"Hey can I play with you guys?"

>chad kicks my ball under a car
>bullies me to crawl in the concrete to retrieve the ball while all my mates laugh

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based captain obvious poster

Why didn't you kick him in the tests and knee his nose? No need for honour in the streets.

based

That's why football will never make it in America
>Go get the ball
>Get shot

>kick ball into old lady's back yard
>go get it bac kfrom the bushes
>she sees it and tells us to fuck off
>we tell her that we were just looking for ball
>she tells us to look for it somewhere else
lmao and the worst part is that fucking hag is still alive 20 years later

did you get the ball back at least?

Based chad hag

>be about 12 years old
>climb over the school gate to play on the field in the goals
>kick the ball into someone's back garden by accident
>find the street and house where the ball is
>knock the door
>angry pensioner appears says we ruined his flowers
>punches my friend in the face
>we run off
>call the police to report an assault of a minor
>copper turns up, ignores us and goes to talk to the old man
>comes back out, accuses us of assaulting the old man and confiscates our ball

Fuck the police and fuck old people

of course, she was all talk and no action

Reckon you're brown

>play football on gravel pitch next to road
>mate shoots a thumper over the pitch fences which are like 5 m high at least
>ball lands on the road
>bus drives over ball
>sounds like an explosion
>bus driver breaks suddenly
>we ran the fuck away
>realise we don't have another ball to play with

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>punches my friend in the face

Fucking based

>after playing footy we just sit beside the goal
>one guy says he saw horses running behind buildings
>"yeah bro horses right lmao"
>he says horses are running
>we look on the other side of the pitch
>three horses rushing straight at us
>panic, 3 of us climb onto the goal posts and crossbar, the fastest kid sprint to the old car that's standing beside the pitch
Damn it was good

>Kick ball into guy's back garden
>guy lost his daughter to cancer, we were actually schoolmates and friends for a long time
>stood there with my pals, shouting over to see if they're in their garden and if we could possibly get the ball back
>go back to my house, chill, play vidya
>come back to the house where we kicked the ball over
>find the ball deflated on the pavement with a clear stab mark from where the guy had popped it
>retarded mate shouts up
>"POPPING OUR BALL WON'T BRING HER BACK"
>pic related my face
>hear someone coming to the front door
>shitshitshit
>leg it
>guy attempts to chase us down the street but honestly we were gone by the time he even got out of the house

I really wish my friend hadn't have said that. I still feel really bad about it to this day

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>that old coot neighbour who would call the police whenever we were playing on the street
>we would need to wait until he drank himself into a stupor and wouldn't realize we were playing

I seriously hope i die before i get old. Thank God I'm in the right country for that

>using neighbour's gate as goal
>guy was so deaf he almost never heard anything
>we cleaned it every time after we were finished
Feels good to have nice neighbours

Sorry but i would've laughed my ass off then run like hell

Kek

>crafted from the finest ball materials in 2006
>bought buy some little shit
>kicked around every other fucking day
>start to lose outside cover till I’m nothing but a ball of cotton barely covered by cloth
>thrown away after a few months
>life wasted

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>punches my friend in the face

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We played football for the last time in the street but we didn't know it.

>Is only allowed to play because you bring the ball
>"Friend" boots the ball into a fenced off garden
>They won't go get it because they don't mind if I lose my ball
>Have to go get it
I fucking hated being a kid

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>kick the ball over the school gate
>based teacher runs out and gets it for us instead of telling us to yell at random strangers to throw it over

>Picked last in PE again.
>Captain of one team is my best friend.

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What race where you, the grandad and the police man? And were you chavs?

>that moment when the ball slams against a window and everyone pauses in suspense waiting to see if someone is home or if we can just go on playing

>playing the footy on a 40C asphalt
>foot burns
>nobody cares

>when the lads kick the ball over the fence so many times rules develop and it becomes a penalty and whoever kicked it has to get it

>live in house
>has like a 30 foot driveway
>followed by that is a 5 foot tall fence
>we have a German Shepard
>one day I hear constant conversation outside
>they sound really close
>it’s some like Turkish fucks just standing on our driveway
>some little kid is bouncing a handball
>like 10minutes later I hear a scream
>we go outside and the kid is bleeding
>little fucker lost his ball and tried to come into our house
>Turkish guys sue us shortly offer
>lawsuit fails because of the aforementioned 30 foot driveway, fence and a “beware of dog” sign

Fuck off kebabs

>Kick ball over school roof
>it stays there all year
>last day of school
>it falls down

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>When the older boys make you play 1v1 versus your friends
>When they say your goals don't count for arbitrary reasons and purposely miscount the score to make sure you don't "win" and then turn this competition into regular ritualistic bullying

Was only four or five but it still haunts me

>playing football with some kids from class
>they never ever pass to me
>fuck this shit, I'll get the ball myself
>they immediately start screaming at me to pass to them

I had violent fantasies for years as a kid.

