/cric/

I don't act like a retard overseas because I'm a guest in their country AMA

Except we just beat up our wives instead of balinese people. The average wage here is lower than Bali.

Me neither but the flights were paid for so I wasn't exactly going to say no

I grew up in a moderately bogan area and heard many a tale of bogan classmates trading blowjobs and engaging in mutual masturbation sessions, always ending with the 100% convincing statement, "It wasn't gay though".

based

No it's because you literally could not be more retarded if you tried

SHALL be bestowing the honourary title of "BASEDtastic Sebspouter" upon the spouter for excellence in sport memetics.

Bummed in Byron Bay

yeah extremely homoerotic until someone admits to being gay then everyone clams up

that's not a question.

Sorry mate, my question is were you born this retarded or did you hit your head on something later on in life?

played soggy biscuit a few times at school, seen all my mates naked, used to have lads grope my bum in the change rooms at school, all at a posh private all boys school.

also clothes were really expensive during convict days because it was before mass production so you had all these gay inner city cockney cunts bumming each other at night for a bit of warmth

Yes.

Kinda glad I never engaged in any of this shite as a teen. How does a game like soggy biscuit even get started, why do people agree to participate?

dunno all seemed to make sense at the time

shitspouter came back from holiday and started bullying me lads.

xxxx

Place near me does round the clock Steins of XXXX on a wednesday. Love it.

goddawful beer 2bh

>The average wage here is lower than Bali.
somehow doubt this

It's good on a hot day t bh.

Bintangs in Bali

need a powerrankings of antipodean beers, lagers, bitters, and other alcoholic beverages (excluding wines and distilled spirits).

classic wind-up

the only thing you need is a coward punch fat cunt

oi lads remember that time Broad suggested >we ball tampered during the 17/18 series and then we absolutely btfo their bowlers in English conditions even worse than last time haha

powerrankings of people antipodeans hate:
1. sebbesity

business idea: /cric/ meetup in Bali

shall

still remember giving a bit of lip to this inner city poofter a couple of months ago and he stammered back "s-sorry mate I don't swing that way", bet he thought it was real smart

lost me at Bali

any beer is

would love to drop kick you off your scooter

should've coward punched him as he walked away

any /cric/ meetup would inevitable take place in the modern home of cricket and only important city in the antipodes: based Sydney

cook just came out with a bit in his book where Warner admitted to tampering with the ball during that series mate

so is water.

>modern home of cricket
Yeah mate Tauranga would be a good spot too

>the modern home of cricket and only important city in the antipodes: based Sydney
just threw up in my mouth a bit lads

>the antipodes

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don't know how that one started

>he doubted based T.Paine

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Yeah I read that too, sounds a bit embellished though
I can believe he was using the tape on his fingers but not sandpaper, the worst thing about that whole scheme was how fucking stupid and obvious it was, of course it would get caught out on the first go

business idea: /cric/ meetup at my place for barbie and backyard cricky

give me smith hazlewood and cummins and I'd win the ashes too

I'd plant drugs on you then grass you up at customs.

nah he said he admitted during it during FC matches and Steve Smith gave him a "shut uuuuppp" look

but then Cook went on to say that pretty much everyone thought they were ball tampering during that series

yeah those books are always full of bullshit

literally the only reason anyone buys them is to hear all this made up shit

skateneet you here m8?

skateneet was shitspouter.

Honestly, Blundstone Arena is the most kino international cricket ground in Australia. You haven't lived til youve fumbled a catch while viewing from the grass seating area.

then who was sebspouter?

lost me at /cric/

lad

>t. based Blue Mountarian

even that one that said England had done every ball tampering trick under the sun like sunscreen, mints, zips etc. (think it was Panesar) seemed suspect
love how Clarke tried to open up on stuff like that Katich punch up but it only made people realise what an annoying crybaby he was and the book ended up bombing

so did Australia win the Ashes or did England lose?

>he lives at least 2 hours away from a beach

Attached: 1562138008723.jpg (240x240, 6K)

The Coward Joe Root surrendered.

England won by zero runs.

well what the poster said wasn't true anyway as it was actually an FC match not the 2017/18 series that Warner said he admitted tampering during

but with the mints thing I remember Vaughan said they didn't actually know it gave them an advantage.. they just thought it might

>aussies getting drunk before the final deciding match

hope they realise they haven't won yet

winning at home and drawing away is a win

umm sweaty

based retard

Very important that we win the final match and secure a 3-1 series victory. It's necessary to absolutely crush the English spirit and make the Coward Joe Root and the Brainlet Trevor Bayliss' positions untenable. It will be good for cricket in the long run.

are you telling me the final test is a.....SUPER TEST?

...

