/cric/ - Steve Smith is a god Ashes edition

if matthew wade got a trendy new haircut, he'd be matthew fade

If Matthew Wade was an opening batsman, he'd be Matthew Hayden

Its ok at Lords he will 354 not out.

If Matthew Wade was a brick he'd be Matthew Laid.

Going to go heat up a meat pie lads don't let anything happen while im gone

How were all the highest run chases at this ground so low?

But he objectively is the new Freddie.

If Matthew Wade just got his paycheck he'd be Matthew Paid

based iggs going b2b

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If Matthew Wade worked for ASIO he'd be Matthew Raid

>/afl/ is dead so the worms move here

Lad hes only getting started.

>people actually doubted wade

Freddie was actually pretty mediocre in both departments over the course of his career. He was intermittently brilliant just like Stokes.

>reverse sweep four to get to 100
Based and Maxpilled

why dont English players clap and congratulate centuries anymore?

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when will Smith declare?

Classy af

>letting wade get a century
just liquidate this shit team already

stokes is the only mildly intimidating English player

If you lived in England you'd have probably lost all joy and hope in life long ago. Clapping might offend a muslim somewhere

Who has the psychological advantage?

What the fuck happened to Carl lads?

England psychologically cooked here

Where is the anti-Wade poster?

rory burns

Psychologically rooted I'd say

You can clearly see Tim Paine's panty line.

He's the only one who always puts a real effort in.

reminder Phil Hughes was with him the entire time #63not out

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right here m8

I'm psychologically cooked here.

jfc I honest;y cant tell if this is the truth or really good shitposting

wouldn't want to bump into archer in a dark alley, for obvious reasons.

joe root always looks anxious about something

feel bad for him

hang in there carl mate

No. He's a far better batsman, but a worse bowler. Importantly for a 4th change seamer freddie offered control stokers can't.
Once he took his fitness seriously he was golden until he chose to bowl 50 overs vs SL

>63 (retired hurt)
>"Oh he died, we have to revise the scorecard!"
>doesn't change it to 63 (retired dead)

I don't understand people.

Is Mel Jones an abo?

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based /pol/tard who's never left Rockhampton

you're going to have a bad day lad. probably a bad week

What do you do if you thought of a really funny and elite post but you've completely forgotten what it was gonna be?

think smoth has shook england for the remainder of this series lads

sure will m8

Please fucking declare Australia. England aren't chasing this.

probably sounded better in your head anyway

normally just post "cricket"

>the 'superior' dukes ball is slowing down after 10 overs
lul

Windies getting spanked.

Time for bed.

in australia, root means sex lol

Captain wants a 50

>make edgy joke
>4 years jail
YOU GOT A LOICENSE FOR THAT OPINION M8 INNIT?

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Would have pulled 7-8 (You)s at the absolute minimum.

lifted the whole Australian team too lad.

Why are both teams made up of mainly white players? Where is the diversity? Its 2019 for god's sake. Theres a reason cricket is dying, its an archaic gentlemen's club for white privileged private schoolboys.

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>polaks jailed
Good, i don't care why.

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If Joe Root was antipodean he'd be Joe Fark

Based Wadeo opening up the shoulders now.

Nothing wrong with Rockhampton.

lol no it's not

>not carrying around a notepad to jot down any brainy and elite /cric/ posts you think of when out and about
fresh

ITS NOT FAIR. YOU HAVE THE GOAT SMITH ALREADY AND NOW THIS

PLEASE HAVE SOME MERCY BIG STRONG CHAD AUSSIES ALL WE HAVE IS BITCH LITTLE ROOT

If Joe Root was shithouse he'd be Joe Root

It's just gonna be a draw if they bat for the rest of the day, just go for the win you pussies.

What /pol/ forgets is that Britain has never been a free country. In the 80s a guy was sentenced to 3 years in prison for pretending to try and assassinate the Queen. This sort of crime (threatening a royal) would have been treated just as harshly then.

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarnie
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarnie
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarnie

Insult a Prince get jailed, simple and proper order.

Based

rude bowl

>If X was Y posting

bedtime it is

>In the 80s a guy was sentenced to 3 years in prison for pretending to try and assassinate the Queen
who was that?
i remember reading about a guy who somehow managed to get into the queen's bedroom. he didn't hurt her but just wanted to talk iirc.