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>yes user you can play you're in goal

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>PE class
>last week of school
>we get to play football on our small ass school yard field
>next to us the girls (we had separate PE classes) are doing some gymnastics bullshit or whatever which they usually did inside the school gym but it was too hot inside so they were allowed to do it outside
>girl's PE teacher (woman) stands just next to the football field
>classmate tries to defend ball at one point and kicks it away with all force
>hits the PE teacher right in the face (she was just turning around in the worst moment)
>I start laughing uncontrollably
>she sees me laughing
>gets more mad at me than the guy who hit her
>calls me a bad kid and asks for my name
>our PE teacher steps in and deescalates the situation
>whatever, don't think much about the situation during the summer
>next school year
>we get that very same woman as our biology teacher
>first few months she makes it very clear to me that she hates my guts
>separates me from my friends in class, constantly picks me to answer tough questions
>literally felt bullied by her
>can't take it anymore and tell my dad
>he calls my main teacher and tells her about it
>bullying stopped afterwards, but that woman still gave me bad looks whenever we met at the hallway, etc. for the whole remainder of my high school years

And all that just because I fucking innocently laughed at her little misfortune

This happens constantly in America with a basketball bouncing over the fence to the neighbor or the tennis ball always going into their yard playing baseball hitting a homerun. Usually they hate that shit, kids break windows all the time hitting a homerun.

She just wanted you to attend penis inspection day

Fucking euros, I swear

6 A N D O U T
A
N
D
O
U
T

Someone who had a house adjacent to my primary school field did this once but destroyed the ball and gave it back to us. In retaliation a bunch of us threw rocks at his conservatory lel.

>practicing basketball shooting at the gym
>actually pretty good at it
>cute girl walks up to me
>"Hey user, I bet you a kiss that you'll miss this next shot"
>Stupid bitch, I never miss
>sink it in easily
>"IN YOUR FUCKING FACE"
>she just walks away
>mfw remembering this 5 years after I graduated
Holy shit i'm retarded.

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>Not wanting to be a senile alcoholic

>he wore a full team kit to a casual footy sesh
oh no no no

>have that one neighbour who seethes every time our ball gets kicked in his backyard
>ball gets in his backyard accidentally again for the 1000th time
>this time he's fucking had it
>won't give the ball back, says he's gonna stab it
>get my dad
>dad goes to neighbour, tells him to give the ball back or he'll beat the shit out of him
>get ball back
>all my friends think my dad is a god amongst men
>neighbour is always friendly from then on, smiles and waves every time we see him

I miss those times lads

My friend and I were both white heterosexual boys, the old man was a Muslim and the cop was a lesbian

neer seen a full kit wanker in the flesh
Always some twat with pulled up socks tho

Τhe subhuman older guys did that when I scored a complete blooter from halfway the school field.

I grew up faster than the other kids, and was medium popular. When I was playing, everyone played. If people tried to keep the shit/fat kids from playing, I just walked out and sat with them till they let us all play.

Remember boys that feeling when you're being excluded. It hurts as a kid and it hurts now. Before Inclusivity became a meme word it actually made people's lives better. Next time you're sitting in a group and you spot someone who's shy or just fringed, make an effort to include them.

Also fuck the kid who went
>we'll let you play if you be the goalie

>park game
>contentious goal
>in or went over the jumper goalpost?
>ask jehova's witness kid who believes he will go to hell if he lies

fuck VAR. need some of those lads.

My dad always used to do that, one time we were in the finals of a tournament organized by bunch of schools in our area and my dad was sent off the spectator line because he kept yelling at our players when they did mistakes (We were like 10).

I used to do this, but we were all the same age
>be 5-6 years old
>love playing in goal
>claim offside everytime someone scores past you
>no one knows what an offside is so everyone buys it every single time
>never concede a goal

lel

>be 7-9 years old
>playing with big bro and cousin in the street
>old woman who lives next to us threatens to call the police if we don't stop
>days passed
>one day we stopped giving a fuck about her
>calls police
>a policeman arrives
>theregoesourfun.jpg
>it was the dad of one of our neighbours whom we were friends with before he sold us for better friends
>he tells her to fuck off
>never bothered again

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Only if i manage to completely lose my mind and be basically a dead man walking

>he was embarrassed of playing shirtless

>playing without shoes on 40ºc futsal court

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Some of us got back together again last year and played street like the good old times. Not everyone from back then made it though.

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That's basically every old man

Kek

And I wouldn't want it any other way

holy fucking based

Kek

>tfw always being goal goal to flirt with the girls watching us during down times
Good simpler times. Being 15 was great

>be pee wee soccer
>get genius idea to just run and stand next to the goal waiting for a pass
>coach tells me about offsides.
Damn I was pissed because I thought I was being so clever.

What a fucking cuck I'd have stabbed your dad and the ball

>kick ball and hit a window of an abandoned house that was already broken
>it breaks some more
>the IRA threatens to kneecap you for causing damaging to the community

Based chad

>From the countryside
>No neighbours
>Big family and lots of friends
>Garden the size of any small pitch
>Had small goalposts
I miss them days it was so comfy

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fucking kek

>have no friends
>go to playground
>say you're a goalie
>everyone wants you in their team
>make friends
if only there was a life hack to get a regular job this way

>accidentally file 1040 instead of 1040A
>the IRS threatens to kneecap you for causing damaging to the community

Just say your a minority.

