spurred the industrial revolution
>hard toil equates to progress
> i think this because im a literal fucking brainlet
>i work 40 hours a week to serve my shareholders because i literally believe '''im contributing to society' and not just making shareholders richer
>im maximally exploited and im grateful for this facct, toilberg eeks out every last penny and i love it

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Hiro loves us.

australians make /cric/

now that they abandoned it like the cowards they are it's filled with grim UK posters

>Why should I have to not be allowed to do that
Sorry, I didn't realise it was illegal to work more than the standard amount.

back to ya discord tranny

easy peasy to bat now
englel will need at least 400 or they will lose, even with australia's one and a half man batting lineup

This is all set up for Smith's magnum opus.

I'm here lad, but it's objectively boring as fuck rn though, dead rubber, real nigga boreblock

It's Saturday night, we are all out with our QT asian gfs.

>England lead by 1 Steve Smith innings

i would rather be dead than toil for 40 hours a week

>Afghanistan have just smacked seven sixes in seven consecutive balls against Zimbabwe in a T20.
Based.

that's because you're a lazy tranny with a lazy gimmick

honestly this marxist zachy is top level cringe, well done lad

He's going to surpass Gordon Greenidge. Shit is going to be cash

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Don't understand how they're allowed to play after 9/11.

>zachy
>dogfucker
yeah i'm thinking this thread is cringe

>tfw self-employed
>tfw I *am* the man

>Day 3
Can see a potential Smith 563 (872) on the cards here to win this outright

>worship capitalism or ur tranny
ah yes

youre a brainwashed idiot mate
as if im laxy
as if your 'non'laziness' actually contributes to anything . humanity completely trumps toilberg and youre just an exploited worker at this point

did you guys know only 10% of english men are straight.

Man cannot resist the will of Allah brother

Communism means cricket players won't get paid as much and the talent level will be dire you fool.

Nobody has actually managed to come up with a reason why a shorter working week would be a bad thing though. 'I like working' is not valid because plenty of people work extra-long hours voluntarily and would continue to do so.

doesnt seem very likely
>its way less LOL

>grimness shitbowlershane

Can't argue, I do need to work on my posture.

capitalism didnt build the tower of london
capitalism didnt build australia
capitalism doesnt fund cancer research

youre all bootlickers and youve been sold a lie . 4 DAY WORKING WEEK NOW

that doesn't sound right, there were more than ten lads at the orgy last night and every one of them bummed me while i told them how capitalism exploited them

When is Peter Siddle going to retire from test cricket

y rnt u living off dividend share payouts lol?

At 6:14pm, on the eighth of September, 2019, at the Old Trafford cricket ground in Manchester, UK, Madoka saved /cric/.

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>denly 67*
>the powederpuff bowling """attack""" of grimstralia

just about to get a script filled for anti anxiety meds, how you finding them lad?

> also to help me with my PE problem

Capitalism is what's destroying cricket. Test cricket is not a 'marketable' enough 'product'. Would much rather have a decline in quality than see the soul of the game be corrupted.

Right after Australia officially retain the Ashes in an England series

Le appeal for everything man

she's holding the bat all wrong

>not a 2 day working week that moves around depending on when each test starts
Get your shit together.

Under this 4 day week shizzle, would we have to bring back rest says in test matches so the players didn't work five days straight?

wouldn't mind sucking a dick desu

Can't be mad at her

>Test cricket is not a 'marketable' enough 'product'

Then it should die, people should be able to choose.

the meds help me feel happy lad
side effects may differ desu so your PE might end up being NE

Commieposter needs to read the French Marxists and then the CCRU output to be brought up to canon desu. This is embarrassing.

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no, because people are stupid. they must be forced to appreciate test cricket

Which Paine do you prefer? The one that reviewed everything or the one that never reviews?

unironically am well on my way to a marx-tier beard this last year lads
shaver breaking has been the best thing that's ever happened to me
time to seize the means of hair growth and dedicate ourselves to growing hair 7 days a week instead of just 4

whose yr gay crickey bf lads?

