/heem/ - Cosmic Regret Edition

Upcoming events:

05/24 - LFA 67
05/24 - Future FC 5
06/01 - UFC Fight Night 153 - Gustafsson/Smif
06/02 - Rizin 16 - Tension/Ferradji
06/06 - PFL 3 - Light Heavyweights/Heavyweights
06/08 - UFC 238 - Ferguson/Cerrone
06/11 - PFL 4 - Women’s Lightweight/Welterweights
06/14 - ONE FC Hero Series June
06/14 - Bellator 222 - Machida/Sonnen
06/15 - ONE FC Legendary Quest
06/15 - ROAD FC 054 - La/Yang
06/20 - ONE FC Warrior Series
06/22 - UFC Fight Night 154 - Moicano/Jung
06/22 - Bellator 223 - Mousasi/Lovato Jr.
06/22 - GLORY 66 - Doumbe/Nabiyev
06/22 - Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship 6 - Lobov/Maliginigee

news:

Smif “Nobody likes you, Luke”
>mmanews.com/anthony-smith-no-one-likes-luke/
Volkanovski almost lost his leg
>espn.com/mma/story/_/id/26811175/i-lost-leg-alexander-volkanovski-reveals-extent-blood-infection
Conor discusses Andrade/Namajunas
>bloodyelbow.com/2019/5/24/18637993/conor-mcgregor-beat-floyd-mayweather-rematch-i-whooped-him-early-rounds-boxing-ufc-news
DC inducted into Professional Wrestling Hall of Fame
>mmamania.com/2019/5/24/18638628/ufc-daniel-cormier-reacts-professional-wrestling-hall-of-fame-induction
Is Lobov/Malignaggi a drawl?
>mmafighting.com/2019/5/24/18637479/the-great-divide-is-artem-lobov-vs-paulie-malignaggi-the-biggest-fight-in-june
Big Titty sent home
>bjpenn.com/mma-news/ufc/ufc-cuts-heavyweight-justin-willis/

previous:

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Other urls found in this thread:

bjpenn.com/mma-news/ufc/ufc-cuts-heavyweight-justin-willis/
instagram.com/p/BxtaPbGB4QU/?hl=en
reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/bse3a3/nofap_is_not_about_avoid_fapping/
youtube.com/watch?v=KF3aKSZbNkg
torrentfreak.com/reddit-kos-piracy-focused-mma-community-ex-ufc-fighter-gets-the-blame-190524/
youtube.com/watch?v=jilgF-PpXBg
youtube.com/watch?v=ilb7jG5av90
youtube.com/watch?v=Q7oQqoluGrY
youtube.com/watch?v=C-5nist-qeQ
youtu.be/clRMriLfFEY
streamable.com/0ddmd
mobile.twitter.com/BloodyElbow/status/1132383342215749632
youtube.com/watch?v=KtyqaFc-8LQ
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

This may be the one

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This is NOT the thread

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*wins*

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DAD CERONE

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BRO

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JAMAL WAS ASIAN

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the quality of the OP means this is the thread. may we never see bjpenn.com OPs again.

you get your shit from "saidit"

schmo is the rivers cuomo of mma. a nerd who just happened to get famous following his passion.

bjpenn.com is the Huffington Post of MMA

get my son in here

mostly youtube screencaps m8

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Huffington post is the pornhub of liberalism

i'm talking streams hombre, someone posted "saidit" as replacement for links

Are we forgetting that Tony didn't even beat Pettis? Pettis was winning so hard he broke his hand in that lanky faggot's face wich because of rule cuckery was turned into somehow Tony walking away with the victory.

Tony should not be talked about with the real elite like Khabib and Connor.

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>bjpenn.com/mma-news/ufc/ufc-cuts-heavyweight-justin-willis/
uncle dana cuts a guy who was 4-1 in the ufc because he couldn't make weight but gastelum is headlining cards

tony didn't beat him outright but he was winning that fight. i never seen pettis crumble to pressure like that.

broken spirit not hand

instagram.com/p/BxtaPbGB4QU/?hl=en

Woah le epic raid on a guy who doesn't even read his comments

Apparently he was offered Walt Harris on July 20 and said he couldn't make weight in time

>he doesn't know

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ferguson pretended he was getting hurt

What a fucking joke, he gets cut because he felt like taking a break from fighting? I hate Dana and Sean so fucking much

khabib is a cutbaby and had seizures

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3 piece with a soda

www.mmamania.com/platform/amp/2019/5/24/18638503/tyron-woodley-diagnosed-chronic-arthritis-may-need-exemption-ufc-return

This is what I will get, my knuckles hurt all the time and my hands look like an old persons.

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JUST

Who's the guy on the left? Dana Shite?

Should've got this tattoo instead

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what? his 20 fish oil pills a day didn't keep him safe?

Is the "Nofap" dogma real /heem/?

its a cope for virgins

not enough milk. very sad

pues claro que no pendejo yo intenté por 62 días y no mejoro mi vida cabron

nope. Its just placebo for self discipline

Niggers getting arthritis, especially with tyrons size is rare.