>new ball
>someone kicks it over the wall into the river

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>tfw you bloot it on the school roof
>again
Based janny would go up there and kick em off for us

Hahahahahahaha

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>that one lanky kid with no skill that was allways thrown to CB

>that one lanky kid that had even less skill so played keeper

> the best player on the team who never passed the ball

> that guy who didn't even like footy so always went in studs up for a laugh

> that one guy who had incredible control and could not get the ball taken from him but could not shoot or pass

>the coaches son

> that one coach that screamed abuse at players during the game

> that guy who allways slid in unnecessarily

> that one kid who had trials with a professional club

> that one guy that would only practice free kicks

> that one kid that was always the most talented and shone in practice and pickup but choked in any official match

>that one guy that would only practice free kicks
Literally me. And I'd choke half the time in real games.

>playing Football with my Brothers
>Kick the ball against the wall
>Destroy the Window of the front door on our old house at least twice in a year
>Start kicking the ball up the roof so that it comes back down to volley it back up
>The tiles break and a landslide of tiles comes rushing from the roof

My Grandfather replaced the Windows and the Tiles without shouting at us but im pretty sure he trained his Dog to bite the Ball after that, we couldnt play football at home anymore because the Dog would destroy it.

We constantly hit his car aswell.

After that we played at the Neighbours House with a street between both side of the Property, Cars constantly drove over the ball when it rolled onto the street but the Tires locked up all the time instead of killing the ball.

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>guy wearing 70% of kit is the best guy on the pitch
>guy wearing full kit is the worst guy on the pitch

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Bump

Kicked one over an airport fence once and had to climb it to get the ball back. I ended up a bloody mess from the barbed wire, but I was more worried about getting a 3 star wanted level.

>"Hey can I play with you guys?"
>"Sure."
>"You have VAR?"
>"uh no."
>"Nevermind then."

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>I was the referee and the commentator
>Cherished my role and made sure the game was played fairly, while keeping everyone entertained with my Andy Gray impression
Think I peaked in primary school lads.

>literally translating Taschengeld
allowance or spending money is much more natural la

What were the rules for your game lads?

>no keepers
>not allowed to stand in goal unless you're defending against someone dribbling
>ball must be less than waist high when crossing goal line
>no scoring from kick off or goal kicks
This was all to prevent autistic fucks from blasting the ball off school grounds. It ended up making amazing dribblers out of everyone.

>playing in a dumpy tarmac outdoor-indoor "pitch" in the ghetto
>literally can only play 3v3 because it's so small
>guy wearing Barca jersey boots it as hard as he can and someone has to walk 2 blocks downhill to get it
>OP pic related

>kick ball into neighbours yard
>redneck burgers next door never throw it back
>was a $45 Adidas ball
>always throwing their handeggs and wiffle balls into our yard
>throw it back in hopes that one day they will throw my ball back
>it's been 7 years

>playing footy in street
>using one of those foam dodgleballs
>burger neighbour comes out and says to "watch where we kick that thing"
>his grandkids on same street later that day
>playing fucking roller hockey
>one shoots ball straight into dad's new car window
>neighbour says "kids will be kids"
>OP pic related

>playing notcricket
>asshole "friend" throws baseball into neighbour's lawn
>tell him to get it
>he beats me with my baseball bat and leaves
>dad goes down the block to where he lives
>beats the shit out of his dad and threatens to kill the kid
>"Yeah right, old man! You only caught my dad by surprise, you fat old bitch!"
>dad is former SpecFor
>harrasses family for weeks afterwards
>they move
>tfw my dad harassed a family out of their house because their son beat me with a metal bat

Turned out much better than expected.

>playing notcricket at friend's house
>dad is pastor, family is accordingly Christian
>smash baseball off dad's study's window
>pause and wait
>carry on
>do this for 10+ years
>dad is such a bro he only scolds us once
>scolding was sending us into the basement to shoot my friend's rifle at targets
>tfw burger punishment is making us shoot things

>playing football during recess
>kids never pass
>play GK instead
>become best GK at school
>be GK in burger kids league
>go to college to play GK for a team

Play GK, user. Then they HAVE to pass to you.

>play in burger rec league
>play everything because burgers suck at footy
>girl with motor function problems on pitch
>playing RM
>coach rotates me to GK since nobody can run >5 minutes
>cross to her
>she looks up just in time to get fucking reamed in the head
>sides enter orbit
>everyone calls me an asshole
>me and pastor's son laughing our ass off

>wears full team kit
>can't dribble through 2 burgers
>flops

/thatguy/

>dad former SpecFor
>does shit like this for me and my dweeby ass friends 24/7
>everyone thought he was the scariest human being in the world
>as become adult that mentality proxxies to me
>the hunted becomes the hunter
>Feelsgoodman.jpg

There's not even a joke here. That's just the IRA.