>We'll not have a review thanks

you're completely right except for the things i enjoy that aren't marketable

Either his keeping technique is dodgy or his reviewing technique is

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I don't get why communism has been hijacked by trannies and the alt left.

curran

James Faulkner

I miss hot-spot desu

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Alison mitchell actually looks more attractive there.

thinkin about wickets

why'd they trash it?

america is the great devil
before you stole Independence thanks to f*nch intervention england was a pleasant land
but not were all dancing to your tune of dehumanised exploitation

Too expensive

T20 hater detected

reckon 4 days FT is a bit much for me, 20 hours work whever the fuck you want.

Fall of the Soviet Union led to the discreditation of what was mainstream socialist thought in the West. The shit you see today is the result. There will be a resurgence in more traditional socialism following the next inevitable global recession, we're seeing some foreshocks now t bh.

Would roughly top:
Curran, Root, Burns
Would bottom for:
Broad, Archer, Cummins

seriously?

shan't even be giving a (you) to that "zachy" (aka pic related)

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That and it was unreliable in some ways

good to hear

my premature ejaculation is so bad at this point i'd prefer to just not cum tbph

got muh mind on the wickets and the wickets on muh mind.

True England fact.
England is literally made up of various pedofile grooming gangs and cults.

i fucking hate israel and palestine has a rightful claim to be independent

yeah lollll palestine just throws moatars for no reason, theyre not defending noculture of nuffin XD

>palestine has a rightful claim to be independent
Westphalian sovereignty is itself a colonial construct and to appeal to it is a little racist desu

So grateful I wasn't born Australian

this is a thread about aus vs eng in an ashes test my dude

Wiki articles that make you go hmmmmm
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Palestinian_inventions

Hating Israel is a meme t bh. It's easy to do but do you really expect the Jewish people to just abandon their holy land now that they've had a taste? The state exists now, people need to face reality and get over it.

don't like this anti semitism

fuck up jew

Cricket.

so grateful i wasn't born gay (You)

for me it's the 19A0s
boingboing.net/2011/10/11/mixtape-of-the-lost-decade.html

This match would be so much better if England held on for a draw in the last test.

lmao

I am a Seidel but not the Jewish kind desu.

aussies are here finally
did your dates with asian gfs go well

are you guys really so bored with the match that you'll argue with a shitposting commie?

>we should boycott the Jewish country for doing a thing
>let's not boycott China, Russia, USA, UK, Australia, Turkey for doing the exact same thing, but only the Jewish country
Really makes you think

She's still out, she said I can go home and watch cricket.

Reckon I'll boycott any non-/cric/ topic desu

Why are these Australian players appealing everything at the moment lads.

found the jew
i dont hate israel, but i dont believe in the bible either and obviously placing israel in the middle east was a bad idea
obviously palestinian people have some right to freedom, and they clearly believe in their right to freedom, their land was literally imposed upon. i wont engage with any kind of zionist zeitgesit
theres literally no reason to be pro israel unless youre a literal devout jew

TRUE ENGLISH FACTS
the englishmans favourite drink is a Jamaican mans cum.
the englishman bumhole is only for the Jamaican mans penis

Cheating

Some bloke I barely know from work invited me to his 21st. Should I grace his party with my presence?

Mental warfare against the umpire.
Next time there's a close one the umpire will feel guilty for not giving it since he's already turned down their 30 other appeals.

He sounds hot.

only sensible thing you've said

boycott tried to boycott non-/cric/ topics when people asked him about his battery conviction recently

It could be a trap.
Ask to see his sister's insta first.

>I fucking hate Israel
>I don't hate Israel

Based.

reckon you should give him a quick blowie

How gay do you have to be to put a name on yourself on an anonymous image board about sporting events, whilst simultaneously trying to make to topping about anything but the sport in the thread.

>placing israel
Found the anti-semite. Israel wasn't placed m8, its the ancestral homeland of the Israeli people

Mental illness.
Should have appealed the balls that were actually hitting.

please watch our sport

TIM STAIN LETTING DENSHIT SCORE THIS MUCH

hi guys london fag here in aus lookin to hook up with stud! no traps i like mussels, must have a big penis since bum very loose
must love tea

Just watched Marsh decide to not review a clear hitter

get fucked mate

JIDF detected.
Thread sliding.