Yeah I read that too, honestly the idea that Warner would be talking about ball tampering in a domestic match just seems so dubious, it's like Cook wanted to accuse Warner of ball tampering for the ashes but doesn't have the nerve to fabricate an outright accusation
>Vaughan said they didn't actually know it gave them an advantage.. they just thought it might
lmao what kind of excuse is that, the sandpaper didn't even give us any advantage either as the umpires didn't even bothering to change the ball

Business idea:
Super over to decide who keeps the urn

why?

doesn't change anything, artificial substance on the ball end of

reckon a boreblock draw and 2-1 win will be more disheartening to the players and fans alike

/cric/ meetup in bali when?

if australia lose the next match they can still be said they haven't won a series in England since 2001 and people can also just say it would've been 3-2 England if rain hadn't saved Australia in the 2nd test

winning the next match is probably more important than that little urn that everyone has had plenty of in recent times for Australia

honestly this is a based idea
even better: instead of having a tied series result in australia retaining, decide who wins the ashes based on the number of boundaries scored across the entire series

Now THIS is the song.
youtube.com/watch?v=TIy3n2b7V9k

Business idea: bowl out

that part's actually pretty grim, I'll agree with that

But this view? Can't live without it 2bh

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excellent post

Based

Would never set foot in Sydney tbph

For me it's
youtube.com/watch?v=WIKqgE4BwAY

cringe

>Avril Lavigne
>Not the kino hu-weet-us
youtube.com/watch?v=FC3y9llDXuM

you gotta be fucking kidding me

>babymetal
thought that said "baby magnum" for a second and got excited

Royal Commission into aged care has unearthed some very fucking grim stuff

If I was Paine and the boys I'd be embarrassed to merely draw the series, especially with the obvious power gap between the teams. Nobody rates
>b...but we retained the ashes with a drawn series
Strauss wouldn't have a knighthood if he'd only drawn the 2010-11 series, you have to actually win preferably convincingly

Whats that country where you are bound to marry witg twi femalies?

honestly can't understand why people below retirement age would be kept in "aged" care

Yeah it's definitely a kino spot
Always thought that living along those little suburbs just west of the royal national park would be a kino way to experience the best of the mountains and the beaches

now England are exposed, the real question is can NZ beat Australia in the Dec/Jan test series?

Didn't know Sebbo fronted Smash Mouth in the 90s lads.
youtube.com/watch?v=LQj--Kjn0z8

Attached: maxresdefault.0.jpg (1400x1400, 110K)

reminder they spend less on food per person than a prison does

>marry witg twi femalies
Yes.

Can they get smith out??

Unfortunately our country lacks the respurces/infrastructure to house/care for many disabled people below retirement age so they get stuck in high-"""""""""care"""""""""" nursing homes staffed by poorly trained Filipino migrants. There might be 4 or 5 Personal Carers and 1 Registered Nurse for 50 or 60 elderly people who can't fucking walk themselves around. Its all for profit. Call me a commie, but I am well fucking in-favour of de-provitising the aged care sector.

let me get back to you on this one
uhhhh..... no

Scientists have modelled what the average Australian woman will look like in 30 years. This is the result.

Attached: The Future.jpg (236x353, 12K)

Will Smith score a triple century?

not fat enough.

In mib 5 yes

Love it when you have a massive meal and then burp/fart and feel a few kilos lighter. Best feeling.

based

take his fookin head off mate

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Really grim that we live in a country that allows systematic abuse of the poor and actually vulnerable elderly while simultaneously letting well off boomers hide their assets and collect the age pension when they have no right to do so.

Based ambassador was a rally car too
team-bhp.com/forum/motor-sports/75510-indian-rally-spec-cars-fwd-rwd.html#post1732433

not usually one for pol shit on cric but this is so fucking true.

You mean like every time he's fallen into BANE's trap? Yea pretty likely.

this will NEVER happen. it would be political fucking suicide for the party in power.

tipping a grim romp of humiliation as our bowlers toil and everyone except williamson looks like the suddenly cant bat

Honestly wondering if Smith will get exposed against New Zealand at home
When you look at his record against England it's always been high, and then you've got Anderson out and all their other bowling options getting injured so they had to go back on Overton as their fifth or sixth option
His form has been all over the place, I think he's basically playing t20 cricket because that's all he could play over the 12 month ban, against a new crop of bowlers he might struggle
but probably not lol

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Good morning lads

old mate boris needs a comb lads

gonna be a good summer alright.

based jackeenbbo

Can't wait for the inevitable Smith v Williamson and Cummins v Boult narrative

if they can keep Smith's average around 140 I reckon New Zealand win

Dumbcunt's grandad shouldn't have doubted based Castro t bh.

Aussie have home test series against PAK then NZ, statpadtastic

Can any user confirm if it is possible to hook up with a fat prozzie? My fetish is chubby/fat blonde sluts, but I'm assuming that fat chicks don't work as hookers. Never been with a hooker before. My oneitis is a thicc blonde girl, but she is married now with a kid.

There are definitely fat hookers mate I imagine it's a pretty common fetish. Just snoop around online for escort services.

>I'm assuming that fat chicks don't work as hookers
fucking howling, are you for real

Another question: how hard would it be to organise a brapsesh with a couple of hookers? I'm assuming that most of them at least have enough self-respect to not be into farts etc, but I wpuld be willing to pay decently.

I'll fart on you for free m8

They should do a super test if the series is drawn
each day for 12 days they bowl a single ball of a super over

drawn series should be decided by a timeless test
simple as

*wins by zero runs*

Defintely for real. Why would a pimp/escort service hire a fat chick, when they could hire a skinny chick who would appeal to more potential customers?