Yeah we've never been big on the old freedom

I would desu

Ireland bro, I'd just like you to know I appreciate this post and rank it among the top 10 variations of this meme I've seen since I started posting in /cric/ in 2012

And I'd also add that I'm actually an ausfag, so you know this compliment isn't coming from some bong cunt

>oh nooooes there are consequences for my actions!!!!!

They're going at a run a ball. Think they'll declare soonish. What they don't want is for this to be a morale-boosting escape for England and then be going to Lord's with the score still 0-0.

he fired fucking blanks at her from a replica pistol or something similar
pretty serious in any country my dude

Ireland bro, I'd just like you to know I appreciate this post and rank it among the top 10 variations of this meme I've seen since I started posting in /cric/ in 2012

And I'd also add that I'm actually a glorious Anglo, so you know this compliment isn't coming from some pozz cunt

>actions

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based DTCL

Thanks, I'm in a good mood today got the cricket on the radio and the missus made some apple sponge custard pudding concoction.

How can you compare a fake assassination with calling someone a race traitor lol

BASED Jay

Test matches should go for 6 days to account for the absurd number of draws.

Great, and sorry that your cricket team is so shit.

I was wrong, it was a 5-year sentence and it was a real assassination attempt, albeit an extremely feeble one from a guy who was obviously retarded or disturbed

express.co.uk/news/royal/1135342/queen-elizabeth-assassination-attempt-trooping-the-colour-teenager-shoot-queen-horse
>The public sense of outrage must be marked. You must be punished for the wicked thing you did

>400 for 5
>Broad 5fer in the 1st innings
>muh 60 from the tail
>muh shitty edged century from Burns
based overshadowing of any 'achievements' during the match by Englel and mentally cooked for the rest of the series

dw englels Moeen is back on, collapse incoming

How obsessed is England with our convict history?
They literally have whole songs about it
Seething

they did at one point

He said the prince should be shot for marrying miss marple la

You're probably joking NYEbro but it is really unironically me kek

>>The public sense of outrage must be marked. You must be punished for the wicked thing you did
really goes to show how some judges want to "make an example" of someone but really they are bowing to a tabloid whipping frenzy

>sending us to arguably what has become the safest country in the world with the best lifestyle
they didnt even do that right lmao

Why are there so many bootlickers ITT?

Make me embarrassed to be Anglo with the amount of nanny state apologists in here

Haven't had custard in too long

yeah mate, you've got the Internet, look it up.
>wtf I never knew threatening a member of a European Royal Family would have consequences

>pooviewing this
KEK

OH NO NO NO

Okay I didn't actually read the article but my point still stands you shouldn't compare talking shit to actually doing something

>deport everyone with a backbone
>they've been a country full of cucks ever since

Just a wild guess haha

the state is never wrong
i bet you bitch and whine about taxes you enormous faggot

Perplexing review.

>this Barmy Army COPE

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>Roy with an encouraging pat on Pooens shoulder
kind of based

>Oi, /cric/, come stick your tongue up Lindsey's arsehole, it's clean!

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Are blanks dangerous at any sort of range?

All the cool people have left, that's why we're importing so many new friends.

It would be more honest if you'd said:
>oh nooooes there are consequences for my *speech*!!!!!

For me, its bowling part time spinners for 1/4 of your overs, even though you picked 5 bowlers

cooked

it's all anyone here knows australia for. also kylie but she's english now

Are Australian women actually like this or is it just the ones who come to the UK?

reckon you larp about having a missus and its really your mum tbqh lad

Hey lads just got ho-
*looks at the scorecard*
*passes out*

Getting flashbacks to the 90s

>le 100 and out man

Just declare you fuck.

Incitement

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Declaration looms

>played drums in Cream
>plays cricket for england
Timeless talent

Will Smith declare?

317 not enough

>actions

>letting Matthew fucking Wade score a century
KEKEKEK

One day left

Yeah blanks can still throw burning hot shit out ~5-10m without a bullet trap on the barrel.

Can you wear chinos with a peacoat?