Do you think Warner should be dropped?

alright you saucy little slut lets do this

reckon zachy has been watching a little too much infowars lads

Based Bancroft stopping the four
no one else woulda been able to do that

>It is easy now the pressure if off! Only papers over the cracks of what is an average batting side at best. Changes to the top order have to be made. - Dan in Staffs
I disagree. this innings shows that the top order was fine all along and they were just unlucky. just keep the same team imo

We should play the ashes again after this.

Wicket within the next 4 overs

How good would NZ be with Stokes ey

Root needs to go as captain, and Bairstow hasn't delivered as keeper or batsman

Two batsman above 50 what the fuck is going on, this isn't the England I know and love.

WALLOP

theres no such thing as isreali people, its all religious tribalism. as i say, to be zionist and defend isreals horrific act against palestinian people you have to be literally a devout jew

yeah but they might in the future, so keep them in the team

Shit
Doubt Stokes would have grown as the player he is now under New Zealand coaching
Just Smith would have been permanently dropped by England early in his career

Agreed, I love it

well now i feel silly for missing it

test

big brain idea: let smith open our innings with the bowlers and the top order comes in last

Stokes for captain

EXCELLENT point. That's why we have such big brains picking the team.

based

reckon youve been eating too many taco bell burritos you fat fucking bastard

The bowlers score more than your tip order batsman except for the one that can bowl leggies

gonna have to go with sebbo over the namefag

Agree this cunt can fuck off I unironically want sebbo back

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>eliding Judaism with the acts of the Israeli state.
Mate just add a swastika to your trip. Pretty disgusting if you ask me

honestly who defends israel besides jews and american boomer conservatives

Bancroft woulda caught that

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>Paine
England are going to win the Ashes, aren't they?

Smith would have been urged to view himself as the number one spinner with his batting as a sideline, until both his bowling and batting were complete shit

sebbo is a fat fucking disgrace . if it gets to late 30s and i stilll havent found a wife i will literally killl myself. luckily im handsome and look like a young morrisssey crossed with a young marlon brando

I don't think Australia can bat out 2 days desu
not looking good

Le appeal for everything team

Pretty much
I can't even exactly remember when Smith started getting good at the bat
The really only reason i can recall he stayed around was to fill in the captain role as he was mentored by Clarke

For some reason my stream has grim American adverts about their healthcare nonsense, telling poor people how to avoid mortgaging their house to afford prescriptions for their children

pretty sure i deonounced all religion with that post but whatever, isarel commit mad atrocities

Looks like your going to have to do it you attention whoring little shit

we're unironically looking like curries by appealing for everything

Read this and you'll understand why proper religious jews are not zionists except in error, why certain christians are the enablers of secular nationalist (zionist) jews, and why not all secular jews are zionists.

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Are we going to see a Dentury?

>denly century on the cards

not sure what to say to my aussie brothers here

Based sebbo

head says no, and my heart agrees with my head

>When you discover you can appeal anything in cricket 19

Pozzies need to lay off the video games desu

youtube.com/watch?v=hajBdDM2qdg

based

>not the Gladys Knight version
Is this Siddle's last test? I'll miss the fucker

looking far too comfortable. wicket soon

Time for a nice collapse after the Denly wicket

Jesus Christ someone get a message to the aussies that appealing everything is embarrassing

NACHURAL GAYME
Look forward to Bairstow's look of befuddlement as he swipes at a straight one from Lyon

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Get rich or die trying is the ultimate 2000s rap album and 50 cent is a certified playa

2nd sensible thing you've said

hip-hop philistine me
I like illmatic but the rest I have very little interest in and cringe slightly when I see white people discussing it

dont patronise me alchy locks
i know unfathomably more about pakistani test cricket than you

The coward Tim Paine should go after this. Stupid cunt cost us the match, and thus the series with his bowling first shite

useless fucking clown. Give captaincy back to Smith already

Had his vidya on the ps3, goes to Iraq and kills millions of freedom fighters

when to declare will be a difficult decision

based london bartender laying down the law

The coward Joe Root will declare too late and thus his captaincy will be saved by a draw

as the shadows lengthen

A series where Australia outplayed England for 4 games, bowlers played well throughout, Steve Smith averagea over 140 and we're still not going to win the series

