/heem/ - Jon Jones Edition

shut up, donny

You guys think spammy's scat meltdowns are his way of coping with phantom limb pain?

prime schaub would heem ngannou

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is this the uhhh thread

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what does she do with those dogs?

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youtube.com/watch?v=giXJ6Mbf_Qk

#WhiteGirlsFuckDogs

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NEET here who trains mma in his backyard autistically and had the new neighbors wife ogling me all the time here again.

Dude still hates me I think, been upping the training lately and getting super lean, his slut of a wife just doesnt stop looking. Ended up getting bamboo like an user suggested and its worked a treat, hiding my backyard gym, however in a bit of a pickle right now.
Just let the dog out for a piss and he has a few friends (manlets, all white collar workers) over for some sort of pissup. Soon as I opened the door they all looked at me.

Looked back at all of them waiting for a reaction, a hello but they all looked down and went quiet so I kept staring at the husband waiting for a head nod, a wave. nothing.
Ive tried to be friendly but he doesnt wanna know me so Im thinking fuck you cunt, go to the gym or something, dont get mad at me, you cunts moved in and cleared all the trees that used to hide my backyard gym from view, get mad at the slut of a wife you married checking me out all the time.
If he gets cheeky after a few beers or I even think he's insulting me I dont know whether I should jump the fence and heem him and possibly everyone there or wait till tomorrow and heem him then.
Or the last option, heem nobody and just keep training while his wife tries to get an angle.

You sound like a neurotic, deluded, skinnyfat autist deep on the spectrum.

I reckon he's actually the neighbour

I've had 15 amateur fights and planning to go pro, its all I wanna do.
I train at a proper mma gym also.
You sound like my neighbour

Let's see your tapology page. You won't get very far based on how you talk IMHOTBQHWUL.

you'll know who I am then and can find my neighbour.
won't do that, fighting on the next siam2sydney though on the muay thai amateur card, see if you can see which one I am.
Reckon your missus is checking out the neighbour to be quite honest (or more than likely your mum)

Good one bro. Your cuck fantasies are championship caliber. Good luck on the next card. I suppose you'll be heem's Nick Lentz if everything goes right.

lotta hate mate. just being honest and trying to help out the neighbor by hiding my once hidden gym from his wife.
You sound like an absolute wanker who has never trained or fought in his life or is mad at something I said for some stupid reason. Get up early and go for a walk or something, youll feel heaps better.

I got one am quite interested in seeing jon's sloppy seconds duking it out.

Not mad at anything. Couldn't be less bothered by your neighbor's gay lover eyeing the sweat dripping from your second chin. Just amused by your essay blogs in the asshole of the internet and claims of going pro while doing a third rate Tony Ferguson impression. Apparently all you think about is becoming a great fighter yet you took the time out of your very busy day to weirdly brag about some strange cuck situation with your 60 year old neighbors on a Taiwanese noodle-making forum. Doesn't sound like the ideal combat mindset to me, but as I said before, good luck on the journey.

Reckon you're jealous and too old to do any of the things you wanted to. like try and be a pro fighter.
>good luck on the journey
thanks mate

Not exactly, but this isn't a pissing contest.

It sure would ruin my night if Lina Lansberg loses

post your body no homo wih a timestap or fuck off

You now remember Karolina kowalkiewicz

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Imagine being a Sacramento FiteFan™ right now

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>no homo
post your face timestamped first and I will decide that for myself

if you cant back up your ridiculous claims you shouldnt post shit

I will post if you post your face timestamped
If I cant guarantee you're not a faggot then I wont be exposing my finely sculpted body to some random cunt on the internet

dude mark f*cking hunt is so based

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faggot

Wow it really is worse then I imagined

more like karolina noassflushedbitch LMAO

She looks like Maisie

You should heem yourself before it gets worse

im 3 mins in and hes repeated the im thick joke 5 times or some shit

go to work fatty and stop looking at heem

Trees are awesome.
I kek when people cut them down and then have to look at something ugly.

Lol the dutch are so stupid it hurts.
You faggots let the nazis basically rape your whole country in less then 12 hours who are you to talk shit to anyone

Stop projecting we all know your a pussy cunt. I'd heem you myself if I lived next door. But since i aint I hope your neighbor just shoots you then your mom then his slut wife.

youre a loser whos been up all night on Yea Forums because you dont work
I suggest you heem yourself

Aren't you the neet roleplaying as a pro fighter? Don't be talkin shit about your jobless peers you buster

>UFC clashes with Champions League final

Goofs should have held this card last week.

The purpose of life isn't happiness.
The purpose of life isn't winning a UFC belt.

The purpose of life is knowing God.

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I'd be training at that time of the morning, not hunched over heem like a prawn

Shut the fuck up PUKE

that's actually a meme too though, you'll find that it doesn't drive you anymore after a few years, and your purpose of life is back to happiness, but a much harder to get happiness because by then you will have realised the illusory nature of reality and will get suicidal thoughts much more often

Both seem equally productive in the long term to me, me gashy cunt

Thanks for posting this. I hadn't finished it.

based

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Smif won the story of the jones fight confirmed

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I am bamboo user, glad it worked. Don't worry about what some pencil neck flyweight next door thinks, there's a onions like him at my work who refuses to say hello, pretty funny when he has to come to me for help and I just say "busy" while I work out at the desk all day.

So I get my haircud every toosday by this meckserkin named hayzoose. Best innaworld. A hunnert persent.

And one toosday I go in there and I'm like hey is hayzoose here? and they're like no
>*pause for laughter*
they're like "no, he took his kids to disneyland."
....
Mother FUCKER!
>*pause for laughter*
And theyre like "but dont worry brah we gotcha covered. sit inna chair we gort Jamal here."

I'm like sweet bro so obviously Jamal is a black guy but thats cool I dont discriminate and I love niggers and I'm one hunnie persen appslooly not raciss so thats cool with me bro.

So I'm waiting and Jamals not comin and I'm like BRO come on bro I got shit to do bro. Then 10 minutes later this dude comes outta the bathroom and he's like whatsup I'm Jamal....