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It's real but massively oversold. You won't get super powers but it will motivate you to go out and do shit as opposed to sitting at home like an autistic weirdo. I used to jerk off every day. Now I'm at less than a month and every time I do I notice that I feel depressed, jittery and antisocial the next day.

it's real desu.
reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/bse3a3/nofap_is_not_about_avoid_fapping/

that's the mma hour with luke thomas

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>sick as fuck
>went to chemist to get some medicine
>chemist is a polish qt
>thick accent
>ask her what accent is that?
>Polish
>ask her if she watches ufc
>she says no
>tell her joanna is a great Polish fighter and she should check her out
>Asks me to write down her name so she can look it up after work
>write Joannas name and my phone number under it
>smiles and says 'thank you, I will follow that up later'
literally 20 minutes ago, think Im in brehs

Are you Wamuu or Elliot?

>>write Joannas name and my phone number under it

i'll copy this the next time some girl ask me to write something in a paper, thank you

Just a shit cunt laborer who trains and loves muay thai

Well in that case I wish you good luck mate. Close that deal!

>>write Joannas name and my phone number under it
are you sure you got the last name right?

youtube.com/watch?v=KF3aKSZbNkg

which one of you is the schmo?

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I didnt man, she started laughing when I said it's a heap of mixed letters at the end but it's pronounced 'jaycheck'
cheers breh

>top 15 heavyweight fighting for peanuts gets cut because he can't make weight
how?

The schmo is an opportunist, look at his video upload history, tried a few different sports for 'reporting' and his first mma one got heaps of hits so he turned himself into mma guy.
Shall not be supporting this weasel

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Schmo vs Khabib interview how it goes

>hey you show respect

>Khabib beheads the Shmo after he cracks a joke about Islam
Ey ey, be careful.

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>Cazzie doesn't know that mma reporting is one of the last things 80% of its analyzers had in mind career wise

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>shitter can't find true mma reporters who have dedicated their lives to reporting on it because they love it
fuck off schmo, youre not funny and youre not a good reporter

>fuck off schmo, youre not funny and youre not a good reporter
based

>not a single person on heem just watched the best heavyweight prospect in the world put on a show
you guys are casuals but just don't know it

the streams are too laggy, post one or fuckoff

it's over you nasty shite

they can't all be ariel helwani. take what you can get. would you rather luke thomas did field pieces?

great show of restraint

>I dont have a counter argument to explain why a reporter needs to be devoted to a sport from the start in order to be entertaining and give knowledgable opinions about it.

Dude, have you ever tried DMT?

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so i look at my bralther and _____

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>dedicated their lives to reporting on it because they love it
>because they love it
counter argument? You're assuming there is an argument.
Im stating facts.
Please don't @ me with nonsensical retardation

Cerrone is basically unheemable since he's a dad now

fucking based

*farts

>the best heavyweight prospect in the world
Jack Hager was fighting?

*laughter and applause

cringe

i only watch flyweights

>attack on personal character
Cerrone is scared

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Little does he know the computer chip only makes Tony stronger.

CLOSER, CLOSER

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Daxon Danger is about to watch daddy crumble under pressure and let his last run at the title slip away.

shit list

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Cowboy is genuinely a dick. People think he is a nice guy because he doesn’t talk trash before fights, but he only does that because it is part of his character and because he loses so often.

Look how he treated his gym like fuck this guy.

coun·ter·ar·gu·ment
/ˈkoun(t)ərˌärɡyəmənt/
noun
noun:counter-argument
an argument or set of reasons put forward to oppose an idea or theory developed in another argument

fact
/fakt/
Learn to pronounce
noun
noun:fact; plural noun:facts
a thing that is known or proved to be true.

Neither one are present in your attempted shitpost, baby ozzy
@(you) niggy

we are two thick boys just chillin in the car bee like life is good just breakin it down and now here is a fake story about how I bought thousands of dollars of stuff for strangers bee

did schaub tell a single funny joke in his special?

stick to the NFL schmo
Plebbit loves your boy. such a great dad!

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Absolute garbage I hope you aren’t spreading this.

Go ahead and remove WMMA from our side.

I watched the whole thing without laughing unironically

Its a controversial roster for sure however I have checked and rechecked and it's 100% legit

i'm not watching that shit bro

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>tfw no-fight Saturday existential crisis

>WMMA
>Dillashaw over No Dad
>Fatselum
>2019 Canor

I tried to use promocode Shwoob to watch the showtime special for free but it didnt work what the heck

schaub comedy special is now used in cia torture tactics

I realize this cowboy was always motivated by money because his bank account is leakier than a Republican white house staffed by liberals, but this dude always comes out to bang and likes to take hot steamy dumps over zoomers with big hype and no game so he is cool with me

i'd pay 65.99 to watch luke vs schmo in bkb

> likes to take hot steamy dumps over zoomers with big hype and no game
Or get hot steamy dumps over himself

anyone remember that JRE story where cowboy admits to smuggle drugs in Singapore

where the fuck is that bong Cerrone hater that used to spam threads with webms of Cerrone losing? i miss him

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he shook

I love pooping

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we know...

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so where will schaub get his illegal streams now?

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are you fucking kidding me?

>Inb4 Schaub gets twitter as a whole shut down.

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I don't think Brendan's face looked like that until he started wearing tight pants

Schaub is k-k-killing it

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everything reddit was good for is being banned
all thats going to be left is soibois and cringe

I don't poop without the belt champ shit only

torrentfreak.com/reddit-kos-piracy-focused-mma-community-ex-ufc-fighter-gets-the-blame-190524/

I will never understand why he insists on dressing like a fat 11 years old.

jesus how much of a cuck can this guy be? what a fucking faggot

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Requesting Shadow Realm Sage gifs and webms

I wish I was big like brendan

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Coral does your mom clean your bathroom bro?

sometimes

Where were you when I invented Khapee Nurmagopoo?