JUST FUCK OFF PAINE

Don't need to honestly, there will be a collapse at some point anyway so you might as well play out your wickets

THIS is the song

youtube.com/watch?v=BuMBmK5uksg

england won't need to declare. they always get bowled out before it becomes a concern

G-UNIT#

This is how we do

yeah but every aussie batsman apart from smith and labs is complete shit

you're all boring, boring people

g-unit forever lads

What's exciting about you then knobhead

the GAMES bars literally kill it

/cric/ is absolutely dire without australians

Based sebbo

Think it's an improvement, personally.

says the man sitting in by himself on a saturday night watching cricket and shitposting on a japanese cartoon forum

kys mate

alchy locks you are a pathetic excuse for man. you reside in poorset while D/R pozztralians trolls online . i wish you the best. i wish you way more than luck

no idea who that is you sad cunt
no difference between you and the dogfucker and direland

Fuck up prozzie lad

your opinion of me is based at least 70% on posts made by people other than myself I'd wager

i wish you way more than luck

Reckon it's time for a collapse from the England middle order

Is prozzie lad seething at zachy for 10 hours a day the shittest gimmick to ever come out of /cric/?

want to put my peepee in Isa Guha's vagina, mouth and anus

It's definitely the least interesting

mental how /cric/ is slower during a dead test in a dead series

nobody asked you you ugly cunt

Something is wrong with Siddle.
He's smiling.

Why can none of the fast bowlers nowadays reverse swing like Simon Jones used to

No murrey mints.

Why didn't England bat like this earlier in the series?

fast bowlers got soft

and gay

andrew flintoff was the last chad fast bowler. now you've got blue-eyed tee-total poofs like cummins. what chance have ya got?

they know the coward is gone now

Players weren't at risk of getting dropped then.
Ha ha, just kidding, they wouldn't have got dropped anyway. You can't drop people for playing their natural game after all.

It's a lot to do with pressure I reckon, same thing that makes them susceptable to collapses

asexual here, what is the appeal in sticking your body parts into the body parts of others?

pressure is off and the test doesnt matter

What is the appeal of watching men hit a ball with sticks?

>denly unironically into the 90s
tragic stuff

Tim Paine has well and truly rogered his own side

Business idea : throw the game now to fuck Joe Roots captaincy

Lyon flirting with the umpire.
Only way they can win.

grim

YOU ARE A PAEDOPHILE, YOU ARE A NONCE, YOU'RE A PERV, YOU'RE A SLOT BADGER, YOU'RE A TWO PIN DIN PLUG, YOU'RE A BUSH DODGER, YOU'RE A SMALL BEAN REGARDER, YOU'RE A UNABUMMER, YOU'RE A NUT ADMINISTRATOR, YOU'RE A BENT REF, YOU'RE THE CRAZY WORLD OF ARTHUR BROWN, YOU'RE A FENCE FOAL, YOU'RE A FREE WILLY, YOU'RE A CHIMNEY BOTTLER, YOU'RE A BUNTY MAN, YOU'RE A SHRUB ROCKETEER.

Mark it up as the usual collapse.

Why didn't Tim Paine just catch it

games over, might as well declare now

rather amusing how the thread is full of pozzies when they're winning but there's a strange absence when they're losing

He totally could have caught that

it's the middle of the night mate, why stay up if it's shit

Time for memehitting.

GONE GONE

GOTTEM
FUCKING FINALLY SOMETHING HAPPENED

>there's still bairstow
>there's still buttler
>there's stil curran
>there's still woakes

geezus christ

i'm thinking 35 runs between the lot. MUH ENGINE ROOM always throws away decent starts

certain man ITT has certain globalists on a string

Collapse looming

that's maybe 80 runs between them

they'll combine for 50 runs which should be enough

50 runs tops between them. England all out under 300.

Fancying a cheeky 12 (7) from Bairstow here.

*collapses*

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going to wait for denlys century or failure to reach the century then going to catch the end of the wogball scores

meanwhile GEM is playing the absolute kino Place Beyond The Pines

Ron Weasley for a 50.

It's been difficult to judge leach as his meme batting has been so good but this should be a good test of his abilities as a spinner

I think anytime England lose 2 quick wickets they should put Leach in. He's the most stable and sensible batsman.