....and he's asian as SHIT!!!!!!!

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You’re stuck in the mud, lithcuck. It’s already here.

nah the "be present" shit is complete bs lol

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Megan Olivi and Trevor Wittman need to fuckoff

Don’t believe everything you think ;^)

I tried it seriously for a few years, it doesn't work

Too much effort-ing, it’s already here

twitter.com/EliasTheodorou/status/1134200521290649608

That's pretty late to start training and make it to the UFC.

Itz tuff B, but I got ta go with Rena

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Based Arman Tsarukyan getting a top 20 opponent next which will catapult him into the top 15 soon enough. Soon the most competitive division in the UFC will be ruled by Churkachads Khabib, Islam and Arman which will make ethnic pedorussian genetic trash burn a hole in their collective proverbial trousers from the anal devastation that their country is being represented by ethnicities they themselves consider subhuman, thus making the pedorussian genetic trash sub-subhuman seeing how all ethnic pedorussian "fighters" are worthless cans.

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Reminder to choose love

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Oh, and I actually forgot the news article itself:
mmafighting.com/2019/5/30/18645889/olivier-aubin-mercier-vs-arman-tsarukyan-announced-for-ufc-240

mashallah brother

Anybody have walkout music for the diddylifts and you pace back and forth in front of the bar getting hyped? M-me neither

Megan really has small boobs

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Why do you hate russia so much?

Joshuas stat padding fight tomorrow will unironically be better than this card

Is that Whittaker or Schaub?

>he rated Kevin Pee

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For sure Slob is a munster my guy

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It isn't about how hard you can heem. It's about how hard you can GET heemed and keep moving forward. How much CTE you can TAKE and KEEP MOVING FORWARD.

>>that's actually a meme too though, you'll find that it doesn't drive you anymore after a few years
Sounds like you have turned your back on God.

he doesn't seem to understand that real comedians practice this physical stuff over and over and over and over until it is perfect. he's just doing it, with no practice at all, and it shows. painful to watch.

That's actually a good joke. I haven't seen his standup, but I like that joke, being him establishing he's not racist and then turning out to be racist.

Hey I asked this guy where the sneakers and comedy general is and he pointed me in this direction. Is this the place?

If Cowboy beats TFerg the UFC HAS to set up Conor/Cowboy.

feel the power of Dagestan

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Still two times smaller than Tony

Rizin should be fun, lots of kickboxing and they're usually the best fights on their shows.

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is that where the fat niggas go to be gay?

goddamn the stockholm card is pretty meh and I was looking forward to the Latifi fight, thought it would at least be good

>user doesn’t understand Schaub’s humor
yikes

Kevin Pee did better than a lot of other cans that people are continuing to hype up.

People forget that RDA is a genuine munster when he isn’t fighting good wrestlers.

Based

He is not funny but he is definitely better than Joe

jon jones on the right

BROCK
SMASH

Khabib could’ve beat Tyron after all

>he is a gamer just like me xDddf

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How do we solve the Dagestani problem?

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Volkan was robbed

they're perfect

they're all on roids and will be busted soon

Alright, I’ve almost made it through schaubs special have 15 min left. Will probably need about another week.

Zabit might be in tgrouble in a 5 round fight.

I was interested in Oez/Latifi because IIRC Latifi has good wrestling but Oez showed good TDD vs Reyes

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If Kyle knocked him out here this would've been my favourite fight of all time

>finished Mitrione in his prime, the guy who beat Derrick Lewis and Fedor
>KO’s Cro Cop
meanwhile you
>can only heem cans of pringles into your mouth
really makes you think bee

have 30 minutes left

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It’s tough for sure, I find I can only watch a few min at a time

>vimeo.com/336762206
First joke is about needing a Mexican guy or a black guy for your $20 haircut, and not an asian guy...and we are all supposed to understand why?
keeps calling himself an asshole - at least he's got the self-hate comedians have, too bad he doesn't have any real jokes. or talent.
now, the Texas-is-straight and Texans-have-accents jokes.
i can't watch any more of this. feel bad for him: failed football player, failed fighter, failed comedian...ouch

For sure slob the blob was a munster my guy

here, i had to stop after the jamal joke. it's toulgh.

If he beats Ferg he should fight for the belt. Conor needs to earn his way back through the division.

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Does CBD really cure CTE?

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So, Schaub is gay?
I didn't know this.
The jerking off to Hulk Hogan and his son means he's gay, right?
What else could it mean?

Was he out when he was fighting? I thought there'd be more shit here about it.

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lolno
pls be serious

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Earlearler Teefy? Straighdup m-m-m-mowlnster.

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Nate bless!

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You’re a raging fag lol. Let the man live.

yikes bro

lol

Me on the right

reminder that not a single ww can move down and beat Khabeast at lw yet he can move up and dominate most ww

More like khapeach

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Cowboy would rather fight Conor than fight in a title bout, to be honest.

wrong, he has said completely otherwise
>b-b-but he is lying
>b-b-but red panty night
cringe

one more run at the strap, bruther

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When's his next fight?
I wanna see Kevin go back down to 155 so that he can get embarrassed by an ex-junkie manlet

What's /heem/ favorite fighting game?

i don't play games kid

fighting games are for autists

t. discord trannies

Super Smash Bros

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chess

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khabib smesh! XD
bobby knuckles! XD

based

based

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furi

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youtu.be/vMIxwjsBaiY

If Tyquil was blindfolded

twitter.com/BigPrettyMMA/status/1134467612417519616
Powerful

Khabased wins via rearnaked choke confirmed

GSP-esque

Woke titty

based Sam Oullet

Yeah bro fajitas

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Only one for me.

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Fucking shit stoppage

not as shit as his religion LMAO

>fighting games
I'm not a faggot, nigger, furry, or a tranny, so I don't play them. Proper lads play proper games like Mordhau.