317/90 = 3.5 runs an over

Tipping some runs next over

>34 more than the record ever runchase at Edgbaston

>deadshit who trades in bad faith demands you act in good faith
nah ƒam, suck me off

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>the state is never wrong

What kind of softcock upbringing do you have to have to believe this absolute nonsense? No wonder our governments can keep encroaching on our rights with barely any resistance, too many arsekissers like you letting them roll over us

>genuine allrounder Pat Cummins is bumped down the order of Pattinswho

Whoever picks our batting order is a dickhead, took forever to move Carey up the order in the WC.

My Ma isn't really a great cook, her lasagne is good, my Da did most of the cooking and his Ma, my Grandmother lived with us until I was about 13 and she cooked too.
I gave my wife the Basics book from that cordon bleu school as an engagement gift and she was reading it this morning then made this thing today.

Black yes

Tipping a 3-2 engerland now

Just use the appropriate words, that's all I ask.

Of course.

Smith's negative captaincy is symptomatic of Australia's loser's mindset and gives off a grim omen for the rest of the series

SHANT be letting you get a completely attainable record
SHALL be piling on more misery and putting any thoughts of a victory completely out of your reach

Black coat, or black chinos?

Errrr

We miss Jimmy so much

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How come they're not slogging?

paine is the captain you idiot

too much detail mate. classic sign of a liar.
tell your mum she's a patient and nice lady cooking for a grown man.

doesn't chino refer to the colour?

Smith is the de facto captain and EVERYONE knows it
Paine is a puppet

>smoth
>captaon

lol

Lindsey's arsehole looms

Lyon looming for a 10fer lads

DECLARE NOW YOU SHITS. DON'T YOU DARE SEND IN YOUR NO.9

BASED PAINE with the tactical dismissal to keep Moeen in for the next test

Black chinos with black peacoat

If it's a camel or tan peacoat you can wear chinos in earth tones

Navy peacoat is difficult to pair

>Paine so shit he manages to make Moeen Ali look good

Why is he the captain again?

honestly love my based mum for making such good dinners. Reckon the day I find the courage to move out will be fucking grim on the food front.

So what colour peacoat with navy chinos?

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If Ali can rip a beyblade like that I would be sweating over Lyon if i were england

OK, sure. tongue the glands you fucking slut, use your lubed left hand on the shaft, when I'm about to blast on yur face put your (R) index in my arse and wriggle it upwards

Can't wait for Lyon to shit all over your top order on this pitch

Guys guys Tim Paine is in a World of Pain :^)

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You sound a bit upset mate.

cooking can be fun tbg
the grim part is how single people are penalised at supermarkets

try to forget about the fact my mum is going to die one day
always hope I go first
t.grim poster

Grey or tan.

my gordon blue wife thinks paine is just a puppet and smoth has his fingers up his arse
woah wifey haha good girl nice dance girl mmm dance around the table while you serve me yummies haha yes yes

Wish we had Starc here for a few pre-declaration slog sweeps

going for a net session, see you lads in 2 hours or so

Dark grey could work but I would err on the side of caution

Based Paine tactically getting out so the GOAT all rounder Pat Cummins can come in.

wtf bros I thought England were going to win?!?!?? Crying rn

Thanks

manage to find a friend to go halves with mate?

Absolutely this. Thrown so much stuff out that's gone off. Wasted so much.

On thing you could always count on Starc for - a few dirty slogs when you want them.

>he doesn't go to his butcher and greengrocer and buy exactly the amount he needs, better quality and for a fairer price

yikes

If you're single it makes sense to eat out.

Just found out my mum and my dad have had sex before. Going to need some time to process this information

Do you think Stokes knows he has that bald spot?

>asked whats for dinner during the wc
>got a fucking 3 day ban
>so far we've had full blown porn webms, politics, racism food discussion and mosque shooting posting during the Ashes
strange times lads

Would grey then be the trousers option with the navy coat?

;)

slob on my knob like it's corn on the cob

Errr... no it doesn't.

nah local club I turn up to twice a week, tail end of the season so they said I can come for free and have a net with the 5-6 boomers that are there

I know your mum has, but I'm not sure about your dad

>buttler
soft ponce, not up to fielding short leg

>a wade century
dear oh dear...

Why are people saying declare now? Chasing down 320 isn't THAT impossible.