MCG la'

Not too bad tbqh

>pimp
>hiring anybody
you really don't know how it works do you mate?

no, that's why I asked.
all I want to know is:
>can I pay for a chubby blonde girl who will fart on me?
how do I research this, it would embarassing to ask a service for this

jesus fucking christ just go look for call girl listings and find one that's a bbw then ask if she'd fart on you
expect to get laughed at a few times before she tells you that you aren't the first guy to ask for that

Future Aussie gf.

just get a fat gf

Nah lad, it would be chinese not south east asian
Once they die off tho...

Based Seb lad

For sure, if I move from the Blue Mountains it’d be those clifftop places like Buli etc

lad there are people who like fat chicks

because men are pigs

Fuck off LARPer

drink water

took over an hour for the seethe to subside enough for him to work the captcha lads
reckon we've found a way to defeat the seething peewee

Attached: perfection.jpg (733x880, 185K)

you'd like my exgf mate

Why do women try and bargain with you when you break up with them lads it's makes things so much harder than it needs to be.

just want to die lads

Bout to ask why you'd date a fat girl, then I realised SIZE++ is just regular in the USA.

My fucking god, I need to sniff her butt.

next to seb, she's anorexic

oh god no, she was way bigger than that
also canadian
claimed to be around 125kg, i reckon closer to 135.

she would just be a SIZE

kek

>164R
>27P
grim

Courage the Cowardly Dog Show

Sherdil- the darpok kutta show

Why are Australians in /cric/ so well-adjusted relative to our fellow countrymen on other boards. I mean have you lads ever checked out aus/pol/?
Grim.

I only go to aus/pol/ for boomer memes and latest news about how fucked we are as a country
Dont post in the threads for the life of me
/o/ Aussies arent bad though

aus/pol/ is no worse than au/sp/ ever was honestly

*cracks open fanta* *sips* now that was a show

because all of the "Aussies" on cric are curries.

Root the Cowardly Captain is a better show tbqh

you stole my post

They can sense you're a soft cunt who will make concessions

everyone on /pol/ is either a grim dead end boomer with no friends or 17 years old

Clarke had all 3 in 2015 IDIOT

>*slurp* man I sure love showing everyone on a Yea Forums how much I love sucking dicks
Fixed.

I never do though.

Honestly this, just fuck them right off, no mercy
Women do that manipulate into staying because you have something they want. Whatever it may be

>Geoffrey Boycott: 'I don't give a toss' about criticism of knighthood
theguardian.com/politics/2019/sep/10/geoffrey-boycott-i-dont-give-a-toss-about-criticism-of-knighthood

>The former England cricketer Geoffrey Boycott has said he “does not give a toss” about criticism of his knighthood from a leading domestic violence charity.

>Responding to Adina Claire, the co-acting chief executive of Women’s Aid, who described his knighthood as “extremely disappointing”, Boycott told the Radio 4 Today programme presenter Martha Kearney: “I don’t give a toss about her, love.”

>The honour sparked controversy because of his 1998 conviction for assaulting his then girlfriend, Margaret Moore. A French court fined him £5,000 and handed down a three-month suspended jail sentence. He has always denied the charge.

>A spokeswoman from the Woman’s Trust said: “It’s disappointing to see Geoffrey Boycott included in Theresa May’s honours list, given her vocal support for domestic abuse survivors and the domestic abuse bill.

>He said: “25 years ago, love. In a French court, she tried to blackmail me for £1m. I said no, because in England if you pay any money at all, we think: ‘Hang on, there must be something there.’ I said: ‘I’m not paying anything’ … I’m not sure I’d actually got a million at the time.

>“It’s a court case in France where you’re guilty, which is one of the reasons I didn’t vote to remain in Europe – because you’re guilty until you’re proved innocent. That’s totally the opposite from England and it’s very difficult to prove you’re innocent in another country and another language.

>“Most people in England don’t believe it. I didn’t do it. Move on. It’s a cross I have to bear, right or wrong, good or bad, I have to live with it. And I do, because I’m clear in my mind and I think most people in England are that it’s not true.

>retain the uuuuuuuuurn....

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Wasn't he able to prove that she was blackmailing him? That charity really should've done its research instead of coming off as hysterical

You already had it

He didn't have Cummins

t. the cowardly dog root with his tail between his legs

Business idea:
Split the urn in half and share it

this night.... you will be visited by the four horseman of the apocalypse..... each worse than the last....

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Cummins was added to the squad to replace Harris

he never played, are you retarded

>he never played
So what? He was available

hate myself lads

he was injured, they just like keeping those guys in the frame
neser is in the squad, do you even know who that is?

>le contrived tough fast bowler look
So sad

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He's the new Mitch Marsh

how contrived

the eight horsemen of the apocalypse

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Who would be on the Horsemen XI?

I can smell a Neser 5fer at the oval

yikes didn't mean to respond to the fat cunt

>"It’s a court case in France where you’re guilty, which is one of the reasons I didn’t vote to remain in Europe"
Good boy

don't reply

she literally admitted to making it all up

Jesse Ryder

Best part is him saying it to Martha Kearney who hosted Woman's Hour for years. She didn't sound best pleased he called her 'love' either.