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I heemed my dad once, he was passed out and i wacked him with a crowbar. He snored funny for like an hour so I know he was out for some of that

On the Till, flushing a Big Pretty

i'd cut your throat to be his size

took a 16 inch Schaub today bros

*audience laughs*

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Based

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i unironically love brendan schaub

Bless.

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Rockhold is about to take over at 205. That's that.

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Jesus I thought you were kidding. LMAO.

based Coral w/ cheese

aight lets get /mmastreamzs going

ok where are we gonna get our streams now that Schlob fucked it for all of us

I'm gunna KILL skub for this bros

its usually the same set of sites with the best streams every event

wtf is wrong with schaub

fuck bros I just cut a little chunk of my penis head off with nail clippers fuckk I wasnt paying attention I was distracted by heem posts damnit shit

saidit.net/s/MMAStreams

Why bro. Just why.

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nice to see gray maynard landed on his feet.

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ok next time I see a B**f or a r****e stream posted here I am gonna slide through the ethernet cable and 360 roundhouse kick all of you motherfuckers

what the fuck...
tuck your chin buddeh!

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Facebook

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that and he sent homophobic DM's to Blaydes.

WOMEN fighters??

Why are there people on /heem/ who think Lesnar was a good fighter

Damn dude, another top tier OP. Appreciate, bro.

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He became the UFC Heavyweight champ

lmao I read all those quotes in his voice
>“Just for database and research I went through 10 to 15 [of the links].

Why did no one tell Master Shifu that Peaches are a Beast? Is he a caz?

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>started MMA in his mid 30s
>beat Couture, Mir, Carwin, Hunt
>Defended his belt 2x

He deserves a lot of credit. He also never ducked anyone.

He also has a win over DC in my opinion.

>He also has a win over DC in my opinion
yeah, if you're into the whole mandrama thing

test

Mad cause DC got punked like a bitch?

>DC got punked like a bitch
he's not the one that retired to duck an asswhooping

Punished McGregor

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>06/08 - UFC 238 - Ferguson/Cerrone

based

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Why is her torso so long

name?

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genetics

holy fug she's cute

what weight class is she fighting

is 25 lbs good bros? i can do 5 reps and feel like a weakling

Reminder that MMA fans are Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson, WWE, hip hop fans. This has to be the worst combination of a human.

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'ate hip hop
'ate juden patreon
'ate joe blow men
'ate wwe

love heems
simple as

based and truthpilled

gross nipples

I honestly revel in seeing Cerrone fall at the last hurdle. Happens every couple of years.

Based Schwab taking a fat dab on redditards. Yet another conclusive proof that Schnup is in fact Yea Forums and not r*ddit.

Helwani moved to MMA after he flushed out of wrasslin' reporting.

kek me too idk why

One more run at my wife, bull

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dad Cerrone heems prime conor

Would it be legal for me to sneak up and slip my dick into her right hand?

Major cringe

By "it" you mean r/mmaStreams?

Favorite female mma fighter?

even Yea Forums used that subreddit for links you frumpy sausage choking cunt

get a handjob

Uh, sweaty... no

what did you use then? genuinely curious, i thought everyone here used reddit streams

I used havesexincel.com

has this Lithuanian guy ever made a good post? I think not

You dont think you're american

>havesexincel.com
yeah that one doesn't work for some reason, can you get onto it?

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If you prefer having free high quality streams conveniently managed in one place and not creating a precedent that will likely mean drastic decline in illegal content on this particular topic to seeing redditards suffer then you need to go back.

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Hey, uhmmmmmmmm khabib? Yeah... im thinking he had seizures from cutting weight, but honestly? In the end I really dont think it's anything personnel

that sentence structure is cancer

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Are we really gonna pretend that UFC hasn't known about mmastreams for years

anyone watching yokkao right now? it's streamed on youtube

I buy every PPV

Ok - why do you guys hate Rockhold?

because he got KOd by Bisping? Luke outclassed him in the first fight and Bisping caught him with a good shot in the rematch, so what? it's 1-1.
it's not like bisping won both fights

Bisping talked so much trash before the first fight, gets outclassed and somehow everyone loves him for talking trash and not backing it up, I don't get it
also HE was the one who was acting like the biggest douche on the planet after he KOd Rockhold

what I also heard was that you hate him for being awkward. I saw these videos of him being awkward for 4 minutes or so
that dude is not a trash talker and has to fight bisping twice who is one of the best trash talkers. wtf do you guys expect. put me in a room with Bisping who absolutely kills me with words and I'd say the same nonsense that Rockhold said

I don't reaaaly give a shit about both, not a fan of either of them, but I just don't understand all the hate he gets

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lmao imagine writing shit like this on /heem/

I like Rockhold
My boy's finna expose Jonny

>tony & artem vs memeani in same week
Might be reaching prime 2019 right here.