Like by no means do I think it will happen on a Day 5 wicket but it's hardly safe territory to declare on either. Might as well slog up to as close to 400 as you can get then declare

I get some stuff from the market but it happens. Most people aren't gonna make that effort either and it's just a shame.

based lad, send them down a few rib ticklers

Apparently it's because of the shooting in the states, they're not deleting threads so the feds can look over them.

>full blown porn webms

Where? Any good ones?

That is a pretty weird ban considering that off-season /cric/ is mostly a discussion of poo and willies.

Yeah could work. Tan chinos with navy top is a bit too much Nigel Farage, as is red chinos. Black also works, or the right shade of yellow or green if you are confident enough

Spain has great open air markets you fucking shut in
go outside

a few solid trannies, nothing special tho

As someone said before, it'd be the record if they did chase down the current lead

I used to eat out alone at cafes and family owned takeaways, but I probably had money to waste too I suppose.

>based Paine giving the tail end some batting practice out in the middle because he knows he's going to rely on them for many more innings in this series

Say what you want about his batting, at least he's tactical about his own lack of ability.

not the case at all my uneducated, rural fellow. I apologies for pointing out that counties you will never visit are not the hellscapes you envision.

I reckon they've looked at England's batting and thought 'no way can they bat sensibly for a draw, but they might meme slog their way to a chasable target'

>you will never be on taxpayer's money reading dumb shit on the internet for a living

mustard chinos and navy peacoat looks good in my mind's eye

I literally just said I do go.

can't see siddle making less than 70

Yeah me too. Clearly there was some really upset janny directly after the WC who must've banned a bunch of people for off-topic posting. Yea Forums notoriously has some really heavy-handed jannies. /qa/ talk about it a lot.

Anyway I am watching the cricket so this post is on-topic.

Can a pomgolian or anyone who knows tell me what they're singing?
I can hear the convict part but they say something else.
'Youre the .... over there'

Obv. a Kiwi

'legends' I believe lad

get banned and make obnoxious ban appeals all the time knowing full well I can change my IP with little difficulty

It's just the barmy army unintentionally owning themselves by trying to call aussies their "convicts" while at the same time losing to them at a sport they invented

My other 20something colleagues who also rent in London always buy their lunch, at least £3 but when you're hungry and happen to be out buying your meal there's often a pull towards buying an extra snack or two. At least £5 can be enough for me to buy a week's worth of lunch that I then prepare before setting off in the mornings.
I only eat out with others AND for a special occasion.

Still don't know what that "der der der" chant is.

R8 my back /fit/

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looking good mate

You must have strong as fuck obliques to hold yourself horizontal like that.

Update, ladies.

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got any more pics? haha

looks pretty good. should see what mine's looking like now

BORMEY ORMAY BORMEY ORMAY

The longer the aussies do this the more liklihood of a draw...

LOL you are tiny

Duke Nukem haircut nigga

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>autistic AF

Awesome, she's a keep mate.

Here I am mid bulk 6 months ago

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>The longer each innings lasts, the less likely the match is to be completed in time
Damn...

post your back lad

You Sir, are thrifty.
A few years ago I was spending 20 a day on long lunches and spending 500 on italian leather shoes and egyptian cotton shirts for the weekend.
Thrifty is better but it sure was fun not counting pennies, although I regret not saving more I'd probably have a nice old merc to cruise around in.

grim

horrid bathroom if I am to be honest

Suits us. If the aussies declared early they'd have a good chance of bowling us out by tomorrow

nice shoulders

They call me unimelb bro
Lol cost Mum and Dad an arm and a leg to do that up

This one will bare you stupid children

why are they still batting?

you're still a stripper, right?

>that hair above your cock
you must have been one of the lads that responded to me when i said my legs, bollocks and arse are hairy as fuck but got no chest or facial hair kek

>feeding an attention whore manlet
lads

rubbing english noses in it

That sounded really obvious.

Thanks, almost at 1 pl8 OHP at 70kg. Bloody tough getting it up

SAME OLD AUSSIES

ALWAYS CHEATING

he nicked it lmao

>giving you a chance to get some runs on the board and some momentum going into day 5 by letting you bat for a long time on this nice placid day 4 pitch

Don't think Paine is that silly lads.