He didn't even hit her. He wafted at her, no footwork, was a nothing shot

>On October 18, 1996, Miss Moore arranged to meet the publicist Max Clifford at Claridge’s Hotel in London. Sipping champagne, she told Clifford she had a story about “one of the world’s biggest stars”. When Clifford found out she was referring to Boycott, he laughed and suggested she might be overstating Boycott’s fame.
>Undeterred, she told Clifford she wanted him to negotiate a fee of £1 million for her exclusive story of being attacked by Boycott. Clifford told her £75,000 would be a more realistic sum, but, he said: “She started to become abusive and told me ‘I’ll get a million for my story’.”

I know but nobody would believe it

I do too

Based Boycott working the roasties into a seething mess.

Christ almighty I didn't know Max Clifford was involved. Not a surprise The Guardian omitted this from the recent article, his name being in it alone would just kill the narrative stone dead.

of course none of the journalists want to do a bit of reading into it and see how ridiculous the claims were, no it's much better to just mention he's a wife beater and leave it at that

that charity honestly just discredited its own work by doing this, there's a mountain of evidence discrediting her but they didn't bother to do any research

Yorkshire's brave Sir Geoffrey Boycott

unironically get a kitten

I know of Clifford but not really what he did

Can the /cric/ Sydney meetup be on either the 11th or 12th of October so I can attend? Cheers lads.

nonce

Shameless opportunist, seen as greasier than a Merchant. People would use him to sell & spin bullshit stories.
When accused of indecent assault, one of the many times anyway, he used the defense that his penis was too small - "no more than two-and-a-half inches when erect" - by way of illustrating that a potential witness was lying when she detailed what he did. But then she said in response that her mouth was very small so she may have been off with the exact size, he was outwitted that time.

Yeah I can see why they didn't mention him now. Cheers

Ashley Gray any good lads?

this is the story

kek didn't know that, tb h I thought it was sus to ask a journalist for one million pounds as that was too ludicrous even then, but all the other evidence against her is pretty damning, including seperate court cases she was involved in where the judges claimed she had to be a pathological liar

Kek

Just saw this racist piccy

Attached: he.jpg (714x960, 106K)

>JWH free to play
What a joke.

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ashley giles has had enough and blocked the twitter

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Large tune. No. 1 for nine weeks back when that meant something

Did Sam get suspended for hair pulling?

For me, it's dub techno.

For me, it's being a virgin at 26.

the fat shane warne

missus reckons she seen this yesterday on facebook

for me it's the scissor sisters

Think so. Raiders guy was found guilty also. Roosters doing some serious bribing here

God I wish she was still mine.

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*high pitch voice*
BUT I DONT FEEL LIKE DANCIN WITH THE YOJO INJUPLAY
MAHA COULD HEEHA CHANCE MAHA IFHWU IN CUWAY YOU THINK YOU HAD YOUR OTHER CHANCE A LOTTLE SOMETHING TO PERSUADE
BUT AHDONT FEELIKE DANCIN SO SIR NO DANCIN TODAY

Is Country Grammar the greatest rap album of all time?

Attached: Screenshot_20190910-213156.jpg (1440x2217, 807K)

Grim

youtube.com/watch?v=3m7E0Gk8gLI

won't lie lads want the 90s back
best music
best games
best era for cricket and footy
optimism for the future and generally not-grim world outside of woglandia

howling at the final straw
twitter.com/4chancricket/status/1168837649248866304

top kik

there was this brief window in time between the fall of the berlin wall and the fall of the world trade centre

>fishing for retweets and replies like that
Reckon the best bet is to stalk Beefy and wait until he's drunk

90s were grim

>want the 90s back
>best music
>best games
you can still play them outside of the 90s retard

9/11 changed all that

best tweet was when a sikh lad tweeted a picture of himself with jimmy anderson and someone replied "think that's monty panesar mate"

yeah that's a classic, it was some English pundit and he's blocked it as well

It looks like Justin Langer doesn't have a twitter, fuming lads

been a long history of zachy tweeting at him

called us a "proper nutter" after this one
twitter.com/4chancricket/status/788017528211517440

*cums on /cric/*

cringe but true

norway more like goaway

Why do we dream, /cric/?

is there a way to look through archives for it? I guess it was purged when he blocked >us

BUT YOU DREAM, /CRIC/

Attached: 1520117949875.png (401x360, 316K)

feel like an idiot

Me too

twitter.com/jackshantry/status/764596107678740480

There's three kinds of dreams: that which is you remembering what you did and desiring what you want, the nightmare which is from the devils whispering to you whilst you sleep, and the divinely inspired true dream.

tried to be proactive, tried to take life by the horns, al blowen up in my face

Might move to Canberra.

the knowledge
the brainpower
the essence

Attached: brit cric.jpg (960x720, 81K)

how about a blast from the past lads

youtube.com/watch?v=WidInHVCqqg

the nonces
the bottom botherers
the unabummers
the back door bandits
the marmite miners
the mattress munchers
the rear admirals

spent one day in Canberra, drove around the parliament building and visited the war museum. It's a well ordered city.

how has Ed Smith not blocked the twitter, I would've thought zachy would give him an earful

I always knew Paul Nixon was based

Kino whites desu
WI emblem is perfect

twitter.com/_chloeswarbrick/status/784190784589312000
the classic

are you blind? they're all black mate

twitter.com/4chancricket/status/782068566262550528

Is this the Brains Trust Inc.?