>this
>guy who does it apologised to you refusely for years
>we're now in our mid twenties
>still apologises 10+ years later

Based

>go to a completly random court
>ask if i can play
>they let me in
it was a simpler time lads

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Based

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>tfw i never played outside as a kid
I unironically get sad when i see kids playing, did i miss out on alot?

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How many windows have you broken in your life la? Id say I broke about 20 or so. Some more than once, lmao. I was always shit at football, the only thing i had going for myself was a strong kick, needless to say I tried scoring blooters every chance i had.

Pocket money is the British term. Know before you speak, bucko.

honestly you did

What did you do at recess la?

lmaoing at these fat kids no one wants to play with

Your friend's a cunt.

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Talk about videogames with some fat kid

kek, based fren

Islamic Grandpa the Chav Destroyer

The best memories of my childhood. You missed out on everything.

firm handshake

They're not really your friends. They just want you to do them a favour.
If you don't have a fat kid to throw in goal, you find some loser and be nice to him so he'll go in goal for you. It's like standard procedure.

>street vs street game
>our fat goalie is missing
>have sub
>autist
>he brings roller skating safety gear so he can save more
>we lose 7:1

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Be honest, how many of you were this kid?

local.theonion.com/fat-kid-successfully-avoids-ridicule-by-swimming-with-s-1819594666

>Wearing any kit unironically
good players just wear a t shirt and mismatched branded shorts and socks. LARPing as a professional athlete is a sure sign you suck ass

Losing your ball is more painful than losing a daighter
>insert daughter copypasta here

It's never too late. Gofind some bros and play some footy/basketball/whatever

>make a hard tackle
>dont give the other team a foul
>"it's like that then"

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based and redpilled

Fucking lmao

maybe a little, but at least you didn't waste you teenage years right? I mean imagine wasting you teenage years h-ha ha ha hah

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>kid tells on you in class
>you tackle him studs up at his ankles, nowhere close to the ball
That will show him.

fuck...

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>score goal
>”nah nah x got the last touch it’s an own goal”
EVERY FUCKING TIME IT HAPPENED AND X NEVER TOUCHED THE BALL FUCK YOUR FEELINGS

>am shit in goal
>Captain puts me in goal because no one else wants to
>be shit in goal
>Captain gets angry

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>tfw only had a fucked ball missing all the leather so nobody wanted to play at my place

Atleast my dad had lots of gardening tools with which we larp'd as ninja turtles running after goats and sheep. The brave ones even risked poking the horses and cows.

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The trespassing, angry old people, roof, fat goalie and etc stories are all told so here something different

>there is this 15x5 meter cement park with benches in front of my building for pensioners to chill with a kids playground next to it
>we use the benches as goals and plus the ball can't go out since its closed from all sides unless you kick it higher than knees height
>me, two lads and one of lads sister always played there in summer with other kids from the hood joining
>the two lads wanted to be pro footballers, knew tricks, trained football etc
>two of them are a team that no one can beat
>me and the lads sister kick their asses
>they start seething and crying
Kek good times

i know this feel bro

Fuck you m8 why would you post that

>mixed PE class
>be drafted to a girls team as only male
>carry them to a win
>girls swarm you after win
>still in girls are yucky phase

if only it would have happened when i was 20 instead of 10

>kid joins our team
>scores an own goal immediately then changes sides

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>countrylad
>go to park for kickabout
>mate has to bring a spergy kid called alex because he mum said
>later in day we send alex to newsagents for water and he returns with a bunch of pikey kids following him
>he had agreed to give them game rather than tell them to fuck off
>we do it to avoid a fight
>we're 4 ahead and they're being bitches and going on about how real men play rugby and shit
>fight obviously starts
>they lose and one gets a bloody nose
>come back later in a van with two adult cousins and they chase us and nick our ball

I will always fucking hate pikeys

>sucked at footie
>played only to foul and derail the games

it was kino seeing everyone seethe

its also the term in new zealand

can confirm, am kiwi

>gym class
>the boys play football outside, the girls play badminton inside
>im too beta to play football outside with the boys
>go back inside and play badminton with the girls
>"you're such a girl user"

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>Had a pitbull
>Ball gets kicked into my house
>Dog immediately grabs it and brings it into his house

Every single time, we had to wait for the dog to forget about it to retrieve the ball.

>9
>with friends at my school's jungle gym
>located next to baseball field
>AAU game going on
>best friend and i heckle from
>a tower slide (pic related)
>it's disrupting the game
>people in the stands very upset
>player in the outfield spots us
>points us out to umpire
>umpire saunters from home plate
>all the way to the midfield fence
>starts screaming "YOU'RE OUTTA HERE!" while pointing towards my town
>stands are applauding him
>we come out of the tower onto the roof
>tell him there's nothing he can do about it
>he keeps shouting "YOU'RE OUTTA HEAAAA" over us repeatedly
>play has been stopped for 10 mins or so
>see some big kids sprinting from the stands
>they're running around the field towards us
>climb down and book it out of there
i was only emboldened by the experience

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kek'd

>hue
>sucked at footie
impossible, the times I played with hue kids they toyed with everyone, was funny seeing the chads get worked.