>le french cut to 100 man

third act ruins it for me. might rewatch it tonight

event horizon and sunshine are essential third-act-ruins-it-core

got The Rover lined up for tomorrow
rewatched Animal Kingdom last night, good bit of kino that. shan't be watching the sceptic tv adaption

Haven't seen sunshine, should I?

Reminder lads

Attached: Reminder.png (482x174, 33K)

Yes, quality movie lad

3rd act gets weird but the actual ending is great

third act ruins it

Supertramp have a pretty decent greatest hits album

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I think pat cummins taking 0 wickets is the biggest obstacle to his 5fer at this point

Are you kidding? The third act is what confirms it as kino. Great film

*dabs on Smith*

>Animal Kingdom
all I remember from this is the bit with the police raiding the house while tony grieg is talking up murali on the tv

If Peter Siddle was Jewish he'd be Peter Yiddle

Smith double century on the cards lads

did not care for Animal Kingdom that much. For me it's Snowtown

>getting out to woakes
>dropping catches

Smith has to take the blame for this loss

anyone watch that Long Tan movie that just came out? from the director of Red Dog which makes me wonder if it won't be complete shit

If we'd fucking held out for another hour to draw the last match we'd be winning the Ashes in the most shittiest way possible

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>paine redeems himself by not reviewing
>paine immediately unredeems himself by giving away four byes

England in charge of getting tons.
Imagine losing your maiden test ton to Peter 'Bananas' Siddle.

>le shit himself in the 90s man

read some reviews, apparently it's kill slants lol shit targeted at americans

apologise

GONE

GONE
GOTTEM

FUCK OFF YOU MASSIVE WANKER

GO WATCH SOME GENRE CRIME FILMS

NELSONNED.

wahey get fucked

NERVOUS
I
N
E
T
I
E
S

le nervous 90s

irrelevant of course. dead rubber runs don't count for anything other than the batsman's ego

Tactical move by Paine there using his thigh to bounce the ball to Smith to ensure it is caught

blew his only chance of getting an Ashes hundred

The collapse sets in. Really looking forward to Smith's unbeaten 150

If stokes and a bunch of shitters can chase down 360 odd don't feel comfy with anything less than 400 against Smith and company

more like blows menly

>David Anderson: "Jos Buttler striding out when nearly 300 runs ahead... :-)"
haha YES le DLF maximum masterblaster will hit 2000 off 4 balls......so easy mega oDI style skill power. this will definitely happen. he definitely won't subside limply for 10 like he always does in this situation in tests

United States rising

If Jos Buttler went into domestic servitude he'd be Jos Groundskeeper.

Chokesly

what is even the point of watching this test
everyone already knows england will throw away their advantage as always, end up bowling at a 330 lead over 2 days and lose. I hate this team so much especially the figurehead, the coward joe root

pastanigger here reminding me that the USA still exists on Yea Forums

Attached: based filter.jpg (277x120, 6K)

All I want is Smith to surpass Cooks 2010 runs total to finally repay the debt.

Who /adding two quick wickets t'score/ here?

Attached: image.jpg (1920x1080, 139K)

shit kys shittle

based thot patroller sir geoffrey boycott

If Jos Buttler was sleeping on the streets he'd be Doss Buttler

lads
as you know real cricket (T20) is back soon.
I was looking at the T20 qualifier taking place in October (14 teams compete for 5 places at next year's WC) and look who I see - Nigeria.

There's a cricket team I've never seen before in my life.
makes me happy that we have a wider variety of teams than /rug/.

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If Jos Buttler was an insect he'd be Wasp Buttler.

casual

If Jos Buttler was set on fire by students to disguise how vile and stinky their digs are, he'd be Jos Stick

If Jos Buttler was in charge he'd be Boss Buttler.

if Jonny Bairstow was a flaky ginger shitter who doesn't even deserve to be 12th man in the test team..forgot where I was going with this

Ponting needs to be choked.
Can't stand the weak banter.