twitter.com/4chancricket/status/774930113431412736

what a casual lmao

>My wife's son has cancer he also loves aggressive LH opening batsmen can I get a RT

Attached: 1453691688822.jpg (1462x1462, 189K)

...

reckon the JUST steve smith profile pic should be changed, it's too discouraging for proper cricketers to respond

the potential masterminds behind a resurgence in english cricket

the chucker deshabandu muttiah muralitharan

new king gizzard absolutely slaps lads

>implying sydney is less of a shithole than bali

They're both wonderful places friend

Smoth so far:
>Top scored in every single innings hes batted in
>Every one he didn't play his direct replacement lasgne top scored
>Lowest score of 82 is higher than poots high score of 77

t. Canberran

AMA

>Kevin Pietersen has slammed England's Ashes cult hero Jack Leach. Former batsman has called the Somerset spinner a 'laughing stock'
Yeah, Leach is the one to go after

made a cheeky on /hoc/ bla x

>sebbos arent base-

>You now remember Moeen Ali

Attached: Terrorist.jpg (160x196, 10K)

Lads, why is /nrl/ usually so shit?
It's either way too quiet or some fucker starts spamming tranny wank shots.
And hardly anyone wants to discuss any of the current soap operatic drama associated with the game, as well as the games themselves.

nrl and afl are dying sports. the global sports like cricket and union are taking over

Attached: 1509751698101.jpg (1078x508, 78K)

youtube.com/watch?v=OXK4x3cBiGM

king gizzard fucking sucks

*it's the most wonderful time of the year*

Attached: meme eleven.jpg (468x423, 59K)

Surprise Iggs post

can't work out if she has a bf or not

is nfl dying too.

I think american footie and cricket are very similiar.

t. sebbo

everyone is a Freo chad now

Attached: 1566574014248.jpg (640x883, 141K)

sir geoffery boycott does not give a toss

x

Bear in mind we've done reasonably well in our first series without our goat player. Can't wait until Smith retires and we come down under and smash you lads up.

Also think your bowling attack has been criminally underrated by everyone. If Lyon hadn't had such a shit series the last two games would have been easy Ozzie victories.

yeah find it bizarre how all the focus was on Archer when cumGOD was consistently better

Atelier user please respond

ama

We called them the best bowling attack in the world but then they were just a pretty good bowling attack so the hype died

>4 years until we even have a chance to win the ashes back except with no anderson or bread
grim
very grim

On the plus side, chances are Root won't be captain and hopefully not playing as well

slaps

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order-order.com/2019/09/10/ed-miliband-called-geoffrey-boycott-hero/

imagine having two drummers and neither knows how to play the genre you're aping

just a bunch of lads having a good time and not taking anything seriously

low fucking bar to hurdle to justify something being good

hurdle isn't a verb lmao

that got him

difficult to counter such pure retardation. Pretending to be retarded is the King Gizzard of trolling; low effort and there's far too much of it

Murder of the Universe and Flying Microtonal Banana are genuinely good albums you have to admit

not even that huge on them and reckon they half bake their albums to maintain their release rate but those are great albums

Nigeria v Iran will be fierce test cricket rivals in 25 years

Hitting a batsman with a bouncer makes a better highlights clip for the plebs than relentlessly pounding out a perfect line and length.
Plus there's the whole 'look we've got a black person in our team, are we not virtuous?'

even I am ashamed as an Indian
crickettimes.com/2019/09/icc-world-test-championship-points-table-explained-after-2-wins-australia-has-56-points-whereas-india-has-120-points/

...

>Also think your bowling attack has been criminally underrated by everyone.
It's because they were so average in the India series. Rotating them and finally admitting that Starc is a bit shit has been great

reckon Starc should be used in five over bursts like Johnson used to be

he wasnt shit before sandpapergate

yes he was

I said a bit shit which he was, he's always been "le bled runs then suddenly get a ridiculous inswinging ball onto the stumps" man, which he was at Old Trafford
he still took 4 wickets after ages out of the game, just two less than Hazlewood

Pavement

Starc hasn't been good since the Sri Lankan tour in August 2016

umm sweaty what about his ten wicket haul against the shit lankans in Canberra 2019

he knocks over tailenders, that's his whole gimmick. very useful to have don't get me wrong because there's nothing more annoying that a tailender blocking an end/memeslogging while a proper batsman starts to accelerate. but it's a bit limiting in a 4 man attack to have a bowler that doesn't really want to bowl until near the end of the innings

was on a bender through that I think

this is why the horses for course thing they're doing with the bowlers is great, only bring him out on a flat road where getting 20 wickets is more important than limiting runs

Did you play Lulua m8 ? Thinking of picking it up after finishing DQXI just for Arland's sake but dunno if it's worth it.