>Playing footy with the boys at lunchtime.
>Some unco kid comes over and asks to play
>Tell him to fuck off.
>Spends the rest of lunchtime sitting alone on the sidelines.

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that's not chad behavior though

Based.

We are all born to die.

>played most sports during my youth
>instances most of my balls would get stuck on our roof
>dad comes home and tell him my ball, frisbee whatever got stuck on the roof
>gladly takes out the ladder and retrieves it every time

Based dad

Same here. I do this socially as well to this day. I can sense suffering and loneliness from a mile away. Some people want so bad to be involved despite their body language saying otherwise - they just want someone to make the first move

I am not the type to insult others but you are seriously autistic. Goddamn dude.

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>Always get choosen as a GK
>the other team has the Big guy with Retard Strenght who always kicks the ball full force towards the net

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That's not really the same. You were cheating. This was targeted bullying.

>"if you get the ball, just shoot it as far away as you can"
fuck you

Reckon your right

>thanks for your ball user it was hell of a match

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FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK ITS OVER

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>>live in house

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kek

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Well, look how far you've gotten. You're even wasting your adulthood posting on a Tazmanian macaroni art conglomerate.

>go look for it somewhere else
Why are old people like this

Atleast i can still cope by lifting, r-right?

>not even a joke here
There's not a joke in any of these posts. They're just conjuring up imagery from their childhood associated with sports.

Easy there, old man! You'll throw your back out

>here's your ball bro

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>"POPPING OUR BALL WON'T BRING HER BACK"

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>Here's your ball, muchacho

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>be the Chad goalkeeper that never conceded any goals

Reminder that 1 is the true Chad number, las

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>popped ball on purpose.
Nah fuck that he was an asshole and deserved losing his kid.

Would genuinely kill over something like this.

your so edgy and cool bro

>sucked at footie
>too lazy to do something about it
>everytime we played in recess, I would just stand literally leaning on the opposing's team goal post and wait for the ball to come in my direction
>divert it towards the goal
>one of the top scorers in my class almost every day

game is too easy, guys

>had large group of friends and we all played sports growing up
>entering high school they got into drug use and I got deeper into being autistic
>haven't seen any of them since graduating 10 years ago

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>playing basketball at the park alone
>young black kid probably around 8 comes up to me with a tennis ball starts shooting into basket
>he asks if he can play with me, says his basketball popped
>”uhh not right now kid I kinda just want to shoot around”
>continues to hang around
>eventually cave and let him play with me
>actually have a good time bullshitting and shooting around with the kid

Eh sometimes life ain’t so bad

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Kids would get kicked out for goal hanging. You sound like a bitch.

>You never realised that the last day you and the lads would play in the park after school with a footy

Spastic

>bowl a super fast ball
>bounces and breaks the window
>everyone runs and rats out the bowler
>he cries in front of the owner

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>Puto el que la vuele
Good times

hahahaha true

Top fucking kek

>finally get invited to play
>accidentally step on someones foot
>"OW WTF user HOW MUCH DO YOU WEIGH!?"
>keep playing
>kick ball really hard to score goal
>hits kid playing goalie in the face
>immediately starts crying, bloody nose
>every one yells at me and I just run away
>injured kids parents come over and demand apology
>shamed, forced to apologize
>dad spanks me so hard with belt later for being bad, ass in agony
NEVER. played again. I must have been too autistic or something

Based Geezer

>find a park to play soccer
>get a sizable group of people for at least a 7v7
>teams are filled with mexican ballhogs
>expect you to pass it to them
>never pass it to you
>never take the blame
>try a million fancy jukes only to be stopped the defenders

Every time, hell im on my way now to repeat this cursed cycle

>Came to the friends' apartment
>Ring the doorbell
>His alcoholic uncle opens
>Will user go out to play with us?
>He's dead
>Ok.... then give us the ball.. please

>>hits kid playing goalie in the face
>>immediately starts crying, bloody nose
>>every one yells at me and I just run away
>>injured kids parents come over and demand apology
>>shamed, forced to apologize
>>dad spanks me so hard with belt later for being bad, ass in agony
What the fuck is wrong with Americans? Everyone involved in that story sounds autistic as fuck.

Fuck you

Fuck I’m the last one, except for the most talented part lol, nerves really get to me in league matches and I play like ass

sorry to break it to you, but if you were getting beaten over a football game on recess, they probably had better reasons for that than goal hanging

>being chased off for stuff that can happen in any match of footy
>them telling their parents about trivial shit like getting hit by a football while playing fucking football
>parents complaing about trivial shit that happens while playing football
>your own parents caring about what the hysterical parents of such absolute bitchboys have to say
>getting beaten by your father over something like this
This whole chain of events is just very unimaginable to me.

>playing footie in recess with my classmates
>always tryhard when the girl I liked passed by
I'm not the only one, right?