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kek what the fuck

He ruined our boy simple as

Really struggling to clear out the schaubs before my workout

He's a mental tranny. Think about it. Just let it sink in. No other man in MMA is like that. We have untalanted donkeys, who don't have reach or physical ability to be the best but they go forward. Look at what Artem accomplished. Literally a drawl without gooby anywhere near. All heart and determination. They might look stupid, but they know one of the most important rules in life: water doesn't flow under the lying rock. All the CTE bangers like Max or Gaycheese or wraslers from WW. They know what they are, they know what they do and they mostly fight they way the should.
Now look at Cockhold. He got everything, even the ability to cut to MW. JBJ showed that being power lanklet is absolutely unsolvable. And yet fLuke fights like WMMA brainswap. Same fucking static head, like ronda like cyborg. Instead of fixing his shit he goes hard at LWs in sparing and spend other time attention whoring like some deeply complexed(with issues) bitch. Like ones that ruin their attractive face with horrendous plastic surgery. Fighting is his plastic surgery, and it affects the end result.
That's why he's hated and Schaub is loved. Schaub is reverse, he let's things that are natural to him drive him forward. fLuke could've been adored as the only chad looking fighter that's good enough to stumble into winning belt or be more talanted but same chin/heart MW Cowboy "i just surf, skate and do this exciting MMA thing" guy. Instead he's mental tranny.

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This is retarded.

People hate Luke and call him rocksalt and cuckhold because they are JEALOUS.

He is tall.
He is attractive.
He is rich.
He is successful.
He could fuck you up.
He held the title.

You literally have nothing on him so you have to make fun of his "awkwardness" (pathetic).

#conordroppedyoupaulie

I think Paulie could beat Artem in an mma fight.

#paulieschooledyoufortherestofthesparringdespitebeingoutofshapewhichiswhywe'vestillonlyseen10secondsoffootage

Think you meant Brendan Schaub, in which case I agree (100%)

Blue lips...

Khabib is the goat, just in case you forgot

Khabib couldn't finish a real estate agent for the belt and defended against a featherweight booze merchant.

Cerrone the guy with the most finishes couldn't finish him either, and Masvidal who just knocked out a guy with an iron chin and a 40pound weight advantage lost to him.

Just took a Kevin Lee in the bathroom lads

That’s pretty impressive for a filthy animal

I have yet to try it but I know that every day I jerk off I feel tired, depressed and unmotivated. I think it's worth a shot.

Porn is probably the worst part about fapping, basically a drug.

This tells me that he's about the same level as Cerrone and Masvidal. He can't GOAT when he's done nothing more impressive.

Your list sucks ausqueer

based brasil

Here is Schaub's opinion regarding the Malignaggi drama:
youtube.com/watch?v=jilgF-PpXBg

this lol

long legs way better

lmao i think tony is unironically autistic

> According to his potential opponent, Willis was offered a fight against Walt Harris at UFC on ESPN 4 in San Antonio, Texas, and declined because he might not be able to make weight in time. On the MMA Roasted Podcast on Thursday, Harris said, "He had a chance to fight me on July 20, they offered him the contract and he told them he couldn’t make weight in two months…and so they cut him."

>can't make weight in 2 months

Ahaha. Fat git.

Nanaka with blue contacts.

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>projecting this hard on a Vietnamese cosplay forum

>What did you say, little bitch?
>You don't know me.
>Don't pretend that you know me.
>I've had like 100 fights.

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based callen

Cerrone and Masvidal would both lose to McGregor.

This was Val's best look. If she walkied into my room like this, I'd straight up let her peg me (so long as we use lots of lube).

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Where do you live these days?

is that coach banging both shevs? based if so

Not sure there is anything cringier than tatooos

Incels

In my honest opinion he looks like the kind of guy who is packing a large penis, despite his short stature.

>be racist
>favourite fighter is black

What do?

Who's your favourite fighter?

mike perry xD

BREAKING: Ferguson is still a massive pussy

JBJ was able to finish Gus
He wasn't able to finish Smith

So Smith beats Gus.

>be racist
>enjoy watching blacks fuck my girlfriend
what do?

Rakic had real trouble against Devin (the Literal Who) Clark.
I think Manuwa could put an end to this hype train.

It's a guaranteed banger, whichever way it goes.

Conor...elite. Ok. When was the last time that fuck won a fight?

Masvidal is a nightmare matchup for Conor

this is pretty cool right

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f*cking epic bro

youtube.com/watch?v=ilb7jG5av90

Pretty good, the scythe is a bit much though, makes it feel cheesy.

Manuwa just need a strong wind hitting on his chin to start doing the stanky leg. And i can assure Santos completely obliterated what was left of his already glassed jaw.

But Rakic is also a overrated can.

If manuwa comes to the swanging and banging at the beginning of the fight, before getting gassed , he can connect clean and put Raketa out stiff

youtube.com/watch?v=Q7oQqoluGrY
name of girl at 5:15

he says it ya dang niggerlover!

Chandella Powell.

chandella

Skinny jeans and soft high tops. Looks like Napoleon Dynamites boots but orange.

Weird ass mf.

Stomach vacuums, breathing exercises, and compound lifts are literally all you need for core work

whittaker is an aspie that plays runescape
hes clearly Yea Forums

who's the heem heavyweight then? don't tell me it's nmemeou

Where is he going to spread this to

>be a niglover
>there are no qt nigs in wmma
life sucks

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>"Cristina wrote that Tony allegedly had a “mental break” after winning The Ultimate Fighter 13 in 2011. He flew home to visit his parents in Michigan and was removed from the flight because of an alleged outburst. Cristina wrote that Tony went to the hospital in Michigan and he was prescribed Risperidone, a medication that can be used to treat schizophrenia and bipolar."

Calling Tony autistic is like saying the river is damp.

heem sureño

> mate
Back to the footie pitch for a match with the local drag queens r*dditburger

I mean sueño

seen this a bunch of times and only now noticing the bald spic had a gun. sketchy shit, makes that great finish look even better

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I honestly appreciate the fact he ran a fair one.