He's a one day genius, ridiculous stats. Still got a pretty great test record, you guys are spoiled for fast bowlers

really rate Langer as a coach for shit like this

used to be really good at the Scorchers in being able to identify what particular skills were needed for the team rather than only choosing the nominal ""best"" XI

nah mate sorry haven't played any JRPGs in yonks

took a fucking long time to get here though, Pattinson and Cummins both played fuck all for six years or so because of injury

don't all t20 sides do that?

not to the same extent, look at the marquee players Perth used to take. blokes like Bresnan instead of a Rashid, Gayle or so on who typically should be walking into any other side

yeah it's great when you have 5 top tier bowlers (siddle is still v good) but >we had too many injuries to our bowlers, no anderson or wood meant we had to go with fucking overton when it was clear woakes is cooked

or stone, who is clearly better than overton. he's the most similar bowler to cummins we have (high 80s in pace but bowls line and length mainly)

Drummers are the noisiest most annoying cunts in a band. I can't imagine handling two of them.

Jhye Richardson too don't forget

things have come together well bowling wise for >us

That's ok thanks for responding user

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richardson is only young right so should be around for awhile, whereas cummins pattison starc and hazlewood are all around the same age right?

>that picture
have you played the new fire emblem by any chance mate?
big fan of the series generally but haven't played any once since 2's remake

yeah round about

I think Cummins and Pattinson debuted within a few games of each other in 2012 or so

You probably wouldn't have done it anyway, we didn't rotate against India although I'm pretty sure Pattinson was still injured and maybe Siddle had some question marks over him
But yeah going back to Overton when you could've had Wood or Stone instead is grim

Cummins - 26
Hazlewood - 28
Pattinson - 29
Starc - 29

Of course, it's the whole reason I got the switch in the first place
It's really damn good

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yeah Pattinson got injured playing county cricket
Siddle I think was fit but not really in the selector's mind. I don't know if he'll play much after the Ashes Tbh

I have nothing against overton as he's clearly someone who gives their all when he plays and cares more than some of the shitter middle order batsman but he's just not good enough to play test cricket as either a bowler or a batsman at the moment

is upon us

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Not to forget Toblerone Jones, test average 19. Injuries play such a part in these things. Imagine Johnson and Harris both injured in 2013-14, or Anderson and Broad in any of our home ashes wins

>Sir Andrew Strauss
grim

Cummins - 8 years left roughly
Hazlewood - 10 years left roughly
Pattinson - 4 years left roughly
Starc - 5 years left roughly
Really feel like Cummins and Hazlewood have the better technique and form that will allow them to last longer then i said unlike Starc and Pattinson

Still don't rate Holder, but Roach definitely seems like he is gonna be top 3 in the next few years
How old is he lad?

tobes would have been pretty good against smith I think, he bowled fairly wide of the crease and got the ball to move away from the right hander consistently, but he's pretty dead now after that bad back injury

tbf hazlewood has been better than cummins, both good of course, but cummins has had his down moments whereas hazlewood has been consistently top level

Archer is in his first test series, straight into the Ashes and is 16 wickets over 3 games @ 19.87 and 2.73 economy. Although people like to wank over his 1 bad innings (when every bowler struggled), that's a pretty killer debut series. If an aussie bowler debuted like that you'd be all over him too.

look at Cummins' debut against a substantially stronger team

at 18

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Archer is good I'm not denying that just don't reckon he's had a "great" series

at no stage has he ever defined an innings with his bowling, closest he got was landing a lucky hit on Smith off the back of a pitch showing variable bounce and a slope that makes it hard to dodge for a left handed

got to keep in mind that outside of Smith and Labuschagne this is a fucking horrible batting side when looking at Archer toi

Roach is too old
Holder is going from strength to strength tbdesu, he's not quite elite (yet) but if the overall team can improve he should be there, the potential is still clearly there but he has to carry both bowling and batting nowadays.

only 1 game so not really comparable, Archer averaged 13 going into game 2

looking forward to Coomins ascending to GOAT tier allrounder

same with england to be fair, as good as cummins/hazlewood have been it's not exactly challenging getting shitters like JROY out

not particularly relevant 2bh, the point about Archer had nothing to do with Cummins

Pattinson I reckon will break down in the next few months and we'll never see him again

he's an absolute homebabby tho, his away stats are very very meh

>on hard aussie wickets

doubt they'll get much past 30

used it as an example of someone making a mark on the game where without them it probably wouldn't be won

yeah fair but I'm not talking about their figures for these ashes at all just Archer in a wholistic sense

reckon his 8-85 in the 3rd test was rather necessary for that 1 wicket win

the new cadbury darkmilk isn't all that, it's also really thin, it's only 80g compared to 110 grams you get with the dairy milk bar that are the same size length wise.

less filler mate

why is ashley giles allowed a job in english cricket? lots of semi shitters hang around and i dont mind but he was literally just too bad

It's neither here nor there though, you might as well go for a proper dark chocolate bar or a milk chocolate bar.

closest to it but I'd disagree, got absolutely mogged by Australia's bowling, threw away his wicket and the game was only saved by Stokes playing a blinder and Paine not knowing how to set a field

>I'd disagree

kek not even trying to be subtle, ANY good England bowler will always be hated by Australians. Just remember the amount of seethe Anderson and Broad caught when they were topping the rankings together years ago

tbf I am talking out my arse a bit, got the tall poppy syndrome shit going on with him I reckon because of all the praise he was getting early on

quite liked Harmison when he was good

few edits made on his wikipedia that no one has picked up on kek
> At the time, he was regarded as one of the world's best fast bowlers. Harmison's performance following the 2005 Ashes victory was inconsistent, as shown in the 2006 ashes where he couldn’t land the first ball on the cut stuff

can Somerset do it lads

which county is Worzel Gummidge belonging to?