>wasn't even that bad at football
>always picked last because i was one year younger than all my classmates
>played the position nobody else wanted to play and had to switch at the whims of classmates
>was laughed at whenever i punted a shot wide
fuck that time honestly

>be 3 or 4
>ask to play soccer with older brother and all the other kids on the estate
>he uses me as a goalpost instead

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this but with a dog

Once we were playing 11 vs 11 for an hour. An Albanian chad came and demanded to join.
> We already picked teams fagget you can't join the game now the teams are balanced.

He picks up the ball from the ground and says...
>If I am not playing nobody else will.

>getting beaten over a football game
?
What the fuck are you even trying to say, monkey.

Cute Ryuushi

>that kid who would keep moving up into mid when you specifically told him he was defence
fuck you, reece

You're.

works for joel matip

hi Joyce

dumb retard, I hope his daughter suffered

Nah, but I did something liked that once and fucked my chance
>Be fat manlet at the time that like basketball a lot
>Spend all the time I can in school shooting hoops outside and practicing all the possible fundamental moves I could think of
>Everytime we play bball in gym class its always a shitshow because no one really follows the rules and doesnt pass or shot well
>One day teacher does a 2 on 2 competition
>Grab my tall mate that doesnt like to shoot the ball alot but loves to rebound and set me up
>We end up in the final match and Its against a girl I kinda liked because she also played basketball
>I thought this was my chance to show my basketball skills
>HEREWEGO.jpeg
>Make all kinds of shots I practiced against her
>Back her down, hooks, fadeways, blocks, steals, mid range shots, all the great stuff and only missed one shot that my mate still rebounded
>We win and I feel great so decide to complement her on the good game
>She was crying to her friends so I went to ask what happened
>"You´re such an asshole,you bullied her out there, she didnt even have a chance to play"
>mfw she ended up quitting her basketball team afterwards because I traumatized her with my Tim Duncan tier post game

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good one

>Get in a little tangle going for the ball
>someone accidentally scores
>Sorry! It was yours, here have a free goal
>lets in a goal unopposed
>No that's stupid, it was a fair challenge
>lets in a another goal unopposed
>5 minutes later the same thing happens again.
I mean I like playing politely but for fuck's sake it's sport. At least it's better than the guy who think's he's hot shit, get dispossessed once and then cries and attempts to break legs the rest of the game.

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you fuck

kek can relate

>want to have fun playing football
>DUDE THE LOSER GETS TO HAVE EVERYONE KICK THE BALL AT HIS ASS LOL
why though

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>friend lost his mom to cancer
>make your mom jokes until he beats me up

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No wonder women need to be separated from men in order to play professionally, you did nothing wrong against that salty bitch

So that it makes you more competitive? Why are Swedish "men" such absolute pansies?

Wouldn't be surprised if you're the same pathetic Swede LARPing.

Why do men in the great caliphate of united shitstain do nothing while their daughters are raped on an industrial scale and anyone who speaks out about it has their lives destroyed/go to prison to get murdered by muslims?

Whatever dude. Women cry over fucking everything. Emotional manipulation most of the time.

I don't know, I don't live in England. Why do Swedes feel sorry for about the deportation of the immigrant muslim men who brutally rape them in their own homes after they offered the immigrant muslim asylum in their personal place of residence?

Tell us more about how basic, completely normal childhood interactions between males was utterly alienating to you. Why do you think you didn't like playing like all the other normal boys did?

Malmö is in your country and you're talking like that lmao

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We had this one and also something called "the egg", when you hold the ball between your legs and walk the entire field without dropping the ball, otherwise you'll have to do it once again.

Did anyone else play shoot the rabbit?

>Bring ball to public event on a field to play with some friends while parents mingle
>Just 3 v 3, but some older lads decide to join us
>Then their mates join too
>And their brothers and dads
>Within 30 minutes we had a 20 v 20 match underway on this giant field
>Parents say we have to go
>mfw I have to walk into the middle of 40 older guys and take the ball back and stop their game
Great thread btw

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We called that the "petaculs" here, literally "ass destroyer"

I had 0 regrets, felt like prime shaq dominating the game and the class cheered for me. Bitches come and go but the ball will always stay by your side.

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Imagine the 3 guys who were always picked last when we were dividing teams. I didn't think much of it then, but god damn, they must have felt like absolute shit.

Especially if there was an odd number of player, so when the last 2 were standing there, both teams just said "ehh, you can have them" to eachother.

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weak minded as fuck, screw her

Kek
Getting hit in the calves with max power was the worst though

can you delete this post?

>the 3 guys who were always picked last when we were dividing teams
I was one of those. I was absolutely useless in football, literally all I could do was hoof it
Then one of our local TV channels started showing Slam Dunk and almost overnight the whole school started playing basketball, and after a while it became clear I was far better at it than all the football guys

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based

>tfw your dad buys you brand new, original WC 98 official ball
>bring it out to show-off infront of the lads
>everyone starts kicking it around on the concrete
>its ruined

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I genuinely can't remember the last time we got the whole high school gang together
I regularly (less and less every day though) see two of them, there's one that I saw maybe 6 months ago and one I haven't talked to in like 4 years
Growing up sucks.