Why is faber grappling with a 12 year old boy later today?

capoeira bro

Agree, would rather some aztec warrior-turned-monster-on- dia de los muertos thingy for sperg.

tko (double leg takedown)

Dont trigger downie

post your entrance theme

youtube.com/watch?v=C-5nist-qeQ

mmacore.tv redditor faggots

>he needs an entrance song to enter /heem/
Perth based tbqh

I invented Khapee Nurmagomepoo

I copyrighted though, the general public will never know it was you who did it and I will get all the credit, heh but honestly? nothin personnel

i pirated it and didnt give you credit, umad

3 awful posts in a row from the usual impoverished shitholes

4 awful posts in a row from the usual impoverished shitholes

you two krakkkazzz above b trippin

how the fuck you do that nigga

Prime Jens Pulver heems Khabib

Holy fuck he literally uses the check hook like it's a jab what a brainlet

Yoel loosing his muscles

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Whittaker deleted him. Yoel looks pudgy now and has the Weidman eye

that dog does not like being handled by one of the residents of the brown void

Khabib only beat Conor because he gassed. Dustin is going to smoke his fat ass in the 5th.

JUST

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El Sleepo

Conor knows the ESPN deal only happened because of him. Eventually they are going to want him to fight on their platform and WME-IMG-UFC will have to give Conor anything he wants.

As a white man (300lbs) it pains me to say this but, I want Tony to win. Donald is an entertaining fighter and persona, but Tony is who I would rather have sex with.

He's one fight away from Cain levels of flushed

They can afford sitting him down, while he's locked in a 6 fights contract with an expensive coke habit on top. I hope they pay him what his worth

Schaub apparently almost /heem/d one of you dorks
youtu.be/clRMriLfFEY
youtu.be/clRMriLfFEY

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That's what I can see happening. I'm guessing Manuwa is a better striker than Devin Clark, even though his defence is bad.

The way I see it, it's two decent strikers with not so decent defence going against each other.

me behind the rock

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Not good.

He's so perfect (no homo)

Degenerate slut deserves rape.

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Take another look at the full length of time that Askren and Lawler spent inside the cage.

One guy was slammed onto his head and punched repeatedly into a unconscious blood pulp and the other got pushed around and hugged for a bit.

Now let me ask you again. Who do you think won that fight?

the guy who choked the other guy unconscious

Kinda gay how he remembers the outfit of the /box/er

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>Who won the fight
>The guy who won
>The guy who lost and got chocked out
Gee i wonder ya fucken monkey

He looks pretty good for a 42 year old tbqh

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>muh ref stoppage

There are no refs in the real world

There is never going to be a tall conner mcgregor
bcos manlets

if there was no ref robbie would have passed away

the only thing that would've passed at that moment would be my turd down your mom's throat

Based.

Based.

You wouldn't believe the Schaub I just dropped

How would you rate it?

Attached: bramble_reviews.jpg (1440x2960, 1.06M)

i think youd be surprised

jūs nedarysite nieko, kas jums yra mažas širdys

>even implying heemers are so low class they resort to theft to view the art of mma
dont think you belong here buddy

>no fights tonight
Uh... why am I alive again?

attain siddhis

streamable.com/0ddmd

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Lel, based

Who do you consider the most underrated female fighter currently rostered in the UFC?

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What time do the fights start?

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whose next for “Bate Estaca”?

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my wife

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loni bouchard
how close am i not even looking in up

correct and based

Any fights tonight?!

Coral you there? I really need some advice on something.

Good heem bro

*wins*

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goat

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based and funkpilled

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>In my honest opinion
Get a load of this fucking fag. I trust you have a lot of experience sniffing out the big /peen/.

Polaris starts soon, watch Urijah Faber get his leg broken by a 17 year old

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>bald spic had a gun
Of course he does. Probably lives in a city packed with niggers. Around blacks, never relax.
Again, he isn't fighting a nigger so it stood 1v1 with no weapons.

No fights this weekend

It's Smith vs Gustaggson next weekend with Oez/Latifi as the comain and Manuwa/Rakic as the cocomain

Based Tony.

Rate my fighting nickname: "Depressed"

gay lol

Nice lhw weekend, kinda wanna see how rakic finna do
How about that bare knuckle fight artem vs mulignani? Or do we really have no fights except box tonight

I'm in love with the coco lol

If I had to summarise MMA in one word, it'd be "spunk".
The fighters have spunk, the fans have spunk. The fighters throw spunk at each other, and the fans often join in and throw spunk at the fighters! and the fighters sometimes throw their own spunk right back! The fans of course are constantly covering each other in spunk.
Every night is packed full of spunk.

>kinda wanna see how rakic finna do
Yeah same.

I don't know when the Artem fight is happening.

That’s actually the way I saw the fight too. Tsperg was near the end but broke Pettis hand with his orc face

Except Tferg was winning that fight.
It was a battle, but Tferg fights always are (he will not uncommonly be losing until he wins).

>m-muh 165lb division
t. losers who know they'll never get the belt at 155 or 170.

"Rose"

More like "unwanted weeds".

This, based bong btfo'ng retard logic

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S'lost without fights tonight

who has more balls, tony or justin?

Wim talmkin testicles?

Willis of course, told UFC to fuckoff he's got milkshakes to consume

Tyrone is so scared to fight based Blood Orc, that his immune system gave him arthritis so he could pull out.

Sad!

you are correct

Joanna 50-45's her again.

This 2bh.

