Why dont hockey teams just sign the fattest retard possible to be goalie...

Unless you can find someone six feet wide, it won't work. alternatively, you could find someone four feet wide and lower them by crane into the goal crease in a two pad stack position. Still wouldn't work though.

The D-Men would screen completely different than they would for a non-American goalie. The strategy of the entire team would be built around the girthy goalie

That guy is literally 48 inches wide even if hes a little smushed. And thats before pads

not when it takes a 45 minute stoppage to crane the corpse out of the arena

But he does. 48*72 easily

humans aren't shaped like blocks, dummy. his legs aren't anywhere near four feet wide and neither are his shoulders. He would get lit up more than you are in this thread.

It might come as a surprise for you and your horrendous education but a fat person is not a square/cube so he will always leave space

Unless you are litterally a brick wall, you can't cover the whole net, there will always be small areas left open, especially in the lower part. Not to mention you'd have to teach the fatty how to stand still on skates and again, if he drops, they'll aim for corners.

Maybe with an elephant it would work.

German user is right litteraly wouldn't work
m.youtube.com/watch?v=sP8ZVWiZUMA

kek

pretty stupid video though, the guy's big but not OP tier big

IIHF pads may not exceed 28cm or 11 inches in width so it would do nothing to exceed the coverage of the goal

increase, not exceed

Even if your right and this dude isnt 48 inches wide (he is, fucking look at him) you could just leave a d man behind to gaurd the 5 hole. Even basically playing on a power play youd only need to score one goal in 3 periods which a lot of teams could accomplish

For tldw
The fattest personal on the world who can't get out of bed anyways would only cover 90% of the net. The 10% of the open net is more then enough for any nhl player to score very regularly

I think you’re underestimating just how huge op pic is. He has at least 700 lbs on that sumo wrestling

The small areas are fine, that's risk you would manage with good screening.

You'd be fucked on breakaways tbf

Idon't know dude, try to get in touch with an NHL GM, maybe they'll listen to you.

Fattest man in the world only would cover 90% of the net NHL players would still score with ease unless you can be 1200 lbs and still move quick enough

I dont think people in this thread comprehend how fucking fat a 1,000 lb person is

Watch the sport science video retard

But you're assuming the NHL striker is being given free reign to shoot and target where he wants. He has the entire team to worry about and doesn't have time to consistently place his shots with a moving puck. It's not going to be easy with 90% of the net covered

you sir just broke hockey

Link?

>sign 550 pound goalie
>perform physical
>resting 90 heart bpm
>medically cleared to play sport

go on, post a picture of yourself

>import elephant from africa
>inform the nhl that the elephant identifies as a human male
>sign elephant as goalie

Think they'd do fine desu
youtu.be/Q11mPgYTxxA

...

Why are Americans so disgustingly fat. 350m people over there yet when I visited it seemed like only a few thousand. Probably because you were all stuck to your couches and couldn't get out of the home.

>visit some unpopulated rural town
>wtf why is no here!

Why did we even give third worlders internet?

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Oh you mean the sumo wrestler who is 700 lbs lighter?

Where the fuck did you go?

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Nice tits tubby

Because we can be

Based and burgerpilled

Skinlets BTFO

Goalie = 800lb man who covers 2/3 of net. Defender = 450lbs man who collapses inward whenever puck is on your side of ice. Literally impenetrable goal. You'd have some trouble scoring though.

because that would give america an unfair advantage

t. pic related

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>go up by 1 goal
>put 3x 800lb guys on the ice, 1 goalie and 2 fat defenders
100% of net covered. GG game over you win 1-0 with 100% certainty. Why wouldn't you do this?

why the fuck is there a goalie in hockey in the first place?

With enough speed a sliding puck will force the fat out of the way and slip in the net. The process would also leave a massive welt on the fatty.

This, in a 30 shot game, that's already at least 3 goals, even assuming the players aren't aiming.

??????

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to keep the other team from scoring goals

>muh five hole

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you could hit the corners so easy on someone like her though.

This is her stood up
She'd just need to flare her back and she'd block out the sun

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Because he's currently busy being the president of USA

6 by 4
I don’t know anyone who can cover 24 feet

This would work except for the fact that they can't get out of bed without crane assistance, and they can't skate, and if they could they would easily break through most ice and drown.

Sounds like cheating

No litteraly in the first minute they talk about the fattest man in the world would only being able to cover 90% of the net if he wasn't bed ridden

If 1 fatty doesnt work why not 1 obese scooter mobile and another fatty

that's cheating

You know theres not water under there right

U N I T

>put all those pads on the fat guy
>get him out on the ice
>Passes out from dehydration and exhaustion 10:00 into the 1st period

no they should sign a walrus as a goalie haha

conjoined twins would be a better goalie

You sir just broke hockey

after you go up 1-0, why not just sub in 5 really fat guys and line them all up midcourt forming a blockade? then nobody can score and you'll win by 1.

>this thread
I don't even like hockey

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AH HA HA HHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Mourinho?

Just have her lie on her side.

Too much ass

Fat people generate a lot of heat. Would having a 800lb goalie actually cause the ice to melt beneath them, thus removing the goal completely?

I know a kid that's 500 lbs, I need to get him on the ice, he'll be a fucking legend.

Put her on skates and you've got a five hole. If Iwere a snownigger, this theard would have me fuming.

just have her play on her knees. butterfly or whatever

Lol

Then they'll aim for corners, like Isaid last night, unless this bitch is 7 foot tall or something. And that's implying she can even get into that position without dying.

skip to 5:12 for the important part

>hockey goals are 7 foot tall
Wew

>put Anthony Joshua or Deontay Wilder on the ice as your enforcer
>heem everyone on the opposing team
>win by DQ because other team can't field enough players
Why not do this? Once you got to the point where you had an eternal power play you would be highly favored to win.