Business idea: if the Ashes end in a draw, the urn should be kept at the geographical midpoint between Australia and England

CHECK BBC
BOYCOTT HAD HIS KNIGHTHOOD RESCINDED

keen on a girl I've met twice so far lads, last was with her last saturday
we were both going to be at a party on friday after which I was going to make a move on her but I ended up not going for various reasons. reckon I should wait until I see her again next (likely in a month or so) or chuck her a message now, even though there's been a week of nothing

Why does Smith bat so unorthodox and why the fuck does it work?

You'd think the madman was playing baseball.

I feel that hating Shitshow is something that brings the whole /cric/ community together

fucking disgusting how no journalist has bothered to actually look into the situation and see how it was obviously made up
the counter-arguments aren't so much as even referenced by anyone. fucking ridiculous

how many dicks is she likely to take in that time?

what counter-arguments
that she somehow sustained the beatings on a marble floor in a hotel with carpets?

the one where she admitted to making it all up to a friend

>The retired judge said: “I remember this case very well and I remember the row about it even after 20 years. I saw all the photos, the evidence, the statements and if I didn’t think he was guilty I wouldn’t have convicted him.”

imo it doesnt matter if he did it or not, hitting a woman should not somehow disqualify someone for a knighthood

his hand eye coordination is freakish

You don't need any technicque if you have good see ball hit ball skills

the French don't put any importance on wife beating charges, it's much par for the course over there. they literally didn't understand why boycott cared about it

Being good at a sport should not qualify someone for it either.

dead still when he goes to hit the ball and fucking ridiculous hand eye coordination simple as that all the meme movements don't matter if you've got those two boxes ticked

You now remember Usman Khawaja

You now remember that Khawaja was dropped but warner wasn't

Also his shot selection is as good as it gets. He seems to read the pitch and the ball better than anyone

When's the sixth test start? England have to be favourites to win the Ashes from here.

Fake news.

If they can't revoke Jimmy Savile's knighthood because of a technicality (him being dead, but he can still be referred to as Sir), then they shouldn't revoke Sir Geoff's knighthood. These cunts screeching for it should fuck off.

allegedly

petition.parliament.uk/petitions/273661

for me, it's mandatory elocution lessons for all commentators

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If Jonny Bairstow didn't have >MUH GLOVES he'd be Jonny Dropped

>drops Moeen Ali
>Ali sets T20 record

all the honours Theresa May dished out should be rescinded desu

ON YOUR BIKE

>Didn't bounce in front of him
Seems Smith is better at everything than Root.

At what point do you get disqualified from a knighthood? Murder?

I think it's a shambles honestly that they've given 3 cricket knighthoods in a year, just devalues it. If boycott didn't deserve it 30 years ago he doesn't deserve it now, not like his TMS commentary is worthy of extra honour.

Moeen can't perform vs australia cause they're too racist

another pile of shit from the desk of jonny bairstow

is there anything Smith can't do

dont really care mate just wanted to say something edgy about women
plus I like boycott

Honestly I like the fucker after this series, makes the self-selected orthodox cricket "experts" seethe. The sandpaper shit was just autism.

>CBEs for Nick Timothy and Fiona Hill despite being being utter incompetents who bullied staff and and advised her to call the botched 2017 election, then, in the bloke's case, wrote a weekly column trashing May's government

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Leave a lego set unbuilt.

Could really use /batdeep/ here

Lord Lucan murdered his wife and didn't get his title rescinded. The honours system is feudal bullshit

business idea: give the wicketkeeping job to ben foakes and tell bairstow to fuck off

>lead by 318
pfft
that's nothing
pozstralia still 'massively' in this match

Business idea:
Throw Jonny's gloves into a deep lake and tell him to go fetch

based shitshow

not paying attention, why is boycott getting #metoo'd?

>smith - 200
>lamboughini - 80
But who's getting the other 38 runs?

>hitting a woman should not somehow disqualify someone for a knighthood
Knighthood is all about chivalry.

amazes me how Bairstow never believes he is out despite getting out cheaply literally every single innings

It's a lot when they were only able to scrape together 225 in the first innings.

He beat up his gf years ago, now he's been given a knighthood

Highlights of Australia's incoming turn to bat:
>Smith 250*
>Labuschagne 140
>Warner 2
>Paine wastes both reviews
>3-1 series result

You have to be a banker that steals from the royals, like Goodwin or Crosby.