Fapping is fine as long as you don’t overdo it and don’t deathgrip. Porn is probably an issue. I’ve been trying to avoid using porn when I fap. Been trying to mostly use memories of sex I’ve had. I just find if I use porn, I do it too much and spend too much time doing it.

nobody responds bc true

I cannot handle this cutting of Justin Willis. Is the UFC really forcing black men to diet or lose their jobs? What is this, Jim Crow, honestly, its disgusting.

You should avoid porn because its literally you watching another man have sex

>watching porn with men in it
lmao

Eh, doesn’t bother me. Not terrified of dicks. Not my cup of tea, but whatever. I appreciate the skill involved, y’know? Like seeing a chick give a really good blowjob is fucking impressive. It’s mesmerizing, like watching art happen. Plus, it’s cool to imagine her doing that shit to you.

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is there a stream?

Of all the fighters to sustain facial fractures, it's one of the most handsome ones.

ugly niggas are more durable because asymmetry makes the bones strong. my column:

Anyone do BJJ here?

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So if Cowboy wins will Dana give him a title shot or make him fight another high ranked guy? Seems like Dana always puts him a bad matchup when he gets a head of steam going, think he doesn't want Cowboy to ever get the belt

Hey, look man, sex is a skill. I’ve seen a lot of escorts over the years, and let me tell you, the difference between them and a civie is very noticeable. It’s like the difference between a UFC fighter and a bar brawler. Nothing weird about appreciating a woman’s skills. They can do some impressive shit to your dick.

>I’ve seen a lot of escorts over the years,
I bet you have

virgins won't be able to appreciate this post. Their only response will be them attempting to cope.

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>this logic
You know who hates hookers? Virgins.

Thats why they'll respond bitterly

>You know who hates hookers? Virgins.
Hooked are filthy women that fuck multiple dudes a day, I guess it's a respectable job because your sister says so.

having sex with normal people is the ultimate blue pill, acquiring money and whores is the ultimate life of the redpilled man

I’ve decided that I’ve invented Toilet Till™. You may include it in your posts with credit.

>t.virgin

What he said is not wrong, prostitutes are dirty women.

You know, I just kind of realized I don’t really want a girlfriend. There are parts of it I want, like sex and companionship, but I don’t want to meet her family, I don’t want her family becoming my family, I don’t want kids, I don’t want arguments... I basically want the fun stuff without the shitty stuff.

Best way to do that I’ve found is to just get an escort every now and then. I get my sexual urges taken care of, I get companionship (even if it’s fake), and I can just do my shit, live my life, and not really even have to think about women or relationships. May not be for everyone, but it works for me.

>I get companionship

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this is the saddest post I'll ever read. You're detailing how fading into the void is all you see.

They’re also fun. What do you incels want? A pure waifu who’s never even been in the same building as a naked man? Enjoy your shit sex, I guess. Virgins are boring as fuck. Sluts and whores are where it’s at, man.

i cant connect to other people emotionally and dont want a girlfriend unless she is completely obedient to me, the unemotional aspect of prostitution gets me off.

anyway whats your favorite brendan schaub fight?

What do incels want?
A girl that doesn't fuck multiple dudes a day

Funny, I don’t feel sad. I thought my life was pretty awesome, actually. I guess it’s not. I guess I should be feeling sad. Fuck! All the fun I’ve been having has been a lie!

I pity you

I feel you, bro.

Probably the Rothwell fight. The invisible ladder was comedy gold. He should’ve just done that for his standup special.

Cope

Can we stop this mysogynystyc toxic male shit and talk about wmma instead?

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>cope
That's the exact response of a loser autist I expected

which wmma fighter do you wish was a prostitute? for me it's julianna pena

I would do things to Rachael Ostovich

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The hawaiin one with the fat ass or maycee barber

I feel like WMMA is unfair because they get to wear tops, which provides some (very meagre) protection to strikes. I feel they should have to fight topless like the men, purely in the interest of creating an even playing field.

Thawlts?

you can't afford her, though

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>incel
>calls me a loser autist

Gina Carano, of course.

Same. She looks like she sucks a mean dick.

How do you get an escort and not get in jail

>Same. She looks like she sucks a mean dick.
Only incels write cringy shit like this senpai

do they even have jails in lithuania?

How am I an incel? Because I laugh at fat smelly losers that justify paying for sex?

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>the butthurt virgin was oral springs all along
based canada

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A. don’t be a dumbass, don’t use sketchy ads/agencies, if a girl seems underage, gtfo, and don’t use sexual terminology when booking.

B. go on vacation to a country where it’s legal.

Swedencope

You don't want a family because you know it would kill any joy you gain from the ladies of the evening. Once you have a child you start to feel more empathetic to other people and you'll just have to take my word for it. I changed a lot. You're living in ignorance of the ripples of your actions while embracing Satan for comfort.

You're gay lol

It’s cope because it’s bullshit. The sex trade is a multi billion dollar industry. You think that’s from autists spending their Tendie money? It’s mostly rich, older, usually married guys who do that shit. Plus Trump does it. Justin Bieber got caught doing it got. Bryan Cranston Lost his virginity to a Dutch hooker/ Hugh Grant got arrested for solicitation while married to a prime Elizabeth Hurley. Robert Kraft. Eliot Spitzer. Eddie Murphy. The list goes on. Tons of celebrities and politicians have been popped for prostitution.

The “only losers pay for sex” meme completely falls apart if you actually think about it for more than a minute.

i almost sharted

Satan doesn’t exists, and I don’t know the feelings I’m supposedly missing out on, so I won’t miss them.