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>downloaded Play Magnus
>can beat Magnus 9 consistently
>can best Magnus 10 most of the time
>Magnus 12 or more kick my ass very hard almost everytime
>tfw brainlet and chesslet
I would easily heem Magnus in a fight though

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Alexander Gustafsson vs. Anthony Smith
Jimi Manuwa vs. Aleksandar Rakic
Makwan Amirkhani vs. Chris Fishgold
Damir Hadzovic vs. Christos Giagos
Daniel Teymur vs. Sung Bin Jo

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*cancels the khabib*

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stay revved

undefeated

No. Fuck off.

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revved

Lmao Pisspee is SEETHING that Yoel is a multimillionaire

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>Flag
Hey, at least you've still got Till.

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I'm about to jerk off to Aspen Ladd's instagram. Anyone want to be my eskimo brother?

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Khabib is undefeated, just thought I should remind everyone

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yall krakkkazzz b trippin

BISPY BLESS

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Absolute seething hehter!

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Askren is more undefeated and he isn't almost killing himself to fight bloated 145ers and avoid 170.

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Now thats a GOAT English chin, only a true warrior could take that knee and carry on

around blacks never relax

You now remember anusblasted haters crying and screaming trying to say this should have been the end of the fight and C-C-C-COPING by saying "h-he was KO'd my guy!"

Sad!

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>posting this post-199
lmao

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>Bisgoat still living rent free in the minds of his haters
BASED. Remember to watch his podcast, baby boy.
youtube.com/watch?v=-izOvWW9mEM

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Canthony Piss is +245 against a washed up Swede.

Yikes!

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BisKING revs the haters even in retirement

Yoel Romero is a bridesmaid that abandoned his daughter in Cuba

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bisping won the rematch

Jacapoo Pooza is a bridesmaid

Kelshit Fatfuckshitbum is a bridesmaid

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I invented bridesmaids

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>Invented Toilet Till
>Now invents bridesmaids
Is LithChad, dare I say it, the /heem/ GOAT?

Pissking was a world champion, show some hespect!

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I've always said it, Lithcuck is the John Cena of /heem/.

Spain is the Shawn Michaels.

Coral is the Hornswoggle.

I even invented the original lith poster lmao, I programmed him to only be able to masturbate to yoel romero

thats not lithcuck its some newfag

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Remember when Kelshit Fatfuckshitbum was so gadooshed he went for a takedown?

that's a nice name for gastelum you have there, it'd be a shame if I were to invent that too

>buddeh posters in 2016+3
cringe

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We out here

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Based

BisGOD bless buddehs

>M-maybe if I post clips of him losing t-they'll stop

The absolute steht of hehters.

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I have sources deep within Hollywood that tell me Bisping will be in the new James Bond and will be getting an HBO comedy special

I bet revved muzzie fan wrote this

Feels good to be king

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I love the nostalgia. Bisking bless boys!

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We're always here, we're always lurking. Sometimes faggots just need a cheeky reminder lad.

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Kazakhstan #1

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More like CunzikShit haha

never really noticed the lack of italians in mma

>they call me brown bear because of my brown skin and I like to maul people
based

more like cuckcuckstan LMAO

Bet your family farm on ricky simon, ill only tell you 20 more times

Heem police and bispiss posters were 100 times better than shaub spammers

Weigh in boys
That korean chad, mirin

*chokes out your idol*
hehe nothin personal

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>only one brazilian female on this card
Can of a card lads

>weigh ins
>heems dead
wannabes

fishgold and the fin better keep that same energy tomorrow

If I watched your mom weigh in I wouldn't be able to stomach fucking her

It would have been funny if it was the serbian against the bosnian

Only cazzies give a fuck about ceremonial weigh ins

Leave the banter to the australians my man

Rakic is alao from bosnia
Actually bosnia has the biggest talent pool,
Bektic rakic hadzovic soldic
All from bosnia, its genetics of dinaroid people
Stipe geographically belongs to that part too

its so boring. anthony smith is a can. if this is the best ufc have to offer then they're dead and people will watch boxing instead.

suck my dick and balls hans

A few balkan boys i cant wait to watch
I like this card a lot, main fight might be spicy if gus starts doing his boxing

Interesting, i'll learn about bosnia.

Good post

How many Disqualifications would there have been in the last ten years if eye poking was actually banned? Like you only get warned the first time you do it, and only if its "questionable", then pointed the 2nd and 3rd, and again, only if its"questionable".

Then after that, automatic disqualification. Not for the fight, but for the career. And none of those warnings or points occur if the first eye poke isn't even questionable, just an automatic disqualification

Same with attacking after the bell

With Refs outside the ring that can review footage of a match

first joke is literally, unironically this:

"i go to my barber jesus every week to get my hair cut
this was an incredibly important week for me because i'm shooting my special
this week i went in and asked for jesus and it turns out he was at disney land
so they assigned another guy named jamal to do my hair instead
jamal [sounds like a black name so he] must be a black guy
black guys know how to cut hair so i'll be fine
after ten minutes of waiting jamal greets me
he's asian as shit
DICEY DICEY
i'd feel more comfortable if he was helping me with math instead
he cuts my hair and it looks like shit
i don't want to be rude so i say thank you and i'll see you next week and end up giving him like $200

*barely any laughs*

*transitions to bit about clothes"

i'm not exaggerating
that's literally it bros
did callen or rogan not tell him that this is so fucking bad?
honestly, i went in with an open mind
i was willing to be... surprised (kek i no lol)
but it's pretty fucking cringeworthy
you can just tell that he's only been doing this for a relatively short amount of time

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>So, Schaub is gay?
>The jerking off to Hulk Hogan and his son means he's gay, right?
>What else could it mean?
so.. has he actually come out? is Schuab gay? nttawwt

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From 20-30min its funny, didnt watch after

If Maisie wasn't a goblin norfener

best Bisping fight ever

Imagine covering her in honey and licking it out of all the small caveties
Lord allmighty save me from these daro chocolate tthoughts

Imagine actually thinking smiff has a chance

>From 20-30min its funny, didnt watch after
I made it through 12 minutes. Couldn't even smile because I felt so bad for him.