5 foot six

Maybe they have a milestone in mind (350 lead). But yeah they're being dumb especially with these tailenders in.

proud of it lad
you cunts are shit lol

KEK it was actually out

Yeah I struggle with OHP, too. 75kgs atm. Row, bench, squat and deadlift all progressing nicely but hardstuck on OHP

>70kg
Based manlet

paine is a wuss, he is playing for the draw

Off to wank to some Indian girl porn lads

>dyke whore in the crowd
hmmm

kekek, you're like 5'5" tops. I've never set foot in a gym and I would mog you within a 1km radius

Wouldn't be Australia without cheatin' and whingin'.

5’9 lads, average height or an Aussie male

The spendthrift was learned during my uni days and now that I earn proper keep I decided that I should maintain it. I want a house gdi.

interesting drinks option

Someone give me the India vs Windies stream

Teams are all overly defensive now, it's become the norm that you don't risk the chance of looking silly by trying to win and losing, so we just play for draws now

seriously lad? Had the flu for a month not long ago and pumped out 85 ohp first session back (after losing around 6 kg from said flu)
thought heightlets were meant to be strong

This pitch will not look placid when it has a proper spinner bowling on it.

same as me

Anyone else getting this bizarre add for a Japanese spa?

>not walking

dirty cheats

Yeah maybe if you include gooks, average height for white people is generally up around 5'11.

youve just reminded me to never bother with tinder ever again

yeah bit weird. guess this is the kind of shit theyr advertise in cuckbourne

Based ugly manlet

elite truth bomb

>this shit actually works on women
i'll never understand them desu lads

BASED SMOTH
reckon the Aussies need to declare and bowl a few overs though. game is out of reach for England anyway, their first innings they scored at about 2.7 an over and they're too cooked to even think about chasing the total to begin with. they'll send Roy out to score quickly and if he doesn't they'll just play for the draw.

Grim stuff

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For me it's playing for the draw when your'e well on top

its a long test series, grinding and tiring the english bowlers now might pay dividends in later tests

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his photo isn't a :| incel expression

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The truth nuke is that nothing you say really matters. If they find you attractive then you can get away with being pretty autistic, whereas if you’re not attractive then no amount of clever wordplay will get them to like you

>Moeen Ali is our #1 spinner

embarrassing

The absolute state of Moeen

better than swann

makes sense i supposed it goes that way for women too

This guy is ugly though. It average at best.

The city of the English Test Cricket team

KEK
Holy shit you can tell how seething she is

I remember when Swann bowled a horrendous high full toss that hit Chris Rogers in the balls and the umpire fucking gave him out. Going nowhere near the stumps.

Declare at 350 lead for me

Another 6, Australia is literally stomping on England's neck right now

What a dogshit ploy to get followers.

for initial attraction sure, but that shit won't cut it in an ongoing relationship

Moeen was supposed to be a middle order bat who bowled the occasional over, so they fucked up his batting to get us a mediocre spinner.

thinking the ball just landed in a pool of manky english thot juice
also
>please give us another ball

Pathetic attempt from the english crowd to tamper with the ball

Youve gotta have a few roos loose to think Moeen is better than Swann

the english have gotten the crowd to support their cheating with their ball now

Is the ECB too cheap to get a dedicated test coach?

Moeen brings much needed diversity to the team and the sport

Half of spin bowling is personality. Warne knew this. Half of his lbws were due to him working the umpire 'can't you read me either m8, that one was going straight on, sheesh m8'

We must be able find a better spinner in all of England, Wales, the Windies and South Africa.

forget about your self pity
forget about the petty problems
forget about your small world
youtube.com/watch?v=OmhQSd9dSS0

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Dumbfuck Aussies just standing there while England waste time and make the draw more likely.

>English crowd put the ball in their warm beer to force a ball change
This cheating is absolutely pathetic. Making the umpire put it through the ring 50 times didn't work, so you enlisted the crowd for help.

>putting somone down for no reason
wew lad

>our batting lineup is known for collapse
>"why are they giving their tail enders batting practice?"

Thinking ahead moite.

One more Moeen over should do it

Don't forget New Zealand

reckon a few Brit posters, the Spain expat and the irish expat are mentally cooked
based Smoth
based Aussies

400 lead should do it

The warm beer will make the leather expand. Classic Anglo trickery.