>play organized soccer since I was very young
>score multiple goals every game in house league
>get older and play on travelling teams against neigbouring cities, still do ok but not a superstar anymore.
>get kicked off the team along with a friend of mine for because we were a pain in the ass
>able to join the team a year or two later, excited for a comeback
>practice is now shirts v skins
>never play again

There was a guy whom we called "the lightning rod", he was the worst player on the field, so when we were going back to the changing room he was the one to take the blame for every fail, he had a great sense of humor so it didn't bother him that much and we started doing it mostly for the laughs, not to make him feel bad.

B A S E D german shepherd

You dodged a bullet there. When I tryharded to impress my crush who also played footy on a team, and absolutely fucking destroyed her, she just ended up jumping onto my back and hanging on to tire me out so that she had a chance to beat me.

last time i saw one of our 3 man best friend group was 5 years ago. Haven't had even remotely that good of friends ever since.

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Literally me

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No tresspassing here but still got a story
>Back in my old neighbourhood
>used to play football on a hilly playground
>goalposts were some climbing steel things
>the terrain was horrible (basically cemented stones), if you fell there was blood
>used to play everyday
>was pretty good
>there was an older kid that was also pretty good
>the other kids decided that we should play an 1v1 to decide who's the best in the hood
>won it somehow
Also gypsies used to come to play with us for some reason (no playgrounds or fields in the ghetto) but they were better because we were 5-8 year olds and they were in their 13s and 14s and in some village academy.
Good days. Haven't played football seriously since I was 13 and broke my leg but I'm glad for the memories.

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>>that one lanky kid that had even less skill so played keeper

why you gotta attack me like that bro

>my dad would just yell “Boot it!” at various opportune moments throughout the match
he did this well into my college career as well

it's ok sven, kids are mean sometimes but just because they don't know any better

Chad here. can confirm

yes

based rustico

that's what we told people that sucked. they made you play cb too didnt they?

based

childhood was good

teenage years spent on Yea Forums

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dodged a bullet portubro, if she gets that worked up over a basketball game I can't imagine what happens when serious stuff doesn't go her way

>got tall genes so was always the tall kid
>obviously I’d play basketball during recess with some kids from class
>this little faggot who pretended to be a satanist would steal our ball whenever it went out of bounds
>he doesn’t stop even when we tell him to fuck off so I lose it and pick him to suplex him
>the part of my brain that was still rational told me I could really fuck him up it I drop him on the asphalt, so I carry him to the grass and drop him there
>I get tattled on by some girls who some me, but since little satan was a problem child and I have never been in trouble before the principal took my side
good times

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Looking back, playing club soccer I was so autistic that I never wanted to shoot high because I didn't want the ball to go over the fences behind the goal. It was like a subconscious thing, never realized it until 10 years ago. The fuck

i had the small one
even balls were better back in the day fuck all these Jabulanis and brazucas.

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Not gonna lie, that's pretty fucking based

Behind one of the goals on the field we played there was a massive downhill slope leading to a garage, so if you missed the goal you had to run like 500 meters downhill to retrieve the ball and risk having a car running it over. About 100 meters behind the other goal, there was a combo of thorn bushes and stinging nettle that the ball would usually land it.

If anything, it made us all autistically accurate when aiming for the goal, because if we missed we were punished hard.

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Same leaf here. Yeah, we also had a huge downhill slope beyond the fence, with a major street at the bottom kek. Usually a parent or assistant coach had to go get the ball and hope it didn't break someone's windshield

>9 years
>in the recess all boys wanted to play footy
>there was the "gym" space for it
>girls were "using" it, so they never let us play there
>we had to use an space with less than half of that
>15 boys playing the game of our lives in that tiny space

fuck those teachers

Did any pros originate from that field?

5 guys I used to play with as kids on the field I talked about ended up going pro. 1 is playing in Ligue 1 for Amiens, 1 is playing for Olympiakos and the other 3 are in Norwegian/Swedish cups.

I'm fucking convinced that tiny field is the reason so many from the same little area went pro.

I hope you don't mean it, I'm sure you're just joking

Why. He popped the ball for no reason. He's the cunt

so based xD

>playing with small group of friends
>group of 10 comes over and asks to play with us
>say no and tell them to get their own ball
>they ran to one of the PE teachers and complained we're not sharing
>PE teacher forces us to play with them
>mfw

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>leafland
>going pro
Kek even I'll admit that we're shit at football. The programs they had here were complete trash when I played. Practices were useless, and the entire team had cliques, players that would only pass among themselves. The French players, north Africans (Moroccans/Algerians), and Arabs would ONLY pass to each other and hog the ball. Then would yell at you to pass the pass the INSTANT you touched it. It was fucking retarded but as a teenager you don't realize how dumb they were. Every other game, they'd get into semi-fights with the other teams. God, playing with arabs and north africans is a punishment I don't wish upon anyone. Absolute hell.