What's he going to do now that his career is dead?

lol

saw the sweetest little redbone negress yesterday, first time in a long time i popped a chub in public
i think youd be surprised

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>wassup guys croatian black angels poster from zagreb croatia
>not a lot of poeple know dis about me but im a lover and a fighter
>i like the occasional chit flick with my girl

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I remember the time i saw the nicest ass waist ratio ever, beatiful negress with an ass i still cant forget about
i wish i had a chance to talk to her just for a minute

A psychological heeming for the ages.

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if he fought he could have done it in half the time

Smit
Manuw
Amirkhan
Hadzovi
J

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OHNONONONO

>Khabib is 166lb in the cage
>Conor is 171lb
>Poorier is 176lb
>Tibau is 181lb

forums.sherdog.com/threads/compilation-of-fighters-cage-weight.3787965/

B-but heem told me Khabib is a cutbabby!

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>POOdog
Shan't be reading that.

khabib is such a cutbabby he had seizures lol

>forums.sherdog.com/threads/compilation-of-fighters-cage-weight.3787965/

poirier weighed 176 lbs against max
max weighed 178 lbs against aldo

interesting
further proof that max should've bulked up first before fighting poirier
poirier looked like the bigger man

Looks like that CBD promotion is doing wonders

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Dear UFC, please use face the pain tomorrow. Don't try to sell me that these two buns are absloot munsters for shure my man. I just want face the pain. Please. PLEASE.

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Read the thread, it's just a compilation of fighter weights from different sources, the source is not Sherdog, but the fact that Khabib weighed 166lb 5 days before UFC229, which means he hadn't even started his water cut by then, since you don't cut water 5 days before the fight. He cuts at most 11lb of water which s indeed babby tier, since actually significant water cuts start at 15lb and go up all the way to 20lb+.

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Literally the source of this lmao
>twitter.com/grosenstein/status/1046834791977488384

>Khabib Nurmagomedov says he currently weighs 166 pounds.

@arielhelwani
#HelwaniShow
2:50 PM · Oct 1, 2018

BJBE retard

That’s 5 days before the fight you dumbass lol

You know what? I'm just gonna say it. Bonnar vs Griffin is overrated.

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>That’s 5 days before the fight
Yes, 5 days before the fight Khabib was 166lb, which is before he started the water cut. I don't think you even comprehend what this actually means, you fucking retard.

lol the source used for Khabib isn't even an in cage weight it's his weight during the cut. He was 166 5 days out from 229 and still had seizures.

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>this guy said tony walks around at 205
how’s Ramadan going so far bro?

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Made it to 26 minutes and didn't laught one time. I don't even dislike Schaub but this was terrible.

I hope Schaub gets booked on nationwide tours. I hope he sells out MSG for 3 weeks straight. I hope he can't walk down the street without people shouting "Dude! JAMAL WAS ASIAN!" and asking for a picture. I hope Brennan has the objectively most successful career in comedy. And I hope Callen has to watch.

>>Khabib is 166lb in the cage

I dont think you know what means you fucking retard. He’s 166 5 days out. You don’t know shit about his weight cut. You’re just making retarded assumptions. Do you think Khabib doesn’t eat after his weight cut lol?

Do you dummies really think Khabib had seizures because he cut water? That's literally not how it works. Sure, having less fluid in his brain could have exposed it to more external damage or could aggravate an underlying neurological issue, but it's literally impossible to get seizures just from cutting water weight. You cannot find me one single scientific source that states that. Fuck, pick up a book sometime you uneducated fatties. And before you try to shitpost at me, I'm not defending Khabib, I'm just telling you that you're wrong.

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Khapoop is the one who said it to be fair

What are this meme about khalabeeb and tiramisu?

his real name is khapidor though?

khabib had seizures

>mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/dehydration/symptoms-causes/syc-20354086

>Dehydration can lead to serious complications, including:

Heat injury. If you don't drink enough fluids when you're exercising vigorously and perspiring heavily, you may end up with a heat injury, ranging in severity from mild heat cramps to heat exhaustion or potentially life-threatening heatstroke.
Urinary and kidney problems. Prolonged or repeated bouts of dehydration can cause urinary tract infections, kidney stones and even kidney failure.
Seizures. Electrolytes — such as potassium and sodium — help carry electrical signals from cell to cell. If your electrolytes are out of balance, the normal electrical messages can become mixed up, which can lead to involuntary muscle contractions and sometimes to a loss of consciousness.

Another fucking retard who has no clue how weight cuts work. Not surprising, considering the fact that you're inbred pedorussian genetic trash. Let me enlighten you then, you fucking mongoloid, since your stupidity is outright embarrassing.

1. First of all, fighters don't cut water 5 days before the fight, period. You don't dehydrate yourself to shit and then sit for almost a week without water intake, lmao. This means that Khabib weighs 166lb while being HYDRATED and AFTER A DIET.

2. Approximately 48h before the weigh-ins fighters start cutting water by various means. They dehydrate themselves drastically and thus lose this water weight. Some fighters can lose up to 30 fucking pounds of water before a fight, 11lb is fucking nothing.

3. Once the fighters are dehydrated, they go to the weigh-ins 1 day before the fight to "make weight", which in Khabib's case is 155lb. To reiterate: Khabib cuts less than 11lb of water before the weigh ins (because he has several extra days to not eat, since he was 166lb 5 days before the fight).

4. Once the weight is made, dehydrated fighters start rapidly rehydrating by intaking water. Now comes the actually hard part you seem to not understand, you fucking mongoloid: YOU DON'T REHYDRATE TO A WEIGHT HIGHER THAN YOU WERE BEFORE THE WATER CUT, you dumb cunt. Thus, Khabib (like everyone else) rehydrates to those same 166lb he was before the water cut.

Another inbred mongoloid who thinks fighters consume 10lb of food one day before a fight. Lmao, you're even dumber than the pedorussian chimp.

Khapoopyseizureboi fans BTFO

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I think you'd be surprised.

Im only predicting Gus winning because none of the other fights matter.

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My gf just sent me this. Jealous?

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amirkhani fw champ by 2020

>Schaub used his Showtime special to implicitly imply Ronda had sex with Dana

Can we just talk for a moment about how low that is?

