Be soccer game

>be soccer game
>nothing happens for 90 minutes 0-0
>player takes a dive in the box
>awarded guaranteed goal to win 1-0
>100% of game's scoring on a flop
This is how a world cup final was won. I believe Germany in 1990 or something

>be soccer game
>blast the ball at a defender's upper bicep in the box from 4 feet away
>get awarded an automatic goal for handball
>win 1-0

>be soccer game
>one of the rare times a legit goal is actually scored
>nope Var sinson says you are offside by half an inch
>repeat this multiple times a match every match (see Copa America)

>be soccer game
>nothing happens for 95+ minutes
>players run 100s of miles total
>decide the match on penalties to see which team is lucky enough for their GK to guess right

The lowest scoring sport in the world awards automatic goals that outright decide games for the smallest bullshit infractions imaginable.
>and that's a good thing

The absolute unironic state of this semen slurping sport

>be american
>get shot

didn't read
also lose weight

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/thread

cope

>be world cup final
>game winning goal awarded on a flop

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oh no football btfo forever guys what are we going to do

Soccer is the only sport where they award teams with winning the game despite intentionally getting 100% outplayed

A team can park the bus and be dominated in possession 20/80, put up 0 shots to 20, and still have a 50% chance to win penalties

Imagine this being the most popular (((sport))) in the world

Perfect description, I still don't get why people pay to watch that crap if it's not for shitposting.