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are they all balck and immigrants?

>be tall American transplant to Israel in 8th grade
>shit foot coordination but athletic and good with hands
>obviously I'm either centerback or goalie and I hate it
>people don't like how rough I am at CB but shoulder to shoulder is legal
>basketball unit rolls around
>NOWYOUALLPAY.jpg
>show no mercy and literally dunk on their asses with athleticism
>join ball team next year and dont have to play fag soccer again

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this is the saddest post

It's reality for most kids today in EU/Burgerland. A fuckton of kids live in my neighborhood, yet I haven't actually seen any of them playing in the streets alone. Only 2-5 year olds accompanied by their parents. Once they're old enough to use a computer they vanish.

Same shit in the street I grew up. My mother tells me it's packed with kids she sees when they go to school, but the entire neighborhood is like a ghost town. 20 years ago every kid in the neighborhood would play snowball war in the winter and football in the summer.

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>be fat white kid
>play goalie
>All the spic kids do their fancy dribbles while approaching goal
>Just walk up to them and kick the ball to the other side of the pitch
I thought they were supposed to be good or something

It's America so it's very believeable.

Popping a soccer ball because you're a whiny cunt..that guy what he deserved (the chirp not the daughter dying)

>He never played stingers with the lads during ping pong.

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>When you develop the reputation as the kid who always brings the ball to school.
>Other people when you forget to bring it.

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where in Norge do you live

You posted this a year ago too

FOR ALLAH

>be me
>tall and fast so good receiver
>you can play defensive line, user, stand in front of the qb and count to ten
fuck you Charlie

underrated

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kek

>hey can I have sex with you
>"It's not my pussy"

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>pe in america
>playing soccer
>played as a kid but stopped because its a gay sport
>some eurofaggot wearing a jersey is going tryhard trying ridiculous dribbles and whatnot
>thots like 'ooh hes like foreign'
>i (defense) shut him down completely each time

>300lbs grown man stops 12 year old kid by slamming his weight into him

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>weeb english teacher

>fat kid wants to join our game
>asks if he can join
>we tell him show us your dick first
>he actually shows
>ok m8 np you can join
Childhood was so simple

Kino

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The Roteiro was almost undestructible

It happens everywhere. Not as much as goalkeeper but you still hear it and see how nervous it makes your teammates.
One time I've had it and yelled out for them to shut the fuck up, and at least for that one match it helped.

you and your friends are homos

>be now
>be an absolute unit
>still be surprisingly agile and a decent goalkeeper for weekend tourneys
feels good to have good genes
makes me wonder where it could have gotten me if I had never found out about computers

aw that sounds cute :3

mine got stuck under a car after while and we had to wait until the guy left to get it back
it had burn marks on it but otherwise was intact

>playing red arse with the lads
>someone misses with the ball but runs up and kicks you anyway

so, you tried to be a big dog and turned out lookin like a mong

>7th grade
>no lessons that day, school walk instead
>classmates put me at GK as always
>concede easy goal
>everyone shouts at me
>start crying
those were the days, haven't actually played football since 8th grade or something

the feels i get with that one are real

German parenting at its finest

>tfw no friends to play outside with because i'm not cool enough to play with the cool kids

Chad

>tf
Ah yes, schadenfreude is my favorite.

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Whenever I tried to join footy games they would just put me in goal and tell me to leave if I didn't like it. I had a much happier time staying at home and playing Runescape.

>ball goes between your legs
>have to touch either of the goals on opposite ends of the pitch as everyone chases and slaps you on the back
made a lot of enemies. good times

>get picked last as goalkeeper cuz fat and slow
>make no effort to save shots
>concede goals until someone else gets picked to play goalkeeper

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>group strenghtening at work
>whole departement goes to play volleyball
>be the big lad and get picked last
>only one with some sort of hand-eye coordination and surprisingly the best burst
>shit talk all the fucks getting picked before me

was a fun day after all

Oh no the embarrassment! I told a story twice on the 4channel!

why would you be picked last for a volleyball game if you're the big guy

Don't know, maybe they thought he's fat, he can't be good at sports

>football
>american football
>afraid to shit in public
>don't shit before roadtrip to the other school
>about to shit self
>run to porta shitter in the corner of stadium near other teams fans
>crowd starts chanting
>"fagot shitter"
>"fagot shitter"
>get out to stressed
>no tp to wipe
>get out, crowd cheers sarcasticaly
>get shit stains on football pants

joined an amateur soccer league last week, first game is today. i'm nervous bros, i haven't touched a soccer ball since 8th grade and i'm out of shape. luckily it's super casual but still.

Based, I'd do the same got my team losing 13-0 in the first half before they'd see the errors of their ways and put me in another position

>don't get chosen at sports because unpopular
>genuinely played them and was good
>everyone was shocked when I was killing it
>tfw

always come back to help the defense and you're good. You won't be the star of the match but you're not going to be "that guy" that won't be called for the next match either