That's my mom

Lmao idiot actually took the bait

It has to be rape.

Based and Khabibpilled

>writting walls of text
Please either grow up or fix your shit
Or even better
Do both

is schaub's wife anti vacc?

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He never said it, you don't know what you're talking about, retard. He said that he had an "attack", i.e. a fit of some sort of (chronic) sickness. He never mentioned what kind of "attack" it was, scumbags like you specifically mistranslated his words. The word he said ("pristup") is literally meaningless without further definition ("pristup" of fucking what?).

Id stured her chatbericht if ya catch my drift

You’ve never cut weight in your whole life you embarrassing fat fuck. Your entire life revolves around retardedly white knighting this equally pathetic fat fuck

>First of all, fighters don't cut water 5 days before the fight,
Yes they do, they reduce water intake gradually throughout the week. Its why they look so fucking withered you idiot

>AFTER A DIET.
And he’s still cutting calories and reducing water you enormous fat retard. He’s also eating AFTER weigh ins you retarded fuck

You have absolutely no clue about anything you’re talking about, it’s either copy and pasting Shernerds or making assumptions because you’re too much of a fat fuck to have ever done it yourself. You’re the biggest fucking sperg on heem

>Max Holloway: 178 lbs
The ultimate cut babby

Aproach translated to south slavic
Didnt knew you were dagestani or whatever
Are you slavic or avar?

>eating food

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>literally meaningless without definition

>pristup of fucking what?

DUN DUN DUN DUN

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Damn, mcgregor looking rough

Guys, Khabib didn't have a fucking seizure, alright. He had a panic attack. Because he was afraid.

Pwned

Afraid of never eating tiramisu again, that fucking faggot i waited for that fight for months

Poor guy cut all that weight just to get heemed by a push in 30 seconds

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google.ca/amp/s/www.sportsjoe.ie/amp/mma/khabib-nurmagomedov-weight-ufc219-144262

>However, Josh Thomson, the co-captain of Khabib's team, AKA, told Brendan Schaub a very different story. He revealed on the Big Brown Breakdown that Khabib was actually in the mid 190s around the time of Helwani's tweet and has yet to drop below 182 lbs.

>“Who cuts a ton of weight at 155? Khabib! Khabib cuts a shitload of weight. 195 three weeks ago, 191 when he showed up in camp. Now he’s down to 182, 183... (On fight night he's) probably 185-182, somewhere around there."

Literally his own longtime teammate lmao

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>You’ve never cut weight in your whole life
I've "cut" the water weight from my bladder right down your throat, you inbred chimp.

>they reduce water intake gradually throughout the week
So they still take water during that time before those final 48h I've mentioned where the actual water cut takes place? You dumb sack of shit, you can't even fucking read the posts.

>And he’s still cutting calories
Correct, which is why I have specifically said that he cuts less than 11lb of water, you fucking mongoloid. Thus, Khabib actually cuts less than 11lb of water which destroys your dogshit "cutbabby" narrative even harder, lmao.

Fact of the matter is, you don't rehydrate within one day to a weight higher than you were before the water cut, which leads us to the conclusion that Khabib indeed weighs 166lb in the cage (or even less).

You have absolutely no clue about anything you’re talking about, you inbred sack of shit. Your entire narrative is the linguistic equivalent of a putrid pile of dogshit pulled from your ass-mouth.

Is this a good way to learn a new language?

Why am i seeing an american flag posted by a canadian

*raises paw*
Ummm... Who gives a shi* about khabib?

>Muricuck trying to argue about the meaning of words he doesn't even understand

Lmao. The word for seizure is "pripadok". The word "pristup" requires a further clarification to be actually meaningful and is actually translated as "attack". You can use this word to denote seizures (e.g. by saying that you had a "pristup" of epilepsy), but then you have to actually clarify this.

Really? Shitting on Khabib because he had a seizure while cutting weight? That's like making fun of someone for getting cancer. Grow up

>166 pounds

literally no one is stupid enough to believe this

shut ur retarded muzziechimp ass up

Muslims my good boi
They hate you especially if ur a black doggo

I was disappointed Overeem was able to get up and resume living after the Ngannou KO

>third party account
>gives an estimation pulled out of his ass ("probably", lmao)
>implies that Kahbib rehydrates to a weight he was walking at several weeks before the fight, which is utter nonsense from a physiological PoV
lmao

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>So they still take water during that time before those final 48h I've mentioned where the actual water cut takes place?
I didn’t say otherwise you autistic fuck.

>Correct, which is why I have specifically said that he cuts less than 11lb of water, you fucking mongoloid. Thus, Khabib actually cuts less than 11lb of water which destroys your dogshit "cutbabby" narrative even harder, lmao.
You can’t even keep a comprehensible argument because you’re such a seething retard. You’re flip flopping in your own posts. You even say he DIETS down to 166, thats a weight cut you braindead dumbass. You’re just shifting from “he weighs 166 in the cage muh water!!” “he weighs 166 during the week!” to “he only cuts X on weigh in day!!”

You’re so stupid, angry, and autistic you cant even keep up with yourself

It must really really fucking suck to be so fucking stupid thinking you know what you talking about

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cbd ol cures u of seejurs frum valxseeens so it would fershure work for aulstism too b

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>Tony didn't beat MJ
>Khabib did beat MJ
Hmm.....

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Tony didnt beat MJ

Khabib finished him

PRetty sure he slipped on the xenergy sign in that webm bro

Also, MJ would have beaten khabib if he didn't lose

>You even say he DIETS down to 166, thats a weight cut
AHAHAHA, no. Whatever """credibility""" you had has just evaporated, you dumb sack of shit. Dieting has nothing to do with weight cutting. Anyone who knows at least something about MMA knows that the term weightcutting relates to water weight cuts specifically.

Now, let's review the facts:
1. You know jack shit.
2. Your opinion is worthless garbage.
3. Khabib sits at 166lbs 5 days before the fight.
4. Thus he cannot rehydrate to a weight above that in the cage.