He hit his girlfriend with a stick of rhooobarb

can do what he want with his property, people should keep their nose out of it

Think Smith needs 225 to go past the Bradman record, so every run England scores powers him up more

*allegedly beat up, or beat up beat up?

no its not its about scoring a lot of runs

>nah we won't have a review mate

OH NO NO NO NO.
THE STATE OF PAINE.

Another Paine review masterclass there

alleged by french paedophile magistrates

how is it possible for one player to waste two reviews when batting

Beat up beat up, went to court, found guilty, appealed, found guilty. Had a really expensive legal team, guilty as fuck

Paine is completely broken

Can't wait to hear about Langer beating Paine to death in the players rooms after stumps

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FUCK UMPIRES AND FUCK DRS

he was *convicted* of beating his girlfriend. he has always protested his innocence regarding it.

the attitude towards him is more of the same people that flatly refuse to admit that people can make mistakes then change and grow as a person. you do one thing wrong (especially to a woman) you may as well be dead

He was convicted by a French court, ordered to pay a fine and a suspended prison sentence.
Ever since he'd simultaneously said he didn't do it (denying guilt) and also that nobody in England cares about the crime (admitting he did it anyway.)

If sam curran was a tinned pork product he'd be spam curran.

By reviewing his partner's decision.

okay, fair enough then, pretty indifferent to his existence either way

Justin Langer more like Justin Anger.

What has been worse this series: umpiring or captaincy?

>he has always protested his innocence regarding it.
He would though, wouldn't he? Boycott has never admitted to being in the wrong about anything in his life, let alone about this.

If Justin Langer was a good song he'd be Justin Banger

Captaincy, umpiring hasn't been too bad, Paine is just fucking awful with reviews

Waiting on Paine to burn two reviews after no reviewing anything

Captaincy by many miles.

Based Michael Holding shitting on Paine's captaincy

>Boycott has grown as a person
>Still makes blacking up jokes and is dismissive towards women
Yeah nah

>umpiring hasn't been too bad
Short memory.

He's a gaslighting woman beating cunt mate, there's nothing else about it.

yeah fuck women. Plenty of celebs have smacjed people up but dont get boycotted coz who they slapped up wasnt a woman

Not just his captaincy, his wicket keeping too

God I wish Holding would shit on me.

I mean the first test was fucking awful, the second test was mediocre and everything after that has just been our own fault

If Justin Langer dropped a dolly he'd be Justin Clanger.

Batting isn't great either

women are physically weak and emotionally frail, so hitting them is more of a big deal than hitting a real person

must be fucking rad to be so rich and posh to just get away with all crimes. And you don't even need to shoplift because because you're rich as fuch, but you could anyway.

Curran really showing he's a proper batsman by flapping at these wide ones

There have been so many shit decisions that have gone both ways. Do you remember last nights lbw shout against Burns?

if gone off those choco leibnitz biscuits having seen that long finger ad

must have been after I stopped watching lmao

bit weird that he decided to review it instead of complaining that the umpires are biased and everyone is against us

You could make that argument but

1. tell that to a progressive women.
2. in assaults generally, how often does the victim fight back.

Not sure they're biased; just incompetent.

it's not really an argument, more of a kafkaesque trap
absolutely love baiting otherwise right-on people into saying things that out of anyone elses mouth would be considered sexist
yes I am a virgin

I trust hawkeye less and less every time it's used

Notice how I said the decisions have affected both sides? Calm down you pom git

For me it's having a bowler who has six wickets in the match but using Peter Siddle more.

Do they choose their own shirt numbers?

you think you're pretending to retarded, but you're actually retarded. Haven't quite got my head around it

wasnt directed at you necessarily even though I quoted you

rarted tbqh

MUH
GLOVES

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fair cop

I operate on a level that is quite some way above what most people can comprehend
I hide everything behind layers of irony because I am a coward much like our test captain

thinking about the raf jumper

So why is it that Ashes series in England tend to always be competitive but it's very rare that they're competitive in Aus?

how do they know it's going to be one of the coldest winters in years

They measured all the penises of test cricketers in the world and gave them a number based on their ranking by size

It's not like he's some gifted Jack Russell keeper. But who are we to second guess the weighty decisions of the large brained one?