England will get bowled out within 2 sessions

Scotland/Ireland/Ise of Man?

for me, it's declaring right fucking now

>punjabi songs
>ganpanti bappa moriya
>indian crowd
It's basically a home game for us

Zimbabwe/Rhodesia

Was England's muslim bowler banned for the rest of the innings for his continuous use of beamers?

I fucked up with this girl I reckon. She suddenly got coy when I mentioned going out for drinks. Saying she needs to figure out her schedule and then started talking about her new roommate. She was really keen leading up to this so not sure where I went wrong.

getting a bit gloomy, umps

should have left the beer on the ball and given it to Moeen

>mfw Australia bats for all of Day 5

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for me, it's giving it a good hoike until someone gets out

bitchstow is fucking cooked lads, im surprised they havent just given jos the gloves.

KEK

Will the mysteries of women finally find it's solution on /cric/?

>BOOURNS
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

How many overs left today?
Reckon the declaration is on, send them in for a few late overs against frothing pace bowlers.

You fucked up with the drinks, should have just invited her over for sex.

probably got a boyfriend and she's seeing if she's still got it or is still desirable. i'm a virgin though so don't think I actually know what I'm saying

reckon the answer is forgetting about women and just hiring prossies.

>Atherton wondering how England blew this from yesterday's position
Ree why do the pundits not get it. England haven't been the favourites since Day 2. I don't even know that much about cricket but it's like I'm the only one who saw this Oz comeback coming. I'm going to make some money off it but I'm still butthurt.

I'm a girl, whats so mysterious about me?

Sounds like she kept you around for attention without any intention of meeting and having a meaningful exchange.

Think I might be an immigrant. Not sure. But yeah it's been a rough day. Liverpool lost too.

Yes, yes all are welcome. Send Ed Smith and sidekick James Taylor out on an expedition.

Should have left the beer and the ball in the crowd and handed him back a pie to chuck instead.

Girls who do this just like the attention/enjoyment of chatting to guys over text and are most likely looking for validation
Next her

and warm beer at that

We should fucking bat all through day 5, collect a draw while 500 runs in the lead, and break the pommy confidence.

FUCKING LONG GAME BOYS

DECLARE PAYNE THIS SHIT IS GOING TO BE A DRAW

there's no mystery lad
attention and eventually trapping a man to use as an atm
thats it

S Y D N E Y

hmm, you reckon? I met her platonically so maybe she was never looking for sex to begin with? Isn't going out for drinks a pretext for sex anyway?

Don't think so, she's not from here.

Paine is retarded

>BOOURNS
>AGAIN
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

You're a girl (male) or post feet or gtfo

Burns catches about as well as he bats.

I saw the comeback from day one - it's classic aussie tactics.
>batting order collapses, tail gets us to a reasonable total, fight back all game for the win

Keep at it mate, be persistent but not pushy.

Roy looks bored of test cricket

reminder >we retain(win) the ashes if Englel draw the series

>windies 8/2 after 3 overs
grim

>DROPPED
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

yeah this is likely. i did meet up with a few times in real life and after both she was very keen to make further plans, but she's new to sydney so maybe she just wants someone to show her around or something.

Going out for drinks "as friends" not so much. Does she ever refer to you as mate?

>Being the captain that lost the Ashes because of a declaration
No no no.

AHHHHH WHY ARE SIDDLE AND LYON PADDED UP

i will try mate, the old aussie grit if you will. i'm not good at meeting girls so this is basically my only shot.

no, she's never mentioned being friends or anything like that.

batting practice incoming

M8 we gotta crush their spirits. Centuries for Lyon and Siddle, draw the game by 500 runs.

>i'm not good at meeting girls so this is basically my only shot.

This isn't good, women can smell the desperation.

paine is going to piss this game away

yeah im fucked then lol

Can someone hook me up with a stream?