Case closed, shitsain. The only "cutbabby" here is your father who was too much of a babby to cut his vas deferens and gave birth to such retarded spawn.

but there was still some of Tony left in that fight. Now its just El Cucuy

>he thinks khabib walks around at 166

khabob walks around at least 700lbs

what was your fav /heem/ moment?

For me it's when that german shitskin got completely and utterly btfo'd on the khabib being a cutbabby issue

>This means that Khabib weighs 166lb while being HYDRATED and AFTER A DIET.

You can’t even keep up with yourself because you’re such a waffling sperg. Such a cringey aspie

When you’re done peeing your diaper you can calm down and respectfully concede how utterly retarded you are

FOSOW B

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For sure the homeless arn't a drawl b

youtu.be/1S_HOHynDhs

>18-0>27-0

hey /KHABIB SCHAUB CONOR/ what's new today?

Khabob missed weight before ufc 209 when he was scheduled to fight Tony and was caught eating tiramisu during his weight cut. He then denied eating tiramisu even though there was photographic evidence of him eating tiramisu.

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Its over Gus

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any of you guys want to watch UFC 1? Its on UFC youtube. I have never seen it before

Sure
How do we watch it together tho

Sorry homie, we are all watching schaubs special together at 3pm est (32 bings from now)

Think y'all can shitpost at me without even dusting the cheetos off your fingers? Ok cool. Watch this.
*GADOOSHES you*

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Now plot those autism rates against the age of mothers.

>Dieting has nothing to do with weight cutting. Anyone who knows at least something about MMA knows that the term weightcutting relates to water weight cuts specifically.

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all early
cazzies wont notice big brown faking the knockdown to bait them into his deadly guard

Chris Delila has never had sex with a sober woman

We croats weightcut by pissing beer
youtu.be/W_hq5LifKzs

>Heem in european timezone
feels so fucking good to not have stay awake till 4am for main event.

When does it start mr bong

Yes I agree. They were all early

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Lol he stopped replying after this. Stupid fuck btfo himself

Will someon watch ufc 1 with me is the new pranked meme?
Fuck you

I LOOOUH YOU GERMANOID

THIS AINT IT B

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5pm UK, 6pm Europe.

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HECK-KE-KE KOWWWW

Thanks fren

Based Euro card

Francis Ngannou

>prelims start at 7 am
what do you boys want for breakfast?

FUCK YEAH MY NIGGA

Black female ass

You prolly think that you are better now, better now
You only say that 'cause I'm not around, not around
You know I never meant to let you down, let you down
Woulda gave you anything, woulda gave you everything
You know I say that I am better now, better now
I only say that 'cause you're not around, not around
You know I never meant to let you down, let you down
Woulda gave you anything, woulda gave you everything
Oh-oh

[LuKaz]
I did not believe that it would end, no
Everything came second to the Benzo
You're not even speakin' to my friends, no
You knew all my uncles and my aunts though
Twenty candles, blow 'em out and open your eyes
We were lookin' forward to the rest of our lives
Used to keep my picture posted by your bedside
Now it's in your dresser with the socks you don't like
And I'm rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin'
With my brothers like it's Jonas, Jonas
Drinkin' Henny and I'm tryna forget
But I can't get this shit outta my head

[Michael]
You prolly think that you are better now, better now
You only say that 'cause I'm not around, not around
You know I never meant to let you down, let you down
Woulda gave you anything, woulda gave you everything
You know I say that I am better now, better now
I only say that 'cause you're not around, not around
You know I never meant to let you down, let you down
Woulda gave you anything, woulda gave you everything
Oh-oh

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fresh out. How about some eggs with hot sauce?

Cuckmier is a fat babby

Ass will do it
Thanks

[Biostewie]
I seen you with your other dude
He seemed like he was pretty cool
I was so broken over you
Life it goes on, what can you do?
I just wonder what it’s gonna take (What it's gonna take)
Another foreign or a bigger chain (Bigger chain)
Because no matter how my life has changed
I keep on looking back on better days

[Valbong]
You prolly think that you are better now, better now
You only say that 'cause I'm not around, not around
You know I never meant to let you down, let you down
Woulda gave you anything, woulda gave you everything
You know I say that I am better now, better now
I only say that 'cause you're not around, not around
You know I never meant to let you down, let you down
Woulda gave you anything, woulda gave you everything
Oh-oh

[Calendar]
I promise
I swear to you, I'll be okay
You're only the love of my life (Love of my life)

[Spainsperg]
You prolly think that you are better now, better now
You only say that 'cause I'm not around, not around
You know I never meant to let you down, let you down
Woulda gave you anything, woulda gave you everything
You know I say that I am better now, better now
I only say that 'cause you're not around, not around
You know I never meant to let you down, let you down
Woulda gave you anything, woulda gave you everything
Oh-oh

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kek

You prolly think that you are better now, better now
You only say that 'cause I'm not around, not around
You know I never meant to let you down, let you down
Woulda gave you anything, woulda gave you everything
You know I say that I am better now, better now
I only say that 'cause you're not around, not around
You know I never meant to let you down, let you down
Woulda gave you anything, woulda gave you everything
Oh-oh

[LuKaz]
I did not believe that it would end, no
Everything came second to the Benzo
You're not even speakin' to my friends, no
You knew all my uncles and my aunts though
Twenty candles, blow 'em out and open your eyes
We were lookin' forward to the rest of our lives
Used to keep my picture posted by your bedside
Now it's in your dresser with the socks you don't like
And I'm rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin'
With my brothers like it's Jonas, Jonas
Drinkin' Henny and I'm tryna forget
But I can't get this shit outta my head

[Lithcuk]
You prolly think that you are better now, better now
You only say that 'cause I'm not around, not around
You know I never meant to let you down, let you down
Woulda gave you anything, woulda gave you everything
You know I say that I am better now, better now
I only say that 'cause you're not around, not around
You know I never meant to let you down, let you down
Woulda gave you anything, woulda gave you everything
Oh-oh

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just figuring out a way that we can watch

sync-video.com/r/rpladAhm

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Can Adan write some Heem related haikus rq?