Bancroft
Khawaja
Labuschagne
Smith
Head
Warner
Paine (c) (Wk)
Starc
Cummins
Hazlewood
Lyon

some pozzies here still claim anderson isn't elite despite averaging lower teens in home tests for years and 24 in his last away ashes series

yer

Denly
Burns
Roy
Root (c)
Bairstow (Wk)
Stokes
Buttler
Woakes
Broad
Archer
Leach

wait just noticed khawaja lmao back to the drawing board I think

Australia have no one else to open, and Khawaja can open
It really doesn't matter as it tends to be Labuschagne opening then Smith shortly after but i have faith in Bancroft holding on for a good 11 (46) while Khawaja does a solid 21 (18)

teesras in thailand

Based on these

BancroftRoot
Head>Bairstow
Warner

Stokes goes at 5

Bairsatow might as well stick him at 3 and put Roy at 6. Bairstow is good for a 20 or so but will get out either way.

>Roy
>Root (c)

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reckon Woakes has a better record in England than Starc, averages like 24 with the ball although he's not had a good series

Only reason Stokes is there is due to his injury, protect him for however much longer against a frail top order

Take your pick who replaces them lad, because you really can't
ENGLAND SQUAD: Joe Root (capt), Jofra Archer, Jonny Bairstow, Stuart Broad, Rory Burns, Jos Buttler, Sam Curran, Joe Denly, Jack Leach, Craig Overton, Jason Roy, Ben Stokes, Chris Woakes.
Announced yesterday, playing XI on the day
All based on this series desu

ok i thought you meant like going forward
obviously curran should play though

would play both woakes and curran theyre both better at batting than that fat cunt jason roy

For me, it's Halo: Reach.

Shitposting in /g/ lads

if I could change the squad for me it's
>burns
>sibley
>denly
>poot (c)
>stokes
>pope
>foakes (wk)
>curran
>archer
>leach
>bread

bros been running /nocum/ in the hopes of being able to explode with this lass i've been seeing... HOWEVER, i am currently dealing with an absolute rager due to thinking about my highschool french tutor for 2 seconds, any advice to help stay pure before I hit the iron in a few hours wood b appreciated

Pooran is a dumb fuck but he's a good batsman and should be placed on the WI team for each format

drink citrus juice, lemon best. You can just eat citrus either. Cigarettes are good too if you smoke.

Sounds like you're gonna PE with her but hope the volume is worth it, just don't be a dumb fuck and go watch some anime to forget about the boner tbdesu

Lads, why is green lingerie the best colour?
I wish it was more popular

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>store.steampowered.com/app/1121910/I_Love_You_Colonel_Sanders_A_Finger_Lickin_Good_Dating_Simulator/
>KFC got a anime dating sim before cricket
Hate the world it's just not fair

green is good ruck corour

Why the fuck is draught pronounced draft
So fucking stupid whenever i see it, it is one big reason why i never buy anyone Carlton Draught
Old news
But i might try it, saw it on Yea Forums while i was at work earlier

Not so sure lad

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So frickin' true

Oh no

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legitimately reckon Leach is a better bat based on last innings than Archer

Archer padded against div 2 trundlers

>Archer and Lyon meet Thai women's captain circa 2019

Glad to see Bayliss backing Root and saying there is not even a little bit of pressure on his captaincy.

The last thing we need right now is change.

>"Boycott also had to apologise in 2017 after joking that he would have to "black up" to be given a knighthood, reportedly saying they were handed out to West Indian cricketers "like confetti".

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Cricket Idea: /cric/ is the new Brains Trust Inc. for England

BASED ELLYSE PERRY

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just posted an elite and muscular 14 all out on Brian Lara 96. Why is it so hard to bat on old cricket games?

A stout blocking tailender is much better than a slogging tailender in most situations. Remember Tufnell saying something about this, saying he faced a lot more balls than fellow bowlers, and actually the team got more runs from him scoring 2 off 30 with a batsman at the other end than say Gough hitting 12 off 14

Archer just seems like no. 10 to me

like he's technically terrible and a walking wicket but he can at least slog a few runs before he gets out

same old aussies

So did Sir Geoffrey 'hump 'em and thump 'em' Boycott hit that woman or not? And should it make a difference to how we treat him given that he's already famous for not being a nice guy?

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I don't know but she seems like a real weapon

Janny are you okay?

Tbh I'm seething that Andrew Strauss is getting knighted. That guy is the epitome of what's wrong with this country - a born-to-rule posho who feels entitled to exercise power despite never having shown any sign of intelligence.

if tailends are batting together you want a memeslogger who might score 10 quickly, if you are batting with a proper batsman someone who can keep 20-30 balls out might legitimately get their team 50+ more runs if the batsman actually plays the situation well

I'm not sure yet whether he deserves to bat above Broad. Or whether Broad is going to have the humility to accept being put at No.11 permanently.