>can't have sex without condom
>can't kiss
>can't go down on her
>can't have her blow you without condom
>way more likely to contract herpes
Prostitution seems shitty

It's hilarious because you keep parroting "cope" but this wall of text is a giant cope trying to justify your degenerate actions because famous people do it.

Is not unfair if both wear tops dumb leaf

>can't go down on her
how is this possibly a con

Based moral springs btfo degenerates!

I've sharted a number of time to be honest

It's great when the woman you're performing it on didn't have penis 1hr ago

polaris 10 streams?
>inb4 piss streams

He's a brainlet for stating in advance he wouldn't be able to make weight. Should have just agreed to the bout, come in overweight and take the 20% paypurse fine. He'd still have his job since UFC doesn't care about fighter missing weight.

>can't kiss
who cares
>can't go down on her
lol
>way more likely to contract herpes
less likely than your average club slut also you already said you cant kiss or go down so already cant catch oral herpes

you make it sound pretty good shit

mobile.twitter.com/BloodyElbow/status/1132383342215749632
mobile.twitter.com/BloodyElbow/status/1132383342215749632

Yeah it’s happening

Redpilled
Bluepilled
Delusional

Kek, you're fucking stupid. You can still get genital herpes with condom.

Big Brown is an expert on getting knocked out

You ever go to TJ red light district?

>zero risk of oral herpes
>same risk of genital warts as any single man in a populated city
literally btfo yourself KEK

Schaub got peer pressured into giving up his career and now he's trying to fag it up for everyone else

It's not the same risk because majority of women aren't out fucking multiple dudes a night. You're definitely a virgin

>some escorts allow it if you can provide a recent clean test
>shouldn’t be fucking random civvies bare either
>you can absolutely kiss most escorts. You get GFE girls.
>you can go down on her
>many escorts do BBBJ (no condom)
>like 90% of people have herpes and/or HPV already anyways. If you’re sexually active, you probably have it. Most never develop symptoms, and if you do, symptoms are usually mild and easily managed.

See high-end escorts. Girls who charge 300.00/hr and have 2-3 hour minimum bookings are not taking multiple dickings a day usually.

They've built up this idea in their head that all women are whores so they don't feel dirty when they pay a whore for sex

imagine paying 10k just to get some pussy lmaooooo

>Girls who charge 300.00/hr and have 2-3 hour minimum bookings are not taking multiple dickings a day usually.
Oh they absolutely will lmao, guarantee the escorts you see have breath that reeks of stale semen

>she doesn't fuck multiple dudes a day. Trust me, I know, dude!!!

I mean 1k but the point still stands

kek
amerigays will never understand this

cope

>she told me she has a small client base

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>"im a quirky brit with funny words for things xD"
god i cant wait until i slam your fucking pencil neck onto a curb and stomp your head until the brain fluid is leaking all over the pavement and your eyes are protruding from your caved in skull

Some do, some don’t. Point is, they’re much lower mileage than streetwalkers or window girls in Amsterdam or something. Nowhere near as many people willing to drop 600-900.00 on a booking as there are guys who’ll drop 50.00 for a quick BJ.

Being rich enough to be able to afford to do that isn’t an insult, brainlet.

>she told me she needed another 30 minutes to get ready but its not because she was with a john

>>way more likely to contract herpes
Everyone that's had sex with more than 5 people already has herpes, nerd.

thanks player

>what are you talking about. She smells like she just showered. At 2am.

>he doesn't know

fucking sad

Based

Always remain humble. You may be an elite MMA fighter but some 300 pound autist with zero combat experience could slam you head first onto concrete.

cringe
based
based

>She isn't high traffic, she's just naturally good at bjs

>thinking about the other guys your girl is having sex with while you get head
imagine being this much of a cuck, no wonder you cant enjoy normal sex with a whore

>h-hey who is that blowing up your phone

Again, I’m not retarded, I know they fuck lots of other dudes, the point is that expensive ladies are not fucking a dozen guys a day like 50.00 BJ girls are. They’re getting maybe 5 or 6 bookings a week, maybe on occasion she has a few dates on the same day, but the mileage is going to be much lower.

Frankly, as long as her hygiene is good and she’s properly cleaning herself between bookings, I don’t really give a fuck if another dude was in there. Dicks aren’t radioactive, I’m not getting dick cooties all over me, if she’s clean, why do I give a fuck? She’s not my wife or girlfriend, she’s a chick I’m paying for sex.

On the one hand hand chink I’m glad /heems is active but on the other hand I wish /heem/ would stay in its lane and stick to mma talk but on then on other hand I’m glad because it means I can make a new op soon so it’s tough man but yknow the chilps are just going to fall where they lay what else ygot?

cope

Nope

>the point is that expensive ladies are not fucking a dozen guys a day
Lmao so hard

>Bro, trust me, I know her schedule, she would never lie to me

chad
>rails 10/10 whores and expands my wealth
virgin
>spends all money on asian or fat gf who probably cheats on him anyway
>copes on heem about it

He's not retarded btw, just a heads up.

>Why would she have to fuck other guys, I've given her SO MUCH of my money

>ladies who charge 900.00 for a basic booking are fucking a dozen guys a day
>only losers pay for sex!

Which is it, brainlet? It can’t be both.

>expands my wealth
>pays for regular sex
Holy shit

>one hundred dollars is a lot of money to him
holy fucking lol

>Dude, I'm telling you, she doesn't have an expensive drug habit to deal with her crippling depression from being a whore

How many teeth is she missing?