[Croatia]
I seen you with your other dude
He seemed like he was pretty cool
I was so broken over you
Life it goes on, what can you do?
I just wonder what it’s gonna take (What it's gonna take)
Another foreign or a bigger chain (Bigger chain)
Because no matter how my life has changed
I keep on looking back on better days

[Drake]
You prolly think that you are better now, better now
You only say that 'cause I'm not around, not around
You know I never meant to let you down, let you down
Woulda gave you anything, woulda gave you everything
You know I say that I am better now, better now
I only say that 'cause you're not around, not around
You know I never meant to let you down, let you down
Woulda gave you anything, woulda gave you everything
Oh-oh

[Calendar ]
I promise
I swear to you, I'll be okay
You're only the love of my life (Love of my life)

[Camaro]
You prolly think that you are better now, better now
You only say that 'cause I'm not around, not around
You know I never meant to let you down, let you down
Woulda gave you anything, woulda gave you everything
You know I say that I am better now, better now
I only say that 'cause you're not around, not around
You know I never meant to let you down, let you down
Woulda gave you anything, woulda gave you everything
Oh-oh

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GET THE FUCK IN HERE BOYS
we will start in a little bit

have sex spammy

Saged, reported, hidden, called using the burner phone, called Dana White, called the cops, called the Fire Department, called Ghostbusters, called Pizza Hut, called the USN, called the Royal Navy, called the Red Army, called the FBI, called the CIA, called Interpol, called the KGB, called the USMC, called the USAF, called the Royal Air force, called MI 6, called Scotland Yard, called the US National Guard of every state, called NYPD, called Obama, called the Queen, called Putin, called David Cameron, called every Governor of every US State, used my time phone to call Winston Churchhill, As well as Hitler, Stalin, Theodore Roosevelt, George Washington, Montezuma, every Caesar, and Gilgamesh, called US Army, called British Army in every era, called every phone sexline, called Papa John's, called the US Coast Guard, called my State Senators, called my Senators, called every republican in the US, called Dr. Who, called the Pope, called my local Gang lords, called the State Patrol of ever state west of the Mississippi, called all of my local news channels, called Star Fleet, called The Sun, called The national enquirer, called CNN, called Scot Pelly, called Steven Colbert, called half of the Mexican Drug Cartels, called Nintendo, called the Japan Maritime Self-Defense Force, called the head of the Illuminati, called every free mason, called Bilderberg, called my neighbours, called the mayor of every city in France, called my mom, called the Emperor of Man, and called every school district in Canada.

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sync-video.com/r/rpladAhm
UFC 1 TAKE REFUGE FROM SPAMMY

watch2gether is better in my opinion

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it started

Is Henry Cejudo a low IQ individual?

*panic wrestles*

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what a fucking retard why would u go for a guillotine when u could have easily kneed him

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Smith wins in round 2. Drops Gus in the clinch. I’ll delete my Heem account if I’m wrong.

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bc is p based for coming back twice from being knocked down by aj in both fights
you have to give him that bros
you may not like him, but you must respect him
if only he could've done the same thing against jon ;_;

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Unlikely given his extremely high intracranial volume.

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dc*
sorry for the typo bros

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How would she do in UFC?

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do refs ever call shots to the back of the head ?

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Shots to the back of the head should be legal

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absolute bum

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>five(5) career fights COMBINED

Jews are literally mocking us with this fucking trash

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Oh NONonoNOOONOnononoNONONononoOoO

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Barboza's best win is literally Bumneil Dariwho. How the fuck did people really think he'd beat Gaethje?

Gaycheese is a turbo chinlet after all

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>both of the these sloppy bum boxers think they would win against khabib

Tekken3

Literally the opposite of a chinlet. Poirier's best shots couldn't put him out all the way. And it took a flush knee right to the chin after 3 rounds for Eddie to finish him.

>got KO'd
>isnt a chinlet

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Wasn't as bad as I was expecting desu. Better than any female """comedian""", though there's still no way he should have a special.

>2 loses
>Both by KO
Chinlet

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EA Sports UFC 3™

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Hooker is his best win

Thank you

Guess that means I will miss most of the card. Might get the main event

Gaethje would destroy Kebab but Dustin is just another can they're hyping up to pad the """undefeated""" record

The only chinlet you know about is your mother's chin letting my nuts slam against it

>that shredded chest
how is this abomination able to fight women

>Gaethje would destroy Kebab

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Ye he won but 47 y oldhendo fucked him up

the overhand that dropped gooby wouldve killed gaethje

>DUDE HE FRIGGIN WRESTLES BEARS! HECKIN BEARS!

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>rumble is back
>for grappling
Lol

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THAWTS??????
youtube.com/watch?v=DWK_iYBl8cA&t=

Craig Jones taps him within a minute, complete joke matchup

After 17 warnings

This is NOT the Rumble vs Jones that I ordered

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Lol????

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Bet the farm on Gus

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For sure staph my guy

>bloodyelbow.com/2016/2/8/10937472/ufc-khabib-nurmagomedov-talks-about-the-difficulties-of-making-weight-without-iv-mma

Khabib literally admitting he cuts 37 pounds and his weight cut is a “two month process” including dieting

>"Weight cutting is still quite a long process and takes about two months," Khabib told riakchr.ru. "Everything happens in stages. Basically, we maintain a diet: drink plenty of water, go to bed on time and we eat only healthy food - mainly fruit and vegetables, a little meat and little bread. We do not use chocolate and ice cream, or added salt and sugar in food. This is a very difficult process and even if everything to tell, not all will be able to stick to it, because it is necessary to bring into your life.

seething Tony bab

Khabib is undefeated

"conor will totally win at 145!"

fax

mmamania.com/2015/11/1/9653000/khabib-nurmagomedov-was-injured-one-day-before-he-would-have-flown-to

Khabibs own father outs him

>We planned to do 2 training camps - 21 days each. Khabib's weight was 85 kg (187 pounds) what I think was good regarding the time he had before the fight. One relief for us - is that wasn't his old injury, not his knee."

seething

Watched the whole thing and it got worse each passing minute, I feel embarrassed for him. Worst special I've ever seen but I haven't seen many.