>England
Fair and balanced test pitches

>Australia
Homebabby roads

hello gentlemen we've this on enjoy yourselves

be over when the cricket ends

might pay a chinese woman to wank me off while I suck on her tits later

Why do you lot lose on roads then?

Why is Lyon 67?
Small or large or number his had up his bum?

The skills required to succeed in England usually mean you get tonked on Australian pitches, but not the other way around
82mph bowlers who are a handful on a cloudy day in England are shit at the Gabba. Batsman who camp on the back foot get fucked on fast true pitches.

Your bowlers plan well to adapt to English conditions beforehand and you have good players who play in our county system.

We haven't had quality out and out fast bowlers and a quality spinner for some time so struggle on the Ozzy pitches and for some reason refuse to practice with a red kookaburra

67th largest dong in the test circuit, just behind root

>it's another pay cheque literally spunked on hookers
Is this real life?

reminder that the english management unironically sent our last test squad down under with an entirely right-arm medium-fast attack + moeen ali.

girlfriend tugged me off while i sucked on her tits with bumble rambling happily in the background, 8/10 experience would be higher but an ad came on as i was cumming

what else am I supposed to spend my money on?

going on holiday by myself?

ay nerds, odds this'll go to the fifth day?

it will or it wont so its 50/50

So who has the biggest donger in test cricket?

you work for a hedge fund? thanks!

somehwere between impossible and certain

the leach

Batmen raised on English pitches

Once you get used to it being a couple of texts away it's hard to stop.
>be at a loose end
>hmm, could be fucking some big titted Bulgarian whore in the mouth

Stuart Broad is #8

Think we can rule out Botham

Not used to being upside down

Khawaja #1

investing?

depends on how long Labuschagne can hang around with Smith

I already have £22,000 in low interest ISAs

>going on holiday by myself?
Why not?

you invest in stocks
I invest in coom

What do they do with the old ball?

shove it up my arse

Just get em all out today and let Smith and Warner (he's due) bat for 2 days, simple as.

they burn it and put it in the urn with the other ashes

Shane Warne's hungover birthday commentary better than Athers.

auction it to fund womens cricket

gone

please leave the crease immediately

Warner's due for 1000 at this rate

on your bike son

Business idea: Keep Warnie drunk and let him say anything he wants on air.

Reckon Australia will chase this total easily.

kino

I'm surprised he hasn't been "cancelled" yet.

Let him bring prozzies to blow him while commenting.

that's like nothing lol
once you start have good money you can use it for power and other useful endeavors instead of wasting it on whores

Why were india so btfo by that shitter?

For me, it was that time Mark Butcher interviewed Atomic Kitten at some early T20 match.

>so Nass, you fuck many whores this series? Always found London tests were great for whores. Always hated touring Pakistan, not many whores in Karachi you know?

Why aren't these british people at work?

I know it's nothing.

Should I spent it all on online blackjack or something

Hypothetically how would Nass respond to that?

for me, it's whole again

It's the shabbat mate

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99% of the time, they do not get them out.

no wtf that's just wasting it
it's a start that can be made into something more

Reckon everytime Botham would chirp in with some hilarious anecdote about the time he took a young Nass to a knocking shop in Antigua and Nass couldn't get it up

mad that david warner is still in the side

I feel like Buttler shouldn't have 2 "t"s in his name.

based buttler late series charge

makes him exotic

let Buttler score as many as he likes then have a bowl

Wow would've been nice if this cunt was out tthanks Marais.

>no, we won't be having a review mate.

German surname, although Jos is a Dutch forename I think.

when jos buttler is going for a quick single he's jos scuttler

>it's only day 3 so Warne can't bang on about "muh lose to win"
Small victories

Mate I made a 'lose to win' post after the Sri Lanka loss at the WC

It's a genuine winning philosophy

>yfw you realise Warne deliberately sabotaged his own marriage to ensure the success of his marriage

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>yeah, I watch The Block! How could you tell?

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NEW

>I want to speak to the manager

>switch over to footie
>2-0 to Norwich
Say what now

Jos is a nickname for Joseph, you pillock