You are one-on-one against the goalie

>YO your shoe laces are open!

Stab the ball with a switchblade and call the kid a faggot, chortling to myself

cut inside

Cum inside

>about to line it up for an easy tapinski
>see one of these going around the fields
>remember I'm a fat fuck
>go get a Popsicle

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Can you slide tackle the goalie, or is that an unwritten rule

Kick the ball towards his hands before running up to him and grabbing his balls and say
>I see we both like holding other people's balls ;)

Just be myself

Blooter in the middle of the goal, never fails. If the kid playing keeper saves it, hell probably hurt himself and at least ill be able to laugh some.

miss

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kick the ball against gk's face then score on the rebound

>implying you and your fatrolls even make it to the end of the pitch within a week

I run towads the goalie in a crouched-forward position whilst faliling my arms behind me for extra speed whilst making the noises deaf people make knocking the goalie off his feet by headbutting him in the chest and running right into the goal

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pretend to kick it against him and he flinches like a faggie and then I score easy and laugh at him and kick his legs

Cut slightly towards one side and shoot towards the opposite lower corner when the distance between you and the keeper is optimal

panic and kick it right into the keeper

"Give him the eyes"

blast it with piss

WHAT'S THE COLOUR OF THE NEXT CAR

bottom right hand corner

i kick as hard as I can with the point of my shoe

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In the USA we call this "toe-punching"

Pass to Messi

curve it from 145 yards out, smash it into the top left corner, get on my skateboard, do a 900, bang lindsay lohan from Mean Girls, and win thne FUCKING X GAMES AND WORLD CUP FOR MY HOME TOWN

probably would do something like this

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look directly at the keeper
shoot left lower corner

Dive

>kane

Kick the ball on the keeper because my feet are shit

suddenly become weak at the knees, stare unresponsively toward the ground five feet in front of me, fall to my knees, fall face first on the ground and just wait for my life to be over already

kick it straight at his faggot leaf face

Call in backup.

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>dribble past him
>stop the ball right on the line
>get on my knees
>head it in
nohtin g personel kiddo

beautiful

For me, I pass it past the keeper into the net. Easy.

Happened to me when i was 6 in the school yard, panicked and ended up kicking it straight to the goalie who didn't even have to move. my teammate yelled at me really loud and I got scared, and it pushed a fart out of me. as I was running off in shame, I realized it wasn't a fart, and was in fact starting to run down my leg. at this point I started crying and ran inside, but since recess wasn't over a teacher followed me in and yelled at me again. I didn't see her and instead ran to the bathroom to clean myself up, at which point I discovered my shorts were completely unsalvageable. so I took them off with the intention of going to the school nurse's office, where they keep shorts for the kids who piss themself. since I have no shorts or underwear left (I threw them in the trash) I grabbed two big handfuls of paper towels and put them on both sides of my naked, shit smeared pelvis and run out of the bathroom. but as I run out, the teacher from before sees me half naked and flips shit, sends me to the principal, and gets me suspended for 4 days. worst day of my life, ended up having to move schools.

fuck soccer

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what the fuck

as hard as i can straight at his face

*dabs*

Low hard shot to the opposite corner

Press L1

>Amerisharts isn't just a meme
Stop eating McDonalds.

360 spin followed by a rainbow flick

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shocking scenes

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Classic cavallini

Balotelli vs MLS

Kiss him

Pass it to the center where my bro is running forward to set an easy goal for him. I've already scored a hattrick after all

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kek

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59 replies
not a single chad picandola
I'm dissapointed at u Yea Forums

run full steam ahead and violently smash it to the far post of the keeper
afterwards, shout angrily
FUCK
JANNIES

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>gk grabs the ball

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Goalie makes a stellar save. Then I knock him out

>this is a "chad" in cucknada

Chads in this country play hockey

this guy gets it
it's a panenka shot or a knukle shot to a top corner
evey other option is shit

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Shoot it to the near post because I have that much skill

turn 360 degrees and walk away

you'd be facing the same direction idiot

>implying he won't walk backwards

Thank you for the kek

>Not moonwalking away

Hit hard and low. Score. Stride, jump, turn mid air, spin finger of right hand, land with arms to the side presenting my body and release legendeary warcry: TSUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Hows it feel to be so young lad?

> fall down
> clutch my ankle
> roll around for 2 -3 minutes
> get spray
> jump up
> be just fine
> sail penalty kick over cross bar
> get shot day later

this is too good to be true

Curl it

firm shot between his legs

I've got something firm between my legs

WELLY IT

bottom right corner with a flat foot teeper

boot it as hard as i can without aiming

shoot too early and either miss it or hit the gk.
sometimes a cheeky lob

get off Yea Forums lukaku

Shoot up the school

Cringe ref not repeating the penalty for having the defenders inside the box

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youtube.com/watch?v=XwHEhvGAQGo

>la pica
>la ataja

move accross him and try and sit him down, easy finish if he commits early and i can always work the angle if he doesn't commit

Coming from the left:
fake a shot to the right post with the open foot, actually curl it to the left post

Coming from the right:
run in direction of the left post, shoot to the right post with the outside of the foot

Aim to the head.

Draw him in close and chip it over his head when he tries the ol spread eagle. celebrate by penetrating him gently

what a madman

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