How long have you been doing this for?

>$100 whore

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hey fags, quit talking about prostitution and watch some high level jiu jitsu. The System© will be on full display while shattering Urijah Faber's leg.

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has heem ever not been BTFO?

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based floyd

sorry 50, i know you cant afford 100
>floyd btfos mma
>coincidentally also btfos heem
YEAH i think i know who im siding with here, and its not some virgin on heem

M8s, it’s not a matter of would she fuck a dozen guys in a day. Of course she would. I know that, I accept that when I make the booking. The point is, there aren’t dozens of guys willing to give her 900.00 every single day. There are tens of thousands of escorts in my city alone. You think every single one of them is getting banged around the clock? What do you think the odds are that like 10 dudes are all going to choose to make a booking with the same girl out of a pool of tens of thousands on the same day.

Think, brainlets. This isn’t a difficult concept.

what would danaher say about paying for sex?

wheres 50's response

If your going to discuss whores at least post some photos.

just stop revving the virgins, theyll get bored and go back to wherever they came from to rant about tradwifes and shit eventually

floyd is 5'2", doesn't have other options

>he thinks its about the price of $100 being too HIGH
OH NO NO NO

>Look, I'm just like Floyd!

I guess regularly for about 6 years now. I did it a few times before that, just one-offs when I was on vacation somewhere or something.

It’s funny, though!

>she smells like fish but tastes like chicken
>I can't believe I spent 900 dollars this evening
>I'll try again tomorrow

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kek

Honestly, bro, I’ve smelled far more stinky cooch on civilians than I have on escorts. Not saying it doesn’t happen, but that’s their money maker. They have a financial incentive to keep it clean.

This.

BASED

>She washes it five times a night, but not because she turned 5 tricks

you're the dang trick

American ingenuity is visible on a micro level in HEEM threads where new revolutions in posting are made every SINGLE day. I am in awe. Take note Europeans.

I can do ten... without weights =/

what about with weights? i can do like 12-15 without weights

Stop replying to this larping leaf

start doing weighted negatives, lower your body for 6-8 seconds

hip hop and tennis? The picture checks out.

>such a turbovirgin he finds it implausible that someone pays for sex

Sad!

I can't wait for Lee to heem RDA tonight boys!

Based Brazil, Askren was out

his special is kino and better than anything rogan puts out.

you really needed to correct the record on that? Like, God forbid some anons think you don't fuck hookers?

based
based
based
based
cringe

Never tried it with weights actually. Had a kid hanging on me once while doing it and could do... very few.
probably should try it next trip to the gym. And thanks for the tip on negatives.

Going to my first no-gi competition in a few weeks. Any tips or advice? I'd really appreciate it.

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I ain’t no larper, holmes.

Wear a gi

>I could totally get it free, I just like paying

blaze up youtube.com/watch?v=KtyqaFc-8LQ

>uses training wheels aka gi

Gi cucks are the worst

>I won't have grandkids but I'll have memories of those hookers!

>my grandkids will get BLACKED but atleast ill have died with my cunt wife nagging my ear off!

ah yes i love my grandxoughter the obese pansexual pink haired fortnite streamer
good thing i never fucked any 10's while i was young

Why do americans never stop talking about interracial pornography and cuckolding?

Eh, kids aren't for everyone.

These 2bqhfam.

>I swear, alone in your 70s is a great life, tons of people love it!

urijah getting zoomered soon

>all these virgins triggered because somewhere in canada a man fucks hookers

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speaking of pussy, i BLEACHED the negress like heem encouraged me to do and she is now my gf. feels great man

Based or?

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>What, I'm not deranged, I just believe any child I have will be a degenerate because I know I lack the strength to be a good father

>not having friends and family who can keep you company
>not still fucking hookers when you’re old as fuck

Not gonna make it, m8.

It’s beautiful, isn’t it? All these incel tears. Maybe I’ll see if any of my regulars are available this evening.

Flushed, very till-esque

he fell for the wife and kids meme

>Brazil
>based

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finna gonna have to say based

>I've got an uncle that lives alone, he does whatever he wants!

Roufus was a fucking dog that fight. Pettis obviously wanted to quit (broken hand, more like broken will...LMAO) however Roufus wouldn't take the hit for Pettis and call it for his fighter.
Waits for the cameras and sound to get close and then exaggerates repeatedly 'Do YOU want to keep going? Its up to YOU' ;Oh OK HIS HAND IS BROKEN..its up to YOU'
This is the same bloke who called Muay Thai useless until his brothers legs got destroyed by Kiatsongrit

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>This is the same bloke who called Muay Thai useless until his brothers legs got destroyed by Kiatsongrit
He called it useless and "not fighting" in the interview ring side after the fight

Your uncle sounds based af.

Let's recap
>s-s-she's low traffic
>I-I-I don't want a family
>o-o-other women can have stds
>b-b-but Floyd does it

urijah faber fucking loves california dude

Women
>nagging
>weak
>stinky cooter
>probably cheats on you
>either condom or baby

Man
>your bro
>your equal in every way
>fat macho cock
>never cheats, is your best friend
>no condoms ever

just imagine being a heterofag lmao

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based and cumfilled

Another one of Cerrones bitches.

just put a wig on it

...

Ultra cope

damn nigga you seething.

>what, you're disgusted by my sins?! Jokes on you, I want to go to hell!

>500

CTE

furious

Conceive, believe, achieve, shut the fuck up.

Basado Vaquero Malvado