The more pressure the ECB gets put under from the public and the media, the more stubborn they become. The problem is that Root is mates with the high-ups and they feel like they have to be loyal to him. For them, taking the captaincy from him would be 'throwing him to the wolves' or under the bus or some shit.

yeah but his wife died m8

think most people here have forgotten how good a batsman poot was before he was captain. he was averaging 53 batting at 4 he was outscoring kholi and williamson at a point, but he's a bit of a mental midget so the captaincy has ruined him. if >we take it off him he might come good again unironically

even when he was averaging more than kohli and williamson people would still downplay him and say he was worse than both of them

statpadder now being exposed (And It's Beautiful)

except Joe Root had the best average in tough conditions

Feels good knowing that Aussie players who take the captaincy role full time more often than not i prove their skills
Smith prior to the ban was only getting better
Clarke was better at the bat as a captain
Etc

no

because he didn't score big hundreds. he's got loads of 50-100 scores which might not win you games or get big headlines, but in a shit-tier batting lineup like >ours has been for years we needed someone to score consistently which he did. he also basically single handedly won the 2015 ashes batting wise at least, nobody else did anything for >us

forgetting ian bell's twin 50s in the edgbaston test already I see

yes he did

That whole series was totally forgettable. I was sick to death of the Ashes at that point after that ridiculous scheduling pile-up.

and how do you work that out then
can't find a section on cricinfo that gives average in tough conditions

plenty of analysis over the years over averages when other batsman aren't doing well

plebby b makes his living having off-beat opinions and then autistically sticking to them a la bell

I remember
>mitchell johnson bowling from behind the umpire
>mitchell johnson btfoing bairstow with a bouncer who looked the most shocked I have ever seen a cricketer look
>getting miserably hammered in both london tests
yeah fair enough it was a pretty shit series

not the zachman, and my veneration of ian bell is obviously ironic

the only thing root has over the other fab four is being a cute twink who I would have sex with

8-15 is my only memory of 2015

oh yeah that was 2015. obviously I remember that
but only that innings
could not tell you a thing about the other three innings

bangladesh are a disgrace

Steven Poo Nigger Smith

I always want Bangladesh do to well, the more strong test nations the better. Was even slightly pleased when they beat England

Cuck

Seething

Based sebbo

just woke up

certain man ITT

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>Batsman Pope, who played two Tests last summer, backed up his 221 not out in his last Specsavers County Championship appearance with a stand-out 68 for Surrey, to take his season average to 120.
best pick JROY tho haha he's nice and positive and plays his natural game haha

he bashed a few sixes in the world cup obviously that will translate to test cricket

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>Be you
>Wake up
>Go straight to Yea Forums
Grim

>to take his season average to 120.
Yeah but what's his strikerate though?

what sort of person doesn't check Yea Forums on their phone immediately after waking?

no idea

For me, its forgetting that the seethewis even play cricket

Ta but rollies don't seem to be doing the trick shall try citrus
the opposite, had several half hour+ sessions, fogging up cars, etc, unable to coom

Don't be silly

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toil looms

the faggot michael clarke

the back-to-back ashes series losing joe root

the inept ian bell

He's shitting the bed as a selector, but fuck I hope I look that good at his age

hasn't lost the series yet mate, only the ashes.

>I hope I look that good at his age
he's literally only 42 and is fully greyed out lmao

Think I'll be looming quite shortly.

*be's beckoning*

fancy fucking off mate?

well, technically correct in the sense that the 5th test has not been lost yet at this time. but anyone who has been paying attention knows

Will Smith win the match in 3 days so we can move on from the absolute shitshow that is "English" "cricket" ?

>So did Sir Geoffrey 'hump 'em and thump 'em' Boycott hit that woman or not?
No.

telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/honours-list/11922112/Geoffrey-Boycott-must-be-knighted-after-new-evidence-points-to-his-innocence-over-domestic-abuse-case.html

Can't wait for our big brainlet bash series against New Zealand lads

come and get your fat pet off /rug/ please lads.

reckon i'm going to enjoy JROY play his natural game lad, should keep him in the test side for awhile

Tbh this does not seem impartial and I find it hard to believe that France is such a backwards shithole as is made out (I know Telegraph readers lap that shit up). So apparently 'the French court really didn’t get why we were there. They couldn’t understand what the fuss was. In France you almost should be proud of it, that you are correcting your wife or girlfriend'. So they didn't care about domestic violence and thought it was OK? But at the same time they were so harsh on alleged domestic violence that he was 'guilty until proven innocent'. Doesn't add up.

It's balls. France has had presumption of innocence about as long as the UK, and they would have had an interpreter if Boycs was unable to understand anything, and he would have had counsel from someone who was familiar with the laws involved.
France is not some banana Republic. The European Convention of Human Rights, which Boycott wants to withdraw from, would have protected him from the kind of kangaroo court he describes.
The woman sounds like a nutter though, probably why he hit her

>trusting the french

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grim stuff

Feeling muscular and elite lads

You'll enjoy rugby it's a great sport, very manly

rugby is for private schoolboys

Cricket is for public schoolboys

You have to be careful in those far off lands with no British consular presence, where nobody speaks English, where you can't easily telephone home, such as France

Rugby is a comprehensive school sport

exactly 60 seconds, what?

...

>earlycunts

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>latecunts

I don't like early threads

OH NO

I love them.

Cheeky bump

498

lets get this badboy to 1000

El bumpo

Smith was worse at the end