With his shaved sides and cap on Burns looks like a bald dropping machine

cowardly honestly

Cricket in the US should be banned

warned you about this lad. you were too fucking nice and werent yourself, trying to say what you thought she wanted to instead of being yourself (even if she didnt like you, too bad)
eat shit lad, enjoy your hand

Safe to say Australia have won this right

you're not going to meet a keeper on dating sites

Paine already knows they are gonna win 4-0 after this draw anyway, just want to really make sure England spirit is crushed when Australia bat out Day 5 with 4 centuries to the tail team just because he can

DANGERMAN

*plays for a draw*

>low IQ indian commentator doesn't understand Paine's genius

Well, just tell her you're coming round to her place then either hang out there and order some food in or bring her out for a drink, bring her roommate too unless roommate is a dude then avoid her even if he's gay.

Why are the stumps in a trapezoid shape tapering inwards at the top?
Can these umpires not even put the stumps in straight?

>indian commentator
Who?

cricfree ws/sky-sports-cricket-live-stream-2

declare you cowardly fuckhead

what is Currans role in the team
seems like a specialist fielder who cant field

Doesnt sound like youve done much wrong, sometimes it just doesnt work out. One thing I started doing is if I like a girl I will always go for the kiss - especially if youve agreed to a date. If she likes you at all then she'll reciprocate, and if she isnt ready for the kiss she'll appreciate the boldness and dont give a fuck attitude

What now you're going to tell me he's actually Pakistani or Sri Lankan or some shit?
I don't give a fuck cunt.

Nah, the pitch looks like it's flattening a bit. Every innings bigger than the last. Doesn't mean England can chase this total but it does mean they might be able to stick it out especially if there's rain/bad light.

Just get willow senpai, I’m watching on my fire stick

don't bowl them out lads

no one told the Aussies they can declare

It's because the electromagnets are turned off rn

WALLOP

Alri casual

karma has to be real lads, everything you pomgolians were laughing at AusGODs about yesterday is being returned tenfold
howling

Yeah I remember what you said. I think I did act like myself for the most part, but asking her for drinks was the only non-characteristic thing for me.

Was not on a dating site but yeah agree.

yeah i think maybe she just wants someone familiar with sydney who can help her fit in here. probably why she was keen on meeting my mates too.

The kiss thing sounds a bit bold and like you're trying to bait me into doing something silly.

duel-screens with The Boys on the opposite

Be Australian and it's on 9NOW

>tune in to /grig/
>englel
HAHAHAHAHAHA OH NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOO

>Broad to Pattinson, SIX runs, gadzooks, that's massive! A monumental wind-up, galloping to leg, pounding his tattooed biceps through the line, clean over long-on. Boshty!
bit gay

Reckon this is an achievable chase on this pitch. A draw is most likely though

Just cashed out on my £50 bet on Australia to win, odds of 23/10. Might have got £165 but I settled for £88.50.

>bad light going to stop play soon
im already mad and it hasnt even happened yet

>Be Australian
Oof, imagine

Go for the kiss but on the neck.

>you're trying to bait me into doing something silly
Nah I wouldnt do that. Glad we can discuss these sorts of things along with the cricket

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This shit is infuriating to watch.

need proof on that lad right now.

>"omg you don't recognize the voice of *insert former subcontinental cricket player who only comments on games hosted in England here*?"
>"You must be a casual!"

You're a pajeet or a paki aren't you?

congrats mate £38.50 what form of public transport will you buy a ticket for in order to go to the job centre

Yes, because this England batting lineup is capable of smashing records.

thank you Matthew

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>wanting to set up your /cric/ bros for failure
unbased user

380 is enough you cunt

can't see the ball, ump

bit dangerous this

>Burns literally looks like a burn victim

Yeah sorry I didn't bet the house but do you think I did right?

Sanga is unironically better than most paki and pajeet commentators. Why are you so upset?

In the mood for some comfy rain tomorrow

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Below user is right, act like you have nothing to lose.

I recently got a job I really wanted and I've gone from a mammoth lean patch to getting in amongst them. Self confidence is a very attractive, all you need is a basic connection and clear intentions you're on song.

We're not doing ourselves any favours by batting longer than this I feel.

pure mental disintegration here lads.

They don't seriously think we can chase 400 in a day do they?

Are you Anglo?

tire the england bowlers for the rest of the series

Stokes is injured
fucking based

Sudanese

*smashes the ball for 4 and simultaneously england's mental state*

Important batting practice for our most important batsmen.

rain looms

>england

HHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAHHHAAHAHHAAH

I SAY I DO DECLARE

>not letting pattinson get his 50
unbased

DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED DECLARED

Oof

>about to get 50
>yeah. nah about time to declare
Fuck off, cunt.