Khabib already making multiple excuses for pulling out of his fight after taking a fucking year to prepare

Smith
Manuwa
Fishgold
Giagos
Sung Bin Jo

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so why doesn't khabib face jon jones. it's literally the only fight to make since he walks around at 200 pounds

>How to end your career in one round

the article is from 2015 americabro

Khabib has no talent other than leg humping somebody 40 pounds lighter to a decision """victory"""

how did he not throw out his spine doing the first thing whatever the fuck that is

BASED

This just in

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Khabib cutting from 176 three weeks out
bloodyelbow.com/2017/12/28/16824546/ufc-219-khabib-nurmagomedov-edson-barboza-weight-cut-update-lightweight-mma-news

reddit.com/r/MMA/comments/9ij82b/khabibs_father_khabib_currently_weighs_79_kg
Khabibs father saying he’s 174 pounds a little over a week from 229

thats really rude

lie i saw that hours ago

seething

>hey lemme check out what's going on in the fight world today
>bunch of guys talking about another guys weight

Y'blockbuster.
Post heems faggots.

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Uhhh lads? Can you spell wining?

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weight cutting is like half the sport

Everyone knows Kebab is a cutbaby. He should move up to WW and get heemed by someone his own size.

Does anyone have the video of Anderson Silva knocking out Forrest Griffen and it plays that "Mmm whatcha say" song?

his friends created this mess. you should have seen their reaction when he told them he was getting a 1 hour special especially brian calahen or whatever his name is that he does the podcast with

who cares about sport? this is heem.
Get heemed or go home

*wins*

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lmao

Jorge will put this guy to sleep.

please i can't find it anymore

*wins anyway*

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Jorge is a can who graduated to overrated can status by crushing another overrated can

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this is just a h8r

>30 POUNDS OF WATER in TWO DAYS
yeah youd be dead idiots

Oh my god you fucking sperglords have been going on about Khabib's weight nonstop for like 3 fucking weeks nonstop

the suicide grip at the end is making me incredibly uncomfortable

youtu.be/qH1gKWByyvc

>triggers virgins

ahahahahaha
Craig heelhooks him in 20 seconds tops

>gets flushed standing

Are you sure tho ?

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>get's heemed after eye poke from Struve
>get's heemed after eye poke from DC

why is he such a eyelet bros?

He won standing tough

#SnapCity

Based DC studying film

Yeah but AssKream has striking skills that would be considered subpar at the regional level.

who’s the superior striker between askren sand khabib

prime Dariwho beats khabib, Lee and Hooker btw

Khabib. Not even a question.

Ben heems Kebob in the 1st

khabib vs scale. who wins?

Based. People shit on leglocks, but the fact is the new generation of jiu jitsu guys in MMA are showing success with them. People don't realize that most jiu jitsu in MMA is straight from the year 2000. High level jiu jitsu changed a lot since then. Guys like Jacare, yeah they are beasts, but they are using oldfag techniques.

Current grappling tech is on another level.

Could you explain to a retard what some of the changes are?

Edgy to the core.

Khabitch has seizures

;_; my chubby waifu finna get permasheemed

ahem, it's khapidor

Khabibtulate

wrapping their legs and putting your fat overweight body on top of them while throwing a couple of pot shots is new tech jiu jitsu

poobib haha

Alright, the next thread must include Tony Ferguson

Who actually cares about the >145 divisions? I can't take these weird looking manlets flying around the ring seriously.
I remember people used to debate why Demetrious Johnson wasn't a draw but they never addressed the elephant in the room. Nobody's looking at him as some great champion like Jon Jones, they're laughing at him.

> doesn't mean what you think it means baggedmilkbro

tony ferg has reached 200 pounds walking weight at one point

oh whoops

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No gi has gotten a lot more popular in the 2010's. If you look back at Eddie Bravo's famous match with Royler Gracie, Royler had no idea what to do with Eddie's halfguard and that was back in 2003.

Guys like Ryan Hall, Marcelo Garcia, John Danaher, have really done a lot of work to advance grappling. One big thing that these three guys do, is they set up their submissions differently than old school guys.

The old school mantra is 'position before submission', but these guys (and others) have put an increased focus on threatening submissions from everywhere. You use that threat to advance position, or you just finish them outright. The 'Your money or your life' principal as Ryan Hall describes it.

I think Danaher himself says that when he started, in the jiu jitsu world, leglocks were a last resort. But he, along with other coaches, have started using leglocks to attack. Leglocks to take the back. Leglocks off takedowns. That's just one obvious example of how a more modern coach is doing things differently.

Interesting. I appreciate the writeup my man. I'm gonna go watch eddie vs gracie again now

for sure

you mean this?
youtube.com/watch?v=MADvxFXWvwE

yeah who cares tho dawg dieting isnt weight cutting all about what you are 5 days out actually 48 hours

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>Latifi out

My picks are already going strong

Did you guys watch the q and a? Dan Hardy got proper salty when someone mentioned Mickey Gall.

>Dan Hardy got proper salty

why?

youtu.be/-gPGFQjNdfs?t=893

Why would he get salty about some can that started fighting after he retired?

One of you discord fags has to have a serious talk with michael ITS GETTING OUT OF HAND

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left hook larry strikes again

redpill me on this photo

Based

ARE YOU IN THE DISCORD BRO? TELL MICHAEL WE NEED TO HAVE A TALK
AND IM NOT TALKING ABOUT MICHAEL MCCREARY(FREETHEANONSUFUK)

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i just cut 5 pounds in the sauna. think i'm having a seizure

need that fucking phone NOW
ELSE I CANT ASSURE LILLIANS SAFETY

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pretty sure it's the cripple who post scat

Which one? derek? airplane(me) or me(airplane)?

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i can tell derek is pissing himself looking at this thread lol

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new

...

Airplane has never been a thing, Lukas. You're not fooling anyone.

Spammer thread

based Uriah "almost a school shooter" Hall

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>You came to the wrong neighborhood