FINALLY

NO 50 FOR PATTERSON LOL

Roy is definitely out tonight. Can they get one or two others

putting individual achievements ahead of the team
unbased

Tim Paine looked so manly just calling his boys in like that.

What a man.

>bats their way to a draw

bit low IQ from Australia here. Little wonder we shipped them off

>declared
fucking finally

i don't think i come across as desperate at the very least. despite being bad with women i have a lot of self confidence and tend to not give a fuck about anything so my general demeanour is as if i have nothing to lose.

i'm starting to think she just wanted a friend in sydney since she's new here and not looking for sex. maybe if i was a greek god her tune would be different but yeah who knows

Psure Patto would rather have a bowl m6

Back to /pol/ freshcunt

I feel like DT in the Europa League Final.

how good is smith lads

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>non anglo ausflags telling ME to go back

This is amusingly ironic.

If Burns survives tonight he will achieve the rare feat of batting on all five days of a test match

>raining until 3pm tomorrow in Birmingham

oof

Joe Denly 14-1-72-0
Grim

not giving a fuck about batting achievements for bowlers
based

Who is getting dropped for the next test? For me its Ali, Denly and Anderson

The umpires.

go back cunt you've overstayed your welcome

For who?

I'm concerned about Bairstow too. Maybe not drop-worthy but he shouldn't be keeping.

Enjoy bullying uppity freshies

wheres joffrey archer

350 is a good ODI score and we have twice as long to do it on a flat track. It's doable
Unlikely but stranger things and all that

>Paine not wanting Pattinson to get a fifty before him
yeah, thinking this imposter needs to be dropped

One more question, lads. She is still messaging me constantly about other inane shit. If she knows I'm interested in sex and doesn't want to reciprocate, wouldn't she just stop bothering with me? But she's been talking to me non-stop for 4 hours now.

For you.

Easy chase this

Probably because you're readily talking back

Archer for Anderson
Anyone for Ali, he's not worth his place as either a batsman or bowler.
Wouldn't drop Denly yet.

People always say that but it just doesn't happen except at Headingley.

yeah you're either racist or you're brown

oh no wait have sex

Rapidly feeling uncooked now lads.

>i have a lot of self confidence and tend to not give a fuck about anything
Yeah, it really shows

ignore her for a week or so if you want to fuck her lad
be cold and short when you do resume talking, let her make the moves
stop being a cuck

brown hands typed this post

how many do england need to draw?

>replying to bait

remember when smoth declared with Voges on 269 not out in a dead game they were incapable of losing?

hah you did the /brit/ meme hella cool

SIDS
SIDS
SIDS
SIDS

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I adore your optimism and look forward to sharing whatever it is history will show us by evenfall on the morrow

Is 269 not enough?
How many runs does the cunt want?

Realistically they'd have at least 250 if they made it to the close tomorrow, even with a bit of rain. That's already a very big 4th innings total here.

*be's telling you to go back*

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>peter piddle

Literally just tell her that. 'If you're not interested in taking this further stop messaging me'

Red ball and a spinning pitch make it so unlikely. So many Tests come down to a team needing a record chase and it just gets a bit flat.

What is Burns' phenotype, lads?

pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5a12aaa1f38c0
Wank complete

For me, it's pandering to my own insecurities of the cultural cringe to anonymous strangers on the world's largest Bhutanese basket weaving image board.

Firmly in the friendzone mate.

*steals your (you)s*

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Looks like Poleaboo

handsome

Christ almighty so it does.

Gross.

yeah i'll do this. i could care less about actually talking to her anyway so i'll give it a shot

go on, Roy. Give it a whack

>Moni
grim

Turning SIDEWAYS!

Dawid Malan in?

finally got your hands on the village computer for the day

nice Gary (formerly Nathan)

>could care less

I'm backing Boourns to cuck Smith by emulating his twin hundreds and denying him the win.

AND STICK IT STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY ASS

New
New

Is burns suffering from epilepsy.

fuck wish wade was the keeper, his banter behind the stumps was so much better

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Would make the new thread but I’m phone posting in bed

I always thought wade had the right character to be an Australian test keeper.